《老爸老媽的浪漫史 第七季 第11-15集》英中字幕

===《老爸老媽的浪漫史第七季第11-15集》英中字幕=========目錄第11集 2第12集 17第13集 30第14集 43第15集 57

第11集Inthefallof2011,Lilyand Marshallreceivedasurprisinggift fromLily'sgrandparents: theirhouseinLongIsland. LilyandMarshalldecidedto sellitforonesimplereason. It'sLongIsland. Idon'twanttospendmy SaturdayinLongIsland. Iknow,babe,buttherealtorstaged theplacewithfakefurniture andshewantsustocheck itoutbeforetheopenhouse. Allright.Canweatleast doitonthefakebed? I'membarrassedthatyouhavetoask. So,theyheadedouttoLongIsland,and whentheywalkedinthedoor... We'lltakeit! We-Wecan'ttakeit. We'retheonessellingit. Wearesellingit,right? Baby,yourgrandparentsgave youthishouseoutright. So,thewayIseeit,we havefiveoptions. One:sellit.Two: year-roundhauntedhouse. Three:giantfencearound theperimeter,chimpsanctuary. There'salreadyatire swinginthebackyard. Four:wedestroyitwith sledgehammers.Ilikefour. Orfive:wemovein,raiseour childrenandmakethisourfamilyhome. Tilltheygraduate. Thenwedestroyitwithsledgehammers. Asafamily. No,thisiscrazy! WeareNewYorkpeople.Wehavea big,beautifulapartmentthatwelove. You'reright. Butsomethinghappenedto LilyandMarshallthatday. Somethingthathappens toallNewYorkers whoreturnhomefrom anywhereotherthanNewYork. Theirbig,lovelyapartment... That'sweird. ...shrank. Okay,afterThanksgiving,I'm cuttingoutcarbs. {\a6}the Now,kids,ithadbeenarough coupleweeksforBarney. First,hecheatedonhis girlfriendwithRobin, thenhebrokeupwith hisgirlfriendforRobin, thenRobinchoseKevinoverhim. Sohewaskindofinabadplace. Hey.Youallright? Whywouldn'tIbeallright?Barney'ssingle again!It'swhatAmerica'sbeenclamoringfor. Youjustwentthroughabreak-up. That'susuallywhen peopledosomethingcrazy. Ifyouwereagirl,you'dhavecut bangsandbedatingyoubynow. Justpromisemeyou won'tdosomethingcrazy. IpromiseIwon'tdosomethingcrazy. Don'tworry,he'sgonna dosomethingcrazy. Infact,IthinkI'mdonewithgirls. I'mnotsureIevenlikethemanymore. Basedonallthestuffyou've donetothemovertheyears, I'mnotsureyoueverlikedthem. I'mserious. Comeon,youlovegirls.Ifanyone shouldbedonewithgirls,it'sme. LookattheyearI'vehad. Zoey,Victoria,theSluttyPumpkin. NowI'mworriedyou're gonnadosomethingcrazy. I'mnotgonnadosomethingcrazy. Andyes,I'mgonnado somethingcrazy,too. Butgirls,man.Girls. -Youknowwhatwouldkickass? -Beinggay? -Beinggaywouldkickass! -Word.Guysunderstandeachother. Imaginearelationshipwhere, insteadoftalkingabout feelingsallthetime, youjustplaysomeMadden,eatapizza, giveeachotherahappy,rollover andhavesomecuddle-freeshut-eye. Bro,forwhatit'sworth,ifwewere bothgay,you'dbemyfirstcall. WouldyoumindcallingMarshalland tellinghimthat?'Causehethinks... No,thisisonlyinascenariowhere justyouandIaregay,notMarshall. Butifallthreeofuswere gay,you'dpickmeoverMarshall,right? Ifallthreeofusweregay? Girlfriend,wewouldall threeofushavesomefun. Damnrightwewould. -We'renotgay. -Nope.Stuckwithgirls. Iwishmencouldhavechildren ontheirown,likeseahorses. Areyousayingwhat Ithinkyou'resaying? Theyhavealittlepouch.They