小度寫范文講英語笑話模板

1、講英語笑話講英語笑話 _最經(jīng)典英文笑話英文笑話 一眼就看中 The girl found the go-between and said, You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didnt you tell me this before ?I have told you. said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first,I told you that he settled on you with one eye. Notes: (1) go-betwe

2、en n.媒人 (2) settle on 選定；決定 Exercises: 根據(jù)短文判斷下列句子正(T)、(F)： The girl was angry with the go-between for having cheated her. The girl married the one-eyed man. The go-between hadnt told the girl the fact. The go-between thought that justice was on his side. The girl hadnt fully understood the go-betwee

3、ns words. 112.一眼就看中姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前為什么不告訴我？” “怎 么沒告訴你？”媒人也不甘示弱， “你們第一回見面后， 我就說，他一眼就看中你了。借公牛一用 Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didnt know any words. One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this ri

4、ch man. After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, OK, I know.Go and tell your master, Ill go myself shortly. Notes: (1) he pretended to be reading it 他假裝讀著字條。(2) pretend to do 佯裝做 Exercises: 根據(jù)短文回答下列問題： When did the story take place? W

5、hat problem did the rich man have? What did his friend want to borrow from him? Who took the note to the rich man? The rich manm ade a fool of himself, didnt he? 111. 借公牛一用 從前，有個(gè)人很富有，但他不識(shí)字。 一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫了 個(gè)條，讓仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會(huì)兒，然后說道：“好啦，我知道了?；厝ジ?訴你 的主人，我馬上自己過去?！?練習(xí)參考答案： A long tim

6、e ago. He didnt know and words. An ox. The servant. Yes, he did. You may select 可以選擇 The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish. One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, My dear, what will we eat today? The wife said, You may select the dish today. The husband was very

7、 glad and asked, Which dishes are there today? Cabbage. The others? None. Then how to select? Eat or not eat! the wife said. Notes: (1) complain v.抱怨 (2) cabbage n.白菜 Exercises: 根據(jù)短文選擇正確答案： What did the husband complain about? A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish. B. His wife seldom cooked the

8、 same dish.C. His wife always cooked the same dish. D. His wife didnt cook any dish. Whatquestion did the husband ask one day? A. He asked what they would cat. B. He asked if there was anything to eat. C. He asked if there was any meat. D. He asked if there was any cabbage. The wife told him that .

9、A. there was no meat B. there wasa lot of cabbage C. he 講英語笑話 _英語小笑話校園幽默四則 1. Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside t

10、he sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩 只鳥，一只是麻雀。 誰能指出哪只是燕子， 哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學(xué)生：我指不出， 但我知道答案。 老師：請(qǐng)說說看。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。2. The Fish Net Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann? A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.魚網(wǎng) 你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？ 老師發(fā)問道。

11、把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。 小女孩回答道。3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother. I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too 新老師9 月 1 日，喬治放學(xué)回到家里

12、。 喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？ 媽媽問。 媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗f 3 加 3 得 6, 可后來又說 2 加 4 也得 6 。 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderro

13、lls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考試 在一次物理考試時(shí)，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時(shí)，尼克很快就答好了第一個(gè)問 題。這個(gè)問題是：為什么在打雷時(shí)，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？ 尼克的回答是：因?yàn)檠劬?在前，耳朵在后。經(jīng)典英語小笑話 1. the lowest grade Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really dont think I deserve a zero. Neither do I. But thats the lowest grade

14、 Im allowed to give. 最低分學(xué)生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經(jīng)竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我 不應(yīng)該得零 蛋?！?老師：“我也是。但是這已經(jīng)是我能給的最低分了！ ” 2. Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theaters current production and write a critique. After viewing a p

15、articularly fine performance,one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television. 逼真的戲劇 我在北達(dá)科他州立大學(xué)教戲劇入門課時(shí)， 要求學(xué)生們?nèi)タ磳W(xué)校劇團(tuán)當(dāng)時(shí)的演 出，并寫一篇評(píng)論。看了一場(chǎng)極為精彩的演出后，一名學(xué) 生寫道：“這部戲劇 是如此逼真，以致于我認(rèn)為我自己是坐在家里的沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到 的?！?本貼來自天極網(wǎng)群樂社區(qū) - EXCUSET eacher: Tom, w

