上海六年級(jí)作文精析版

六年級(jí)作文精析版A.

Write

a

passage

of

at

least

50

words

on

the

topic

"My

best

friend"(

以“我最好的友人”為題寫一篇不少于50詞的短文.)

(8分)(注意：短文中不得出現(xiàn)考生的姓名、校名及其他相關(guān)信息，否則不予評(píng)分。)寫作思路點(diǎn)撥：1.本文屬于記敘文，描寫人物用一般時(shí)態(tài)現(xiàn)在時(shí)。2.注意價(jià)值觀是正向和積極的，選擇一件事情進(jìn)行闡述即可。注意事項(xiàng)：1.字?jǐn)?shù)選擇60-80最佳。2.避免語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，拼寫錯(cuò)誤。3.第三人稱參考范文：My

best

friendIhavemanyfriends,butJimisoneofmybestfriends.Heisnothandsome,butkind-hearted.Weknoweachotheratprimaryschool.Hewasthetallestinourclassatthattime.Heisgoodatstudyandplayingbasketball,whilebadatplayingtabletennis.Everytimehehasdeliciousfood,hewillgiveittome.Moreover,wheneverIfeelsad,hewillplaywithmeandcomfortme.However,heisnotspoiltme.Forexample,everytimeImeetdifficultiesinstudy,Iwouldliketocopyhis,butnomatterwhatIsay,henevergivehishomeworktometocopy.Instead

heteacheshowtodoit.Allinall,nomatterwhatdifficultiesImeet,hewillhelpme.Itishimmakemerealizethatafriendinneedisafriendindeed.點(diǎn)評(píng)：1.閃光點(diǎn)1：Jimisoneofmybestfriends.本句用了本學(xué)期重點(diǎn)句型oneof+名詞復(fù)數(shù)，學(xué)以致用，很好！閃光點(diǎn)2：Heisgoodatstudyandplayingbasketball,whilebadatplayingtabletennis.本句用了begoodat和bebadat句型，同時(shí)結(jié)合了while時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句，化簡(jiǎn)為繁，增加了文章層次感。閃光點(diǎn)3：本文用了moreover，instead等連詞，使作文整體更加通順，流暢。B.Writeapassageofatleast50wordsaboutthetopic“Onthewaytoschool”.（以“在上學(xué)的路上”為題寫一篇不少于50詞的短文.)6%Usethefollowingpointsasareference.(以下內(nèi)容僅供參考)1.Doyoulivenearorfarawayfromschool?2.Howdoyougotoschool?3.Whatdoyouseeonyourwaytoschool?寫作思路點(diǎn)撥：1.本文屬于記敘文，描寫事情用一般過(guò)去時(shí)態(tài)。2.注意給出的三個(gè)提示信息，必須都用上。注意事項(xiàng)：1.字?jǐn)?shù)選擇60-80最佳。2.避免語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，拼寫錯(cuò)誤。3.第一人稱參考范文：OnthewaytoschoolThismorning,myfathertookmetoschoolbybike.Isatatthebackofthebike,eatingabanana.AfterIateitup,Ithrewtheskinontothestreetrandomly.NosoonerhadIdonethisthanIrealizedthatIhaddonesomethingbadtoourenvironment.Andmaybesomeonewouldsteponitandtumbleover.Imustpickitup.Thinkingofthese,Iaskedfathertostop.Ijumpedoffthebikeandranbacktopickupthebananaskinandthrewitintoaroadsidedustbin.Seeingthis,fatherpraisedmeandIfeltveryhappy.

InfutureIwillprotectthesurroundingsmoreconsciouslyandthinkmoreaboutothers.Isatatthebackofthebike,eatingabanana.點(diǎn)評(píng)：1.閃光點(diǎn)1：Isatatthebackofthebike,eatingabanana.和Seeingthis,fatherpraisedmeandIfeltveryhappy.這兩句話用了非謂語(yǔ)，eating和seeing做伴隨狀語(yǔ)，增加了文章的文采性。閃光點(diǎn)2：NosoonerhadIdonethisthanIrealizedthatIhaddonesomethingbadtoourenvironment.這句話用了Nosoonerthan的結(jié)構(gòu)讓文章的結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯上升到一個(gè)更高點(diǎn)。閃光點(diǎn)3：InfutureIwillprotectthesurroundingsmoreconsciouslyandthinkmoreaboutothers.本句話用了surrounding和consciously等生詞，讓文章內(nèi)容和詞匯更加精彩。C.Writeapassageofatleast50wordsaboutthetopic“Myfavouritefood”.（以“我最喜愛(ài)的食物”為題寫一篇不少于50詞的短文.)6%寫作思路點(diǎn)撥：本文屬于說(shuō)明文，用一般過(guò)去時(shí)態(tài)。注意事項(xiàng)：1.字?jǐn)?shù)選擇60-80最佳。2.避免語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，拼寫錯(cuò)誤。3.第一人稱MyfavouritefoodIlikemanydifferentkindsoffood,eggsaremyfavorite.Eggcontainsalotofessentialnutrientsneededbythehumanbody,andit'scommonlyfoundinalmostanypartoftheworld.Eggsareovalshapedspheres.Eggsarethebasicingredienttomanydishes,likeomeletandfrenchtoast.Youcaneasilygeteggsatanysupermarkets,andtheyaresoldforaverycheappricetoo.Aftertheeggsareacquired,itisbesttocrackitandopenintoapanorplateandstiritevenly.Ifyouwanttoeatfriedeggs,thenjustcracktheeggsintotheboilingoil,andremembertoflipsides.Eggscontainlotsofnutrientsandisaverygoodsourceofenergy.Soldiersusedtocarryeggstothefrontlineastheirfood.Eggismyfavor