shouldbecalledseakangaroos. No,y-youwantkids? MaybeI'vekindoflatelybeenthinking aboutthewholewifeandkidsthing. Justminusthewife. Youcouldalwaysgoitalone.Like Mr.DrummondonDiff'rentStrokes. Yeah,butthatwasthe'80s, whenyoucouldjustswingbyany inner-cityplaygroundinyourlimo andscoopupsomekids. Mmm.Simplertimes. Iguessit'sbettertohavesomeone initwithyouanyway,youknow? Lifetimepartnership. Theonlypartnershipinmylifethat hasstoodthetestoftimeisthisone. Thesacredbondofmanandbro. Maybeweshouldstartafamilytogether. Areyoukidding?Thisplaceishuge. Imean,look,Ican danceallcrazyinhere. Listen,um,Robin,areyouokaywithusall doingThanksgivingoutinEastMeadow? Uh,yeah,Iguessthat'dbenice. Oh,great!Andthenafter Thanksgiving,LilyandIwerethinking thatwewouldjuststayatthehouse until,youknow...wedie. What?No!Youcan'tmovetoLongIsland! Butthishouseissonice. It'sbig,andit'sclean, andifthere'scockroaches,they respectusenoughtosneakaround. Listentoyourself.Thisis PregnancyBrainalloveragain. No,I'mdonewithPregnancyBrain.I've movedontoweirdpregnancysexdreams. Officer. Youknow.Youknow. I'm-I'mjustsaying, you'renotintherightmindto bemakingthisdecisionrightnow. Youknowwhat?Robin'sright. Weareinnostateofmind tomakethiskindofdecision. Thankyou.Andnowyou're steppingoffthecrazybus. Welettheuniversedecide. Andnowyou'rebackonboard. Youhearthat,Universe? Ifyousendusasign inthenext...24hours, thenwe'removingto LongIsland!Okay?Go. Hey,guys,forthelast time,thisplaceisenormous-- Geez,howmanylampsdoyouhave? It'sgenius! Insteadofthrowingaway yourlifemarryingsomegirl, youjustgosplitsieson akidwithyourbestbro! Iwouldn'thavetochoosebetween datingandhavingafamily. Hell,Icouldbringthekidsondates! Andabrokenhome?Um,what'sthat? Ourkidswillneverknow,'cause we'renevergonnasplitup! Whywouldwe? Imean,sure,whenyourwifewalksinonyou bangingahotflightattendant,yougetadivorce. Butwhenyourbro-parentwalksinon youbangingahotflightattendant... Yougetfiveofthese badboys,rightuphigh! Andyoutotallyjoinin,right?! -Oh,no,there'stheline. -That'stheline. Wefoundtheline.It's goodweknowwhereitis. Hey,guys. Wehaveanannouncement. Sowhatyou'resayingis, ifyou'remeanttomovetoLongIsland, somesignfromtheuniversewill magicallyappearatyourdoorstep? Now,kids,Idon'tthinktherewasa knockonthedooratthatexactmoment, butforthepurposesofthisstory... Hi,I'mClive.Iliveupstairs fromyou.Isthisyoursign? {\a6}house Idon'tknow,Clive.Isit? Oh,didweleavethatoutside? Yeah,we'resellingour houseinLongIsland. Oh.Toobadyou'renotsellingthis place.I'dlovetoturnmineintoaduplex. AndI'dgiveyouareallygood priceforit,becauseIamsorich. -Hedidnotsaythat. -Hisshoesdid. Okay,thepointis,wegotthe sign.We'removingtoEastMeadow. Let'sgetsomechampagne. Andjustlikethat,LilyandMarshallwere beginninganewchapterintheirlives. Whichmeantonlyonethingforus... -We'rehavingababy! -Bro-parentsactivate! -Hey,let'stalkbabynames! -Barney... Oh,myGod!Thatwasmyfirstchoice,too. No,listen.YouandIaredrunk. Whichmeansthere'sa chancethatadoptingababy-- nomatterhowcuteheisinmyhead