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再見,狐貍Mystorystartedoneautumnmorning,atthebendonapath.Iwas13yearsold,andwasonthewaytoschool.ItwasthefirsttimeIhadcaughtsightofafox.FascinatedtothepointthatIforgotallfear,Idaredtogouptoit.Ihadnevercomesoclosetoawildanimal.Therewasnobodyelsearound,onlymeandthefox."Hey,fox!"Itriedtogreetit,thoughmyvoicewassoweakitfeltlikeIwassayinghellotomyself.Itdidn'thearme.ItstayedthereandIwatchedit.Myheartwasbeatingflatout.Itwassocute.Foramoment,IthoughtImightbeabletotouchit.Throughoutthedayatschool,Icouldonlythinkofthefoxatthebigbeech(山毛櫸)tree.Atmyreturntotheplacewherewemet,IwassureI'dfinditthere.AndIdid.ThistimeIgatheredalittlebitmorecourageandcalledouttoit,"Fox!"Ofcourseitescaped.butthatonlymademelongtomeetitagain.IdecidedthatifIcouldfinditskennel(洞)andcatchit,Iwouldtryandtame(馴服)it,makingitmyfriend.Thus,Ispentmostofmyfreetimeintheforeststryingtofindthefoxduringthefollowingmonths.ButIneversawitagainbeforewintercame.Duringthewinter,Ifolloweditsfootprintsfaracrossthefields.SuddenlyIwasalarmedbythehowlingofwolvesnearme.Iranawayfrightened,stumbledandhurtmyankle.Ithealedveryslowly,sothatIhadtostayathomeduringthewinter,readingabookaboutanimalsoftheforestandfoxes.Whenspringarrived,Iwasfreeagain.Ilookedforfoxkennelsandwaitedformyfox.Tomyamazement,ithadgotyoungonesbutkeptmovingbecauseofmyobservations;thereforeIdecidedtoobservethefoxfromalongerdistance.原文本ReadthefollowingpartsquicklyformainideasMystorystartedoneautumnmorning,atthebendonapath.Iwas13yearsold,andwasonthewaytoschool.ItwasthefirsttimeIhadcaughtsightofafox.FascinatedtothepointthatIforgotallfear,Idaredtogouptoit.Ihadnevercomesoclosetoawildanimal.Therewasnobodyelsearound,onlymeandthefox."Hey,fox!"Itriedtogreetit,thoughmyvoicewassoweakitfeltlikeIwassayinghellotomyself.Itdidn'thearme.ItstayedthereandIwatchedit.Myheartwasbeatingflatout.Itwassocute.Foramoment,IthoughtImightbeabletotouchit.mainideaMyfirstencounterwiththefoxintheforestThroughoutthedayatschool,Icouldonlythinkofthefoxatthebigbeech(山毛櫸)tree.Atmyreturntotheplacewherewemet,IwassureI'dfinditthere.AndIdid.ThistimeIgatheredalittlebitmorecourageandcalledouttoit,"Fox!"Ofcourseitescaped.butthatonlymademelongtomeetitagain.IdecidedthatifIcouldfinditskennel(洞)andcatchit,Iwouldtryandtame(馴服)it,makingitmyfriend.mainideaTheinteractbetweenmeandthefoxMydreamoftamingandmakingfriendswiththefoxThus,Ispentmostofmyfreetimeintheforeststryingtofindthefoxduringthefollowingmonths.ButIneversawitagainbeforewintercame.Duringthewinter,Ifolloweditsfootprintsfaracrossthefields.SuddenlyIwasalarmedbythehowlingofwolvesnearme.Iranawayfrightened,stumbledandhurtmyankle.Ithealedveryslowly,sothatIhadtostayathomeduringthewinter,readingabookaboutanimalsoftheforestandfoxes.mainideaIdidn’tseethefoxallthewinterasmyanklewasinjuredintheforest.Whenspringarrived,Iwasfreeagain.Ilookedforfoxkennelsandwaitedformyfox.Tomyamazement,ithadgotyoungonesbutkeptmovingbecauseofmyobservations;thereforeIdecidedtoobservethefoxfromalongerdistance.mainideaThefoxbecameamotherofyoungfoxes.Butshehidfromme.Iobservedherinthedistance.
Mystorystartedoneautumnmorning,atthebendonapath.(回扣:始于秋天的一個(gè)早晨,終于秋天的另一個(gè)早晨。)FascinatedtothepointthatIforgotallfear,Idaredtogouptoit.Ihadnevercomesoclosetoawildanimal.
Readforcluesandechoescluesechoes1.Oneautumnmorning,thefoxeventuallyfollowedmetomyhome.2.Thewildfoxwhichfascinatedmesomucheventuallybecameclosetome.
IdecidedthatifIcouldfinditskennel(洞)andcatchit,Iwouldtryandtame(馴服)it,makingitmyfriend.(結(jié)合P2…,itfled.推知最終狐貍沒有被馴化,狐歸森林。).
