5分鐘英文幽默故事

1、5分鐘英文幽默故事為你收集了一些5分鐘英文幽默故事，一起來看看吧。5分鐘英文幽默故事精選1) Midway TacticsThree competingstore ownersrented adjoining shopsin a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to en sue.The retailer on the right put up huge sig ns say ing,Giga ntic Sale! and Super Barga ins!The store on the left raised bigger sig ns proclai m

2、ing,Prices Slashed! and Fan tastic Disco un ts!The owner in the middle the n prepared a large sig n thatsimply stated, ENTRANCE.中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)三個(gè)互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：大減價(jià)！特便宜！ 左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：大砍價(jià)！大折扣！ 中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：入口2) Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a l

3、ot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joa n Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, Im going abroad tomorrow, but Id be very happy if we could write to each ot

4、her. Joa n agreed, and they wrote for several mon ths.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from ano ther officer, telli ng her that he had bee n woun ded and was in a certa in army hospital in En gla nd.Joan went there and said to the matron, Ive come to visit Captai n Humphreys.Only relat

5、ives are allowed to visit patients here, the matro n said.Oh, thats all right, an swered Joa n. Im his sister.Im very pleased to meet you, the matron said, Im his mother!在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊 . 飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士， 包括軍官和士兵。天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。 他對她說，我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。瓊同意了，于是 他們幾

6、個(gè)月里一直通著信。后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他 受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護(hù)士長說，我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。這里只有親屬可以探望病人。護(hù)士長說。噢，是的，瓊說，我是他的妹妹。很高興認(rèn)識你，護(hù)士長說，我是他的母親。3) Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first ones name was George, and the sec ond ones n ame was Bill. George said, have you got a piece of paper and an env elop

7、e, Bill?Bill said, Yes, I have, and he gave them to him.Then George said, Now I have nt got a pen. Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the env elope and said, have you got a stamp, Bill? Bill gave him one.The n Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, Ar

8、e you going out?Bill Said, Yes, I am, and he ope ned the door.George said, Please put my letter in the box in the office,an d. He stopped.What do you want now? Bill said to him.George looked at the envelopeof his letter andan swered, Whats your girl-frie nds address?軍營里有二名士兵，一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問：比爾, 你有信紙

9、、信封嗎？比爾說：有。然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。喬治又說：我還沒有筆呢。比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開 始寫信。寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：比爾，你有郵票嗎？比爾給了他一張。這時(shí)比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：你要出去嗎？比爾說：是的。隨即打開了門。喬治說：請幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有他停住了。你還要什么？比爾問。喬治看著信封說：你女朋友的地址是-?4) Five Mon ths OlderThe Second World War had beg un, and Joh n wan ted tojoin the army, but he was only 16 years old,

10、and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So whe n the army doctor exam ined him, he said that he was 18.But Johns brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boys family n ame, so whe n hesaw Joh ns papers,

11、 he was surprised.How old are you? he said.Eightee n, sir, said Joh n.But your brother was eightee n, too, said the doctor. Areyou twins?Oh, no, sir, said Joh n, and his face went red. My brotheris five mon ths older tha n I am.大五個(gè)月第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④?，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說他已經(jīng) 十八歲了。可約翰的哥

12、哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到 非常驚奇。你多大了？軍醫(yī)問。十八，長官。約翰說?？赡愕母绺缫彩鞘藲q，你們是雙胞胎嗎？約翰臉紅了，說：哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。經(jīng)典5分鐘英文幽默故事1. West Poi ntMy father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game betwee n Army and Bost on College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets i

13、n neatly pressed uni forms. Several visti ng fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, to show our son what to expect if he should atte nd West Point.One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They expla in ed, We want to s

14、how our son what he missed by not coming to West Poi nt.父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間 的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的 學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來學(xué)習(xí)會得到什么。一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個(gè) 姿勢照相。他們解釋說：我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點(diǎn)軍校錯過了什 么。2. Prese nt for Girlfrie ndAt a jewelry store, a young man bought an expe

15、nsive locket as a prese nt for his girlfrie nd. Shall I en grave her n ame on it? the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said,No-e ngrave it To my one and only love. That way, if we everbreak up, I can use it aga in.送給女友的禮物在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個(gè)貴重的小金盒作為送給 女友的禮物。要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎？珠寶商問道。那

16、名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：不-在上面刻給我唯一的愛。 這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。3. Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrat ing their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebrationa fairy appeared and said thatbecause they had bee n such a loving couple for all 25 year

17、s, she would give them one wish each.The wife wan ted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husba nds tur n. He paused for a mome nt,then said shyly, Well, Id like to have a woma n 30 years youn ger tha n me.The fairy picked