withhislittlecowboyoutfiton andhe'sridingourdoglikeahorse andwealsohaveadog,purebredGolden, butit'sokay,she'sarescue-- mightnotbeagoodidea. You'reright. Solet'sgohome,takesome aspirin,drinklotsofwater, andthenseeifit's stillagoodideatomorrow. -It'sstillagoodidea! -It'stotallystillagoodidea! We'rehavingababy! Kids,Icannotstressthisenough: BarneyandIweregoing throughatoughtime. You'renotleaving,andthat'sfinal. LookwhatIboughtat 4:00a.m.inNewYorkCity. AbootlegVHSofavery,very popularKoreanmovie, thisgenuineLennyVintonepurse andthenumberofaman whocangetmeakidney. DothatonLongIsland. Look,Robin,weappreciatethat youwantustostayinthecity, butthisiswhatwewant. Imean,youunderstand,right? No. Hereareafewfun factsaboutLongIsland. Numberone:it'sBrooklyn'sfarttrail. SoBarneyandI--andagain,goingthrough atoughtime,can'tstressthatenough-- foundanadoptionagencyWebsiteand filledouttheironlineapplication. Name:BarneyStinson.TedMosby. -Address... -Oh,putmyaddressinWestchester. They'llwanttoseewe'llberaising thischildinagoodenvironment. Youknow,thesuburbs. -What?No.Allmyguysarehere. -Yourguys? Yeah.YouknowhowIgotaguyfor everything?Well,they'reallinNewYork. Mysuitguy,myshoeguy,my ticketguy,myclubguy. AndifIdon'thaveaguyforsomething, thenIhaveaguyguytogetmeaguy. Andoddlyenough,hisnameisGuy. Okay,fine.Howaboutthis? Westayinthecityduringtheweek, thenontheweekend,country houseintheburbs! -Thisiswhybro-parenting works!-Totally! Andwithyoursalaryplusmysalary,we cantotallyaffordtwoplaces. What? So...uh,you'regonnakeepyourjob? Robin,thisdiscussionisclosed. Theuniversetoldusto doit,sowe'redoingit. Well,theuniversegets itwrongsometimes. RememberwhenMarshall wastryingtodecide betweenbecominganenvironmental lawyerandworkingatabank? That'safunnystory. MarshallwasfedupwithhisjobatGNB andwasthinkingabout leavingitallbehind, soheandLilyagreedheshould waitforasignfromtheuniverse totellhimwhattodo. Thenoneday... for Ofcourse.It'ssoclear. It'sbeenrightthereall along.IhavetocallLily. Excuseme.Excuseme,sir.I'm sorry,but,um,canIpleaseborrowyour... -ErnieHudson? -Yes. CanIborrowyourphone? Whoyougonnacall? AnddidMarshallbecomeaGhostbuster? Thatfirehouseisstillforsale. EvenErnieHudsonbeggedyou nottogothroughwiththat. ErnieHudsonisacoward! OfcourseI'mgonnakeepmy job.Whywouldn'tIkeepmyjob? Well,Imean,thiswholearchitecture thing...isn'titmoreofahobby? Excuseme? Andnowwe'refighting.Youknow what?ForgetIsaidanything. No!No,no,no.We're havingthisdiscussion. Architectureismylife'swork. Whydon'tyouquityourjob? Idon'tevenknowwhat itisyoudoforaliving. "WhatitisIdoforaliving?" Iwork,Ted,14hoursaday sothatourbabycanhavefood andclothesandanicehouse, whileyousitarounddoodling picturesofbuildings. That's"whatitisIdo. "Youknowwhat?Screwthis. I'mgonnagotothebar. Yeah,right,right,'causetheanswer's alwaysatthebottomofabottle! Wait,wait,wait!Holdit! -Brainstorm. -Brainstorm. Nobodyquitstheirjob. -Wegetananny -Dibsonthenanny. No.Nobangingthenanny. Ted,pleasedonnotdiginonthis