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那少女披著一襲輕紗般的白衣,猶似身在煙中霧里,看來約莫十六七歲年紀,除了一頭黑發(fā)之外,全身雪白,面容秀美絕俗,只是肌膚間少了一層血色,顯得蒼白異常。楊過抬起頭來,與她目光相對,只覺這少女清麗秀雅,莫可逼視,神色間卻是冰冷淡漠,當真是潔若冰雪,也是冷若冰雪,實不知她是喜是怒,是愁是樂。aloof冷漠的;離群的unemotional不動感情的
ethereal縹緲的;飄逸的;
Criteria第五檔:(21-25分)在內(nèi)容上,續(xù)寫故事首先要“與所給短文融洽度高,與所提供各段落開頭語銜接合理”,續(xù)寫的每一段要與所給原文融洽,同時續(xù)寫的每一段要緊貼所給首句的線索來寫。dancewithshackles讀
后
續(xù)
寫
微
探----捕捉和照應(yīng)續(xù)寫點
可續(xù)寫點(continuationpoints):
一篇完整的文章中,作者通常會圍繞(revolvearound)某個主題來寫,在篇首,篇中或篇末設(shè)置伏筆(ahintforeshadowinglaterdevelopmentsinastory),這些統(tǒng)稱為可續(xù)寫點。捕捉和照應(yīng)續(xù)寫點
品讀首段提煉原文主題關(guān)注特定情節(jié)留意細節(jié)描寫關(guān)注高頻詞留意原文結(jié)尾解讀續(xù)寫所給首句閱讀下面短文,根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫,使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。
OneweekendinJuly,
Jane
andherhusband,
Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,"I'mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp"and
walked
away.
Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehad
climbed
toahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountaintop.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost."Tom!"shecried."Help!"
Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.
Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwatertrickling(滴落)somewhereatadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundtoa
stream.
Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandateafewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstrongernow,Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothelake.
Asshepickedherwaycarefullyalongthestream,Janehearda
helicopter.Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletoseeherfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Janetookoffher
yellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.
Paragraph1:
Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.__________________________________________________Paragraph2:ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.______________________________________________________________________1、仔細品讀原文首段:故事背景OneweekendinJuly,
Jane
andherhusband,
Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,"I'mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp"and
walked
away.背景續(xù)寫點:_________________________________________________________背景照應(yīng)方式:_____________________________________________________________JulyJane,Tombyalakeintheforest第一段可寫天黑后Jane的感受。AlthoughitwasalreadyJuly,Janestillfeltverycoldintheforest,feelingextremelyregretfulforleavingTom.Thegurgleofstreamaddedhercoldnessandloneliness.WhenWhoWhere2、仔細品讀原文,提煉原文主題,續(xù)寫時你會如何照應(yīng)原文主題。原文主題:
_____________________________________________________照應(yīng)主題方式:___________________________________________________________OneweekendinJuly,JaneandherhusbandTom,hadanunpleasantbutunforgettablejourney.Fortunately,Janewaseventuallyrescuedandsheandherhusbandcontinuedtheirexcitingandunforgettablejourney.3、仔細品讀原文,關(guān)注特定情節(jié):對續(xù)寫有推動或暗示作用的情節(jié)。特定情節(jié)續(xù)寫點:
____________________________________________________________照應(yīng)方式:____________________________________________________________Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.第1段天黑后Jane獨自一人感到后悔想念他們的感受。AgainJanelayawakeonlyinthedark,missingTomandherfamilydesperatelyandwantingtobethemimmediately.4、仔細品讀原文,留意細節(jié)描寫:語言描寫、動作描寫、神態(tài)描寫、外貌描寫、環(huán)境描寫、情感變化描寫
細節(jié)描寫可續(xù)寫點
照應(yīng)方式
動作語言心理語言動作心理I’mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp.Theystartedtoquarrel.Janewassoangry.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Thebestspottocampistheplacewhereyouare.HowshewishedshehadneverquarreledwithTom!HerangerandtirednessweresweptawaytheinstantshesawTom.Or
HerangerandtirednesswereovertakenbytheloveshefeltforTom.5、仔細品讀原文,關(guān)注高頻詞:原文中反復(fù)出現(xiàn)或重點描寫的特定物品。高頻詞可續(xù)寫點:____________________________________________________________照應(yīng)方式:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________helicopter,yellowblouse續(xù)寫第二段可寫Janewavedheryellowblouseonhearingthehelicopter.Tomspottedheryellowblousefromthehelicopter.6.仔細品讀原文,留意原文結(jié)尾,捕捉可續(xù)寫點,續(xù)寫時你會如何照應(yīng)續(xù)寫點。原文結(jié)尾續(xù)寫點:____________________________________________________________照應(yīng)方式:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.Janegatheredherstrengthtowalktoanopenarea,wavingheryellowblouse.Tohergreatjoy,thehelicopterdidn’tflyawaythistime.7.仔細品讀原文,留意所給首句:第二段的開頭隱藏著第一段結(jié)尾所包含的信息。所給首句續(xù)寫____________________________________________________________照應(yīng)方式:____________________________________________________________Paragraph1:Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Paragraph2:
ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.第二段續(xù)寫可寫ShewassafewithTom.Toherrelief,sheneedn’tstayintheforestforanothernight.捕捉和照應(yīng)續(xù)寫點
品讀首段提煉原文主題關(guān)注特定情節(jié)留意細節(jié)描寫關(guān)注高頻詞留意原文結(jié)尾解讀續(xù)寫所給首句契訶夫之槍
Chekhov'sGun)Writingtip:Findoutthegunsandfirethem.Respondtothedetailsmentionedinthegivenmaterials.Possibleversions:Paragraph1:Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.ItwasevenharderforJanetofindthelake.Shestoppedandrestedagainstatreebythestream.“l(fā)shouldn'thavequarreledwithTomaboutthetinythings."sheregretted,"lflhadn’twalkedawayangrily,Iwouldn’thavegotlost."AgainJanelayawakeinthedark,missingTomandherfamily.HerangerwasovertakenbytheloveshefeltforTom.Sheknewhewasconcernedabouthersafetyandwassearchingforher.Gradually,shecalmeddownandfellasleep.Paragraph2:ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Shebecameenergeticafteranight'ssleep.Aftereatingsomeberries,shemovedontofindthelake.Walkingalongthestream,JanewaswavingheryellowblouseandprayingthatTomwouldfindhersoon.Herprayerwasreallyheard!Tomspottedheryellowblouseinthehelicopter.Tomdashedtohugherassoonasthehelicopterlanded.Theyapologizedtoeachother,forgaveeachotherwithtearsintheireyesandwenthomehappily,planningnextcampintheforestagain.Possibleversions:Paragraph1:
Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Jane
hadtostayaloneintheforestforanothercoldnig
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