讀者習(xí)作修改與系統(tǒng)點評

第一期免第一期免 作文修寫作原Whatathought-provokingpictureitis!Inthemiddleofthedrawingcrouchesa withacunnings,whoischangingthefakevasesintoso-called“shanzhai”productswhicharepopularamongpeoplenowadays.Apparently,theprimarypurposeofthecartoonaboveisthatdueattentionshouldbepaidtotheactionofforgery.Inthemodernsociety,thephenomenonthat“shanzhai”culturecanbefoundeveryplacehascausedwidepublicconcern.Whenaskedwhethercopiedcommoditiesshouldbepurchased,somepeopleholdpositiveattitudesandexpress“yes”becausetheythinkthesegoodshavefewdifferenceswiththeircounterpartsintermoffunctionsorappearances.Therearestillquiteafewcitizens,however,whochoosetoboycott“shanzhai”productsonthegroundthattheyarefakebrandswhichmaydoharmtothebenefitsofconsumersandthosewhohavecopyrights.Fortunay,thelatteropinionisnowbeingupheldbysensiblepeopleingrowingnumbers,whohaveproveditsreasonabilitybybuyingcommoditiesproducedfromnormalfactories.Thereisnodoubtthatanyonewhoseesonlyshort-termprofitsbutfailstoattachimportancetohonestyandconsciencewillpayahighprice.It’shightimethatwetooksomestepstoamendthisabnormalsituation.Aboveall,everyoneofusshouldn’tbuythosecopiedgoodsonourowninitiative.Byngso,theremaybenomanufacturerproducing“shanzhai”products.Remember,notransaction,noproduction!Moreover,ernmentsshouldbeencouragedtomakesomeregulationsandlegislationsconcernedtopunishthosecheaters.Onlyinthesewayscanweenjoytheconvenienceandsufficientafter-sellofnormal出山寨文化的利弊，最后一段給出了自己的見解，同時提出了建議和措施。不僅有內(nèi)容，Atfirstsecondly,inadditionmoreoverlastbutnottheleast等模版作文常見的為了連接而連接的生硬的銜接詞，而使用了很好的銜接。如第二段“whenasked…”引出一部分人的觀點，后面又用“therearestill…”提出另一部分人的看法，再用Fortunay說明現(xiàn)狀，后用Thereisnodoubt說明了作者支持的一方。文章的字數(shù)太多，這是本篇文章的軟肋?？佳杏⒄Z一作文要求在160—200因此，作者今后應(yīng)該控制字數(shù)，篩選出重要信息，去掉次要信息。其次，多熟悉一些參考分數(shù)（滿分20分 寫作原Whentheissueofduplicatingexcellentcommoditiesgainsalotofconcerns,canwestillstandtherehesitatingforwhatoccurs?Asisshowninthedepiction,thinkingofagreatprofit,atraditionlvaseinaroomcontaininglotsofotherfakevases.Actually,itisatypicallywake-upcalltosendusamessagethatcopiedgoodsarefillinginourlife.Severalfactorscouldweighheavilyforthisphenomenon,yet,suspendedonthetopofmylistarethetwokernelsasfollowings.Firstly,inChinamostcompaniesdonothaveenoughfunds,technologyorpatiencetodesigntheirowninnovations,forwhichtheycopypopularonesfrombigcompanieswell-knownallovertheworld.Ifanexampleisneeded,IcouldnotbutmentionthelargestcompanyApple,whichwas(is，因為蘋果現(xiàn)在仍在被仿制)duplicatedbyChinesecompanieseveryhereandthere.EvenyoucanseeaniRhone,anipheneandaniinthesamebus.Furthermore,duplicationsareextremelycheapsothattheyhaveahugemarket.whichallwhattheywantarejustmobile-phoneswhichallwhattheywantarejustmobile-phonesshape.(句子結(jié)構(gòu)，且沒有allwhat的用法。只有allthat與what，兩者一般可互換，意其引導(dǎo)非限定性定語從句whichisbecausewhattheywantare…/whichisbecausealthat）theywantare…which，andwhattheywantare…/andall(that)theywantare…)在日”，跟有關(guān)，用在這里不大合適).Itis,undoubtedly,verytimethatweshouldtakesomeavailablemeasurestoendupthisinappropriate ngs（前面是this后面是 ngs,應(yīng)改為thisinappropriate ng或theseinappropriatengs）involvinglayingdowneffectiveregulationstorestrictduplications’sell,deliveringpatentprotectingoutlookandguaranteeingshopmorerationally.