wholeno-banging-the-nannypolicy. Okay,fine.We'llgettwonannies. Oneforbanging,oneforchildcare. Slashbanging.Dibsonbothnannies! Justthinkofit,Ted,you andme,livingtogether, -withourkid,mytwohotnannies,ourpetcobra... -What? Akidneedsapetcobra,Ted. Don'tbeapillaboutthis. Andwe'llhaveamazingweeklongparties, andthere'llbeswordsand ninjastarslyingaround. That'swhenIrealized: adoptingababywithafriend?Crazy. Adoptingababywith Barney?Freakingnuts. -Ican'tadoptababywithyou,Barney. -Whynot? Becausewedon'tevenhaveoneyet andyou'realreadyaterriblefather. Oh,Igetit. Youwantoneofthenannies. Well,youcan'thave'em!They'remine! Soyou'rejustgonnahaveto getyourselfathirdnanny. Exceptdibsonthe thirdnanny!Goodday! WhichbringsustoThanksgiving. Marshall,LilyandRobinwereheading outtoLongIslandearlytogetready. Okay,howisthisevenpossible?! 'Causehowdidweevengetitinhere?! Okay,Ichangemymind. Iwantanepidural. Youguysarecrazy. Thisplaceisenormous. Imean,lookarou...Haveyou neverheardofoverheadlighting?! You'reright.Iget it.Thisplaceisgreat. -Um,excuseme.Whereistherestroom? -Oh.Rightthere. Oh,good,great.I'mjust gonnagointhereand... notcomeoutuntilyou promisenevertomoveaway! It'sagoodthingwe havethreebathrooms. Hey,Barney. Uh,listen,sorryabouttheotherday whenIsaidyou'dbeaterriblefather. Youhadnoreasontothinkotherwise. Totallyunderstandable.I'mnotmad. Thanks.And,uh,let'sbehonest,we werebothactingalittlecrazy. Idon'tthinkeitherofusistruly readyfortheresponsibilityof... Daddy'shome. -Uh,Barney,uh,wheredidyougetthisbaby? -Please. -Didyouadoptit? -Please. Doyouhaveababyguy? DidGuytheguyguygetyouababyguy? Ted,weshouldgetgoing. No,no,no.I'mnot goinganywherewithyou. ForallIknow,Icouldbe aidingandabettingakidnapping. Bro-daddy'snotmad.He's justbeingawittleloud. Hewuvsyou!Yes,hedoes! -Thisisinsane! -You'llfeelbetteroutside.Comeon. -No,Ican't.- Yeah.Na-na-na. Butthenwewentoutside. Oh,mygoodness.Whatabeautifulbaby. Thankyou.Bytheway,my friendandI,we'renotacouple. Wearetwostraightguyswhoaresingle andwehaveababy.Justsoyouknow. Lookatthissweetgirl. Hi.Iwasjusttellingthis firstgirl,myfriendandI, bothstraight,both available,andwehaveababy. Oh,whoisthislittleangel? Okay,realquick:meand him,notgay,single,haveababy. Weshouldlookintohavingasignmade. Kids,again,weweregoing throughadifficulttime. Butthispartwaskindoffun. Socute! -Thisisawesome. -Right? Robin,comeoutandtalktous. I'mnotcomingoutofthisbathroom untileveryonestopsactingcrazy! Nooneisbeingcrazy. Again,forthepurposesofthisstory... TedandIhaveababy.Crazy! Whatthehellisthat? -Guys,thisisHurricane Stinson-Mosby.-Mosby-Stinson. Younamedyourbaby Hurricane?Thatis... ultimatelyinconsideratetothe childwhohastolivewiththatname. Okay,howthehelldoes Barneyhaveababy? Noidea.Superconfused.I'mfinding itbesttojustsortofgowithit. She'ssupercute,though,right? Waitaminute.Oh,guh! Hurricanedookiedinherdrawers. Ha-ha!Poopypants! Sheneedsanewdiaper. -Right.Wheredoyoukeepyourdiapers? -Wedon'thaveany. Youdon't...Wow.Okay. IguessI'llgobuysome. You'regonnabeamomand