幽默a short english story.doc

A Trip to Disney On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home. As we drove away, our son waved and said, “Good-by, Mickey.” Our daughter waved and said, “Good-by, Minnie.” My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Good-by, Money.” A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Not a Crime But a Miracle David was a young man with a hobby of fishing, but he seldom got a chance to practise it. Then one summer he decided to have a holiday ih the mountains where there were a lot of streams. He thought he could catch many fish there. The first morning after he arrived, he walked to the nearest stream with his fishing-rod. He saw an old man beside the water, so he asked him whether it was a private stream. The old man answered that it was not, so David then said to him, “Well, then it wont be a crime if I catch some fish here, will it?” “Oh, no,” answered the old man, “it wont be a crime, but it will certainly be a miracle.” （126）The Farmers Donkey驢子的故事 One day a farmers donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided t he animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway. So it just wasnt worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly. Then, a few shovel-fulls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovel-full of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt. As the farmers neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of everyone. The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to stop wailing, and not let the dirt bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each one of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. 有一天, 一個農夫的驢掉進了一口廢井里。農夫一直在想辦法怎樣救它, 而這頭可憐的驢也哀號了幾個小時。 最后，農夫決定, 這頭驢不值得去救, 它太老了, 而且, 這口井也該填上了。 于是他請了所有的鄰居來幫忙, 他們每人用一把鏟子, 把土鏟進井里。好像明白了發(fā)生的事, 開始時這頭驢驚恐大叫。 幾鏟滿滿的土下去后, 驢完全靜了下來。農夫向井內窺視, 他震驚了, 只見隨著每一鏟滿滿的土打在驢的背上, 驢總能抖掉它們并且邁上新土層從而站得更高。 當農夫的鄰居繼續(xù)把土鏟到驢的背上, 它都能抖掉它們, 并邁上一步。很快, 每個人都震動和驚訝了, 這頭驢已走到了井邊, 小跑開了。 這是一種什么精神：人生會把土鏟在你身上, 什么樣的”土”都有。 脫離這井的訣竅就是停止哀號, 不要讓土把你埋葬, 抖掉它們, 向上邁進一步。我們遇到的每一個困難是一塊墊腳石。不要停止, 永不放棄! 我們就能從最深的井里走出來。抖掉泥土, 向上邁進一步!You Are Too Late on the bus a man discovered a pick-pockets hand thrust into his pocket. “sorry,” he said to the pickpocket, “you are too late. My wife did it before you.” A Way to Make Money Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress drycleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, “Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.” “Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again!” A Family Rule Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, “There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?” Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film. They came out of the cinema at 11 oclock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, “Look, Bill. A womans running along the road very fast, and a mans running after her. Can you see them?” Mr. Jones said, “Yes, I can.” He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, “Can we help you?” “No, thank you,” the woman said, but she did not stop running. “My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!” A Fine Match One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, “Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.” The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap. Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese! Where Am I Nat lived in a small town in England. He alwalys stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought, “Ive never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so this year Im going there too.” First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down. Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said, “Where am I?” An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said, “Map of the city, sir?” Twin Lobsters Once I had achieved success as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my Mom. I brought her to Las Vegas for dinner at Caesars Palace. Among other items, the menu listed “Tw