①開篇沒有直接指向，而是以提問的方式引出現(xiàn)象，然后再描述，并說明它向我們敲響了警鐘。這種寫法相對于千篇一律的Asisvividlydepicted/betrayedinthepicture、Thepicturedemonstratesanormalphenomenon…而言比較新穎和少見。文章的字數(shù)也比較多，有261個字?？佳杏⒄Z一作文要求在160—200字之間，可以適當(dāng)超出一些字（最好控制在10到20個左右。在今后的寫作中，應(yīng)注意控制字數(shù)。序；②注意時態(tài)的選擇應(yīng)該符合實際情況；③句子結(jié)構(gòu)，需回顧定語從句以及主語從參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）1212013年10月18寫作原Asisshownabove,inthemiddleofthepicturestandsapeople（apeople意為“一個民族；一個國家的人民”，改為aman或者a ）,makingthecraftsthatwecall"shanzhai"（加products較好）,withthinkingmoneyinhismind（語法層面沒有錯誤，但表達不地道?？筛臑椋簑ithmoneystuffedinhishead）.Therehasbeenaheateddiscussionabove(about)thepictureinthenewspaperrecently.Simpleasthepictureis,thesymbolicmeaningisasdeepasocean.Thepicturedoesrevealthatthecultureof“shanzhai”isnotonlyharmfulbutalsodamaging.Thepastdecadehaswitnessedahugedevelopmentineconomyowingtoreformingandopening-uppoliciescarriedout,bringingsomeproblem(problems)atthesametime,withtheaboveonebeingtheforemost.What’smore,thepublicfailstoattachdueattentiontoshanzhai.Ifthesituationweretocontinueasitis,wewouldpaythehighprice.Thisculturewaste(wastes)ourhours,lavishesdaysandevensquandersyears.Thesituationbeingsoserious,itishightimethatwetookeffectivemeasurestotacklethisproblem.Itisimperativethatcorrespondinglawsandregulationsbeintroducedandenforcedtocurbandharnessthisurgentproblem.Thepublicshouldenhancetheirawareness.Putitanotherway,itisimportantthatweshouldtreatitsocially,economicallyandculturally.三段，第二段只是把山寨文化套了進去，第三段連山寨文化都沒有提到。需注意，考研英:someproblemproblems)如aheateddiscussionabove(about)thepicture。作者需注意是由于疏忽還是語法知識遺漏所注意同一個單詞不同意思與用法的辨析， people參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）1號編輯部2013年10月16寫作原y.關(guān)心”。因此此句改為：Someone,whoisthinkingofmoney,ispaintingavase.）Thereis“shanzhai”inthesurfaceof（the）vase.Behindhimthereareseveralsimilarvases.Thepicturerevel(使用單三且單詞拼寫錯誤，reveals)thatthecopycat es）popularnowadaysAllaspectsoflifeWe（缺少介詞“in”,且注意只有位于句首的單詞首字母才大寫。Inallaspectsoflife,we）canfindcopycatculture.Notonlythemedia,thebooks,butalsoourdailynecessitieshavecopycat’sshadow.Firstandforemost,asthesocietyesmoreandmoremoney-oriented,peopletreatmoneyaslife(peopleregardmoneyasimportantastheirownlives較好).Secondly,many s）needbrandbutcan’tafford.manypeoplewanttobuybrandproductsbuttheycan’taffordthem.）Copycatischeaperthanbrand,socustomerbuyitandbusinessmanproductt本句可潤色為：Copycatproductsaremuchcheaperthanoriginals,whichattractsthousandsofcustomerstobuyaswellasamassofbusinessmentoproduceaccordingly）.Facingthepressurenow,weshouldtakes（take）thebest.（句意不完整,可改為weshouldsparenoeffortstosolvetheproblem.）Inmyal（加view或者opinion）,it’snotjusttheresponsibilityofthe ernment(漢式思維，可改為notonlythe ernmentisduty-bound),thepublicalsoneedstoberesponsible.Thelawsandregulationthatenactedby ernment,areimportantsafeguard(Lawsandregulationsenacted/(thatareenacted)bythe ernmentareimportantsafeguards).Thepublicshouldimprovetheirawarenessthatcopycatisillegal.Notonlydoesithurtto(去掉)（加the或our）society,but（加it）alrt(hurts)yourself(ourselves).Moreover,businessman(businessmen)canworktogethertocreateabetterproduct（加brand）thantheexistingbrandbrands更合適Ifeveryoneallworkworks)togetheritwillnotbeaproblem.