讀后續(xù)寫我如何按照老師要求創(chuàng)作自畫像講義-高三英語二輪復(fù)習(xí)

2024山東泰安一輪檢測卷讀后續(xù)寫I’vealwaysconsideredarttobe“mything”,theareawherehourstransformintothegracefuldanceofbrushesonpapers.Itwasasimpleday.Ifinishedmyotherclassesbeforegoingtomyfavoriteclass—art.Myteacher,abeautifulwomanwhoalwayssmiled,assignedourfinaltaskoftheyear:finishaselfportrait(自畫像).Ihadn’tdoneonesincesecondgrade.Thiswasgoingtobeaninterestingchallenge.IlookedthroughmyphotoalbumsassoonasIreturnedhome.ThefirstpictureIfoundwasmein7thgrade.Hmm.Myteethlookedalittlestrange.Thenextpicturewasmewithmyfriend.Ugh,therewasagiantdotonmycheek.Thethirdpicturewasmewithmylittlesister.Whatwasmyhairdoing?IdecidedIcouldn’tuseanyofthesephotographs.Iwenttomyroomandpulledupmymirror,facetofacewithmyreflection.Istartedwiththeoutline.First,Icapturedtheshapeofmyface.Isettledonsomeoddmixturebetweenoval(橢圓)andcircular(圓).Then,Icontinuedsketching(素描)theeyes,nose,mouth,earsandfinallymyhair.TheoutlinetookawhilebecauseIwantedittobebeautiful.ThenIworkedontheactualpaintingprocessforafewdays,makingsureeverydetailwasperfect.Finally,Ifinisheditaweekearly.Ipresentedittomyteacher,wholookedoveritandsighed,“Butweneedtodiscussthecriteriaofaselfportrait.Jennie,you’venotcapturedyouruniquefeatures,changingyourfaceintosomethingsimilartoafictionalcharacter.”Shethengavemetwooptions:submitthispaintingandlosepointsfornotfollowingthecriteria,ordoitagain,butthistimepletingarealselfportrait.第一段：Afterarrivinghome,Imadeadecision.第二段：WhenIsubmittedtheupdatedportrait,myteachersmiled.文本分析：所給材料僅4段，故事情節(jié)簡單，采用第一人稱講述，符合高考選材特點(diǎn)。老師要求學(xué)生完成一副自畫像，“我”在創(chuàng)作過程中過于美化自己，交出的第一稿讓老師失望。老師讓“我”二選一：要么降分，要么重新畫，畫出真實(shí)的自己。故事的主題語境非常清晰，是“人與自我”，教育考生學(xué)會(huì)正確認(rèn)識自我，豐富自我，完善自我。這是一道好題。續(xù)寫第一段原題開頭語是：Afterarrivinghome,Imadeadecision.目的是要求考生在材料結(jié)尾老師給出的二選一中作出正確的選擇。續(xù)寫第二段原題開頭語是：WhenIsubmittedtheupdatedportrait,myteachersmiled.后續(xù)情節(jié)交給考生安排。還有一處小改動(dòng)。在讀題時(shí)候腦海中浮現(xiàn)出主人公最后成功的情景。自畫像怎樣才算成功？熟人一看到畫像就能認(rèn)出是你。所以在材料最后一段里悄悄加人了主人公名字：Jennie，為考生續(xù)寫提供更多可能性，諸如可以寫“同學(xué)認(rèn)出Jennie自畫像之后尖叫起來”。根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段開頭語中theupdatedportrait，考生可以判斷出主人公要進(jìn)行第二次創(chuàng)作。所以續(xù)寫第一段主要內(nèi)容應(yīng)是，“我”根據(jù)老師意見，捕捉自己的長相特征，畫出真實(shí)的自己。