小麥可的分析——issue全部官方范文的分析.docx

小麥可的分析issue全部官方范文的分析第一部分：awintro的解讀(略)第二部分：官方滿分范文的詳細分析注意：由于我的備份word格式和太傻格式不兼容，所以很多我的分析的顏色變化和粗細變化體現(xiàn)不出來，如果想要更好的效果，請下載后面的附件。那里是原版的?？瓷先ジ宄：呛侵x謝B- | J |# M+ X! F) q+ B& Y& ; U% V2 l托福第一篇文章. K G) 3 V+ I( M1 R( p0 F6 f2 xBoth the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.4 題目分析：核心概念是技術(shù)的發(fā)展，人們?nèi)绾卫眠@些發(fā)展（實際上就是人們?nèi)绾蚊鎸λ┻@兩點如何在社會中影響。題目給出了討論方向，即要考慮到人們在科技的影響下越來越孤獨的問題。題目限定了時間范圍是當代。; w5 O6 A, s6 + a注：深紅色的字代表論點性語言，是文章論證的核心。其中的關(guān)鍵字我用粗體表示。實際上文章的觀點只用這些深紅色的字就夠了，不信的話大家可以把所有深紅色的字提出來，全文的脈絡就清晰可辨了，如同人的脊梁骨。黑色的字代表支撐論點的語言。這里有些是例證，有些是推理證明，個別的有指路標性質(zhì)的文字我加粗了。黑色字的作用是使文章更佳的豐滿，讓人信服。推理證明就像骨頭（小骨頭非脊梁骨）,例證就像是肉。最終組成了有血有肉的文章。% E* ?: $ 5 f9 i7 o9 rTechnology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology. For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together. Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. 前面的幾句話都是在介紹大的背景，即技術(shù)在現(xiàn)在這樣的社會中有哪些影響，這很明顯是在點題目中的“modern civilizations ”，很好的介紹了文章所限制的范圍有哪些特點。從文字上來看，黑色的句子與棕色的句子的意思是完全一樣的，區(qū)別就是一個更加抽象，一個更加具體，后者是通過具體的例子來解釋前者的。這兩者都是必不可少的。我們在寫作文的時候是不是會忘記寫兩者中的其中一部分呢？Only very lately have Ergs descendants come to question the benefits of technology. 這個very lately用的很好，第一它再一次的點題了，很好的緊扣題目，第二它與第一句話中所介紹出來的背景遙相呼應，使得前后的連接很順當。本句以及以后幾句就開始提出與第一句話相反的意見了，但是只是將現(xiàn)象提出來，并沒有具體展開任何觀點。The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks. As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automations operating machinery in grim factories.開頭段分為兩個部分，一部分寫優(yōu)點，后一部分轉(zhuǎn)而寫有質(zhì)疑。很好的暗示了文章的結(jié)構(gòu)。我們可以清晰地知道作者的思路，并期待他在后面進行展開。并且通過細節(jié)處比如修飾語中的扣題，使得文章很好的緊扣題目。沒有任何模版的痕跡。0 q! P# j( n. F( g9 m1 X6 5 M4 g7 |2 9 I& V6 q3 ZThe benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous. They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines. Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home. He wont need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet.本段第一句話質(zhì)疑科技帶來的好處，這一句話引領(lǐng)出本段以及下一段。可以看作是一個過渡句。這里文章與開頭段落的銜接非常好，我們看：ambiguous不正是照應了question嗎？正是因為ambiguous人們才會question阿。本段的主題句實際上是第二句話。強調(diào)了科技的好的地方，使效率更高，人們之間的聯(lián)系更加緊密了。后面的四個例子分別證明了這一點。這里，有一點我想說的，就是關(guān)于例子的使用，在awintro中明確說了要怎么用例子來支持觀點：要么用幾個例子，要么用一個可以延伸的例子。我們看這篇文章Erg這個詞的頻繁使用，這樣的一個無限延伸的大例子不正是使文章連貫、論證有力的法寶嗎。同時，本段最后用了四個事例，實際上都是用erg給串連起來的，也包括下一段。安排的順序：事業(yè)=朋友=生存=娛樂，一步一步地指向個人的內(nèi)心世界，人的精神層面。7 e4 L) K3 y7 |5 _8 V2 n# a, y: TO) R5 2 s- Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision. Erg may be doing work, but is it real work? Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if its just digital? 本段主要講科技進步的負面，與上一段首句相照應。很好的承接了上一段落的內(nèi)容。同時，在例子論證方面，與上一段的每一個點都有照應。一步一步的將上一段質(zhì)疑。這種釜底抽薪的質(zhì)疑使得上一段看似很牛的證明崩潰。同志們看出來本文這種可延伸的一個大例子的威力了吧，在證明過程中那么的有力，在反駁過程中那么的徹底，而且連成一串使得總效果增加不少，這比單獨的列幾個不相干的例子要有效的多。Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless. The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data. We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. 