文章中有語法錯誤：①最常犯的錯誤是：主謂不一致，尤其是動詞單三形式及的混用，如someoneare，Thepicturerevel等等；②名詞的單復(fù)數(shù)運用有誤，尤其是該用復(fù)lawsandregulationthatenactedbyernment；⑤定冠詞the的用法未掌握。再翻譯成中文。在腦海中有一個漢語框架，但寫句子時盡力用英語思維思考?？梢远嗍熳x文章有個別單詞拼寫錯誤，需加強單詞尤其是基礎(chǔ)常用單詞的參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）：81號編輯部2013年10月16寫作原Lookingatthepicture,a（an）individual(現(xiàn)在分詞短語做狀語，其主語與后面句子的主因此應(yīng)使用祈使句，把Looking改為Look)ispaintingoilcoloronthevasethats加acopycat.Andthe isdedicatedtomakingmoney.Behindthe thereexistahostofcopycatvase（用復(fù)數(shù)，且為“仿冒品”，改為counterfeitvases）.Thereisnodoubtthatthepurposeofthepictureistorevealusacommonandseriousproblemthatthecopycatis(copycatsare更好一些)prevalentinmodernsociety.Foronething,manyindividualscan’taffordrealbrandthings改為genuinebrandproducts較好）sotheycopycatsassubstitutes）.Foranother,thecopycatsarecheaperthanbrandthingssothebusinesscanprofitmuch.Forinstance,nowadaystherearemanysandasequentofbooksandsoonwhicharecopycatsonthemarket.Merelyeveryonehasaconnectionwiththemthatinvolves（involve）ourmostlives（mostofourAcoinhastwosidesTherearedraws（drawbacks）andadvantagesaboutthisphenomenon.Thisthingcanhelpusresolveourlifeproblemsandwecanafforda“brandthing”thatcanneed(meetsomefolksvanity.HowevertheyareillegalEspecially,whentheytakethecopycatsasrealbrandthings,theyaren’thonesty(honest).Soweshouldappealtoernmenttotakemeasurestoresolvetheaanaindividual現(xiàn)在分詞短語做狀語沒有掌握；③名詞的單復(fù)數(shù)，如ahostofcopycatvase；④詞語的詞性不清，如theyaren’thonesty；⑤主謂不一致，如themthatinvolves。作者需加強自己相關(guān)的 注意一些單詞的辨析，如draw和drawback參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）1號編輯部2013年10月16第一期“山寨文化”作文修改總 第五，不定冠詞aanan時用a第二期免 作文修寫作原Nowadays,thereseem（seems）tobeatendencyofbreakingmoralities(break作“”意講時，后面跟的是法律、協(xié)議、承諾等;且morality作“道德準(zhǔn)則”講時不可數(shù)，作“道德體系”講時可數(shù)。改為violatingmoralcodes較合適)prevailinginoursociety.Justasthecartoondepicts,inthebuscrowdedwithpassengers,a“blind” ,whoisactuallyhealthy,issittingontheseatwhichisprovidedforspecialpopulations,withanoldman,achildandapregnantwomanasideandhelpless.Theprogressofethicsisanindicatorofthelevelofcivilizationinasociety.Apparently,thesituationinthepictureabove,tosomeextent,hindersthisadvanceandmaybringaboutaseriouseffectonourmorallife.Suchamoraldegradationhasbeencommoninthemodernlife.Foodbusinessmencanaddillegalandtoxicingredientsintofoodthatweeateverydayinordertoreducethecostandgainmoreprofits.Passersbynolongerhelptheelderwhofallsonthewayandwaitssomeonetoofferassistance,becausetheyareafraidtobeviewedastheaccidentmakers.Werethetrendtocontinueasitis,peoplewouldliveundertheshadowofdeceptionandsuspicion.It’surgentforustomakeeffortstobridgetheethicalgap.Firstandforemost,morality-concernedcurriculumsshouldoccurintheprimaryschools,whichhelpchildrentocultivateconscienceandgoodness.(此句最好表達為：morality-concernedcurriculums，whichhelpchildrentocultivateconscienceandgoodness，shouldoccurintheprimaryschools.以免使人aredeaftotheethicsmustbepunishedandaccusedinordertoalarmpeoplenottotrytoviolatetheseholyregulations. 