周考作文講解

Christina應(yīng)用文講解10.18周考DearSir,IhavejustfinishedtravelinginDunhuangMogaoGrottoes.Thescenerythereisreallybeautiful,butitissufferingfromdamagesduetonaturalforcessuchasfrequentsandstorms.What’sworse,sometouristsevencarvetheirnamesonthewalls,makingmeheartbroken.Istronglyfeelitsignificanttoprotectculturalheritage.Foronething,culturalheritage,whichisthewitnesstothehistoricaldevelopment,isanimportantbasisforhistoricalresearch.Foranother,itislikelytoprovideasourceoftourismincome,ifmaintainedwell.SoIhopetheauthoritiescantakemeasurestoprotectDunhuangMogaoGrottoes,suchasraisingpeople’sawarenessbyhandingoutleafletsonpreservingculturalheritage.Besides,strictregulationsshouldbemadetofinespoilers.Plantingmoretreesisalsoagoodwaytopreventsandstorms.Iwouldappreciateitifmysuggestionswereaccepted.Sincerely,LiHua主要的問(wèn)題1.前面問(wèn)題描述花太多篇幅，二三兩個(gè)要點(diǎn)篇幅不夠，一句話帶過(guò)。2.解決方案不夠具體，比如寫“我的建議是政府要采取措施阻止刻畫和防治風(fēng)沙”3.表達(dá)上的不足：損害亂寫（hurt.injure），加強(qiáng)意識(shí)（strengthen

awareness/sense）

“建議”句型When

it

comes

to/As

for...,

the

following

are

my

suggestions/

my

suggestions

are

as

follows.Iwould

like

to

suggest

/

advise

/

recommend

you

should

do

..Itishighlyrecommendedthat….shoulddo

Itis

also

a

great

idea/also

helps

to

do....which

can..I

will

be

delighted

/pleased/morethanglad

if

you

will

take

my

suggestions

/

advice

into

consideration/account.Iwouldappreciateitifyoucouldadoptmyproposal.I

hope

that

my

suggestions

/

recommendations

/

advice

will

be

beneficial

/

of

benefit

to

you.I

hope

you

will

find

my

suggestions

/

advice

/

advice

recommendations

helpful

/

useful

/practic-al

/

beneficial.

ASilentVoice讀后續(xù)寫講解01內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介無(wú)聲的表達(dá)是以第一人稱的角度敘述述“我”和Willard之間的故事。Willard似乎排斥周圍的一切，我的嘗試都遭受了冷漠的回?fù)簦p方都無(wú)意打破這種安靜。在我的一次圣誕募捐活動(dòng)發(fā)起后，只有Willard第一個(gè)捐出自己用來(lái)喝牛奶的50美分，不僅說(shuō)明用意，而且露出了難得的微笑。和校長(zhǎng)交流后，我隱約明白了Willard封閉自己的原因，下定決心真正走進(jìn)Willard安靜的世界，再次嘗試打破Willard的極度安靜，與周圍建立溫暖友好的聯(lián)系。Willard的沉默、家境貧困和他善良的內(nèi)心成為我再次嘗試的重要原因。ClimaxBeginningClosingDeveloping故事開(kāi)端情節(jié)：

Willard是個(gè)獨(dú)行俠，似乎排斥周圍的一切，作為教師的我的嘗試都遭受了冷漠的回?fù)?，雙方都無(wú)意打破這種安靜。情感：冷漠vs無(wú)奈情節(jié)推進(jìn)情節(jié)：在我發(fā)起的一次圣誕募捐活動(dòng)后，第二天只有Willard記得并第一個(gè)捐出自己用來(lái)喝牛奶的50美分，盡管含糊說(shuō)出原因，但他露出了難得的微笑。這讓我對(duì)Willard有了新的認(rèn)識(shí)，迫不及待地想和校長(zhǎng)交流。情感：愉悅vs驚奇故事高潮情節(jié)：和校長(zhǎng)交流后，了解到Willard家境貧寒，我隱約明白了Willard封閉自己的原因，我對(duì)Willard保持與世隔絕的安靜是有誤解的，因此下定決心真正走進(jìn)Willard安靜的世界，并再次嘗試打破Willard的極度安靜，與周圍建立溫暖友好的聯(lián)系。情感：后悔，觸動(dòng)Time/Place(school)CharactersBehaviorsEmotionsEffectsFromthefirstdayI:AttemptedtobuildafriendlyatmosphereFrustrated/failed/hopelessNoneedtobreakhissilenceWillard:existedinhisownworld,shuttingoutothers(aloner)

