讀后續(xù)寫(爬山)-公開課

2022年首考學(xué)生在情節(jié)設(shè)置和主題把握上偏離原文，導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫得分較低。葛炳芳老師提到的“情節(jié)內(nèi)容大于語言形式。沒有好的故事內(nèi)容和語篇框架，有再多的好詞好句也是枉然，也只是詞語堆砌”。讀后續(xù)寫融洽度策略——情節(jié)延續(xù)閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事注意：所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；應(yīng)使用5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語；續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好；續(xù)寫完成后，請用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語;若詞數(shù)少于130，從總分中扣去2分。讀后學(xué)寫要求Para1.Shewantedtogetmorehelp.Forthesebookswerefarfromenough.Toensurechildrengetaccesstomorebooks.Larrella

tookpicturesofthelibraryanduploadedthemonline,callingonstudentstodonatebookstothechildrenlibrary.Beforelong,hundredsofnewandsecondhandbookspouredin,Larrella，heruncleandcousinspentawholeweekchecking,classifyingandarrangingthebooksandputtingthemontheshelves.Tiredasshewas,asmilelitupherfacewhenshepicturedthescenewherechildrenwereburiedinreadingbythebook-filledshelves.(Larrella想辦法為圖書館添置書籍的經(jīng)過)WhyHow前文伏筆

前文伏筆前文伏筆Para2.Thebigdayfinallycame.Witheverythingready,thelibraryfinallyopened.Severalchildrensteppedincuriously,askingLarrella,“Canwereadthebooks?”“Sure.Welcome!”,sheencouragedthem.Somechosewhattheyliked,whileothershesitated.Realizingtheyhadtroublereading,Larrellagatheredtheminacorner,teachingthemfromtheverybeginning.Soonmorechildrenjoinedin.EverynightLarrellasparedsometimetogivelessonssothatmorechildrencouldgainknowledgefromthebooks.Hereffortsopenedthewisdomdoorforthem,whichwouldsurelymakeagreatagreatdifferencetotheirlives.(圖書館開放之后場景）What前文伏筆

前文伏筆

Whyplotmountain①Beginning②Development③Climax(turningpoint)④Ending讀+后續(xù)+寫13讀后續(xù)寫融洽度策略模型圖閱讀目標(biāo)①通讀全文，明確中心②抓住伏筆，

預(yù)設(shè)情節(jié)讀——主題下的閱讀Conflict——SolutionNegative——PositiveNomorecharacters（突出人物）Tellfoilsfromthe

character(s)

（從人物身上展現(xiàn)情節(jié)）

敘事是一種洞察因果、人物、價(jià)值觀的話語手段Exposition背景:Incitingincident引起沖突的事件:Risingaction引發(fā)的行動(dòng):分析原文情節(jié)的重要性原文情節(jié)梳理Who:IanCappelle

a38-year-oldgeologist,gotinterestedinclimbingAprilretired,abigbrother,anexperiencedclimbera,generousteacher

Theymadeittotheledge(巖架)thatmarkedtheendofthefirstsection-------Apriltooktheleadinthesecondsection------beingafewmetresabovehispartner(Cappelle)------helookeddownandwatchedinterrorasacloudofbeesflewoutoftherock------Theswarm(蜂群)envelopedhim,stinging(蜇)himoverandoveragain,thepainspreadingacrosshisneckandfaceandbody------原文情節(jié)梳理What:aggressiveAfricanisedbees------stungtoomanytimes,-------50/50chanceofdying------'killerbees”-------beesswarmtowardsCappelle-----anincreasingpainforbeesattackedhim-----Aprilhungsuspendedinmid-airabout30metresofftheground------beeshadn'tstoppedstingingNeithermancouldheartheother注意：1.續(xù)寫兩段協(xié)同Para1:Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.Para2:Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.Aprilclimbeddown原文伏筆

beingafewmetresabovehispartner(Cappelle)------helookeddownandwatchedinterrorasacloudofbeesflewoutoftherock注意：1.續(xù)寫兩段協(xié)同寫作建議：基于情節(jié)的寫作Para1:Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.Para2:Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.Howdidhedo?Whatdidhedo?HowdidCappellefeel?WhatdidAprildo?注意：2.續(xù)寫與所給首句協(xié)同協(xié)同

寫作問題：違背真實(shí)生活，缺乏合理性

下水作文1Para1:Hestayedforamomentthere,thinkinghowtoescapefromthebees.Sohehadnochoicebuttoclimbdowntheledgeimmediately,astheywereknownasthekillers.Withovercomggreatpain,Aprilreachedtheground.Uponhisarriving,hesawtheswarmsurroundinghispartner.Whathecouldheardwasthedeafeningbuzz.下水作文23.Para2.