副詞Apparently引出“圖述行為阻礙了進步并帶來嚴重 主謂應(yīng)該保持一致，thereseemtobea參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）： 寫作原Itgoeswithoutsayingthatthispictureaimsatrevealingacurrentsocialproblem:thesenseofmoralityinoursocietyisdeclining.Inthepicture,ayoungmanarrounded（surrounded）bythepregnantwoman,theelderandthelittlechildsitsonaseatasatemporary(改為temporarily，“臨時”修飾的是blind,而不是)blind withoutconsidered(considering，without在此為介詞，后跟動名詞、名詞等)theothers（others’）need.Numerousfactorshavecontributedtothesephenomena.Ontheonehand,withthedevelopmentoftheeconomyand（加the）society,peoplewhopaygreatattentiontothedeteriorationofethic,（逗號去掉）became（is fewerandfewer,thusimmoralbehavior（最好用復(fù)數(shù)behaviors）became（應(yīng)使用相應(yīng)的現(xiàn)在時態(tài)，且為了避免與上句用詞重復(fù)，改為havebeen較好)prevalent.Ontheotherhand,responsibility,whichisoneofthegreatestvirtuesoftheChinesenation,hasbeenneglectedforalongtime.Inaddition,thereisnosufficientlawstoprohibitsuchimmoralaction(用復(fù)數(shù)actionsTocurbtheseevilphenomena,muchcanbedone.Relativelawsandregulationsshouldbenmustbelaunchedtoenhancethesenseofmorality.Weadult(adults)shouldsetagoodexampletotheyoung.Onlyinthesewayscanweliveinahealthyworld.容詞修飾名詞與多個形容詞共同修飾同一名詞，如atemporaryblind；其二，介詞后所跟成分不清，withoutconsidered；其三，名詞所有格未掌握，theothersneed；其四，時態(tài)的選擇把握不好；其五，同位語前后不一致，Weadult。同樣的，作者應(yīng)清楚是粗心所致文章第二段在闡述現(xiàn)象原因的時候，有的原因列舉不是很合適，如作者提到注意形近、義近詞語的辨析，如around與surround參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）10

考研1號編輯部2013年1023日寫作原Thepicturefeaturesthatayoungmanwhoactsasablindpeoplesitsat（on,sitat表示computgroup,amongwhicharetheelderly,pregnantwomen,children,andthelike.Therehasbeenaheateddiscussionaboutthepictureinthenewspaperrecently.Theauthor’srealpurposeisnotthefactitself,buttoleadustofindthehides（hide作名詞指“（野生動物）隱蔽處、藏身處；behind…,meaning）behindtheiceberg.Thepicturedoesrevealthatlackofmoral（moral作名詞“品行，道德”時，一般用復(fù)數(shù)morals）isnotonlyharmful,butalsodamaging.Thepastdecadehaswitnessedahugedevelopmentineconomy,bringingsomeproblemsatthesametime,withtheaboveoneis（being）theforemostWhat’smorethepublicfailtoattachdueattentiontothetraditionalmoralvalue.Respectingtheelderlyandtakingcareoftheyoungisourtraditionvirtuesinourcountry.Unfortunay，somepeopleneglectourtraditionalvirtues,whichisworse（沒有表示對比，因此改為adverse較好）tooursociety.Thesituationbeingsoserious,itishightimethatwetookeffectivemeasurestotacklethisproblem.Inthisissue,researchers,scholars,andexpertsareexpectedtoworkoutup-to-datesolutiontomorallack.Wecantackaneducation ntoinformpeopletheimportanceoftraditionalvirtues.Onlyinreasonable,prosperousandhealthyatmospherecanwehopetowitnesstheidealsceneinwhichpeoplecanenjoythelifeinaharmonioussociety.pastdecadehaswitnessedahugedevelopmentineconomy,bringingsomeproblemsatthee,hheaboenebengefreoWsoe,epucaloaachdeaenn…”……之類的句子，它們本身而言的確是很好的表達，但是倘若人人都是這樣寫的，可想閱卷老師的心情。第一次見比較新鮮，得分會比較高，但是看到大量類似的表達butoedusondeheshndheeeutoadusondwhathesbehndheeb所致。注意細節(jié)方面：①同一不及物動詞后面跟不同介詞的區(qū)別，如sitat與siton；②如 參考分數(shù)（滿分20分：11

