2017年11月浙江高考英語卷現(xiàn)場高分作文及點評

1、精選優(yōu)質文檔-傾情為你奉上精選優(yōu)質文檔-傾情為你奉上專心-專注-專業(yè)專心-專注-專業(yè)精選優(yōu)質文檔-傾情為你奉上專心-專注-專業(yè)2017年11月浙江高考現(xiàn)場高分作文及點評新鮮出爐！應用文12+/續(xù)寫20+（附2017年11月浙江新高考英語試卷原題）在這篇文章里面有應用文評分原則，以及有關邀請信的寫法。今天推出的作文由優(yōu)秀考生考后根據(jù)回憶整理而成。感謝我們精英群里的老師提供第一手資料！感謝我的朋友們！感謝資源庫的志愿者們提供第一手資料！謝謝分享！先從評分標準開始，然后提供原文，思路解讀，作品展示，評析，歡迎吐槽。（應用文比較簡單，不進行思路分析了。）文章有點長，應用文兩篇。續(xù)寫四篇。每篇有點評。后

2、附一些拓展素材，如細節(jié)描寫等。由于時間倉促，能力有限，不當之處，敬請諒解。應用文評分原則:本題總分為15 分，按以下5 個檔次給分。評分時，先根據(jù)文章的內容和語言初步確定其所屬檔次，然后以該檔次的要求來衡量，確定或調整檔次，最后給分。第一檔：（13 分）只能寫出一兩個要點；語言錯誤很多，只有個別句子正確；第二檔：（46 分）能寫出部分要點；語言錯誤多，影響意思表達；第三檔：（79 分）能寫明基本要點；語言雖有較多錯誤，但能基本達意；第四檔：（1012 分）能寫明全部或絕大部分要點；語言有少量錯誤；行文不夠連貫，表達基本清楚；第五檔：（1315 分）能寫明全部要點；語言基本無誤；行文連貫，表達清

3、楚。3詞數(shù)少于60 和多于100 的，從總分中減去2 分。4評分時，應注意的主要內容為：時態(tài)、人稱、內容要點、應用詞匯和語法結構的數(shù)量和準確性、上下文的連貫性及語言的得體性。5拼寫與標點符號是語言準確性的一個方面，評分時，應視其對交際的影響程度予以考慮。英、美拼寫及詞匯用法均可接受。6如書寫較差，以至影響交際，將分數(shù)降低一個檔次。邀請信四要素1. 開篇點題，發(fā)出邀請。2. 介紹邀請參加的活動（內容、地點、時間、注意事項）3. 夸贊對方。希望得到回復。4.再次發(fā)出邀請。【優(yōu)秀句式】1. Im writing to tell you that we intend to. and I sincere

4、ly invite you to go with us on behalf of our class.2.You may equip yourself with a camera to record the beautiful scenery and an umbrella or a raincoat is also necessary in case you are caught in a rain.3.Your participation can surely add color to our trip and we are all looking forward to your invo

5、lvement.應用文原題大意第四部分 寫作（共兩節(jié)，滿分40分）第一節(jié) 應用文寫作（滿分15分） 假如你是李華，你們學校的外教Mr. Hall寒假不回國。你打算邀請他去你家里一起過春節(jié)。 文章內容需包含以下要點：時間一同過節(jié)的家人活動注意：1.詞數(shù)80左右；2.可以適當增加細節(jié)，以使行文連貫。優(yōu)秀學生現(xiàn)場作文1Dear Mr. Hall,I hear that youre not going to go back to your country in the coming winter vocation,so Im writing to invite you to spend the Spr

6、ing Festival with my family together. If you considerately accept my invitation, Ill ask my parents to pick you up next Monday and drive you straight to my house where my brother,sister and grandparents will all be in.Spring Festival plays a significant role in every Chineselife,so various activitie

7、s are indispensable in adding flavor to the festival. Well have a big feast together,gathering around the table and praying for next years good luck.After the meal,a lucky charm and a red pocket which contains lucky money will be given to everyone and some lucky words are said to each other.Everythi

8、ng will overflow with happiness then. I sincerely hope that you can accept my earnest invitation and can reply to me at your earliest convenience. Yours Li Hua 聶同學習作簡要點評該生文章開頭點名寫信目的：邀請外教Mr. Hall來家里過春節(jié)。簡明扼要。中間段表明：邀請外教過來后，我們這邊的安排春節(jié)的習俗（家人團聚等）以及熱鬧景象描述了一番。 在語言層面：該生用drive you straight to my house where my