youdon'thaveanydiapers? Lord,watchoverthatchild. -Uh,okay. -Comehere,you. So,therewastalkofacheeseplate? -Cheese? -Thanks. Ifyoudon'tmindmeasking... what-whatisthisallabout? Imean,youareoneofthe moststrong,independent, non-locking-themselves-in- a-bathroom-on-ThanksgivingpeopleIknow. Why-whyareyouso upsetaboutusmoving? MaybeIjustneedyou guysmorethanyouthink. Isthisaboutmorethanusmoving? Thisisgoodcheese. -Robin? -Yeah? DoyouthinkIshould've becomeaGhostbuster? Ithinkyoumadetherightcall,buddy. Okay,Ted,I'mnotgonnaask youwhereBarneygotthisbaby. Butdoyouhaveanyideawhy? Well,afewnightsago,weweretalking... youknow,"Wehategirls,wewish weweregay,"justguystuff. Andwekindofsortof decidedto...adoptababy. -Yeah,that'scrazy. -Iknow. -Isit,though? -Yes. -Iknow.Butisit,though? -Yes. Well,sowhatifit'scrazy? I'vebeenreadytomeetsomeoneto startafamilywithforalongtimenow, andIkeepnotmeetingher. Barneyisoneofmybestfriends intheworld,werarelyfight, andonceweironoutthewholepet cobrathing,wewillbeamazingdads. Whyshouldn'twetrythis? -When'sthelasttimeyoufedher? -Shehadsomerootbeeronthetrain. Oh,Ted.AndI'msorry,butyou cannotcallababyHurricane. Actually,hernameisSadie. James,whatareyoudoinghere? DidBarneynottellyouthat wewerecomingforThanksgiving? Uh,no. Thenheprobablyalsodidnottellyou thathewasbabysitting ournewdaughter. Thisisyourdaughter?Oh,thank God.Andcongratulations. Thanks.Comehere. Iguessthisis good-bye,Hurri...Sadie. YournameisHurricane. Don'teverforgetit. -Gowithhim.Goon. -Comehere.Thatagirl. Hey,Ted,Ioverheardyour littlespeech.It'snotcrazy. Abouttenyearsago,mybestfriend andInearlydidthesamething. Shewassingle,Iwas single,webothwantedafamily. Itmadesense.Butnow? Everyday,wethankourlucky starsthatwedidn'tdoit. 'Causewhatshefoundwithher husbandandwhatIfoundwithmine-- itwasworththewait. -Hurricane'sacoolname. -Isn'tit,Tom? Thepetstorewascloser,soI justgothersomewee-weepads. Oh,Ialsogotthis.It'sbeef-flavored andit'sgoodforherteeth. James!Tom!Hey! Lily...didyougetthe e-mailthatIsentyou aboutinvitingJames andTomtoThanksgiving? IsentittoyourCompuServe. That'syourmainone,right? -HappyThanksgiving,bro. -Thanks. Let'sgositdown. Allright,yougotme. Jamesismybabyguy. Butthesepastthree hours--magical,right? Wecandothis!Saywecandothis. Wecan'tdothis.Sorry,dude. Wegottowaitfortherealthing... nomatterhowtoughitgets. Itgetsprettytough. Iknowitdoes,buddy. Ihavesometimebeforedinner,right?I'm goingtogo...I'mgonnatakealittlewalk. Allright.Allright. God. -Arewestillfriends? -Hopeso. Good.'Causegetthis. Tedalmostadoptedababy. Crazy,right?Poorguy's goingthroughsomestuff. Heactuallytriedtoropemeintoit. Canyouimaginemebeingsomeone'sdad? I'mpregnant. 2011年的秋天 Lily和Marshall收到了一份驚喜 是Lily的祖父母送的 他們?cè)陂L島的房子 Lily和Marshall賣掉它的原因很簡單 那可是在長島 我可不想在長島過周六 寶貝兒我懂 不過經(jīng)紀(jì)人用仿制家具布置過房子了 她想讓我們開售前去看看 好吧 我們至少得在仿制床上滾個(gè)床單吧? 這還用問 于是他們出發(fā)去長島 但當(dāng)他們踏進(jìn)房門... 我們買定了! 我們不能買 這是我們要賣的 我們是要賣掉的沒錯(cuò)吧? 寶貝你祖父母已經(jīng)把房子送給你了 所以依我看我們有五種選擇 第一種賣了它 第二種任它整年荒廢著鬧鬼 第三種在四周裝上高圍欄 把它變成黑猩猩避難所 后院已經(jīng)有一個(gè)輪胎秋千了 第四種我們用錘子砸毀它 我喜歡第四種 或者第五種我們搬進(jìn)來 把這里當(dāng)做家和孩子們住在一起 直到他們畢業(yè) 然后我們用錘子砸毀它 全家人一起 不這太瘋狂了! 