WHATWETALKABOUTWHENWETALKABOUTLOVE–byRaymondCarver

1、WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT LOVE - byRaymond CarverWHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT LOVE - by Raymond CarverMy friend Mel McGinnis was talking Mel McGinnis is a cardiologist, andsometimes that gives him the right The four of us were sitting around his kitchen table drinking gin.Sunlig

2、ht filled the kitchen from the big windows behind the sink There wereMel and me and his second wife, TeresaTerri, we called herand my wife,Laura We lived in Albuquerque then.But we were all from somewhere else There was an ice bucket on the table The gin and the tonic water keptgoing around, and we

3、somehow got on the subject of love Mel thought reallove was nothing less than spiritual love He said he d spent five yearsof his life in a seminary before quitting to go to medical school He saidhe still looked back on those years in the seminary as the most importantyears in his life Terri said the

4、 man she lived with before she lived with Mel loved herso much he tried to kill her Then Terri said, He beat me up one night He dragged me around the livingroom by my ankles He kept saying, I love you, I love you, you bitchnHe went on dragging me around the living room by my ankles Myhead kept knock

5、ing on things nTerri looked around the room What do youdo with love like that?nShe was a bone-thin woman with a pretty face, dark eyes, and brown hairthat hung down her back She liked necklaces made of turquoise, and longpendant earrings uMy God, don t be silly. Thatfs not love, and you knowit, Mel

6、said I don t know what you d call it, but I sure know you wouldn*t call it love Say what you want to, but I know what it was, Terri said It maysound crazy to you, but it s true just the same People are different, Mel.Sure, sometimes he may have aced crazy Okay. But he loved me. In his ownway maybe,

7、but he loved me. There was love there, Mel. Don t say there wasnt nMel let out his breathe He held his glass and turned to Laura and me.The man threatened to kill me, Mel said He finished his drink and wentfor the gin bottle uTerri * s a romantic Terrifs of the kick-me-soT11-know-you-love-me-school

8、Terri, hon,don t look that way.nMel reached across the table and touched Terri* s cheeks with his fingers He grinned at her uNow he wants to make up, Terri said uMake up what?nMel said What is there to make up? I know whatI know. That* s all. ”How d we get started on this subject anyway?nTerri said

9、She raisedher glass and drank from it. “Mel always has love on his mind,she said Don t you, honey?nShe smiled and I thought that was he last ofit.T just wouldn t call Ed s behavior love That s all I m saying, honey, Mel said What about you guys?vMel said to Laura and me.Does that sound like love to

10、you?nT m the wrong person to ask, ” I said T didn t even know the man.I heard his namementioned in passing I wouldn t know. You d have to know the particularsBut I think what you re saying is that love is an absolute Mel said, The kind of love I m talking about is. The kind of love I mtalking about,

11、 you don t try and kill people Laura said,uI don t know anything about Ed, or about the situation. Butwho can judge anyone else s situation?I touched the back of Laura * s hand She gave me a quick smile I pickedup Laura * s hand It was warm, the nails polished, perfectly manicured Iencircled the bro

12、ad wrist with my fingers, and I held her When I left, hedrank rat poison,nTerri said She clasped her arms with her hands Theytook him to the hospital in Santa Fe. That s where we lived then, about tenmiles out They saved his life But his gums went crazy from it I mean theypulled away his teeth After

13、 that, his teeth stood out like fangs My God, Terri said She waited a minute, then let go of her arms and picked up herglass What people won t do! Laura said He s out of the action now, Mel said “He s dead ”Mel handed me the saucer of limes I took a section, squeezed it over mydrink, and stirred the

14、 ice cubes with my fingers It gets worse, ” Terri said He shot himself in the mouth But hebungles that too. PoorEd,nshe said Terri shook her head “Poor Ed nothing, ” Mel said He was dangerous Mel was forty-five years old He was tall and rangy with curly soft hairHis face and arms were brown from the

15、 tennis he played When he was sober,his gestures, all his movements, were precise, very carefu1 He did loveme though, Mel. Grant me that, Terri said uThatfs all I m asking He didnt love me the way you love me. Im not saying that But he loved me. You cangrant me that, can* t you?nWhat do you mean, he