18、up her wand, and Boom! He was nin ety.慎重許愿一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個(gè)人一個(gè)愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。呯！的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn) 了一張票。接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，那我想要一位 比我年輕30歲的女人。仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。呯！，他變成了 90歲。4. Wood FireOne woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male ani m

19、al. Husba nds are like wood fires; they go out if left un atte ned.Does that mean, asked the other, that they make ashes of themselves?森林之火一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。那是不是意味著，另一個(gè)問道，他們將自己燒成灰燼？5. Best RewardA n aval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer

20、asked how he could reward him.The best way, sir, said the deck han d, is to say no thi ng about it. If the other fellows knew Id pulled you out, theyd chuck me in.最好的獎賞一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。最好的辦法，長官，這名水手說，是別聲張這事。如果其他人 知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。6. Napoleon Was IIIJack had gone to the uni vers

21、ity to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his exam in ati ons, and he was told that he would have to leave the uni versity. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the follow ing

22、year.Hes a good boy, said Jacks father, and if you let him pass this time, Im sure hell improve a lot next year and pass the exam in ati ons at the end of it really well.No, no, thats quite impossible, replied the professor immediately. Do you know, last month I asked him when Napole on had died, he

23、 did nt know!Please, sir, give him another chanee, said Jacks father. You see, Im afraid we dont take any n ewspaper in our house, so none of us eve n know that Napole on was ill.拿破侖病了杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學(xué)校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求 讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。他是個(gè)好孩子，杰克的父親說：您要是讓他這次及格，我相信 他明年會有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定

24、會考好的。不，不，那不可能，教授馬上回答。你知道嗎？上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。先生，請?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會吧。杰克的父親說：你不知道，恐怕 是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。5分鐘英文幽默故事精品1) He Was Only Wrong by TwoJack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they were nt always smart eno ught to be accept

25、ed by the college.One day the coach brought an excelle nt young player to the dea n of the college and asked that the stude nt be allowed to en ter without an exam in ati on. Well, the dea n said after some persuasi on, Id better ask him a few questi ons first.Then he tur ned to the stude nt and ask

26、ed him some very easy questi ons,but the stude nt did ntknow any of the an swers.At last the dea n said, Well, whats five times seve n?The stude nt thought for a long time and the n an swered, Thirty-six.The dea n threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earn estly,

27、Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two.他的得數(shù)只比正確答案多二杰克霍金斯是美國一所學(xué)院的橄欖球隊(duì)教練，他竭力想物色好 球員。但是好球員學(xué)業(yè)不行，院方不愿錄取。有一天，教練帶著一位優(yōu)秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學(xué)。經(jīng)過一番勸說后院長說：那我最好先問問他幾個(gè)問題。然后他轉(zhuǎn)向?qū)W生，問了幾個(gè)非常簡單的問題。可是那個(gè)學(xué)生一 個(gè)也答不上來。最后院長說：那么，五乘七得多少？學(xué)生想了很久，然后回答說：三十六。院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練?？墒墙叹氄J(rèn)真地說，噢，錄 取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。2) Real PlayW

28、hen I taught the introduction-to-theatercourse atNorth Dakota State University, I required my students to atte nd the uni versity theaters curre nt producti on and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performanee, one stude nt wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actuallysitti

29、 ng on my couch at home, watchi ng it on televisio n.逼真的戲劇我在北達(dá)科他州立大學(xué)教戲劇入門課時(shí)，要求學(xué)生們?nèi)タ磳W(xué)校 劇團(tuán)當(dāng)時(shí)的演出，并寫一篇評論?？戳艘粓鰳O為精彩的演出后，一名 學(xué)生寫道：這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認(rèn)為我自己是坐在家里的 沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到的。3) A Fi ne MatchOne day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitche nfloor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got

30、into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.The lady went home with her mousetrap, but whe n shelooked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop

31、, because it was verylate, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisi ngly,the picture of the cheese was quitesuccessful! Whe n the lady came dow n to the kitche n the n ext morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the chee

32、se!勢均力敵有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她 買了一只老鼠夾。店主告訴她：放點(diǎn)奶酪在里面，很快你就會逮住那 只老鼠的。這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她 不想再回到商店里去，因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)很晚了。于是，她就從一份雜志中剪 下一幅奶酪的圖片放進(jìn)了夾子。令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了 ！第二天早上， 這位女士下樓到廚房時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖 片！4) Garde ning GlovesFor mon ths I hin ted that I n eeded a new w

33、eddi ng ring,since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, Well, youll notice that my hands are bare.Later that eve ning I ope ned my prese nt with en thusiasm.Happy birthday, he said, as I unwrappeda new pair ofgarde ning gloves.園藝手套幾個(gè)月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結(jié)婚戒指， 因?yàn)槲覍S金有點(diǎn)過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時(shí)，丈夫問我想 要什么禮物。我舉起雙手說：嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。