Struggingtheextremepain,Aprilcimbedupthemountainagain,howdifficultitwas.Foritwasonlyhe,anexperiencedclimber,thatsavedCappelle.HesparednoefforttowhereCappellewas.OnceseeingApril,heworearelievdsmile.“staycalm,Iamwithyou.”saidApril.Withjointeffort,theymadeitdowntheground.Whatanarrowescape!參考范文Para1:

Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.

Atthatmomentsomethingwentthroughhismind.Itwasobviousthathehadtoclimbdownassoonaspossible,howevertough.Withovercomingthepain,Aprilmadeittotheground.Uponhisarrival,“Ian,”Aprilgasped(喘息),therewasnoresponsetohim,Immediately,hecalledattherescueteam,butitwouldtakethemlongtocomeandevenlongertosafelyclimbup.Hedidn'thavethatmuchtimeleft.Para2:

Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.HeknewwithcertaintythathewastheonlypersonthatcouldhelpIanout.Despitehisunbearablepain,hescrambled(迅速而吃力)uptherocksasfastashecould.Hewasagainenvelpedbyamassivecloudofbees.Fortunately,bythetime，hehadreachedthere,Cappellewasconsciousenoughtofollowhisinstructions,withshoulderinghimdowntotheground,theambulancewaspullingup(justaroundthecorner)belowthem.Theywereluckyenoughtohavesurvived.續(xù)寫情節(jié)構(gòu)建中存在的問題1.文章理解不到位，續(xù)寫情節(jié)與原文脫離2.違背真實(shí)生活，缺乏合理性3.融洽度不高，銜接不合理4.大量對話無意義，段落間分布不均衡5.主題升華牽強(qiáng)或跑偏2RReadfortheforeshadowing①Beginning②Development③續(xù)寫1段首句Finally,shespottedClay.④續(xù)寫2段首句Acaimiehadtopushthosethoughtsawayandfocusonwhatshechoulddo.Theme②抓住伏筆

，預(yù)設(shè)情節(jié)暗示夫妻之愛能克服萬難，走出火山谷

捕捉續(xù)寫點(diǎn)手機(jī)何時(shí)會有信號？續(xù)寫部分應(yīng)設(shè)置情節(jié)呼應(yīng)銜接此處weakcry暗示Clay滾落入火山坑受傷，續(xù)寫第一段應(yīng)描寫Clay的情況

如何照應(yīng)伏筆題型特點(diǎn)和能力要求總則山東續(xù)寫浙江續(xù)寫總分為25分，按7個(gè)檔次評分總分為25分，按5個(gè)檔次評分1.內(nèi)容質(zhì)量、完整性、與原文情境融洽；2.詞匯&語法結(jié)構(gòu)準(zhǔn)確恰當(dāng)多樣；3.上下文銜接&全文連貫1.與所給短文&開頭語銜接；2.內(nèi)容豐富&劃線詞使用；3.語法結(jié)構(gòu)&詞匯豐富準(zhǔn)確；4.上下文連貫詞數(shù)少于120的，酌情扣分詞數(shù)少于130，從總分中減去2分評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)題型特點(diǎn)和能力要求山東續(xù)寫浙江續(xù)寫22—25分（優(yōu)秀）

1.創(chuàng)造了新穎、豐富、合理的內(nèi)容，富有邏輯性，續(xù)寫完整，與原文情境融洽度高；

2.使用了多樣且恰當(dāng)?shù)脑~匯和語法結(jié)構(gòu)，表達(dá)流暢，語言錯(cuò)誤很少，