16、 bungled it?” I said Laura leaned forward with her glass She put her elbows on the table andher glass with both hands She glanced from Mel to Terri and waited with alook of bewilderment on her face, as if amazed such things happened to peopleyou were friendly with How d he bungle it when he killed h

17、imself?” I asked.T 11 tell you what happened, Mel said He took his twenty-two pistolhe d bought tothreaten Terri and me with Oh, Im serious, the man was always threatening You should have seen the way we lived in those days Like fugitives I evenbought a gun myself Can you believe it? A guy like me?B

18、ut I did I bought a gun for self-defense and carried it in my glovecompartment Sometimes I d have to leave the apartment in themiddle of the night To go to the hospital, you know? Terri and I werent married then, and my first wife had the house and kids, the dog, everything,and Terri and I were livi

19、ng in this apartment here Sometimes, as I say, Id get a call in the middle of the nightand have to go to the hospital at two or three in the morning It d bedark out there in the parking lot, and I d break into a sweat before I couldeven get to my car I never knew if he was going to come out of the s

20、hrubberyor from behind a car and start shooting I mean, the man was crazy He wascapable of wiring a bomb, anything He used to call my service at all hoursand say he needed to talk to the doctor, and when I d return the call, hed say, Son of a bitch, your days are numbered Little things like that It

21、was scary, I m telling you. ”I still feel sorry for him, Terri said 44It sounds like a nightmare, Laura said But what exactly happenedafter he shot himself?nLaura is a legal secretary We d met in a professional capacity Beforewe knew it, it wasa courtship She s thirty-five, three years younger than

22、I am. In additionto being in love, we like each other and enjoy each otherfs company. Shes easy to be with What happened?nLaura asked Mel said, He shot himself in the mouth in his room. Someone heard theshot and toldthe manager They came in with a passkey, saw what had happened, and calledan ambulan

23、ce I happened to be there when they brought him in, alive but pastrecal1 The man lived for three days His head swelled up to twice the sizeof a normal head I dnever seen anything like it, and I hope I never do again. Terri wantedto go in and sit with him when she found out about it. We had a fight o

24、verit. I didn t think she should see him like that I didn t think she shouldsee him, and I still don t ”Who won the fight?nLaura said T was in the room with him when he died, ” Terri said He never cameup out of it. But I sat with him. He didn* t have anyone else He was dangerous,nMel said If you cal

25、l that love, you can have it. ”It was love, Terri said Sure, it s abnormal in most people* s eyesBut he was willing to die for it. He did die for it.I sure as hell wouldn* t call it love, Mel said T mean, no one knowswhat he did it for I ve seen a lot of suicides, and I couldn t say anybodyknew what

26、 they did it for nMel put his hands behind his neck and tilted his chair back T m notinterested in that kind of love,nhe said If that * s love, you can have.Terri said,uWe were afraid Mel even made a will out and wrote to hisbrother inCalifornia who used to be a Green Beret Mel told him who to look

27、for ifsomething happened to him. Terri drank from her glass But Mel s right一we lived like fugitives We were afraid Mel was, weren t you, honey? I even called the policeat one point, butthey were no help They said they couldn* t do anything until Ed actuallydid something Isn t that a laugh?vTerri sai

28、d She poured the last of the gin into her glass and waggled the bottle.Mel rose from the table and went to the cupboard He took down another bottle*Well, Nick and I know what love is, Laura said For us, I mean. Laura bumped my knee with her knee You re supposed to say something now,nLaura said, and

29、turned her smile on me.For an answer, I took Laura * s hand and raised it to my lips I madea big production out of kissing her hand Everyone was amused We re lucky, ” I said.You guys, ” Terri said Stop that now You re making me sick You re still on the honeymoon, for God s sake You re still gaga, fo

30、r cryingout loud Just wait How longhave you been together now? How long has it been? A year? Longer than ayear?nuGoing on a year and a half, Laura said, flushed and smiling Oh, now, ” Terri said.uWait awhile.She held her drink and gazed at Laura T m only kidding, Terri said.Mel opened the gin and we

