Unit10ProfitsofPraise

1、Uni t10 Profits of PraiseAre we too quick to blame and slow to praise? It seems we are.It was the end of my exhaust ing first day as waitress in a busy New York restaura nt. My cap had gone awry, my apron was stained, my feet ached. The loaded trays I carried felt heavier and heavier. Weary and disc

2、ouraged, I did nt seem able to do anything right. As I made out a complicated check for a family with several childre n who had cha nged their ice-cream order a dozen times, I was ready to quit.Then the father smiled at me as he han ded me my tip. Well don e, he said. Youve looked after us really we

3、ll.Suddenly my tiredness vanished. I smiled back, and later, when the manager asked me how rd liked my first day, I said, Fin e! Those few words of praise had cha nged everyth ing.Praise is like sun light to the huma n spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only

4、too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellows the warm sunshine of praise.Why - whe n one word can bring such pleasure? A frie nd of mi ne who travels widely always tries to learn a little of the language of any place she visits. Shes not much

5、of a linguist, but she does know how to say one word - beautiful - in several languages. She can use it to a mother holding her baby, or to Ionely salesman fishing out pictures of his family. The ability has earnedJ I I Iher frie nds all over the world.Its stra nge how chary we are about prais ing.

6、Perhaps its because few of us know how to accept complime nts gracefully .In stead, we are embarrassed and shrug off the words we are really so glad to hear. Because of this defe nsive react ion, direct complime nts are surpris in gly 弋 ) lldifficult to give. That is why some of the most valued pats

7、 on the back are those which come to us in direct ly, in a letter or passed on by a frie nd. When one thi nks of the speed with which spiteful remarks are con veyed, it seems a pity that there isnt more effort to relay pleas ing and flatteri ng comme nts.Its especially reward ing to give praise in a

8、reas in which effort gen erally goes unno ticed or unmen ti on ed. An artist gets complime nted for a glorious picture, a cook for a perfect meal. But do you ever tell you laundry man ager how pleased you are whe n the shirts are done just right? Do you ever praise your paper boy for getting the pap

9、er to you on time 365 days a year?Praise is particularly appreciated by those doing routi ne jobs: gas-stati on atte ndan ts, waitresses - even housewives. Do you ever go into a house and say, What a tidy room? Hardly an ybody does. Thats why housework is con sidered such a dreary grind. Comme nt is

10、 ofte n made about activities which are relatively easy and satisfy in g, like arranging flowers; but not about jobs which are hard and dirty, like scrubb ing floors. Shakespeare said, Our praises are our wages. Since so ofte n praise is the only wage a housewife receives, surely she of all people s

11、hould get her measure.Mothers know in sti nctively that for childre n an ounce of praise is worth a pound of scoldi ng. Still, were not always as perceptive as we might be about appl ying the rule. One day I was criticiz ing my childre n for squabbli ng. Ca n you n ever play peacefully? I shouted. S

12、usa nna looked at me quizzically. Of course we can, she said. But you dont no tice us whe n we do.Teachers agree about the value of praise. One teacher writes that in stead of drow ning students compositions in critical red ink, the teacher will get far more constructive results by finding one or tw

13、o things which have been done better than last time, and commenting favorably on them. I believe that a stude nt knows whe n he has han ded in somethi ng above his usual standard, writes the teacher, and that he waits hungrily for a brief comment in the margin to show him that the teacher is aware o

14、f it, too.Behavioral scie ntists have done coun tless experime nts to prove that any huma n being tends to repeat an act which has bee n immediately followed by a pleasa nt result. In one such experime nt, a nu mber of schoolchildre n were divided into three groups and give n arithmetic tests daily

15、for five days. One group was con siste ntly praised for its previous performa nee; ano ther group was criticized; the third was igno red.Not surpris in gly, those who were praised improved dramatically. Those who were criticizedI1 L L i I improved also, bus not so much. And the scores of the childre

16、 n who were ignored hardly improved at all. Interestingly the brightest children were helped just as much by criticism as by praise, but the less able children reacted badly to criticism, needed praise the most. Yet the latter are the very youn gsters who, in most schools, fail to get the pat on the