上面兩句都是對上面棕紅色字的解釋，并且是從不同層面的進行的刻畫。第一句是對上一句的efficient、productive的解釋，其中we fear不正是對應了haunt嗎，第二句是對應于soulless的解釋。其中第二句是重點，因為下一自然段討論的就是他。In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.這一句話既是總結(jié)了上面所有的關(guān)于現(xiàn)狀的描述，同時，也作為承上啟下的過度句，逐步地將討論深化至精神層面，從而自然的引出下一段作者自己的觀點。+ P0 J! c3 t7 y# u6 k ( v4 R5 x) T/ f: 7 p3 f* D) P, DAs I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technologys original result. 前兩段都是作者分析現(xiàn)有的情況，分析題目中所給出的條件。而這一段則是作者提出自己的觀點，并且使得文章的論述深入到本質(zhì)。實際上這個就是作者的立場，這樣的定立場的方式很好啊，第二段第三段分別分析了原文的立場和反對原文的立場，可是作者并沒有同意任何一個，也沒有部分同意。本段從科技本質(zhì)出發(fā)，傾向于說科技的不好，但是不帶批評色彩，很聰明的另辟蹊徑，指向本源。這就避免了沖突。顯出自己的睿智。A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. 這兩句話是一層，通過plow的例子解釋了本質(zhì)。前一句舉出事實，后一句進行分析，指出本質(zhì)是占用了我們的空閑時間，直接指向科技的本質(zhì)（正如最后一段說的，這本質(zhì)就是科技與生活的失衡）。We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other.; o: C6 C8 v( X7 M) tWe stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.這兩句話是第二層，說明我們相互之間缺少了溝通和交流。直接指向科技的本質(zhì)（正如最后一段說的，這本質(zhì)就是科技與生活的失衡）。; / 3 x0 j/ |0 x2 b) e) p* n1 t. hWhile I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life. 本句話是全文的中心，前面幾段都是鋪墊，先說科技好和不好的方面，然后指向本質(zhì)。本段不僅點出本質(zhì)，而且給出了進一步的解決思路。（打個比方，這樣的論證方式就像是老師去差學生家訪，先說“你這孩子挺愛勞動的啊是個好孩子”，然后說“可是學習怎么那么差呢怎么老愛打架呢”，最后說本質(zhì)“老趙阿其實我知道你工作太忙了，又要評職稱又要炒股票沒工夫顧孩子。不過為了孩子，還是多抽出點時間關(guān)心下吧”，這樣的論證結(jié)構(gòu)下來，從表及內(nèi)，讓人感覺很有說服力?。￤e have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information. Now we need to apply that information, use the time were not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.最后給出了建議，具體的支撐了如何balance科技與生活。仔細看這三句不正是三段論嗎！大前提小前提結(jié)論。 w$ 1 I ?! 2 U: o+ k COMMENTARY . _& j( P: _3 z; E c8 This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language.4 b: ( 7 e! B( S( pThe essay immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history. p+ m$ 1 L& L, DThe writer maintains that a balance between technology and life is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.9 u1 & p- X W5 r: x* . m第二篇文章% b( o* W2 V6 dp4 G _, G2 OThe media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society. ; W3 # D; I7 E1 G3 w ?6bFor our grandparents it occurred through films and books. For the baby boomers it was a result of television and revolutionary music. No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent, the media have played a crucial role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.前面兩句話提出了背景對于不同的人，也暗示后面的論證入手點，即時間順序。第三句提出了論點，后面的官方評語贊揚這樣的立場有足夠的復雜性，同時在官方的Awintro中我們也可以多次看到，官方要求我們提出的觀點要越復雜越好。其實很多時候我們的想法確實很復雜，但是關(guān)鍵得讓人一眼就能看出來復雜啊，這里作者用的not simply就強烈的心理暗示了考官他所提出的觀點是復雜的。6 U- s% U& K) Y7 A& |During the roaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future. The once steadfast beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged. From where was all this rebellion stemming? Partly it was due to the returning doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war. 