問題來了，怎樣描寫繪畫過程？答案只有兩個(gè)字：模仿。讀后續(xù)寫是向原作者學(xué)習(xí)的過程。細(xì)讀文本，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)與繪畫相關(guān)的詞匯或表達(dá)有：thegracefuldanceofbrushesonpapers畫刷在紙上優(yōu)雅起舞selfportrait自畫像pullupmymirror支起鏡子reflection鏡像outline輪廓；畫輪廓capture捕捉theshapeofmyface臉型settleon選定oval橢圓circular圓sketch素描所給材料第二段，作者通過photoalbums(相冊)向我們暗示了主人公可能會(huì)有的面部特征：myteethlookedalittlestrange,agiantdotonmycheek,whatwasmyhairdoing；這些描述可以轉(zhuǎn)換為：alineofuneven(不整齊)teeth,afewspots(青春痘，文本中的agiantdot有可能是舊照片上的斑點(diǎn)),messyhair。當(dāng)然，考生也可以合理想象出其它長相特點(diǎn)。找出文本中這些詞匯，我們就可以按照預(yù)先情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)進(jìn)行寫作了：“我”決定重新繪畫，于是“我”支起鏡子，捕捉自己的真實(shí)特征，然后開始素描；完成總體輪廓之后，再用畫刷飛舞潤色，最后在截止日期前完工。需要注意的是，模仿不等于抄襲，在模仿中我們要學(xué)會(huì)超越文本，建構(gòu)屬于自己的個(gè)性表達(dá)。下水續(xù)寫第一段：Afterarrivinghome,Imadeadecision.Ipulledupmymirroragain.Whatgreetedmewasafamiliaryetsomewhatdifferentreflection:apairofsmalleyes,alineofuneventeethandquiteafewspots.Imperfectasitwas,IbelievedIhadcapturedarealself.Iquicklygotdowntoworkandpletedtheoutlinewithinhours.Inthenextfewdays,Iwastotallyimmersedinthegracefuldanceofbrushes.Thankfully,mysecondselfportraitwaspletedbeforethedeadline.(78words)下水文思路分析：你注意到?jīng)]有，在pulledupmymirror后面加上了again就不是抄襲，使用名詞性從句whatgreetedme(映入眼簾的)確保銜接緊湊，reflection前面加上different強(qiáng)調(diào)主人公的態(tài)度轉(zhuǎn)變，Imperfectasitwas一個(gè)倒裝句凸顯考生十年英文功底，“沉浸在畫刷優(yōu)雅的舞蹈中”有沒有驚艷到你？通常情況下，同一自然段里時(shí)間不會(huì)發(fā)生改變，寫inthenextfewdays是不是打臉了？非也！這是模仿所給材料第三段寫法！整段內(nèi)容緊緊圍繞第二次創(chuàng)作自畫像過程，而這一過程不可能一蹴而就。

續(xù)寫第二段開頭語有沒有似曾相識的感覺？是的，2023新課標(biāo)I卷，主人公作文比賽獲獎(jiǎng)后去辦公室向老師致謝。我們都一樣！“我”把第二次創(chuàng)作的自畫像交給老師，老師很滿意，夸獎(jiǎng)“我”啊，提議展出啊，“我”的小心臟啊，“我”的內(nèi)牛滿面啊，“我”的蛻變成長啊……下水續(xù)寫第二段：WhenIsubmittedtheupdatedportrait,myteachersmiled.“ThisiswhatIwant!”Hereyestwinkledwithpleasure.Thensheproposeddisplayingitatanexhibition.IagreedbutIcouldfeelmyselfblushing,knowingthatmyworkwouldn’tbethebestone.However,IwasconvincedthatitwasabetterversionofmyselfportraitandIwasbeingthebestversionofmyself.Yes,everyonewasunique.Icouldimaginemyclassmatesyellingwithexcitementatthesightofmypainting,“Look,thisisJennie!”(79words)下水文思路分析:用美術(shù)老師的一句簡短評論銜接首句，緊接著再刻畫一下老師的喜悅之情。老師提議展