我們是紐約人我們有一個(gè)很大又漂亮的公寓 你說得對(duì) 但是那天Lily和Marshall遇到了一件事 一件所有紐約人都遇到的事 那些從外地回來的紐約人們 他們又大又可愛的公寓... 這太詭異了 ...縮小了 好吧感恩節(jié)之后我要開始減肥 {\a6}2030年 孩子們 這幾周對(duì)于Barney叔叔來說并不好過 首先他背叛女友和Robin上了床 然后他為Robin和女友分手 再然后Robin選擇了Kevin而不是他 所以他的狀況有些糟糕 嘿你沒事吧? 我怎么會(huì)有事?Barney又一次單身了! 整個(gè)美國都在盼望這一天呢 你剛剛經(jīng)歷了一場分手 一般這種時(shí)候人們都會(huì)做瘋狂的事 如果你是個(gè)女孩 你已經(jīng)在放浪形骸然后你這種人約會(huì)了 答應(yīng)我別做瘋狂的事 我保證我絕不會(huì)做瘋狂的事 別擔(dān)心他一定會(huì)做瘋狂的事 事實(shí)上我覺得我對(duì)女人們沒什么興趣了 我都不確定我還喜不喜歡她們 從這些年來你的行為來看 我根本看不出你喜歡過她們 我很嚴(yán)肅的 拜托你喜歡女人的 如果有人對(duì)女人沒興趣了那個(gè)人一定是我 看看我的這些年吧 ZoeyVictoria放蕩的南瓜 現(xiàn)在我倒要擔(dān)心你會(huì)不會(huì)做瘋狂的事了 我絕不會(huì)做瘋狂的事 沒錯(cuò)我也會(huì)做瘋狂的事 女人們啊 哎女人 -你知道做點(diǎn)什么最解氣嗎? -去攪基? -攪基太解氣了! -說得好男人們能夠互相理解 想象一下這種情景 不用整天坐在那談情說愛 而是一起吃披薩打電玩 不必?fù)肀б挥X就睡到大天亮 兄弟不管你信不信 如果我們都攪基你一定是我的首選基友 你介不介意打電話告訴Marshall? 他還一直以為... 不這只會(huì)發(fā)生在你我都攪基的情況下 和Marshall無關(guān) 但是如果我們?nèi)齻€(gè)都攪基 你也一定會(huì)選我而不是Marshall對(duì)吧? 如果我們?nèi)齻€(gè)都是同性戀? 親愛的我們?nèi)齻€(gè)的生活肯定樂趣無窮 必須的啊 -我們不是同性戀 -必須不是栽在女人們手上了 我希望男人可以自己生孩子 像海馬那樣 你說的是我想的那個(gè)意思嗎? 他們有一個(gè)小育兒袋 他們應(yīng)該叫海袋鼠 不你想要孩子? 可能我最近開始想一些老婆孩子的事 減去老婆最好 你可以只要孩子啊 就像Diff'rentStrokes里的Drummond先生一樣 （Diff'rentStrokes:八十年代NBC播出的情景喜?。? 沒錯(cuò)但那是八十年代了 可以隨便開著豪華轎車沖進(jìn)平民區(qū)廣場 拐走小孩子 嗯多么簡單的時(shí)代 我覺得還是有個(gè)人陪著會(huì)更好對(duì)吧? 人生伴侶 我人生唯一能夠經(jīng)歷時(shí)間考驗(yàn)的伙伴關(guān)系 就是我們這一段 兄弟間的交往多么神圣 或許我們應(yīng)該一起組建個(gè)家庭 你在開玩笑吧?這個(gè)地方多大啊 看我可以跳一段瘋狂的舞蹈 呃Robin我們想在東梅多辦感恩節(jié)聚會(huì) 你沒意見吧? 沒意見啊我覺得不錯(cuò) 太好了!感恩節(jié)過后我和Lily打算 就留在那里了 一直到呃...到死 什么?不!你們不能搬到長島去! 但是那套房子太好了 那么寬敞那么干凈 就算有蟑螂它們也會(huì)敬畏地溜走的 聽聽你自己在說什么吧 這簡直是懷孕腦噩夢重現(xiàn) 別跟我扯懷孕腦那一套了 我現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)進(jìn)入了詭異孕期春夢階段 警官 你懂的你懂的 我的意思是 你現(xiàn)在的狀態(tài)不適合做這種決定 你知道嗎?Robin說得對(duì) 我們現(xiàn)在的狀態(tài)不適合做這種決定 謝謝你們總算走下了這輛瘋狂巴士 我們還是讓宇宙來決定吧 繞了一圈又回來了 宇宙你聽到了嗎? 如果你在接下來的...24小時(shí)內(nèi) 給我們一個(gè)暗示 我們就搬去長島!怎么樣?開始 伙計(jì)們最后說一次 這個(gè)地方太巨... 老天你們到底有多少臺(tái)燈? 天才的主意! 何必要浪費(fèi)人生和女人在一起 和你的鐵哥們一起養(yǎng)一個(gè)孩子吧! 我不用在組建家庭還是約會(huì)中做選擇了 老天我可以帶著孩子去約會(huì)! 一個(gè)破碎的家庭?那是什么? 我們的孩子永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)懂 因?yàn)槲覀冇肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)分手! 為什么要分手呢? 我是說當(dāng)你的老婆撞到你和一個(gè)性感空姐上床 你的下場是離婚 可當(dāng)你的哥們兒撞到你和一個(gè)性感空姐上床... 你可以得到一個(gè)擊掌! 還可以3P沒錯(cuò)吧?! -不三八線在此 -三八線在此 說好有三八線的 幸好咱倆還有底線 嘿兄弟們 我們要宣布一件事 你的意思是 只要你們門口毫無征兆地出現(xiàn)某種神跡 就說明你們注定要搬去長島? 聽好了孩子們接下來本沒人敲門的 但為增加故事神秘色彩... 嗨我叫Clive我住你們樓上 這是你們的牌子? (與"神跡"諧音) {\a6}吉屋出租 天知道啊Clive你說呢? 難不成是我們放在外面的? 沒錯(cuò)我們打算出售長島的房子 可惜了我以為你們要賣這間 我倒是很樂意獨(dú)占兩房 隨便你們開價(jià)因?yàn)槲艺娴暮懿徊铄X -他可沒那么說 -可他確實(shí)來過了 好吧反正我們得到神的指示 我們要出發(fā)去東梅多了! 我們?nèi)c祝一番吧 就這樣Lily和Marshall要 開始他們新的生活了 現(xiàn)在只剩下一個(gè)問題沒解決了... -孩子要定了! -夫夫?qū)氊愑?jì)劃啟動(dòng)! -嘿先給孩子取個(gè)名字! -Barney... 天啊!咱可真是心有靈犀! 不聽著我們只是醉了 所以領(lǐng)養(yǎng)孩子的方案... 盡管經(jīng)我YY他會(huì)穿著迷你牛仔服 騎著咱的狗可愛到爆 到時(shí)候我們還要養(yǎng)一只狗純種金毛 但這都沒關(guān)系小狗可忠實(shí)了... 這并非是個(gè)好主意 你說得對(duì) 建議我們還是先回家吃點(diǎn)解酒藥 喝個(gè)半桶水 等到明天看看這主意還行不行 -還是個(gè)好主意! -絕對(duì)好主意! 