9、 brother,sister and grandparents will all be in 用副詞straight修飾drive 表示熱情，后面用一個定語從句，表示春節(jié)家人都在一起團聚的習俗。之后該生用了一個句子Spring Festival plays a significant role in every Chinese life ，表明春節(jié)在中國人的生活中很重要，所以有各種有趣的活動various activities are indispensable in adding flavor to the festival。用了高級詞匯indispensable 以及adding fla

10、vor to。然后是支撐句：支撐句1 Well have a big feast together,gathering around the table and praying for next years good luck.用非謂語動詞支撐句2 After the meal,a lucky charm and a red pocket which contains lucky money will be given to everyone and some lucky words are said to each other.用定語從句再一個總結句 Everything will over

11、flow with happiness then.最后，該生在文章結尾提出希望：真誠希望外教接受邀請以及希望得到外教的回復。 該生完全完成了試題規(guī)定的任務；文章覆蓋了所有內容要點。我們可以看出，該生的表達很符合邏輯，表述清晰，語言基本功扎實，應用了較多的語法結構和詞匯.能使用較復雜結構或較高級詞匯，具備較強的語言運用能力。屬于第五檔次，建議得分12分。優(yōu)秀學生現(xiàn)場作文2Dear Mr. Hall, Hearing that you wont go back this Spring Festival, Im more than honored to invite you to spend it

12、with my family. If it is convenient to you, come to join us on the Spring Festival evening at 6oclock, well offer you some traditional activities. First, well have some Chinese cuisine, like dumplings and noodles. For the next,firework will be played in the starry sky. Then my grandparents will tell

13、 some folk tales, dating back to ancient China. Alongside my parents, youll be bound to leave a memorable impression.Here are my profound thanks！Looking forward to your coming! Yours, Lihua 簡要點評這篇習作格式正確，條理并覆蓋了所有內容要點，語言優(yōu)美。作者具備較強的語言運用能力。詞匯豐富，比如“offer you some traditional activities；in the starry sky；b

14、e bound to leave a memorable impression.等。嘗試使用較復雜的結構，如：Then my grandparents will tell some folk tales, dating back to ancient China.在最后一段profound thanks 建議改為 sincere thanks，更為合理。profound ”深遠的“ 一般用來修飾影響、后果。綜上所述，這篇習作的得分可以進入第五檔。建議得分12分。邀請信素材【篇首句】介紹自己，簡要說明活動，并邀請對方。1. Im Wang Ming from YuWen School，the p

15、resident of the Student Union.我是來自育文學校的王明，學生會主席。2. An English speaking contest of our school will be held on August 6.我們學校有一場英語演講比賽將在8月6號舉行。3. There will be a party in my garden on Sunday.周日，在我的花園里會舉行一場聚會。4. Id like to invite you to judge it.我想邀請你做它的裁判。5. Im writing to invite you to.我寫信是邀請你.6. I won

16、der if you can come to.我想知道你是否能來.7. We sincerely hope you can attend it.我們真誠希望你能夠參加。8. Its my pleasure/a great honour for me to invite you to.我很榮幸的邀請你.9. Its a pity that you have to go back to America soon. So a farewell party for you will be held in the Sun Club this Saturday evening. Could you com

17、e at 6:00 pm?很遺憾你不久就要回美國了。所以，這周六，在陽光俱樂部我們會為你舉行一個歡送會。下午六點你能來嗎？【篇中句】介紹活動具體內容，并說明受邀人參加理由。1. It will begin at 2:00 pm and last two hours, during which time 15 well-prepared contestants will deliver their speeches.它將于下午兩點鐘開始，四點鐘結束，在此期間將會有十五位準備充分的參賽者發(fā)表演講。2. We will start at 8:00 am and arrive there at 9:0

18、0.我們將會在上午八點出發(fā)，九點到達那里。3. During the afternoon, well.together.下午，我們會一起.4. Remember to take water and lunch with you.記得帶上水和午餐。5. By the way, you may take Bus No. 322 in front of your apartment and it will take you directly to the club.順便說一下，你可以乘坐你家公寓前的322路公交車，它會直接把你帶到俱樂部。6. I know you are a native spea

19、ker of English and an English teacher, and I, on behalf of our school, sincerely invite you to be part of the contest.我知道你的母語是英語，還是一個英語老師。我，代表我們學校，真誠的邀請你來比賽現(xiàn)場。7. Since you are so eager to improve your English, it will prove to be a great chance.既然你如此渴望提高英語，這會是一個很好的機會。8. Im sure that you will enjoy y