1號編輯部2013年10月23寫作原Whatwouldyoudo?Thereisabusinthepicture,whichiscrowdedwithpassengers,anoldman,achildandapregnantmotherarestanding（anoldmanbus的關(guān)系,Inthepicture,thereisabuscrowdedwithpassengersinwhichanoldman,achildandadontdoesn’twathisseattoothers去掉逗號)pretend（改為pretendsispretending）tobeablindman.Thisvividimplication搭配不大合適。可改為aprofoundimplication)ofthesocialproblemofdeclineofmoral（moral常用為形容詞，作名詞表示“道德”之意時用復(fù)數(shù)?？筛臑椋簃oral（第一段點評：文章開篇用“Whatwouldyoudo?”來提出疑問，不僅能夠激發(fā)讀者的感覺。可以用“WhatwouldyoufyouaresittingonacrowdedbussurroundedbyabunchofvulnerablepeopleHereisanexampleofayoungman…也可以先描述圖畫，然后發(fā)問“Ifyouweretheyoungman,whatwouldyoudo?）Indifferentcultures,respecderandyounger(respectingtheelderandtheyoung，動名詞短語作主語)isanimportantpartofmoral(morals或morality).Ourcountryalwaysput（puts,主語ourcountry是單數(shù)）moral(morality)inanimportantposition.But,asthesociety esmoreandmoremoney-oriented,somepeople’smoralsenseturnsdramaticallydowngrading.Foronefactor.Merchantswith“blackheart”have“black”productionsinordertoacquiremoremoney.Foranotherthing,theeffectofculturehasfall(fallen)（改為theinfluenceofcultureonhumanbeing’sbehaviorhasweaken表意更精準(zhǔn)）.Peopledoeverythingtheywantwithoutthink楚)thevirtuehas eapastthing（表達athingofthepast）.因此前后不平衡。實際上，moneymoney-orientedculture位于同一級別。因此，F(xiàn)oronethingForanotherthing的位置應(yīng)該做相應(yīng)的調(diào)整，或換一種表達方Hencewehavetotakesomehelpful（effective較常用）measurestoavoidthephenomenonmentionedabove.Intheschool,wecouldenhancestudents’moraleducation,whoarethefutureofours(ourcountry.Publicserviceadvertisingisahelpfulmeasures（measure）Developmentofthemoral（moralsmorality）isnotashort-timethingthatneed（needs）workhardforalongtime.Onlyinthisway,thelifemay（onlymayourlife）emoreharmonyharmonious,harmony是名詞)whichlikeaswewishes（whichas兩個都是wewish）.方式。首先必須采取措施，然后從兩個角度分述。值得一提的是，作者不僅給出建議，want（加to）offer；③詞語的詞性不清；④冠詞缺失及不定冠詞與定冠詞混用；⑤能夠做句子主語的成分不清respecderandyoungerisanimportantpart⑥現(xiàn)在完成時形式有誤hasfall；⑦介詞后跟成分不清；⑧名詞單復(fù)數(shù)誤用；⑨only的用法未掌握；⑩句子成分贅余。 maybe和maybe總之，作者的行文思路很清晰，需注意銜接詞的使用以及句意的表達。現(xiàn)在最亟待提高的是語法能力，建議你全面復(fù)習(xí)鞏固自己的語法基礎(chǔ)。加油，如若語法提高，你一定能參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）

考研1號編輯部2013年1026日寫作原Isitpossiblethatahealthyyoungmanisblindtothingshesee?Thatis（a）strangephenomenonwhichwecanseefrom(the)drawingabove.Inthispicture,ahealthyyoungmansitson)aseatwithaclearconscienceandblind"eyeswherethereare（is，therebe句型就近一致）achild,apregnantwoman,andanold(man，需細心)whoactuallyneedthisseatstandingaround.Whatthispictureconveysisclearandloudthatthepublicmoralityisdeclining.一句說明圖畫反應(yīng)的現(xiàn)象。不僅思路非常清晰，而且疑問句的使用跳出了千篇一律的Asisvividlydepicted…Thepicturedemonstrates…句型，比較有新意。）Thepainfulphenomenoncanbecausedbymanyreasons,butfirstandforemostislackofmoralityinsuchprosperouseconomy.People,especiallytheyounggeneration,concentrateonmoney-making,andignoretheimportanceofmoralityinourdailylife.Consequently,wecanseenewsagainstournobletrandition—“respecttheoldandcarefortheyoungeverydayWithmoralitydecliningandegoismprevailing,moreandmoresocialproblemscomeoutandraiseour用一個副詞Consequently來 ，銜接很好。不過，第三句提到newsagainstournobletrandition，第四句說的是moreandmoresocialproblems，這兩者其實是同一socialproblems，作者可以列舉一些例子比如“扶老人過街”等社會熱議現(xiàn)象來充實自己的Thelevelofmoralityofcitizensisasignificanementforsocialstabilityandprosperity.Thereforeadvance(advancing,動名詞短語作主語themoralsenseisthepriortaskinsocial（改thespiritual表意更精準(zhǔn)）civilizationconstruction.Weshouldtakesomemeasuressuchasthepublicmorality.（第三段點評：文章先道德對于社會的意義重大，然后說明提高道德感的重要性，后面列舉如何提高道德感，思路清晰，條理分明。不足之處在于：作者只是似的提 參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）11

