讀后續(xù)寫課件公開課教案教學(xué)設(shè)計課件案例試卷

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TheRainy-DayPicnic講評老師：浙江省衢州第二中學(xué)黃纖我這篇文章究竟能拿幾分？？？第五檔（21—25）—與所給短文融洽度高，與所提供各段落開頭語銜接合理。—內(nèi)容豐富，應(yīng)用了5個以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語?！褂谜Z法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯豐富、準(zhǔn)確，可能有些許錯誤，但完全不會影響意義表達?！行У厥褂昧苏Z句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫短文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。第四檔（16—20）—與所給短文融洽度較高，與所提供各段落開頭語銜接較為合理?！獌?nèi)容比較豐富，應(yīng)用了5個以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語?！褂谜Z法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯較為豐富、準(zhǔn)確，可能有些許錯誤，但不會影響意義表達?！容^有效地使用了語句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫短文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。第三檔（11—15）—與所給短文關(guān)系較為密切，與所提供各段落開頭語有一定程度的銜接?！獙懗隽巳舾捎嘘P(guān)內(nèi)容，應(yīng)用了4個以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語。—應(yīng)用的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求，雖有一些錯誤，但不影響意義表達?！獞?yīng)用簡單的語句間連接成分，使全文內(nèi)容連貫。第二檔（6—10）—與所給短文有一定的關(guān)系，與所提供各段落開頭語有一定程度的銜接?！獙懗隽艘恍┯嘘P(guān)內(nèi)容，應(yīng)用了3個以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語?！Z法結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào)，詞匯項目有限，有些語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯方面的錯誤，影響了意義的表達?！^少使用語句間的連接成分，全文內(nèi)容缺少內(nèi)容連貫。讀后續(xù)寫評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)

Afterputtingonhisyellowbootsandraincoat,hefollowedhisfatherintotherain.Astheywalked,theytalkedaboutthebasketballgameatschoollastweek.FatherpraisedAdam’sexcellentperformance.Althoughtheskywasstillfullofdarkclouds,Adamwashappy.Listeningtotherainandchattingaboutinterestingthings,Adamthoughtitwouldbegoodtogooutlikethisonarainyday.

Whentheycamebackin,wetandhappy,Adam’smothersaidshehadasurpriseforthem.Followinghismother,theycametothegarden.Althoughitwasraining,thespaceunderthegrapevinewasdry.MomhasmadeamatfullofAdam’sfavoritesnacks.“Let’sstartthepicnic,”momsaidwithasmile.Thiswasreallyapieceofgoodnews.TheRainy-DayPicnicItwasSaturday,andAdamwaswideawake.Thehousewasquiet,soheknewhisparentswerestillsleeping.Hismotherhadpromisedthattheywouldgoonapicnicintheparktoday.Hehadbeenlookingforwardtoitallweek.Theywouldhaveyummyfoodtoeatatthepicnic.Theywouldplaycatchandmaybeflyakiteifthewindwasstrong.Adamthoughtmaybeheshouldwakehisparentsupnow.However,itstilllookeddarkoutside.Usuallybynowthesunwasshiningthroughthewindows.Maybeitwascloudy,Adamthought.Hewenttohisparents’roomandclimbedontotheirbed.“Hello!”saidAdam,cheerfully.“It’stimetogetup!”Hismotheryawned,rubbinghereyes.“Hi,”hewhispered.“It’stooearly.Let’sgobacktosleep.”“Butit’smorning.Andyoupromisedapicnictoday!’“Ugh,”saidMother.“Inearlyforgetit.Okay,let’sgetup.”Thesmallboyfollowedherdownstairs.Hismotherwenttotheglassdoorthatledtothebackyard.“It’sraining!”Sheturnedtoherson.“Adam,it’sraining.Wecan’tgoonapicnictoday.”

Adam’slipbegantoshake.Hiseyesgotmisty.Hesatdownonthefloorandheldhischin(下巴)inhishands.Thiswasnotthenewshewantedtohear.“I’msorry,”saidhismother.“Let’sgetsomesnacksandwatchsomecartoonsforawhile.”Theysattogetheronthecouch.Theysnuggled(依偎)，anditwascozy.Halfanhourlater,hisfatherlistenedtothebadnewsabouttherainandthepicnic.“Hmm,”hesaid.“Rainmightspoilapicnicinthepark,butitcanalsobefunsometimes.”HefinishedhiscoffeeandaskedAdamtogofindhisraincoatandrubberboots.“Let’sgoforawalk.”settingcharacterplottheme0900028765432151004987654321039876543210987654321021987654321098765432100HoursMinutesSeconds計時器