我們要有孩子了! 孩子們我不得不著重說明下 Barney跟我是自尋煩惱 我決定了你們不準(zhǔn)走 看看凌晨4點(diǎn)我在紐約城買到了什么 一部火到爆的韓劇盜版碟 正版LV手包 里面還有個(gè)男的免費(fèi)捐腎的號(hào)碼 這些你們?cè)陂L島買得到嗎 聽著Robin你不舍得我們走 我們真的很感動(dòng) 但是我們真的想去 你能理解我的對(duì)吧? 不能 我給長島總結(jié)了幾點(diǎn) 第一:長島處在布魯克林的放屁口 因此Barney跟我...不得不再強(qiáng)調(diào)一次 還在自找苦吃中 我們找到了一個(gè)領(lǐng)養(yǎng)網(wǎng)站 填寫上面的申請(qǐng)表格 名字BarneyStinsonTedMosby -地址 -把我韋斯切斯特的地址放上去吧 他們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子在一個(gè)良好的環(huán)境中成長 你知道的郊區(qū)是個(gè)好地方 -什么?不要我的弟兄們都在這里 -你的弟兄? 沒錯(cuò)有了兄弟就不愁吃穿了 而且他們都在紐約 我的西裝兄皮鞋兄 觀賽券兄俱樂部兄 要是我缺個(gè)兄弟 我就會(huì)讓一個(gè)兄弟幫我搞到那個(gè)兄弟 更奇怪的是他的名字就叫兄 好吧那這樣行不? 咱們平時(shí)待在城市 一到周末就住到郊區(qū)! -咱倆真是絕配啊! -可不是嘛! 我們兩的薪水加在一塊 一定能付得起兩處房 怎么了? 你是說...你還要繼續(xù)工作? Robin討論到此結(jié)束 萬能的神指示我們我們才搬的 神有時(shí)候也會(huì)犯錯(cuò)啊 還記得Marshall為了決定到底 做環(huán)保律師還是銀行職員 而費(fèi)盡心思嗎? 說起來倒是很有意思 Marshall厭倦了銀行工作 心起歹念要跳槽 因此他跟Lily達(dá)成一致 等待神的旨意 照神的指示去做 后來有一天... 房屋出租 可不是這么明明白白 一切都是天意我得告訴Lily 打擾下打擾下先生 抱歉能不能借下您的... -ErnieHudson? -正是 我能借你手機(jī)打下電話? 你要打給誰? Marshall成名了嗎? 可是那消防站還在出售中 連ErnieHudso都求你不要那么做 ErnieHudso是個(gè)懦夫! 我當(dāng)然要繼續(xù)工作咯 我為什么要辭職? 我的意思是建筑設(shè)計(jì)嘛... 僅限于愛好吧? 你說什么? 看吧咱都開始斗嘴了 好男不跟娘們斗 不要!不不不我們先談清楚了 建筑設(shè)計(jì)是我畢生工作 你干嘛不辭了你的工作? 我甚至都不知道你是干什么的 "不知道我是干什么的?" Ted我一天工作14個(gè)小時(shí) 給我們的孩子賺奶粉錢 給他買衣服讓他住得舒服 而你呢以為涂鴉設(shè)計(jì)能賺幾個(gè)錢 聽懂了沒? 算了氣死我了我下去喝杯先 是啊你說的對(duì) 因?yàn)槟阌肋h(yuǎn)也不會(huì)把話說清楚! 慢慢慢!HOLD住! -頭腦風(fēng)暴 -頭腦風(fēng)暴 我們不必辭職 -咱請(qǐng)個(gè)保姆 -保姆歸我 不不準(zhǔn)跟保姆亂搞 Ted請(qǐng)不要費(fèi)心思出臺(tái) 什么"不準(zhǔn)和保姆亂搞"的方針 好吧我們請(qǐng)兩個(gè)保姆 一個(gè)服侍你一個(gè)服侍孩子 想多了兩個(gè)保姆都?xì)w我! 好好想想Ted你跟我住在一起 -還有我們的孩子兩個(gè)性感的保姆加上寵物眼鏡蛇... -什么? 孩子們都需要寵物蛇Ted 別妄想說服我 我們可以盡情地派對(duì) 到時(shí)忍者交手刀光劍影死傷無數(shù) 正是那時(shí)我意識(shí)到: 跟一個(gè)朋友領(lǐng)養(yǎng)孩子?瘋了 跟Barney一起領(lǐng)養(yǎng)孩子?簡直無藥可救 -我不能跟你一起領(lǐng)養(yǎng)孩子Barney -為什么? 因?yàn)槲覀冞B孩子都沒有 你就表現(xiàn)的那么差勁了 我懂了 你覺得不公平想要分一個(gè)保姆 想得倒美!她們都是我的! 你最好自己去找一個(gè)吧! 除非第三個(gè)也歸我了!再見! 說到感恩節(jié) MarshallLily和Robin三人 準(zhǔn)備起早出發(fā)去長島 好吧你說這怎么可能? 這玩意兒當(dāng)初是怎么進(jìn)來的?! 好吧我改變主意了 你們瘋了這地方足夠大了 我是說看看這... 你妹你們不會(huì)裝個(gè)吊燈嗎?! 你們說得對(duì)這地方確實(shí)不錯(cuò) -呃...那啥廁所在哪? -就那兒 太好了我得先去上個(gè)廁所 然后... 在你們決定放棄搬家前我是不會(huì)出來的! 還好我們有三個(gè)衛(wèi)生間 嗨Barney 聽我說我很抱歉 那天不該說你是個(gè)糟糕的父親 我知道你沒那意思我完全理解 我沒生你氣 多謝老實(shí)說我們當(dāng)時(shí)都太激動(dòng)了 你我都還沒做好準(zhǔn)備承擔(dān)家庭責(zé)任... 到家了喲 -Barney這孩子哪來的? -別問那么多 -你領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的? -別問那么多 你找到了嬰兒男? 你的人際男給你找的人是個(gè)嬰兒男? Ted我們?cè)摮鋈プ咦? 不不不我哪都不跟你去 就目前狀況來看 我可能參與并協(xié)助了一樁綁架 大爸爸沒有生氣他只是聲兒有點(diǎn)大 他愛你!他當(dāng)然愛你! -簡直是瘋了! -去外面走走就會(huì)覺得好多了來吧 -不我不去 -好吧那我們走嘍 結(jié)果我們還是一起出去了 我的天哪好漂亮的寶寶 謝謝順便說一句 這是我朋友我倆不是一對(duì)兒 我倆都是單身直男只是有個(gè)孩子而已 瞧這個(gè)可愛的囡囡 嗨我正跟第一個(gè)姑娘說呢 我倆都是直男都是單身有一個(gè)孩子 這小天使是誰家的啊? 好吧簡短一點(diǎn) 我倆不是gay單身有小孩 我們?cè)摽紤]做個(gè)告示牌 孩子們?cè)俅螐?qiáng)調(diào) 我們當(dāng)時(shí)過得很艱難 但這段還挺有意思的 真可愛! -感覺太棒了 -我說過的吧? Robin出來和我們談?wù)? 除非所有人都恢復(fù)正常 不然我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)出來的! 沒人瘋了 又一次為了推動(dòng)故事發(fā)展... 我和Ted有baby了瘋了! 神馬情況? -伙計(jì)們這是颶風(fēng)小子Stinson-Mosby -是Mosby-Stinson 你們給孩子取名颶風(fēng)小子?真是太... 不考慮用戶的感受了 先不說那個(gè)Barney怎么會(huì)有孩子的? 