20、ourself there.我保證你在那里會過得很愉快?！酒簿洹科诖龑Ψ浇邮苎?，并期待對方盡快回復。1. Will you be available during that time? Please contact me at at your earliest convenience.那期間你有空嗎？請方便時盡快給我打電話。2. Would you please let me know as soon as possible if you can accept my invitation?請盡快告訴我你能否接受我的邀請好嗎？3. We will feel much honored if y

21、ou could come.如果你能來，我們會非常榮幸。4. We are looking forward to your coming.我們期待著你的到來。5. I am longing to see you soon.我期待著盡早見到你。續(xù)寫評分標準第五檔（21-25分）與所給短文融合度高，與所提供的各段落開頭語銜接合理。內容豐富，應用了5個以上短文中標出的關鍵詞語。所使用語法結構和詞匯豐富、準確，可能有些許錯誤，但完全不影響意思表達。有效地使用了詞語間的連接成分，所續(xù)寫短文結構緊湊。第四檔（16-20分）與所給短文融合度較高，與所提供的各段落開頭語銜接較為合理。內容比較豐富，應用了5個以

22、上短文中標出的關鍵詞語。所使用語法結構和詞匯較為豐富、準確，可能有些許錯誤，但不影響意思表達。比較有效地使用了詞語間的連接成分，所續(xù)寫短文結構緊湊。第三檔（11-15分）與所給短文關系較為密切，與所提供的各段落開頭語有一定程度銜接。寫出了若干有關內容，應用了4個以上短文中標出的關鍵詞語。應用語法結構和詞匯能滿足任務的要求，雖有一些錯誤，但不影響意思表達。應用簡單的句間連接成分，使全文內容連貫。第二檔（6-10分）與所給短文關系有一定關系，與所提供的各段落開頭語有一定程度銜接。寫出了一些有關內容，應用了3個以上短文中標出的關鍵詞語。語法結構單調，詞匯項目有限，有些語法結構和詞匯方面的錯誤，影響了

23、意思的表達。較少使用句間的連接成分，全文內容缺少連貫性。第一檔（1-5分）與所給短文和開頭語銜接較差。產(chǎn)出內容太少，很少使用短文中標出的關鍵詞語。語法結構單調，詞匯項目很有限，有較多語法結構和詞匯方面的錯誤，嚴重影響了意思的表達。缺乏句間的連接成分，全文內容不連貫。0分 白卷，內容太少無法評判或所寫內容與所提供內容無關。讀后續(xù)寫題目（2017、11、3）第二節(jié) 讀后續(xù)寫（滿分25分）閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。Avacation with my mother I had an interesting childhood: It was filled with s

24、urprise and amusements, all because of my mother-loving, sweet, and yetabsent-mindedandforgetful. One strange familytripwe took when I was eleven tells a lot about her. My two sets of grandparents lived in Colorado and North Dakota, and my parents decided to spend a few weeks driving to those states

25、 and seeing all the sights along the way. As the first day of our trip approached,David, my eight-year-old brother, and I unwillingly said good-bye to all of our friends. Who knew if wed ever see them again? Finally, the moment of our departure arrived, and we loaded suitcases, books, games,campinge

26、quipment, and atentinto the car and bravely drove off. We bravely drove off again two hours later after wed returned home to get the purse and travelers checksMomhad forgotten. David and I were always a little nervous when using gas station bathrooms if Mom was driving whileDadslept:” You stand outs

27、ide the door and play lookout while I go, and Ill stand outside the door and play lookout while you go.” I had terrible pictures in my mind: “Honey, where are the kids?” “What?! Oh, Gosh I thought they were being awfully quiet.” We were never actually left behind in a strange city, but we werent abo

28、ut to take any chances.On the fourth or fifth night, we hadtroublefinding a hotel with a vacancy. After driving in vain for some time, Mom suddenly got a great idea: Why didnt we find a house with a likely-looking backyard and ask if we could set up tent there? David and I became nervous. To our gre

29、at relief, Dad turned down the idea. Mom never could understand our objections.If a strange family showed up on her front doorsteps, Mom would have been delighted. She thinks everyone in the world as asniceas she is. We finally found a vacancy in the next town.注意：1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右；2. 應使用5個以上短文中標有下劃