31、nt around the table with the bottle Here, you guys,nhe said Let s have a toast I want to propose atoast A toast to love To true love, Mel said Outside in the backyard, one of the dogs began to bark The leaves of theaspen that leaned against the window ticked against the glass The afternoonsun was li

32、ke a presence in the room, the spacious light of ease and generosityWe could have been anywhere, somewhere enchanted We raised our glasses againand grinned at each other like children who agreed on something forbidden.T 11 tell you what real love is,nMel said I mean, I 11 give youa good example And

33、then you can draw your own conclusions ” He pouredmore gin into his glass He added an icecube and a sliver of lime We waited and sipped our drinks Laura andI touched knees again. I put a hand on her warm thigh and left it there.What do any of us really know about love?” Mel said “It seems to mewe re

34、 just beginners at love We say we love each other and we do, I dont doubt it. I love Terri and Teri loves me, and you guys love each other andwe do, I don t doubt it. You know the kind of love I m talking about now.Physical love, that impulse that drives you to someone special, as well aslove of the

35、 other person * s being, his or her essence, as it were Carnallove and, well, call it sentimental love, the day-to-day caring about theother person. But sometimes I have a hard time accounting for the factthat I must have loved my first wife too. But I did, I know I did So I supposeI am like Terri i

36、n that regard Terri and Ed. He thought about it and thenhe went on.uThere was a time that I thought I loved my first wife more thanlife itself But now I hate her guts I do. How do you explain that? Whathappened to that love? What happened to it is what I d like to know. I wishsomeone could tell me.

37、Then there* s Ed Okay, we re back to Ed. He lovesTerri so much he tries to kill her and he winds up killing himself Mel stoppedtalking andswallowed from his glass You guys have been together eighteen monthsand you love each other It shows all over you. You glow with it. But youboth loved other peopl

38、e before you met each other You ve both been marriedbefore, just like us. And youprobably loved other people before that too, even. Terri and I have beentogether for five years, been married for four And the terrible thing is,the terrible thing is, but the good thing too, the saving grace, you might

39、say, is that if something happened to one of us - excuse me for saying this- but if something happened to one of us tomorrow, I thinkthe other one, the other person, would grieve for awhile, you know, butthen the surviving party would go out and love again, have someone else soonenough All this, all

40、 this love we re talking about, it would just be a memory.Maybe not even a memory. Am I wrong? Am I way off base? Because I want youto set me straight if you think I m wrong I want to know. I mean, I dont know anything, and I m the first one to admit it. ”Mel, for God s sake, Terri said She reached

41、out and took hold ofhis wrist Are you getting drunk? Honey? Are you drunk?MHoney, I * m just talking, ” Mel said. All right. I don* t have tobe drunk to say what I think I mean, we re all just talking, :right? Mel said He fixed his eyes onher uSweetie, I m not criticizing, Terri said She picked up h

42、er glass.I m not on call today, Mel said Let me remind you of that I m not on cal 1.Mel, we love you, Laura said Mel looked at Laura He looked at her as if he could not place her, asif she was not the woman she was Love you too, Laura, Mel said Andyou, Nick, love you too. You know something?nMel sai

43、d You guys are ourpals He picked up his glass Mel said, I was going to tell you about something I mean, I was goingto prove a point You see, this happened a few months ago, but it s stillgoing on right now, and it ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk likewe know what we re talking about when w

44、etalk about love ”Come on now, Terri “Don t talk like you re drunk if you re notdrunk ”Just shut up for once in your life, Mel said very quietly.Will you do me a favor and do that for a minute? So as I was saying, there*s this old couple who had this car wreck outon the interstate A kid hit them and

45、 they were all torn to shit and noone was giving them much chance to pull through Terri looked at us and then back at Mel. She seemed anxious, but maybethat s too strong of a word Mel was handing the bottle around the tableT was on call that night, ” Mel said It was May or maybe it was JuneTerri and

46、 I had just sat down to dinner when the hospital had called Thered been this thing out on the Interstate Drunk kid, teenager, plowed his dad*s pickup into this camper with this old couple in it. They were up in theirmid-seventies, that couple The kid - eighteen,nineteen, something - he was DOA Taken

47、 the steering wheel through thesternum Theold couple, they were alive, you understand I mean, just barely.But they had everything Multiple fractures, internal injuries, hemorrhaging,contusions, lacerations, the works, and the each of them had themselvesconcussions They were in a bad way, believe me.