Adam’slipbegantoshake.Hiseyesgotmisty.Hesatdownonthefloorandheldhischin(下巴)inhishands.Thiswasnotthenewshewantedtohear.“I’msorry,”saidhismother.“Let’sgetsomesnacksandwatchsomecartoonsforawhile.”Theysattogetheronthecouch.Theysnuggled(依偎)，anditwascozy.Halfanhourlater,hisfatherlistenedtothebadnewsabouttherainandthepicnic.“Hmm,”hesaid.“Rainmightspoilapicnicinthepark,butitcanalsobefunsometimes.”HefinishedhiscoffeeandaskedAdamtogofindhisraincoatandrubberboots.“Let’sgoforawalk.”settingcharacterplotthemearainyday,athomeAdam(son),mother,fatherArainstoppedAdam'sfamilyfromhavingapicnic,buttheymanagedtohaveoneandenjoyedthemselvesintherainyday.thewarmthofalovingfamilyItwasSaturday,andAdamwaswideawake.Thehousewasquiet,soheknewhisparentswerestillsleeping.Hismotherhadpromisedthattheywouldgoonapicnicintheparktoday.Hehadbeenlookingforwardtoitallweek.Theywouldhaveyummyfoodtoeatatthepicnic.Theywouldplaycatchandmaybeflyakiteifthewindwasstrong.Adamthoughtmaybeheshouldwakehisparentsupnow.However,itstilllookeddarkoutside.Usuallybynowthesunwasshiningthroughthewindows.Maybeitwascloudy,Adamthought.Hewenttohisparents’roomandclimbedontotheirbed.“Hello!”saidAdam,cheerfully.“It’stimetogetup!”Hismotheryawned,rubbinghereyes.“Hi,”hewhispered.“It’stooearly.Let’sgobacktosleep.”“Butit’smorning.Andyoupromisedapicnictoday!’“Ugh,”saidMother.“Inearlyforgetit.Okay,let’sgetup.”Thesmallboyfollowedherdownstairs.Hismotherwenttotheglassdoorthatledtothebackyard.“It’sraining!”Sheturnedtoherson.“Adam,it’sraining.Wecan’tgoonapicnictoday.”Adam’slipbegantoshake.Hiseyesgotmisty.Hesatdownonthefloorandheldhischin(下巴)inhishands.Thiswasnotthenewshewantedtohear.“I’msorry,”saidhismother.“Let’sgetsomesnacksandwatchsomecartoonsforawhile.”Theysattogetheronthecouch.Theysnuggled(依偎)，anditwascozy.Halfanhourlater,hisfatherlistenedtothebadnewsabouttherainandthepicnic.“Hmm,”hesaid.“Rainmightspoilapicnicinthepark,butitcanalsobefunsometimes.”HefinishedhiscoffeeandaskedAdamtogofindhisraincoatandrubberboots.“Let’sgoforawalk.”

副詞、形容詞的準(zhǔn)確、豐富使用排比句式的運用體現(xiàn)Adam對野餐的期待一系列神態(tài)描寫和動作鏈短句體現(xiàn)Adam的失望情緒

Afterputtingonhisyellowbootsandraincoat,hefollowedhisfatherintotherain.Astheywalked,theytalkedaboutthebasketballgameatschoollastweek.FatherpraisedAdam’sexcellentperformance.Althoughtheskywasstillfullofdarkclouds,Adamwashappy.Listeningtotherainandchattingaboutinterestingthings,Adamthoughtitwouldbegoodtogooutlikethisonarainyday.

Whentheycamebackin,wetandhappy,Adam’smothersaidshehadasurpriseforthem.Followinghismother,theycametothegarden.Althoughitwasraining,thespaceunderthegrapevinewasdry.MomhasmadeamatfullofAdam’sfavoritesnacks.“Let’sstartthepicnic,”momsaidwithasmile.Thiswasreallyapieceofgoodnews.第三檔15我如何才能得到更高的分?jǐn)?shù)？？？原句：Astheywalked,theytalkedaboutthebasketballgameatschoollastweek.FatherpraisedAdam’sexcellentperformance.雨中活動：puddle-jumping,rainrace,observingearthworms...修改：Excitedandcurious,Adamjumpedinthepuddles,feltthesplashesonhislegsandfloated