30、線的關鍵詞語；3. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段開頭語已為你寫好；4. 續(xù)寫完成后，請用下劃線標出你所使用的關鍵詞語。Para1: The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.Para2: We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.解題思路1.核心內容解讀：本文主要講了一個健忘的媽媽的事。第一段：我的童年很有趣，大部分是因為我的母親。 她很可愛，有趣，同時也很迷糊，健忘（absent-minded a

31、nd forgetful）。第二段：我們準備出游(trip)，然而我和我的弟弟david都不愿意出發(fā)，因為下一次再見到我們的朋友們就不知道什么時候了。然而這一天還是到了。我們帶上了帳篷，野營設備，出發(fā)了。但過了兩小時后我們不得不返回家中，因為媽媽忘記帶上了錢包等。第三段：途中我和弟弟去加油站上廁所是我們膽戰(zhàn)心驚的事-媽媽開車，爸爸在睡覺。弟弟去廁所我就得在門口放哨，我去廁所弟弟要放哨。我們知道媽媽會說：“Honey, where are the kids?” “What?! Oh, Gosh I thought they were being awfully quiet.”第四段：我們出游的第

32、四第五個晚上，我們找不到空缺的酒店，媽媽提議我們到某個人的院子里搭帳篷。我和弟弟都很緊張，還好爸爸否決了這個提議。然而媽媽并不明白為什么我們會反對，若有其他人敲響我們家的門 ，我媽媽一定會非常樂意的。她認為所有人都和她一樣nice.終于我們找到了一個空缺。對今年續(xù)寫題型的粗淺看法：今年的續(xù)寫與以前兩次不一樣，出現(xiàn)了標題，也不是遇險了。初看文章有些地方情節(jié)不太順暢。比如在第五段，作者表明他們不喜歡用帳篷，可是第六段的段首句說：The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.我們記起了我們已經(jīng)帶來的帳篷。銜接

33、不太自然啊。但這里也就給考生提供了更為廣闊的想象空間。怎樣更為合理？本次續(xù)寫發(fā)揮空間比較大。比如續(xù)寫第一段，說記起了帳篷，那后面我們會圍繞帳篷展開一些話題。（當然也可能不這樣處理）按照“媽媽”健忘以及好心的性格特點，預測會發(fā)生一些有趣的事。估計會產(chǎn)生一些問題，然后這些問題解決了。因為續(xù)寫第二段段首句表明他們順利經(jīng)過幾個州，而且沿途欣賞美麗的景色，說明第一段結束的時候，一切進展順利。We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.續(xù)寫第二段段首語，明顯畫風變了，”saw lots of grea

34、t sights along the way 有心情欣賞美景了。之前是令人煩惱的，那么之后是令人快樂的。在優(yōu)美的景色里，上演他們家人之間美妙的事。這里就需要考生發(fā)揮足夠的想象力?？紤]到文章第一句話I had an interesting childhood，最后一段要不要首尾呼應一下，說明會發(fā)生怎樣interesting。文章最終體現(xiàn)的主題應該是親情，是愛。2.寫作思路：（僅供參考）審要求：閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。明確作文是讀后續(xù)寫。審體裁：記敘文審時態(tài)：一般過去時審前文大意以及要點who:Mum Dad David Iwhen:when I was ele

35、venwhere :to Colorado and North Dakotawhat: One strange family tripwhy:tospent a few weeks driving to those statesto visit my two sets of grandparents; to see all the sights along the way審續(xù)寫所給首句：仔細研讀細細題目給出的第一句話，有助于我們編寫后續(xù)故事時與前文敘述的高度融合。續(xù)寫段首1：The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought

36、 with us.抓住段首句設問：Why did they remember the tent?What would they do with the tent?What would happen to the brand-new tent?What would Mum do ?How would they feel ?續(xù)寫段首2：We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.抓住段首句設問：What sights would they see ?What did the sights lo

37、ok like? What would they do ?What would Mum do ?At the end of the story , how did they feel ? Why?3.寫作關鍵點這次續(xù)寫可以著重從敘事、心理感受、以及場景等方面入手。根據(jù)所給關鍵詞建立情節(jié)與內容支架，根據(jù)“協(xié)同效應”原理，注意語言協(xié)同與內容協(xié)同。敘事: forgetful nice 心理變化：annoyed, nervous, relieved, happy場景：messy, normal, great4. 寫作注意點融洽性、邏輯性、想象的合理性、時態(tài)、書寫等讀后續(xù)寫優(yōu)秀學生現(xiàn)場作文1Para1:

38、The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.Mominsisted that we must make full use of it since we had brought it.Davidand I looked atDad, hoping he could stop her crazy idea. To our great disappointment, he agreed. We spent a whole afternoon seeking anicecampingplace and set

39、 up ourtentbefore the night fell. It was the first time that I had thought mom could be wise as I admiring our stunning tent. “Oh, I forgot the pillows!” what a misconception. Despite the ache of my neck, we had some great nights.Para1:We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights alo

40、ng the way.The bright blue sky, the limitless green grass, the group of sheep, the setting sun and the countless stars in the curtain of nights kept me spellbound. Not only did we see the picturesque scenery, we also managed to consider moms scandals as a kind of fun.I reaaly love my Mum.To our reli

41、ef, we arrived at grandparents place and went back to our home with all of four people. It was so fortunate to see my friends again. 余同學習作習作點評這篇文章的構思很好。第一段的第二句話與第一句話銜接自然Mom insisted that we must make full use of it since we had brought it.他們記起了新買的帳篷，母親堅持要好好利用帳篷。之后他們玩得很好，直到晚上，健忘的媽媽忘記帶枕頭了。這里就體現(xiàn)了這個可愛的媽

42、媽的特性。不過第一段最后作者話鋒一轉，說睡得很好，這樣就順接到了續(xù)寫第二段段首句的表達。情節(jié)設計合情合理。續(xù)寫第二段的第二句話描寫了美麗的景觀，文字簡潔，但表現(xiàn)極為豐富The bright blue sky, the limitless green grass, the group of sheep, the setting sun and the countless stars in the curtain of nights kept me spellbound.在這種美好的景色里，我們心情很好，媽媽的那些事兒都不是事兒，還蠻開心的。Not only did we see the pict

43、uresque scenery, we also managed to consider moms scandals as a kind of fun.而且還表達了作者對母親的愛?？傮w評價： 該作文與所給短文融合度高，與所提供的各段落開頭語銜接合理。情節(jié)合理，內容豐富，細節(jié)描寫到位，應用了5個以上短文中標出的關鍵詞語。所使用語法結構和詞匯豐富、準確，可能有些許錯誤，但完全不影響意思表達。建議得分23分。讀后續(xù)寫優(yōu)秀學生現(xiàn)場作文2Para1:The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us.We decidedtoc

44、ampalong the river throughout the town. The views there were surpassinglybeautiful-the warm sunshine, the fresh air, the clean water. We sat on the grass, hookedby the splendid nature. However, whenDadwas about to put up our tent, it suddenly hit him thatMomagain, had left it completely, as well as

45、the camping equipment in the hotel. Speechlessly, Dad had to go back to fetch them to continue our camping.Para2:We drove through several states and saw lots of sights along the way. Every time we got to a new place, Mom would cheer up like a child. Calling outDavidand I, she got off thecar, laughed

46、 and danced around. She held our hands in her hands, leading us around the big city, the small town and thenicenature. When we came back to the hotel after the tiring but excellent visit, she would hug us and kiss us on our faces. How sweet she was! Absent-minded and forgetful as she was, she never

47、forgot to express her love to us. 李同學提供習作 習作點評全文敘述有條理，發(fā)揮自然，想象力豐富，銜接合理.該生的細節(jié)描寫很形象，如Mom would cheer up like a child. Calling out David and I, she got off the car, laughed and danced around. She held our hands in her hands, leading us around the big city, the small town and the nice nature.媽媽像一個孩子一樣地開心

48、，拉著我們的手去游玩。情節(jié)合理： 設計的續(xù)寫第一段情節(jié)是媽媽把帳篷等東西忘在了旅館，然后去拿，如果忘在家里就不太合理了。但這里還是可以解釋的。第二段重點描述開心快樂的氛圍，體現(xiàn)濃濃的家人之間的愛。用具體的動作描寫，很好。形象生動，人物形象飽滿。情感態(tài)度方面也表現(xiàn)得不錯：When we came back to the hotel after the tiring but excellent visit, she would hug us and kiss us on our faces. How sweet she was! Absent-minded and forgetful as she

49、 was, she never forgot to express her love to us.不管怎樣， 媽媽還是媽媽，都是愛媽媽的。文章內容與原文緊密相連，環(huán)環(huán)相扣。語言功底深厚。建議得分22分。- Carrie Wang讀后續(xù)寫優(yōu)秀學生現(xiàn)場作文3Para1:The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us.That night we set up ourtentin a park. The moon was held up above the sky, shining her smooth and char