Readforcluesandechoescluesechoes3.DespitethecomfortablenewkennelthatIpreparedforherinouryard,she
madeafinaldecisiontoreturntotheforestwhereshebelonged.
Whenspring
arrived,Iwasfreeagain.Ilookedforfoxkennelsandwaitedformyfox.Tomyamazement,ithadgotyoungonesbutkeptmovingbecauseofmyobservations;thereforeIdecidedtoobservethefoxfromalongerdistance.(我與狐貍開始有近距離接觸的時(shí)間是春天。思考:春天可以描寫森林里的什么景象呢?可以渲染美麗的春天的森林里,我和狐貍一家其樂融融呀?。?/p>
Readforcluesandechoescluesechoes4.Noweverythingcamebacktolifeintheforest.Birdswerebusingsingingtheirnewly-composedsongsandcutesquirrelsranupanddownasifsayinghellotome.Awidevarietyofwildflowerswerebloomingnearthefox’skennel.Eventheairwassweetandfulloffragrance.
whowhereWhenThecauseTheprocessTheresultI,fox,herlittlekidsIntheforest,athomeSpring
orautumnIencounteredafox.Idevelopedaclosebondwiththefoxfamilyandtookithome.Thefoxfled.Guess:Why?
SixelementsSixdetailedelementsofthetext定四句1.結(jié)合原文本最后一段定首段第一句2.結(jié)合第二段首句定首段尾句3.結(jié)合第二段首句定第二段第一句4.結(jié)合故事結(jié)局或立意主旨定第二段尾句Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.Whenspring
arrived,Iwasfreeagain.Ilookedforfoxkennelsandwaitedformyfox.Tomyamazement,ithadgotyoungonesbutkeptmovingbecauseofmyobservations;thereforeIdecidedtoobservethefoxfromalongerdistance.根據(jù)原文的故事情節(jié),結(jié)合第二段首句前半句Itookithome,可知第一段是重在構(gòu)建如何獲得狐貍的信賴,最后帶狐貍回家。寫動(dòng)物比較難寫,可以考慮童話故事中對(duì)動(dòng)物的處理方式:把動(dòng)物當(dāng)人看,擬人化的敘事口吻會(huì)降低寫作難度。首段情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.Whenspring
arrived,Iwasfreeagain.Ilookedforfoxkennelsandwaitedformyfox.Tomyamazement,ithadgotyoungonesbutkeptmovingbecauseofmyobservations;thereforeIdecidedtoobservethefoxfromalongerdistance.可以追問一下為什么狐貍要逃跑呀?表現(xiàn)一下我的情感,假定帶狐貍回家的季節(jié)輾轉(zhuǎn)來到了秋季,則可以描述一下秋天的森林,美麗的森林是狐貍永遠(yuǎn)的家,最終小作者我明白了,狐貍屬于大自然屬于森林。我們保護(hù)森林,拯救地球,呵護(hù)他們的家園。這才是朋友我、我們應(yīng)該做的。狐貍逃離而去,未曾鄭重告別。夢(mèng)境中實(shí)現(xiàn)告別及祝福。二段情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)WheneverIvisitedherfamily,Iwouldtooksomefoodlikemilkandmeatandputitbesideherkennel,signaling
herthathercubscouldfeast.
Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.I;狐貍已經(jīng)有小狐貍了。
結(jié)合年齡特點(diǎn),我小孩子心性體現(xiàn)一下,帶零食去和小狐貍們示好。
Whenspring
arrived,Iwasfreeagain.Ilookedforfoxkennelsandwaitedformyfox.Tomyamazement,ithadgotyoungonesbutkeptmovingbecauseofmyobservations;thereforeIdecidedtoobservethefoxfromalongerdistance.Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.2:首段尾句/句群:.結(jié)合第二段前半句,我把狐貍帶回家。
Myworkeventuallypaidoff.NotonlycouldIplaygameswiththecubsonthegreengrasslandbutalsoshesometimessniffedmyhandsasiftosay,“Hi,wearefriendsnow.”Astimetickedby/Timetickingby,thebondbetweenmeandthefoxfamilybecamemoreandmoreintimate.Thenoneautumnafternoon,Itookherhome,alongwithheryoungones.Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.3二段首句/句群:結(jié)合主語I+
it進(jìn)行首句創(chuàng)作:雖然我為狐貍提供了避風(fēng)港,但狐貍野性難馴。
Despitemytirelesseffortstoprovideasafehaven,whichIthoughtwasmuchmorecomfortablethanherkennelintheforest,thewildspiritofthefoxcouldn’tbecontained.Seeingtheemptynew“house”,Icalledout“fox”onlytohearmycallsechoinginthesilentwoods.Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.4:
二段尾句/句群:結(jié)合主語I+狐貍
進(jìn)行結(jié)尾句創(chuàng)作WhatIcoulddoforherwastodomybesttoprotecttheforestforher.Afterall,theforestwasherdreamhome.Inmydream,IdreamedofherroamingwithherkidsinthedenseforestandenjoyingthefreedomthatIcouldn’toffer.習(xí)作句式及邏輯拆解主語切換方便行文1Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.(When從句,二連動(dòng),doingsth:我怎么去親近狐貍,帶吃的)WheneverIvisitedherfamily,Iwouldtooksomefoodlikemilkandmeatandputitbesideherkennel,signaling
herthatsheandhercubscouldfeast.
