ted演講之twentysomething20歲的事

v1.0 可編輯可修改Twentysomethings----MegJayWhenIwasinmy20s,Isawmyveryfirstpsychotherapyclient.IwasainclinicalpsychologyatBerkeley.Shewasa26-year-old-womannamedAlex.NowAlexwalkedintoherfirstsessionwearingjeansandabigslouchytop,andshedroppedontothecouchinmyofficeandkickedoffherflatsandtoldmeshewastheretotalkaboutguyproblems.NowwhenIheardthis,Iwassorelieved.Myclassmategotanarsonistforherfirstclient.AndIgotatwentysomethingwhowantedtotalkaboutboys.ThisIthoughtIcouldhandle.ButIdidn’thandleit.WiththefunnystoriesthatAlexwouldbringtosession,itwaseasyformejusttonodmyheadwhilewekickedthecandowntheroad.“Thirty’sthenew20,”Alexwouldsay,andasfarasIcouldtell,shewasright.Workhappenedlater,marriagehappenedlater,kidshappenedlater,evendeathhappenedlater.TwentysomethingslikeAlexandIhadnothingbuttime.Butbeforelong,mysupervisorpushedmetopushAlexaboutherlovelife.Ipushedback.Isaid,“Sure,1v1.0 可編輯可修改she’sdatingdown,she’ssleepingwithaknucklehead,butit’snotlikeshe’sgoingtomarrytheguy.”Andthenmysupervisorsaid,“Notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.”Besides,thebesttimetoworkonAlex’smarriageisbeforeshehasone.”That’swhatpsychologistscallan“Aha!”moment.ThatwasthemomentIrealized,30isnotthenew20.Yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidn’tmakeAlex’s20sadevelopmentaldowntime.ThatmadeAlex’s20sadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.ThatwaswhenIrealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforAlexandherlovelifebutforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere.Thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheUnitedStatesrightnow.we’retalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoone’sgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheir20sfirst.Raiseyourhandifyou’reinyour20s.Ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethinghere.Oh,yay!Y’all’sawesome.Ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youlove2v1.0 可編輯可修改atwentysomething,you’relosingsleepovertwentysomethings,Iwanttosee-Okay.Awesome,twentysomethingsreallymatter.SoIspecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseIbelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologistsneurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:thatclaimingyour20sisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformative,thingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenfortheworld.Thisisnotmyopinion.Thesearethefacts.Weknowthat80percentoflife’smostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.Thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesand“Aha!”momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-30s.peoplewhoareover40,don’tpanic.Thiscrowdisgoingtobefine,Ithink.Weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyou’regoingtoearn.WeknowthatmorethanhalfofAmericansaremarriesorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.Weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyour20sasitrewires3v1.0 可編輯可修改itselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.Weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyour20sthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.Soyour20sarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions.Sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.It’satimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.Butwhatwehearlessaboutisthatthere’ssuchathingasadultdevelopment,andour20sarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment.Butthisisn’twhattwentysomethingsarehearing.Newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.Researcherscallthe20sanextendedadolescence.Journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingslike“twixters”and“kidults”.It’strue.Asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.LeonardBernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.4v1.0 可編輯可修改Isn’tthattrueSowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,“Youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife”Nothinghappens.Youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens.Andtheneveryday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:“Iknowmyboyfriend’snogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesn’tcount.I’mjustkillingtime.”O(jiān)rtheysay,“EverybodysaysaslongasIgetstartedonacareerbythetimeI’m30,I’llbefine.”Butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:“My20sarealmostover,andIhavenothingtoshowformyself.IhadabetterresumethedayafterIgraduatedfromcollege.”Andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:“Datinginmy20swaslikemusicalchairs.Everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensometimearound30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.Ididn’twanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesIthinkImarriedmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30.”WherearethetwentysomethingshereDonotdothat.Okay,5v1.0 可編輯可修改nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.Whenalothasbeenpushedtoyour30s,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojunp-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.Manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinour30s.Thepost-millennialmidlifecrisisisn’tbuyingaredsportscar.It’srealizingyoucan’thavethatcareeryounowwant.It’srealizingyoucan’thavethatchildyounowwant,oryoucan’tgiveyourchildasibling.Toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheir20s,“WhatwasIdoingWhatwasIthinking”Iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking.Here’sastoryabouthowthatcango.It’sastoryaboutawomannamedEmma.At25,Emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.ShesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkIartorentertainment,butshehadn’tdecidedyet,soshe’dspentthelastfewyearswaitingtables6v1.0 可編輯可修改instead.Becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.Andashardasher20swere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.Sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,“Youcan’tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.”Welloneday,Emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.She’djustboughtanewaddressbook,andshe’dspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshe’dbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewords“Incaseofemergency,pleasecall?.”Shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,“Who’sgoingtobethereformeifIgetinacarwreckWho’sgoingtotakecareofmeifIhavecancer”Nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingIhadnottosay,“Iwill.”ButwhatEmmaneededwasn’tsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.Emmaneededabetterlife,andIknewthiswasherchance.IhadlearnedtoomuchsinceIfirstworkedwithAlextojustsittherewhileEmma’sdefiningdecadewentparadingby.Sooverthenextweeksandmonths,ItoldEmmatherethingsthatevery7v1.0 可編輯可修改twentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear.First,ItoldEmmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.Bygetidentitycapital,Imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.Dosomethingthat’saninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.Ididn’tknowthefutureofEmma’scareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butIdoknowthis:Identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.Sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,thatstartupyouwanttotry.I’mnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butIamdiscountingexplorationthat’snotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.That’sprocrastination.ItoldEmmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount.Second,ItoldEmmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.Bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.Thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.Newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,our8v1.0 可編輯可修改friendsoffriendsoffriends.Soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.Buthalfaren’t,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.Halfofnewjobsareneverposted,soreachingouttoyourneighbor’sbossishowyougetthatun-postedjob.It’snotcheating.It’sthescienceofhowinformationspreads.Lastbutnotleast,Emmabelievedthatyoucan’tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.Nowthiswastrueforhergrowingup,butasatwentysomething,soonEmmawouldpickherfamilywhenshepartneredwithsomeoneandcreatedafamilyofherown.ItoldEmmathetimetostartpickingyourfamilyisnow.nowyoumaybethinkingthat30isactuallyabettertimetosettledownthan20,oreven25,andIagreewithyou.Butgrabbingwhoeveryou’relivingwithorsleepingwithwheneveryoneonFacebookstartswalkingdowntheaisleisnotprogress.Thebesttimetoworkonyourmarriageisbeforeyouhaveone,andthatmeansbeingasintentionalwithloveasyouarewithwork.Pickingyourfamilyisaboutconsciouslychoosingwhoandwhatyouwantratherthanjustmakingitworkorkillingtimewithwhoeverhappenstobe9v1.0 可編輯可修改choosingyou.SowhathappenedtoEmmaWell,wewentthroughthataddressbook,andshefoundanoldroommate’scousinwhoworkedatanartmuseuminanotherstate.Thatweaktiehelpedhergetajobthere.Thatjoboffergaveherthereasontol