50、ming moonlight. Twinkle stars blinking, fragrant breeze gently stroked my head, as if comforting all the tiredness along the trip. The next day,Dadbrought us to the car and asked me to clear all the things away. Not long after we came back to the car,Momarrived, then we continued our trip.Para2:We d

51、rove through several states and saw lots of sights along the way.I was still recalling the splendid scenery when we were in the living room of my grandparents.Davidexcitedly narrated our experience, eyes blazing with enthusiasm. Worries came to his forehead when he explained the trouble. A smile lif

52、ted the corner of his mouth when it came tocamping. Suddenly Mom shouted out in a strange voice. Haunted by a strong sense of horror, I heard Mom screaming I forgot the tent! 林同學習作習作點評本習作充分利用下劃線構建了與上文合情合理的情節(jié)結構，銜接自然。情節(jié)設計: 該生續(xù)寫第一段設計的情節(jié)與其他人不一樣。第一段描述如何快樂游玩。母親的健忘體現(xiàn)在第二段，而且是最后一句，Haunted by a strong sense o

53、f horror, I heard Mom screaming I forgot the tent! 她忘記帶帳篷了，戛然而止，充分體現(xiàn)母親健忘這一特點。也體現(xiàn)了這次旅行令人難忘。構思巧妙。細節(jié)描寫很精彩：The moon was held up above the sky, shining her smooth and charming moonlight. Twinkle stars blinking, fragrant breeze gently stroked my head, as if comforting all the tiredness along the trip.細節(jié)景色

54、描寫。David excitedly narrated our experience, eyes blazing with enthusiasm. Worries came to his forehead when he explained the trouble. A smile lifted the corner of his mouth when it came to camping.人物神態(tài)細節(jié)描寫。整篇文章表述流暢，融洽度高，情節(jié)設計巧妙，有趣俏皮，兼顧首尾呼應，細節(jié)描寫傳神，建議得分22分。- Carrie Wang 點評讀后續(xù)寫優(yōu)秀學生現(xiàn)場作文 4Para1:The next d

55、ay we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us.Wewere happy to see it still packed, and hoped it would be packed forever. However, things came to its turning point.Momlost Dad in the gas station when we were sleeping. Whats worse, as the dark approached, we met the same trouble again. Brave

56、as Mom was, she decided tocampnear the road waiting forDad. The wind cried widely like a monster. Tear took control of us. Mum embraced us tightly singing a smooth song, which really released us. We didnt met Dad in the last few days, but we felt comfortable staying with Mom.Para1:We drove through s

57、everal states and saw lots of sights along the way.Thetentbecame a closer friend then. Every time we camped, Mom would read a book or sing a soft song. The warmth of her arm never faded away in my memory. Though she wasforgetful,laughter accompanied us along the way. We finally met poor Dad in our d

58、estination. This trip made me realize that love may have many ways, but it can always warm people in the dark.秀同學習作習作點評本習作充分利用下劃線構建了與上文合情合理的情節(jié)結構，銜接自然。情節(jié)設計:粗心的媽媽把爸爸弄丟在加油站了。后來媽媽帶著他們玩，媽媽的愛撫慰著孩子。爸爸趕上了他們與他們會合。最終很有愛的結局。細節(jié)描寫很精彩：爸爸沒有在的時候，悲傷的心情：The wind cried widely like a monster. Tear took control of us.媽媽

59、的愛：Mum embraced us tightly singing a smooth song, which really released us.Every time we camped, Mom would read a book or sing a soft song. The warmth of her arm never faded away in my memory.整篇文章表述流暢，融洽度高，情節(jié)設計巧妙，雖然在開始設計情節(jié)時，把爸爸丟了，感覺不太合理，可后面她能很好的收回。而且細節(jié)描寫非常傳神，建議得分22分。環(huán)境描寫的素材環(huán)境描寫分為客觀和主觀兩種角度：客觀為從環(huán)境事物本身

60、入手，主觀則從觀察者角度描寫。通常在描寫時主客觀交替進行，主觀描寫比重稍大?？陀^環(huán)境描寫：Part 1 環(huán)境描寫的adj要求：有聲，有色，有質感，有味道the blue sky; the songs of birds; the thundering clouds; the flowers; the dark,raining eveningthe green grass the fragrant roses, the setting sunPart 2 環(huán)境描寫的verb （vi&vt）要求一Wind （blow/click/howl/wail/roar）1.A gust of wind ble