考研1號編輯部2013年1025日寫作原Intheabovedrawing,therearefourpassengersinthecrowedbus.The"blind"manissitting（on，sitin常表示“旁聽、列席”等意，表示“坐”時側(cè)重指人或物整體能被包圍在所坐的物體上）hisseat,whilethepregnantwoman,theoldmanandthechildrenarestandingasideandhelpless.Thiscartoonobviouslyrevealsthatindividualmoralityisdeclininginmoreandmoreprosperousandmodernsociety.Therearethreecausesthatled(lead,描述現(xiàn)象和問題的原因時，如果沒有明顯的時間，一般使用現(xiàn)在時態(tài))tothisphenomenon.Firstly,peoplecareaboutmaterialliferatherthanspirituallifeintheprogressofmodernization.What'smore,thereisawrongworldview—everymanforhimself（加，and）thedeviltake（takes）thehindmest(hindmost),inthesociety.Thirdly,inaway,thelackofmoralityisrelatedwiththeernment(ernment’s)poorregulstion(regulation).Asthelowcitizenmoralitymaybringaboutaseriesofbadeffectsinournormallife,it'surgent（ofgreaturgence,表達效果會好一些，用“beof+名詞”結(jié)構(gòu)替代形容詞是一個很好地語言潤色方式）tosolvetheproblem.Tostartwith,wemustimprovealsocialresponsibility.Withtheimprovementofindividualmorality,peoplewillbelessselfishandmoreconcernedaboutothers.Inaddition,strengtheningtheernmentguidanceisa(an)importantpartinbuildingresident（residents’）morality.Througheveryone'seffort,Ithinkthisphenomenonwillbelessandless(inthenearfuture較好).文章有語法問題：其一，動詞的時態(tài)使用不恰當(dāng)，Therearethreecausesthatled；其二，主謂不一致，thedeviltake；其三，名詞所有格未掌握好，如withthe ernmentpoorregulstion；其四，不定冠詞a與an的使用，該用an的時候用了a，a importantpart。參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）12

考研1號編輯部2013年1023日寫作原Asisshownintheabove（intheabovepicture,above是形容詞；也可改為inthepictureabove,above作副詞,onthebusseatsitsayoungman,pretendingtobeblindbybondingablackbandageonhiseyes,despiteofallthepeoplestandingaroundhimconsistof（despiteofconsist是謂語動詞，這樣一來后面就是個句子。因此改為consistingof/whichconsistof，或改為to的主語）reallyneedtositdownwhilethebusisdriving.Assimple(as,Simple。此“同樣地”，后一個as可是連詞接名詞、動名詞，也可是連詞接從句)asthepictureis,thesymbolicmeaningisasdeepasocean.Thedrawingshowsusthephenomenonofmorality（moral）declinewhichisprevailinginmodernsociety.Manypeoplefailtoconsiderotherindividuals’needespeciallythevulnerable(shamenoashamed是形容詞)ofit.Firstofall,thepastdecadeshas（主謂不一致，前面用的是復(fù)數(shù)decades,改為have）witnessedahugedevelopmentintheeconomy,bringingsomeproblemsatthesametime,withthedeclineofmoralitybeingtheforemost.Lastbutnotleast,thequality-orientededucationhasnotbeenpaidsufficientattention.Themoralityhasalwaysbeenhigh（highly，副詞修飾動詞）valuedintraditionalChineseculture.AsanoldChineseproverbsays,treattheoldasyourparents,takecareoftheyoungasyourchildren.That'ssuchabeautifulvirtuethatshouldbe carefullyandhandeddownageby 文章有語法問題，主要是：其一，句子缺少成分，Asisshownintheabove，這應(yīng)該是作者不細心所致；其二，despiteof后跟成分不清，despiteofallthepeoplestandingaroundhimconsistof；其三，定語從句的引導(dǎo)詞混用/who與whose區(qū)分不清，whosereallyneedto；hasalwaysbeenhighvalued；其六，主謂不一致，thepastdecadeshas。作者應(yīng)該細心，同時文章二也現(xiàn)模句子epasteaeshaswesedahugedeeopentneecooy,brngngsoerobesathesaeehhedeceofrayenghefs。在咱第二期活動中即現(xiàn)了兩個完全一的表達，可想而知， 有少人都使用些板閱老對應(yīng)不手留。的特是達好沒實內(nèi)容，兩處語法錯誤。在文章的開篇，最好不要出現(xiàn)類似語法錯誤、單詞拼寫等低級錯誤，這直接影響了文章的印象分數(shù)。因此，在文章開篇最好寫自己有把握寫好寫對的句子，如若要總之，從文章整體來看，作者的語法基礎(chǔ)不是很差，需注意細心與查漏補缺，逐漸消滅自己文章中的語法錯誤。并注意，盡量不要使用一看即知且很多人都同時使用的模板句參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）