17、 back.To give praise costs the giver no thi ng but a mome nts thought and a mome nts effort - perhaps a quick phone call to pass on a complime nt, or five minu tes spe nt writ ing anl Il i 、/ 匚appreciative letter. It is such a small investment - and yet consider the results it may produce. I can liv

18、e for two mon ths on a good complime nt, said Mark Twain.So, lets be alert to the small excellences around us - and comment on them. We will not only bring joy into other peoples lives, but also, very ofte n, added happ in ess into out own.我們是不是指責別人太快而表揚別人太慢呢？看來是的。贊揚的好處珍妮特？格雷厄姆我在紐約一家生意繁忙的餐館做女侍的第一天，令

19、人精疲力竭的第一天，就要結(jié)束了。我的帽子歪了，圍裙上污跡斑斑，兩腳疼痛。我感到手中盛著食物的托盤越來越重。我又疲倦又沮喪，仿 佛什么事情都沒法干好。當我為有好幾個孩子的一家人開好一份復雜的賬單時一一因為這些孩子在 要冰淇淋時換來換去有十幾次之多一一我便準備辭職不干了。這時候，那位做父親的一邊把小費交給我，一邊對我微微一笑，干得很好，”他說。你對我們照顧得真是太好了。 ”聽了這話，我的倦意頓時消失了。我對他也報以微笑。后來，經(jīng)理問我對第一天感覺怎樣時， 我說：好極了！ ”那兩句贊揚的話改變了一切。對于人的精神來說，贊揚就像陽光一樣；沒有它我們便不能開花生長。然而我們大多數(shù)人動不 動就對別人刮起批

20、評的寒風，不知為什么卻不愿意把表揚的溫暖陽光給予我們的同伴。只要一句話就能帶來這樣的歡樂，我們?yōu)槭裁磪s不愿意這樣做呢？我有一個到處旅行的朋友總 是努力學一點她要去訪問的國家的語言。她并不是什么了不起的語言學家，但她的確知道怎樣用幾 種語言說一個詞一一美極了”她可以對一個懷抱嬰兒的母親或者對一個從身上掏出全家照的寂寞 的推銷員用上這個詞。這種能力為她在全世界贏得了朋友。奇怪的是我們對贊揚何其慎重。這也許是因為我們很少有人知道怎樣大大方方地接受贊揚。相反，我們往往會不知所措，對于我們實際上非常樂意聽到的話卻聳聳肩膀不屑理睬。由于這種防御性的反應，給人以直接的贊揚就變得極為困難了。 一些最寶貴的贊許

21、鼓勵之詞往往是在信中或通過 朋友間接地傳達給我們，原因就在于此。當我們想到那些充滿惡意的言詞傳播的速度之快，我們就會感到，人們沒有做出更多的努力來傳遞令人愉快、使人高興的評語似乎是太遺憾了。對于通常不為人們注意或提及的努力加以贊揚是特別有益的。藝術(shù)家因畫出一幅絢麗多彩的畫 而受到贊美，廚師因燒出一頓美餐而受到稱贊。但是當你的襯衫被洗得干干凈凈，燙得平平整整時， 你可曾告訴過洗衣店的經(jīng)理你是多么高興嗎？你可曾因為你的報童每年 365天都按時送報上門而I r 十、夸獎過他嗎？那些從事例行工作的人們特別懂得贊揚的意義，如汽車加油站的服務員、女侍者一一甚至家庭主婦。當你走進一家住房時，你可曾說過：多么整潔的房間啊！ ”幾乎沒有人這么說過。家庭勞動之所以被認為是沉悶乏味的苦差使，原因就在于此。人們經(jīng)常對一些比較容易而又令人滿意的活動， 如插花，加以評論；但對像擦地板這樣又苦又臟的工作卻不予置評。莎士比亞說過：對我們的稱贊就是給予我們的報酬?！奔热辉诤芏嗲闆r下，稱贊是家庭主婦得到的唯一報酬，因此在所有的人 中，她理應得到自己的一份贊揚。母親們本能地知道，對孩子們來說，一句贊揚抵得上十句責罵。然而對于運用這一規(guī)律，我們的感覺并非一直都很敏銳。有一天，我因為孩子們在爭吵而批評他們：你們就永遠不能安