48、 And, of course, their agewas two strikes against them. I d say she was worse off than hewas Ruptured spleen along with everything else Both kneecaps broken.But they d been wearing their seatbelts and, God knows, that * s what savedthem for the time being ”Folks, this is an advertisement for the Nat

49、ional Security Council,nTerri said This is your spokesman, Dr. Melivin R McGinnis, talking Terrilaughed Mel, she said,usometimes you re just too much But I love you,hon, she said uHoney, I love you, ” Mel said He leaned across the table Terri met him halfway. They kissed uTerri * s right,nMel said a

50、s he settled himself Get those seatbeltson. But seriously, they were in some shape, those oldsters By the time Igot down there, the kid was dead, as I said He was off in a corner, laidout on a gurney I took one look at the couple and told the ER nurse to getme a neurologist and an orthopedic man and

51、 a couple of surgeons down thereright away.He drank from his glass I 11 try to keep this short, he said Sowe took the both of them up to the OR and worked like fuck on them for mostof the night They had these incredible reserves, those two. You see thatonce in awhile So we did everything that could

52、be done, and toward the morningwe* re giving them a fifty-fifty chance, maybeless than that for her So here they are, still alive the next morningSo, okay, we move them into the ICU, which is where they both kept pluggingaway at it for two weeks, hitting it better and better on all the scopes So we

53、transfer them out to their own room. Mel stopped talking Here, he said, let s drink this cheapo gin the hell up. Then we re going todinner, right? Terri and I know a new place That s where we 11 go, to thisnew place we know about But we re not going until we finish this cut-ratelosy gin.Terri said,

54、We haven1t actually eaten there yet But it looks good From the outside, you know.I like food, Mel said.44If I had to do it all over again, I d be chef,you know? Right, Terri?nMel said He laughed He fingered the ice in theglass Terri knows, he said uTerri can tell you But let me say this If I could c

55、ome back againin a different life, a different time, and all, you know what? I d like tocome back as a knight You were pretty safe wearing all that armor It wasall right being a knight until gunpowder and muskets and pistols came alongnMel, would you like to ride a horse and carry a lance, Terri sai

56、d.uCarry a woman * s scarf with you everywhere, ” Laura said uOr just a woman, Mel said uShame on you, Laura said Terri said, Suppose you came back as a serf The serfs didn t have itso good in those days The serfs never had it good, Mel said “But I guess even the knightswere vessels to someone Isn t

57、 that the way it worked But then everyoneis always a vessel to someone Isn t that right? Terri? But what I liked about knights, besides theirladies, was that they had that suit of armor, you know, and they couldn tget hurt very easy Nocars in those days, you know. No drunk teenagers totear into your

58、 ass Vassals, ” Terri said.“What?” Mel said.Vassals,nTerri said They were called vassals, not vessels nVassals, vessels, ” Mel said,uwhat the fuck s the difference? You knewwhat I meant anyway. All right, Mel said So I m not educated I learnedmy stuff I m a heart surgeon, sure But I m just a mechani

59、c I go in andI fuck around and I fix things Shit, Mel said.uModesty doesn t become you,nTerri said He s just a humble sawbones, I said But sometimes they suffocatedin all that armor, Mel. They d even have heart attacks if it got too hotand they were too tired and worn out I read somewhere that they*

60、 d fall offtheir horses and not be able to get up because they were too tired to standwith all that armor on them. They got trampled by their own horses sometimesnThat s terrible,nMel said That s a terrible think, Nicky. I guessthey d just lay there and wait until somebody came along and made a shis