fallenleavesinit.“Therearesomanythingstodointherain,”saidhisdadmerrily.“Watchme!”Andhisfatherstartedjumpingexcitedlyoverthemuddypuddlesinthedriveway.Dadcalledhimovertotheedgeofthelawn.HeshowedAdamhowtheearthwormswerecomingoutofthegrass.Adamlookedcloselyandsawthemwigglingandmovingaround.Thereweresomany!Next,theyliftedtheirheadsbackandtriedtocatchtheraindropsastheyfellintotheirmouths.“Theytastesweet,likepopsicles,”saidAdam.副詞、形容詞的準(zhǔn)確、豐富使用一系列心理描寫和動作鏈短句體現(xiàn)Adam的興奮情緒原句：Althoughtheskywasstillfullofdarkclouds,Adamwashappy.修改：Althougtheskywasasdarkastheinsideofaninkbottle,Adamroaredwithlaughterandhiseyesglistenedwithexcitement.Smilesaredancinginhiseyes.Hiseyesdancedwithjoyandhappiness.原句：Listeningtotherainandchattingaboutinterestingthings,Adamthoughtitwouldbegoodtogooutlikethisonarainyday.修改：“It’ssocool!”yelledthelittleboy.Theylaughed,chattingandsharingthemeaningfulthingsandwalkedhomeunwillinglyatlength.原句：MomhasmadeamatfullofAdam’sfavoritesnacks.修改：Shehadspreadoutablanketonthefloorbythefireplace.TherewereplatesfilledwithAdam’sfavoritepeanutbutterandbananasandwicheswithoutthecrust.Therewaschocolatemilkintallglasseswithstraws.Hesawcrunchycarrotsandappleslices.Thereweremarshmallowsandhotdogsonsticksforroasting.排比句式的運用體現(xiàn)野餐的美味

HavinghearingwhattheMessengersshared,thefolkscametounderstandthatitwasthekindnessthatkeptthefireburningevenbrighterthanbefore.

NeverhadIanticipatedthatarandomactofkindnesswouldinjectsuchgreatpowerintoothersandchangetheirlife.

Dottedwithglitteringstars,thesky,midnightblue,gavethesceneafairytalequality.

Theirsoundoflaughterandsingingmingledinthecrispair,expressingthepleasureoflife.

Andslowly,almostreluctantly,sheplacedherarmwithapparentlyunaccustomedaffectionaroundhermother'sshouldersandgentlyguidedherbackintothedeluge.Speechlessandhappy,sheheldhersontightlyintoherarms,withtearswellingupinhereyes.原句：Thiswasreallyapieceofgoodnews.主題升華式結(jié)尾【強調(diào)句/部分倒裝/主語從句】寫景畫面結(jié)尾動作定格畫面結(jié)尾

ItwasthankstohismotherandfatherthatAdamcouldexperiencesuchawonderfulpicnic!NeverhadAdamexperiencedabetterpicnicbefore!Onlywithhisparentscouldheownacolorfulchildhood!

Theirsoundoflaughterandsingingmingledinthecrispair,expressingthepleasureoflife.Theraindrummedonthewindow,biddingfarewelltothisunforgettableSaturday.

Talkingandlaughing,theycuddledtogetherwithsmilesshiningontheirfaces.Underthegrapevine,theyseemedtoenjoytherhythmicraindropshappily.原句：Thiswasreallyapieceofgoodnews.主題升華式結(jié)尾【強調(diào)句/部分倒裝/主語從句】寫景畫面結(jié)尾動作定格畫面結(jié)尾Sampleversion:

Afterputtingonhisyellowbootsandraincoat,hefollowedhisfatherintotherain.Therainwasstillcomingdown.“Therearesomanythingstodointherain,”saidhisdadmerrily.“Watchme!”Andhisfatherstartedjumpingexcitedlyoverthemuddypuddlesinthedriveway.Adamjumpedtoo,buthejumpedintothepuddles,splashingwatereverywhere,includingonDad.Next,theyliftedtheirheadsbackandtriedtocatchtheraindropsastheyfellintotheirmouths.“Theytastesweet,likepopsicles,”saidAdam.Theylaughed,playingandsharingthemeaningfulthingsandwalkedhomeunwillinglyatlength.

Whentheycamebackin,wetandhappy,Adam'smothersaidshehadasurpriseforthem.Sheaskedthemtogointothefamilyroom.Shehadspreadoutablanketonthefloorbythefireplace.TherewereplatesfilledwithAdam’sfavoritepeanutbutterandbananasandwicheswithoutthecrust.Therewaschocolatemilkintall