考研1號編輯部2013年1023日寫作原Asisshownabove,inacrowdedbustherearefourpeopleandonlyoneseat（inacrowdedbus后面加“，”或者放到句末）.Sittingontheseatfirmly,therudemanignorestheold,（the）littlegirlandeventhepregnantwomen(woman)whostands主語是the…and…,stand)aroundhim.Itisobviousthatheispretendingtobeblindandunwillingtoofferhisseattoanyone.Infact,thatkindofmoraldeclineisnot monnowadaysamongtheChinesepeople.Firstandforemost,therearefewercitizensthanbeforewhoarewillingtosacrificetheirownlifetosaveotherpeople.Furthermore,whilesomepeopleenjoyacomfortablelife,theyneverthinkaboutthosewhoarestrugglinginutterpovertyortrytogivethemassistance.Lastbutnotleast,humanbeingsinmodernsocietyare ingagreatdealmoreindifferenttothesufferingofothers,yettheydon’tevenrecognizeit.（第二段點評：本段的優(yōu)點是語言流暢自然。需注意：第一句提出thatkindofmoraldeclineisnot Itisimperativeforustotakedrasticmeasures.Itisundoubtedlythatpeople’sbehaviorofhelothersisdirectlyboundupwiththeirmoralconsciousness,andthatthisinturnrestsupontheeffortsofscholarsandpolicymakersofallkinds.Inshort,theyoughttodotheirutmosttocultivatetheawarenessofpeoplethatgivingassistancetothosewhoneeds（need）hasalwaysbeenthetraditionalvirtueofChineseculture.Onlyinthiswaycanwecurbtheevilphenomenonrevealedinthecartoon.員等全面的努力，最后用only倒裝句說明如果努力能夠，將會轉(zhuǎn)變現(xiàn)在的局面。不過，needs；②冠詞的使用（加the）littlegirl。(參考分數(shù)（滿分20分考 寫作原Asisshownabove,inthemiddleofthepictureandontheseatfirmlysitsahealthyyoungster,whopretend（pretends）himselfasablind,withalotofpeoplehang(hanging)onthehandrailaroundhim,amongwhicharelittlechildren,pregnantwomanandoldmenorwomen（如Withthecaptionreadingthatblindforashorttime（此處為with短語，不是句子，可改為Thecaptionofthecartoonreads：“Atemporarilyblind ”.）.Howironicalitis!Theprimarypurposeofthepictures(picture)aboveisthatdueattentionshouldbepaidtothedeclineofmoralThethought-provokingdrawingmirrorsacommonyetregrettablephenomenonincontemporarysocietythatthereareanincreasingnumberofuncivilizedbehaviorsfollowedwitheconomicimprovement.Insomeextent,theseissuesimplied(imply,描述現(xiàn)象一般用現(xiàn)在時態(tài))moraldeclineandthegoalofachievingaharmonioussocietymayfallthroughunderthenegativeinfluenceofit.XiaoYueyue,forinstance,whowasknockeddownbyarunning-away（用hit-and-run較好carhelplesslydiedaroundthecitizensbutnoonewaswillingtogiveheralittlerescue.Thatisanauthenticportrayalofthemoraldeclineinwholesociety!人們的不良影響,這是一個很好的擴充文章內(nèi)容的方法。需注意，文章第一段已經(jīng)用Theprimarypurposeofthepicturesaboveisthat… 現(xiàn)象，第二段開篇又寫到Thethought-provokingdrawingmirrors…theseissuesimpliedmoraldecline再一次點明現(xiàn)象。前后Toomanypainfulexample(examples)lus,itishightimethatwepaidadequateattentiontothisissue.Thoughtheernmenthasmadeeffortstoconductvigorouspropagandaofpositivespirit,lastingchangecanonlybeeffectedbyourselves.Onlyinafriendly,unitedatmosphere,canwehopetowitnesstheidealsceneinwhichpeoplecanenjoytheirlifetotheuttermost.（第三段點評：首句用Toomanypainfulexamplelus引出我們需對此現(xiàn)象引起重視，且與上一段銜接緊密。后面用一個讓步狀語從句此問題不僅需要指引，更需要我們自己的長期努力。再用only倒裝句說明努力的結(jié)果。思路清晰，且語意銜接密切流暢。）