16、hy are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow.湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個(gè)路標(biāo)上面寫著：學(xué) 校 慢行。 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tims mathematics teacher looked at hishomework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very

17、pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you? No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.你爸爸幫你了嗎？ 你爸爸幫你了嗎？ 一天，蒂姆的數(shù)學(xué)老師看了他的作業(yè)，發(fā)現(xiàn)他全做對(duì)了。老師很高興，同時(shí)也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫

18、到桌前說：蒂姆，你這次的作業(yè)全都 做對(duì)了，怎么回事？你 爸爸幫你做了嗎？ 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙， 我不得不全由自己做了。 英語幽默笑話 Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish! and Jim say:You mother could (bear)!湯姆對(duì)著吉姆罵道 :我受不了你這個(gè)苯蛋了 ! 吉姆說:你媽媽能 ! 附:bear 有兩重意思 :生和忍 受這個(gè)笑話正是根據(jù)這點(diǎn) . 英語笑話故事 1. He WonTommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in b

19、ed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他贏了 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？ 約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？ 約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。2. I Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, W

20、hat happened? A kid bit me, replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother.Id know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket.他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？” “一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡 說。“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢。”A Good Boy LittleRobert asked

21、his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy.好孩子小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢?！白蛱旖o你的錢干什么了

22、？” “我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。 “再給你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳?duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個(gè)賣糖果的?！敝v英語笑話 _英語小笑話小笑話 Cat and Mouse A mouse is in his mouse hole and he wants to go out to get something to eat, but hes afraid there might be a big cat outside, so he puts his ear by the opening and all he hears is “Bow Wow” so

23、 he thinks, “Well, there can t be a cat out there because theres a big old dog ”. So he goes out ofhis mouse hole and is promptly caught and eaten by a cat, who licks his lips and says “It s good to speak two languages! ” 翻譯成漢語講，很有意思。Where there is a will, there is a way. Who washed Washingtons whit

24、e woolen underwear when Washington s washer womanw ent west?Rainbow at night is the traveler s delight; rainbow in the morning, travelers take warning. 傍晚出虹，明日放晴；清晨出虹，風(fēng)雨送行。Trick or treat. 不給糖果就搗蛋（西方萬圣節(jié)的夜晚，孩子們會(huì)在敲別人家門時(shí)大聲喊這句話） Deeds, not words. 要行動(dòng)，不要空談。中國學(xué)生的英語 發(fā)音差點(diǎn)把老外嚇?biāo)?。一位剛到美國留學(xué)的中國小伙子寄宿在一位美國老頭家。 一 日，這

25、位留學(xué)生想找房東借把刀 （knife ）把一根木棒砍斷， 于是他匆匆拿著這根木棒跑到房東那里，由于他 n 和 l 不 分，把“ I want your knife. ”念成了“ I want your life.”結(jié) 果把“我要你的刀”說成“我要你的命?！眹樀妹绹胁铧c(diǎn) 沒有暈過去。 A fat cat is catching a fat rat.有一位中國人去美國。遇到危險(xiǎn)喊救命， “help ”沒有人管， 就是因?yàn)樵舭l(fā)的不飽滿。英語中元音是響音， 所以要飽滿。鄧小平單槍匹馬應(yīng)付外國記者 鄧小平出訪美國，美各大 報(bào)社記者都踴躍采訪， 想一睹中國 偉大的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人的英姿。 他們聽說中國領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人的英語水平都 非 常好，就都想試探一下。不巧的是當(dāng)時(shí)小平身邊的一翻和二 翻都不在（國家領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人都有 幾個(gè)翻譯隨訪） （可能他們上廁 所了） ，記者們就想讓小平出丑。就問小平問題，小平知 道一點(diǎn)英語，這個(gè)問題是以“ what”開頭。但老頭不敢冒然作 答。老頭當(dāng)時(shí)特別著急，左等右 等，一翻和二翻也不回來， 老頭就想“ what”是“什么” ，我第一次來美國，一般都會(huì) 問 “貴姓?” 老頭樂了，就回答： “我姓鄧” （鄧小平是四川 人，帶一口濃厚的家鄉(xiāng)音，于 是我姓鄧的四川音 “Washington” . ）其實(shí)記者問的問題是， “What s the capital of Ame