哥也不知道哥也很困惑 但后來哥發(fā)現(xiàn)最好接受事實(shí) 她超可愛的有木有? 等等額的神颶風(fēng)小子便便了 哈哈!便便娃! 她需要一塊新尿布 -沒錯(cuò)你家尿布放哪? -我家沒尿布 你家沒...好吧 我想我得去買點(diǎn) 都要當(dāng)媽媽的人居然連尿布都沒? 上帝啊保佑那孩子吧 -麻煩抱一下 -來這兒乖乖 我剛聽到奶酪拼盤哪呢? -來點(diǎn)奶酪? -多謝 如果你不介意... 我想知道到底出啥事了? 你是我認(rèn)識(shí)的人中最堅(jiān)強(qiáng)最獨(dú)立 最不可能在感恩節(jié)自鎖衛(wèi)生間的人 你...你為啥對(duì)我們搬家的事 反應(yīng)如此激烈? 也許我比想象中更離不開你們 你是不是還有其他煩心事? 這奶酪真不錯(cuò) -Robin? -嗯? 你覺得我該成為一個(gè)驅(qū)魔人嗎? 你死了這條心吧伙計(jì) 好吧Ted 我不問你Barney從哪搞來的這孩子 但你多少知道點(diǎn)原因? 幾天前我們聊到... "我們討厭姑娘我們?cè)敢鈹嚮?之類的話題 然后我們聊啊聊啊就聊到了... 領(lǐng)養(yǎng)一個(gè)孩子 -真是太瘋狂了 -我知道 -很瘋狂嗎? -是啊 -我知道真的很瘋狂嗎? -是 很瘋狂又怎樣? 我期待了很久遇到一個(gè)對(duì)的人組建家庭 但從未遇到過 Barney是我世上最好的朋友之一 我們幾乎不怎么爭吵 只要把寵物蛇的問題解決 我們一定能成為超級(jí)好奶爸 為啥我們不能試試? -你最后一次喂她是多久前? -她在車上喝了點(diǎn)根啤 天哪Ted 可你們也不能給孩子取名颶風(fēng)小子啊 實(shí)際上她叫Sadie James你怎么來了? Barney沒跟你說我們要來過感恩節(jié)嗎? 沒有 那他大概也沒跟你說 他在幫我照顧小女兒的事吧 這是你女兒?謝天謝地 恭喜你啦 多謝 爸爸抱 我想大概該說再見了颶風(fēng)...Sadie 你叫颶風(fēng)小子千萬別忘了 -去他那去吧 -來吧囡囡 Ted我不小心聽到了你剛說的話 那并不瘋狂 十來年前 我和我最好的朋友差點(diǎn)做了同樣的事情 她單身一人我也是 而我們都憧憬擁有一個(gè)家庭 情理之中可現(xiàn)在呢? 每一天我們都感激 上蒼保佑我們當(dāng)時(shí)沒那么做 因?yàn)槲覀兒髞碓儆鲆姷拿篮?.. 值得我們等待 -颶風(fēng)小子這名字真酷 -誰說不是呢Tom 寵物店離得近 所以我給她買了些便便板(寵物用的) 還有這個(gè)(磨牙棒)牛肉味的對(duì)牙齒好哦 James!Tom!嗨! Lily...收到郵件了嗎 說我邀請(qǐng)了James和Tom來過感恩節(jié)那封? 我發(fā)到你的CompuServe郵箱了 是你的常用郵箱沒錯(cuò)吧? -感恩節(jié)快樂老兄 -多謝 坐下說話吧 好吧我承認(rèn)James就是我的嬰兒男 但過去的三小時(shí)...不可思議不是嗎? 我們可以這樣的!說我們可以這樣! 我們不可以這樣抱歉老兄 我們得等到生命中對(duì)的那個(gè)人... 無論過程有多艱辛 那是相當(dāng)艱辛 我知道會(huì)很艱辛哥們兒 晚飯還得等會(huì)兒吧?我要去... 我要出去走走 好吧 靠 -我們還是朋友嗎? -希望是 聽我說Ted差點(diǎn)領(lǐng)養(yǎng)了個(gè)孩子 很瘋狂對(duì)吧? 那可憐的家伙剛經(jīng)歷了些傷痛 他還想把我拉下水 你能想象我當(dāng)爸爸的樣子嗎? 我懷孕了 第12集Kids,haveIevertoldyouthe storyofhowImetyourfather? Well,I'lljustskipaheadtothe momentItoldhimIwaspregnant. W...Whathappened?DidIpassout? Notexactly. I'mpregnant. Areyousureyou're notjustgettingfat? Oh,yeah. -So,um,you'repregnant. -Yeah. Lookslikenobodytoldyourboobs. Whathappened?DidIpassout? -Oh,my... -Pleasestophittingme! Are...Areyousureyou're... Well,no,notpositive.I'maweeklate. ButI'mneverlate;it's apointofpridewithme. I'mgoingtogoseethedoctor onMondaytofindoutforsure. Untilthen,notawordofthistoanyone. NotevenKevin?I mean,it'sprobablyhis. I'vespentyearstrainingmy boystoswimtheotherway. KevinandIhaven'thadsexyet. IfI'mpregnant,you'rethedad. That'swonderful! I'mgonnabeadaddy! Okay,onescotchforme,oneiced teaontherocksglassforMommy. -Stopit. -Sorry,sorry.Keepingitsecret. Oop,IthinkIgaveyouthe wrongone.Here,letmejust... Giveittome.Drop...let go.Takeitawayfromyou. Barney,whyareyousohappyaboutthis? Becausethisisperfect. Iwanttobeadad. Thisisnotgoodnews. Ihaveaboyfriend. Yeah,butifKevinweren'taround... Itdoesn'tmatter!Idon'twantkids. I'veneverwantedkids,and never,inamillionyears, willIeverwantkids. Sorry,kids. Ican'thaveababy. Hey,guys!Guesswhatthisis! Oneofyoursocks?Boom!You'rehuge. No,it'sourunborn son'sChristmasstocking. GrandmaGundersonstartedknitting itthedayLilyandIgotmarried. Shediedbeforeshecouldfinish. Imissstockings. MystepdadClintmadeusgetridofanythingthat remindshimofthecommercializatio