(并列句:環(huán)境描寫+結(jié)果:為何帶吃的東西,養(yǎng)娃艱辛哇?。?/p>
Itwasearlyspringsoitwastoughforhertosupportheryoungkidsonherown.(并列句:渲染春天的森林)Spring
wasawonderfulseasonandtheforestwasvigorous.
(無靈主語句:渲染春天的森林鮮花處處。)
Colorfulandfragrantflowerswerebloomingeverywhere.
6.(獨(dú)立主格,主句:歡樂的森林景象)Birds
chirpingcheerfully,squirrelsrunningupanddownthetrees,thelittlefoxeswereplayinghappilywitheachotheraroundtheirkennel.(時(shí)間狀語從句,主句:春去秋來,狐貍一家依戀我。)Asspringwentandautumncame,thefoxfamilybecameattachedtome.(倒裝句:具體表現(xiàn)如何依戀我,親近我)NosoonerhadIapproachedtheirkennelthantheyoungonespokedtheirlittlefurryheadsoutasiftogreetme.(感嘆句:被狐貍信賴的感覺真好,帶狐貍回家嘍?。¦hatafabulousfeeling!Icouldn’twaittotakeithome,alongwithherkids.習(xí)作句式及邏輯拆解主語切換方便行文Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.(Done短語,sbdidsth:我好難過)Overwhelmedbyanenormoussenseofsadness,Icouldn’thelpburstintotears.(Doingsth,sbdidsth:我看著空蕩蕩的狐貍新窩,大叫狐貍,只聽到回聲激蕩。)Seeingtheemptynewkennelinouryard,Icalledout“fox”onlytohearmycallsechoinginthesilentwoods.(with結(jié)構(gòu),sbdidsth:我心情沉重,終于明白一切馴化狐貍的努力終成泡影。)
Withaheavyheart,Icametounderstandthatmyattemptstotameherasmypet/myfriendwerefutile.習(xí)作句式及邏輯拆解主語切換方便行文4.(What主從wastodo…:我能為狐貍做的事情是保護(hù)好森林.)
WhatIneverexpectedwasthatmyhomewasnotattractivetoher.5.
(Doingsth,sbdidsth)小孩子哭,媽媽安慰)Hearingmycries,momwrappedmeinherwarmembraceandconsoledmesoftly,“Shebelongedtotheforest.”6.(Since時(shí)間狀語從句,主句:狐貍再也沒有見到過了。)Sinceshedisappearedfrommyteenagelife,Ihavenevermetheragain.7.(But轉(zhuǎn)折:訴說對(duì)狐貍美好的希望。)
Thatnight,Ihadadream,whereshewasroamingwithherkidsinthedenseforestandenjoyingthefreedomthatIcouldn’toffer.8.(二連動(dòng)+時(shí)間狀語從句:夢(mèng)里說再見,互相祝福。)AndinthedreamI
saidgoodbyeandwishedthebesttoher.習(xí)作句式及邏輯拆解主語切換方便行文習(xí)作欣賞注意敘事主語的切換1Para1:Finally,itwouldletmegetclose.WheneverIvisitedherfamily,Iwouldtooksomefoodlikemilkandmeatandputitbesideherkennel,signalingherthathercubscouldfeast.Itwasearlyspringanditwastoughforhertosupportheryoungkidsonherown.Springwasawonderfulseasonandtheforestwasvigorous.Variousflowerswerebloomingeverywhere.
Birds
chirpingcheerfully,squirrelsrunningupanddownthetrees,thelittlefoxeswereplayinghappilywitheachotheraroundtheirkennelAsspringwentandautumncame,thefoxfamilybecameattachedtome.NosoonerhadIapproachedtheirkennelthantheyoungonespokedtheirlittlefurryheadsoutasiftogreetme.Whatafabulousfeeling!Icouldn’twaittotakeithome,alongwithherkids.Para2:Tomysurprise,thedayafterItookithome,itfled.Overwhelmedbyanenormoussenseofsadness,Icouldn’thelpburstintotears.Seeingtheemptynewkennelinouryard,,Icalledout“fox”onlytohearmycallsechoinginthesilentwoods.
Withaheavyheart,Icametounderstandthatmyattemptstotameherasmypetwerefutile.)
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