雅思作文6分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)作文.doc

Every year several languages die out. Some peoplethink that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewerlanguages in the world.To what extent do you agree or disagree with thisopinion?Languages arecomplicated and charming, representing the unique culture of some regionand countryc1 . Every year seec2 several languages dying out, yet we can not c3 define that a bad thing.Lets c4 begin with thinking c5 the meaning of a language. Language c6 should provide people with the function ofdaily use. When a certain language dies out, we are sure that people who usedto use it must have found an alternative useful language. It is wise to abandona useless tool. As long as they can finish communication taskc7 successfully, it does not matter even ifit directly leads to a language dying out. People have no reason to protect anendangered language merely for the diversitys sake. c8 Namely, if some c9 language is useful, it will never fadeaway.Therefore, thedying out process is part of the natures choices.There are so manyadvantages of fewer languages. First is valid understanding between countries.It is a peace start to share some language, from which people in both countrieswill communicate more effectively so confusion will vanish. Besides, increasingtravel and business cooperation will take place. As they c10 sharethe language and different culture, more people will be willing to travelthere. Both sides companies can communicate more easily, more resources willbe shared. Fewer languages will help benefit economy in way of commerce andtourism industry.By way of conclusion, I want to reaffirm myposition. Although we hate to see some languages dying out, we should cheer forthe advantages it brought to the world.注釋：c1Some regions and countries，前面languages 用了復(fù)數(shù)后面要記得統(tǒng)一。c2Seesc3cannotc4注意文章是議論文不是演講稿，用lets 這不合適c5thinking aboutc6A language. 你上句話剛寫了 the meaning of a language, 后面要記得對應(yīng)。c7Tasksc8這句話差連接詞和前面一句接起來c9a，泛指的時候 建議用a, some 容易引起歧義c10They 指的是誰？評分詳情：Total：(5.5+5.5+6+6.5)/4=6Task response 5.5 分1. present a clearposition第一段已經(jīng)明確提出立場2. main ideas maybe unclear由于銜接上的問題，第二段的論證有些混亂。第三段第二個點不太明白你的意思是什么。你的點是increasing travel and business cooperationwill take place. 更多的人會出去旅游，同時商業(yè)合作也會增長？如果是的話，這個點里面是兩個分點還是一個點？另外這句Both sides companies can communicate moreeasily, more resources will be shared. 交流的多，更多的資源就會被分享，你說的是什么樣的資源？能舉個例子嗎？Coherence and cohesion 5.5 分1. present ideaswith some organization but may be lack of overall progression2. under-use ofcohesive devices.這兩個問題在第二段里面特別明顯。首先是內(nèi)容上有跳躍，其次是句子之間沒有銜接好。我?guī)湍阈薷牧艘幌拢⒁饪次沂窃趺丛诓淮罅渴褂眠B詞的情況下銜接句子的。Languages shouldprovide people with the function of daily use,namelybeing usable as a communication tool(這個地方解釋清楚前面說的thefunction of daily use是什么). When a certain language dies out, usersof this languagedo not appreciate the dying language asit does not make communicating with others easy anymore（這個地方是承接前面一句話的a language as a communication tool,銜接的一個方法之一就是要用到上一句話里面的一個關(guān)鍵詞）. So it is wise to abandon the uselesslanguage(同理，用上一句話里面關(guān)鍵詞language). With the new language（再次順延上句話的最后一個詞）adopted by these people, as long asit servesas a good communication tool（照應(yīng)上文的thefunction of daily use,即溝通工具）, it does not matter even if the newlanguage kills the old one.In other words（換個角度來闡述上一句話）, people have no reason to protect an endangeredlanguage merely for the language diversitys sake.到這里我覺得可以打住了，不用在一遍又一遍的解釋同一個點，再多說就比較啰嗦了。3. may not alwaysuse referencing clearlyAs they share thelanguage and different culture, more people will be willing to travel there.they、there分別指的是什么？無法和上文的內(nèi)容銜接起來Lexical r