前面都是演繹背景，說明變化有多么的大，這里看似是對于全文的論述沒有多少的作用，但是這里的說明是很有必要的，因為只有先強調(diào)了變化有多么的大，然后再把原因歸咎于媒體上，才能突出媒體的作用多么的大。就好像我們想和別人說我們考了gre多么牛的時候，總是先要強調(diào)gre考試多么的難多么的變態(tài)，然后再說我們已經(jīng)搞定了他，這樣給人感覺就是更加的牛。另一方面，上面在最后給出了一種的解釋，然后在下面又予以分析，并提出了媒體作為更加重要的原因，這樣的論證方式讓人感覺很有一種討論的氣氛，我們先假設了一種答案，然后并不是完全否認他，而是提出了一個更為完美的解釋。潛在的作者的思維方式是，作者認為他如果單純寫媒體是主要的方式，會被讀者輕易的用回歸士兵來反駁，所以作者就先發(fā)制人，先提出了他因，然后自己分析回答，作者并不完全否定，而是稍加肯定后，再提出自己的更為好的答案，這樣作者的論證就顯得天衣無縫了。Nonetheless, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval that America experienced. There had to be another cause, and there was, the media. 本句話通過分析回歸士兵，進而提出了作者自己的觀點，即媒體作為社會劇變的主要因素。Although the films of the era were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created. Women in these movies wore their hemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts.這里給出了具體的事例。給although這一句話具體的解釋。即畫面本身也暗示了很多東東。 The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that America had never before experienced. Films portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the leisures of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade.這里給出了具體的事例，給出了上一句話具體的解釋，即電影體現(xiàn)出了人們對物質(zhì)的價值觀。 The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating. 這一句話總結(jié)了本段的觀點，即在二十世紀媒體促進了社會價值觀的變革。The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had ever known.這一句話寫了不好的一面，即社會的動蕩，這樣的論證使得作者的思路很辯證，有好有壞，不是一味的贊揚。: 7 7 f5 Z( O6 0 I; A; m) Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utilized the media in a way that appealed to those searching for truth in a lost and confused world. 這里從另一個時間點來論證了媒體的作用。本段強調(diào)媒體幫助我們了解真相。官方AWINTRO告訴我們，對于一個題目要應用到不同的領(lǐng)域去，不同的方面去。這里我們就看出來了作者的思路的靈活性，通過應用于不同的時間點來分析媒體對于人們生活的影響，從而最后得出媒體是更多的創(chuàng)造價值觀。Martin Luther King Jr. realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights. King urged his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society.馬丁如何利用媒體。By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race. Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil they faced at the hands of the government.利用媒體后達到了什么效果。 As a result, America relinquished the Jim Crow laws and saw many other groups press for their individual rights as well.Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of womens rights. 同樣的做法，還有那些成功的案例，這些案例有什么深遠的意義。經(jīng)過以上三層的闡述，層層深入，不斷地指向媒體讓我們了解事實真相這件事的本質(zhì)。本段很好的證明了作者的觀點，正是由于本段中提到的這些積極效果，才說明了媒體確實是創(chuàng)造了價值，有切實的作用。While the media helped to shape some attitudes about racism and gender it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies. 這就是本文的結(jié)尾，確實是沒說完，是個爛尾工程，government lies明顯就是需要進一步展開的，需要完整的一段證明的。從這里我們能體會到aw考試的本質(zhì)，就是看看我們是否有分析的能力，前面的論述已經(jīng)展示了作者的能力，所以后面的也就不需要了。ETS考察的不是作品，而是寫作品的人。它要通過文章看看我們行不行，既然在前面已經(jīng)看到了，后面就不用管了。打個比方，有些人，我們和他說一兩句話就能迅速知道這個人牛不牛，尤其是有的人說出一句話出來我們就知道這個人與眾不同。同樣的，ETS就是想知道我們牛不牛，而不是文章如何。但是這一切的前提是我們在前面已經(jīng)把重要的東西展示出來了，本文已經(jīng)在第一段就清楚的說出了作者的立場，后面也給出了清楚的證明。同學們，這給了我們什么啟示呢？一定要高度重視文章的前面的部分，要把最精深的東西最牛的東西，最清晰地分析放在最前面。