indifferentNodesiretobreakhissilenceShortyafterthethanksgivingI:calledforcontributionsNottakeWintoconsiderationW:keptitinmindHavedesiretohelpothersThenextdayW:Dugdeep…;walkedslowly…;o…Delighted(hesmiled)ThatnightI:SharedthestorySurprised/regretful/movedPrincipal:AskedmetoreadthelistThebeginningThemiddleAclimax/aturningpointIdecidedtodosomethingforhim.Purpose:buildafriendlyrelationshipbetweenWillardandothers.Reason:Willard’sdeepsilence,extremepoornessandhiskindnessHowtobreakhissilence?GetclosetoWillard’sworld02段首語(yǔ)分析Paragraph

1:OnthatSunday,IpaidavisittoWillard’sfamily.Paragraph

2:Thenextday,IhadaspecialclassforWillard.Whatwasthefamilylike?HowdidWillardreacttomyvisit?Whatwasmyresponse?HowtomotivatethewholeclasstobreakWillard’ssilence?Whatwastheresultoftheclassactivity？Howdidwefeel?Shy/silent/awkward/hesitant/sensitiveDelighted/moved03規(guī)劃續(xù)寫邏輯

第一段走進(jìn)小男孩的真實(shí)世界

分析段落所需內(nèi)容為“我”和Willard之間的互動(dòng)，重點(diǎn)在于描寫Willard家庭情況的困苦對(duì)比他所流露出的善良。困苦家境描寫的不同角度：家庭成員、生活條件（吃穿?。?。通過(guò)“我”的角度用細(xì)節(jié)描述Willard的家境和他的情緒流露。第二段成功帶領(lǐng)Willard走出自己安靜孤獨(dú)的世界本段中新增次要角色“同學(xué)們”，需要構(gòu)建“I”、Willard和classmates三者之間的行為互動(dòng)和情感互動(dòng)。三個(gè)角色最后都是指向和諧美好暖心的結(jié)尾。因此從老師的角度看，作為老師的“I”所給的a

special

class需要寫合理設(shè)計(jì)專門為Willard舉行的班級(jí)活動(dòng)，比如為他的捐贈(zèng)頒獎(jiǎng)、和學(xué)生分享Willard的故事呼吁全班為他做一件事或者邀請(qǐng)校長(zhǎng)參加班會(huì)鼓勵(lì)Willard。勾畫暖人大結(jié)局，以三個(gè)角色的角度來(lái)構(gòu)建結(jié)尾：Willard對(duì)老師的感激、Willard被同學(xué)們感動(dòng)、老師和Willard之間的互動(dòng)以及Willard最終露出由衷的微笑或者和同學(xué)們快樂(lè)的走在一起等等。問(wèn)題：1.第一段未提Willard家境貧困，直接家訪安慰。2.第一段寫據(jù)家人描述Willard在家很外向，勤快，與在學(xué)校形成對(duì)比，未點(diǎn)明孩子沉默的真正原因。3.第一段直接家訪對(duì)Willard進(jìn)行說(shuō)教，且語(yǔ)言很直接，就改變了孩子。4.第二段specialclass理解為師生對(duì)話、教師一人大段說(shuō)教或說(shuō)反話刺激孩子，沒(méi)有同學(xué)們的參與。

5.過(guò)去式錯(cuò)誤（hear,stand,know,teach）。6.時(shí)間倉(cāng)促未寫完或潦草完成，構(gòu)思不夠周全。Onepossibleversion：Paragraph1：OnthatSunday,IpaidavisittoWillard’sfamily.Onenteringhishouse,Iwassurprisedtofindabarelyemptyroomwithonlyabrokenbedandadirtysecondhandsofa.Willardtoldmethathismotherpassedawayafewyearsagoandthathisfatherleftwithoutanymessage,leavinghimtolivewithasickgrandma.Whenaskedwhyhehadgiventhetwoquarters,Willardmumbled,“Therearepeoplepoorerthanme,soIjustwanttodosomehelpbycontributingmymilkmoney.”Hearinghiswords,Icouldn’thelpburstingintotears.IthoughtIshouldtrymybesttobreakhissilence.Paragraph2：Thenextday,IhadaspecialclassforWillard.Isharedhisstorywiththewholeclassandsaid“Now,onbehalfofthepeopleinneed,IshouldsaythankyouWillard.Youaresogreat!Yoursmallactofkindnessmakesarealdifferencetous.”Afterasilence,allthestudentsstoodupwithapplauseeruptingthroughthewh