文章有一些語法錯誤：①主謂不一致，ahealthyyoungsterwhopretend；②with獨立結(jié)構(gòu)/非謂語動詞未掌握withalotofpeoplehang；③名詞的單復(fù)數(shù)問題Theprimarypurposeofthepictures、Toomanypainfulexample；④時態(tài)的選擇不恰當(dāng)；⑤句子與短語區(qū)分不清。從文章的整體來看，作者的語法基礎(chǔ)應(yīng)該不錯，需注意細心以及查漏補缺。在寫作文之前，先在心里列出一個大綱，這樣就不會出現(xiàn)前后內(nèi)容重復(fù)。加油，相信你會寫出很好的文章！參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）12考研1號編輯部2013年1026日寫作原Atthegivencartoon,therearefourpeople：anoldman,apregnantwomanandalittlegirlarestandinginthebuswhileayoungmanwithasunglass(apairofsunglasses)onhisface,pretendingblind,issittingontheseatcomfortably.Apparentlysuchkindofsituationare（areissituation改為situations）happeningallthetimenowadays,especiallywhentherushtimeiscoming.Working-manhas（用復(fù)數(shù)Workingmenhave,they保持一致）muchhigherpressure,muchlesssleehour（hours）,andmuchlongerdistancebetweenworkplaceandhome,sotheynaturallypreferhavingtheseatnoding改為tosending或ratherthansend較好itaway,nomatterwhoneeditmoreactually.Ontheothersidesomepeoplehavethissortofsimpleviewthat“whogot(get)theseatfirst,whohaveit,nochange.”(中式思維，可改為thosewhogettheseatfirstwillhaveitallthewaywhateverhappens.)ally,Iholdthisopinionthatwhenweconfrontsituation(asituation或situations)likethat,itdependsconditionally（whatweshoulddodependsonthepaticularfacts）.Ifitisawomanwhoiscarryingababy,itdefiniyisnecessary(注意語序，itisdefiniynecessary)toletherrest.Ifitisanold whoonlyneedsonestationtostayonthebus,orifitisakidwhohastheabilitytostandsteadily,Iwouldagreethattheworkmandon’tneedtogivetheseataway.Itisnotonlyaboutthevirtue,ithasthefairnessconcerned（fairnessshouldbeconcerned）aswell.本文最大的優(yōu)點在于作者能夠站在年輕人的角度，用辯證的眼光來思考這個問題，而不是人云亦云地一味批評此行為。此外，文章總體而言表達相對較好，需注意以下幾個問題：文章有的地方出現(xiàn)了語法錯誤：其一，主謂不一致，situationare；其二，該使用可數(shù)名詞復(fù)數(shù)的地方用了單數(shù)，如lesssleehour；其三，前后指代不一致，Working-manhas…sothey；其四，副詞在句中的位置，itdefiniyisnecessary……等。作者在以后的寫作whoot(e)heseatfrs,whohae,ochnge.高：第一，在寫作時不要先想漢語意思，然后再翻譯成英語，而盡量用英語思考；第二，在時讀外歐著在閱中自英維。參考分數(shù)（滿分20分）11考研1號編輯部2013年1023日第二期“道德滑坡現(xiàn)象”作文修改總 第五，不定冠詞aanana第二，句子與短語區(qū)分不清，斷句有誤；Therebe句型“就近一致”未掌握；第六，從句引導(dǎo)詞有誤；寫作原Asisshowninthepicture,thereareseveralroadsbeforegraduates,suchassearchingforajob,gettingreadyforthePostgraduateExam（postgraduateentranceexams較好,goingabroad,dowechoose?（前面用的是your，因此最好改為Howwouldyouchoose?） Makingaproperchoiceisnoteasy,sinceeveryroadhasrough（roughhas改is）andeverycloudhasitslinen（everycloudhasasilverlining）Whatismore,everystudenthasits（hisownconditions,interestsandcharacteristicsThus,thereisnoroadthatfitseveryone.Theresultis,manygraduatesinthepicturefeelnervous,lookinglikeasmallboatonthesea.(第二段點評：文章的第二段從兩方面來闡述選擇之所以的原因，一方面選擇具有SeenfromtheGod（此處有何用意？）everyroadcouldleadyoutoRomaJusttrywhatyoulike,（去掉逗號）andgoahead.Searchingforswifterhigherstronger,（for是介詞，后面跟名詞或者動名詞等and）nevergiveup,andyouwouldbeoutstanding.（此處應(yīng)為“祈使句+and/or/thenSearchforspeed,height,andstrengthandnevergiveup,thenyouwillbeoutstanding.）Asagraduate,Ichoosetogofortakepartin)thePostgraduateExambecauseIhaveadreamtobeascientistNomatterwhatthelastscores（finalscore/scores）wouldbeIwilltrymybest.文章的字數(shù)也比較少?？佳杏⒄Z一規(guī)定的作文字數(shù)在160—200studenthasits；介詞后跟成分不清Searchingforswifter,higher,stronger；“祈使句注意一些同源單詞詞義的區(qū)別，如enterprise和entrepreneur總之，文章在行文思路、內(nèi)容選取以及銜接方面都