, n* A/ _) Y. |( I6 Q5 % O1 a, 9 C4 UCOMMENTARY0 h/ _# Q. y, ?- O5 IThis is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished. The writers views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.+ * j0 Y$ I0 V% 9 n 3 Z% cwriters skill is apparent in the opening lines. The first words, For our grandparents it occurred, immediately spark the readers interest. The quick repetition of sentence structure and, once again, the intentionally vague use of it (For the baby boomers it was) effectively draw the reader in. By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity of the issue (not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well) and that the writer is fully in command of this discussion.& R8 X/ O n. : Mrest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the roaring twenties to the sixties and seventies. Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references. For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.% NN! A. F& XThroughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively. Word choice is precise (cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly (There had to be another cause, and there was, the media), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward (Unlike the twenties, the sixties? and By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.) j. X: C! L$ dOccasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in women? wore their hemlines? shorter than the decade before them), but they are not intrusive./ Y2 M2 : y0 u3 Z9 e) c# y) s$ RH; q- i$ zOther 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the medias role in Nixons Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion. q3 I& T0 l9 V, N& X1 w% n5 q3 THowever, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.) 第三篇文章Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could. Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nations boundaries. Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other. 4 K2 E% c7 Y& d# 6、iS: QCooperation-or Tragedy?3 a* T?: 2 t) S8 SThe solution to the worlds growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile. It has been said that environmental problems are global and respect no nations boundaries. Unfortunately, pollution and its consequences still fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything about it: poor countries willing to sacrifice anything in order to sit at the table with the worlds wealthy. 本段首句提出觀點：解決環(huán)境問題還需要稍事等待。這里的立場其實還是很不好理解的，關(guān)鍵就是awhile這個詞的理解，根據(jù)AHD字典的解釋：For a short time.可以看出，作者的意思是需要等待，但不能等待太久，一小會就夠。第二句話提出了題目的觀點，第三句話實際上是分析第二句話，指出題目中的現(xiàn)實情況，large measure是與awhile相對應的，實際情況是要等很長時間，作者觀點是等一下下就行了，這就是對比，這就是需要論證的地方。說實話，本題的作者的觀點并不容易輕易地看出來，關(guān)鍵就是弄清awhile這個詞的準確含義。As far as the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. Environmental destruction taking place outside their borders may sometimes be fodder for government pronouncements of concern, but few concrete actions. 本段是分析現(xiàn)實情況，指出現(xiàn)在的國家采取的具體措施太少。這里值得注意的就是本段回應了題目的第一句話，題目說可以淡化國界，這里就從現(xiàn)實出發(fā)，首先讓步性的肯定了對于別國的事情會有關(guān)心，然后指出不會具體干涉，并在后面給出了事例的證明。Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing. But the only effective deterrent to this activity, the restriction of international aid money to those countries showing net deforestation, has been stalled in the United Nations by those unwilling to interfere in the internal politics of other nations.)Because of the differential impact of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue to promulgate only modest environmental regulations. 本段說具體的措施過于溫和。本段與上一段的內(nèi)在邏輯聯(lián)系為：上一段說措施很少，本段說即使有，也過于溫和。并在后面給出了具體的解釋，為什么溫和。同樣在本句話前半句也給出了解釋，即地區(qū)國家的不同會使得措施不力。這樣就一共有兩種解釋。Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of todays pollution-control measures will be stacked against the unknown long-term effects of polluting actitivities.本句話具體解釋了在何時溫和，由于那些長期影響的措施的力度不及短期影響的措施的力度，所以長期影響的措施顯得有些溫和了。并且在后面給出了引用的話來作為證明。作者引用的這句話很好，因為這句話本身就能充分的解釋上述觀點，這就給我們找例子提供了一條思路，即先想好并寫好論證語言，然后再把它括起來，說是某個人說的。這樣使得我們的文章看上去很生動避免了大段的說理，同時又能把事情給說清楚。 Why should I spend millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful? Show me the proof, an air polluting company may demand.從上一段到這一段，內(nèi)在的聯(lián)系是十分緊密的，仔細揣摩，這里的論證方式就是具體-具體-再具體，像是一個放大鏡一樣一步一步讓我們看到我們關(guān)心的細節(jié)，先分析了有多少措施，有分析了這些措施里有多少是有用的。從而徹底的論證了目前的情況，讓讀者清楚的看到目前的現(xiàn)狀，那就是：目前的情況不容樂觀。) c H c/ s!Realistically, it wont be until critical mass is achieved that the hoped for choice of unity and cooperation will be a viable one.這里實際上還是就著上一段中的長期效應來說的。作者從這里入手，提出了我們不應該忽略長期效應，并在本段后面解釋了為什么不能忽略長期效應。Only when the earth as a whole is so polluted that life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the worlds people will there likely be the political will to force global environmental laws on governments worldwide. 這是目前的現(xiàn)狀，即沒有大的災難*不會出資。But the optimists (read: environmental activists) among us continue to believe that the world can be shown the error of its ways. They continue to point out that the sky is probably falling-or at least developing a big hole. The world, as a whole, ignores them.這幾句話指出了其實現(xiàn)在問題已經(jīng)在越來越嚴重了，我們并沒有意識到這種嚴重，實際上大的災難正在一步一步向我們逼近，并且從某些角度上來說災難已經(jīng)來臨，如臭氧空洞。從而證明了段首句。One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a strengthened U.N., could somehow be forced to realize that when the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be too late to do anything about it. That would be a common tragedy indeed.最后一段指出了我們不能忽略，語言用的很好，這樣的語言用法強調(diào)了不能忽略，并呼吁我們要重視長期的效應。和第一段的立場結(jié)合起來，就是我們要采取行動了，不能等太久。同學們，這篇文章其實思路非常清楚，就是先用放大鏡從錯綜復雜的現(xiàn)實中逐步逐步的找到問題的關(guān)鍵所在，即長期效應沒有給與充分的重視，然后再最后兩段里指出了現(xiàn)在的認識是錯誤的，我們要給與足夠的重視。從而又回歸原題宗旨。總的思路就是縮-縮-放-放。 ( JW Z1 K2 gr7 F( I2 j. b. q; T7 i; COMMENTARY2 A5 N2 o0 u. e+ This excellent response displays an in-depth analysis of the issue and superi