孔雀東南飛-英語搞笑短劇劇本

..焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’smother(jmforshort)劉母lunch’smother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)強盜burglars(abandc)prologue序幕(j作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybodysaysthati’mhenpecked,butinfact,istrongtiger,(’小m聲a)whilemywifeiswusong.譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺處的門大聲道 )i’mnotafraidofyou!譯：我才不怕你呢！(內砸出一臉盆,j接住當成盾牌護著頭)then,i’mafraidofwhom!mywifelunchiisthemostfamouswomanintheneighborhood.sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.allthisidonotcare.ionlywanthertobetendererthanme.butsheisnot!havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!譯：誰怕誰?。≡卩徖镏?，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中?。?內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)mygod!whocanhelpme?(下)譯：我的天！誰來救救我??？act1第一幕(序幕結束時,jm作竊聽狀)jm(拄拐棍上):ican!;....(對門內)lunch!lunch!whereareyou?l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):i ’mhere!what ’，msupm?jm:ihavetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-inlaw-”.l:ok.mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-inlaw,-what ’sup?jm:sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazyl:butjm:neverinterruptme!l:neverinterruptme!sinceimarriedyourson,thatterriblejohnny,ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenandjm:butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!l(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(開始解圍裙)goandaskyourson.i’mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l:mum,i’mback!lm:youareback?why?whathappened?l:iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):see!ihavealreadytoldyou!whenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterriblejohnny,itoldyouthatheisugly,stupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlistentome.lookatyourselfl:but,mumlm:neverinterruptme!mum,i’mnotinterruptingyou.ijustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightok?Andi’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.;....lm(大喜):nicegirl!justnow,imetthemayor’ssoninthesaid,market“.ifyourdaughterhaven’tbeenmarried,reallyreallywanttomarryher!”nowyouarefreeagain,i’andllgotellhim.(下)l(驚愕):what?themayor’sson?themostfamousplayboyintheneighborhood?手(中的鍋鏟掉在地上)whatasillythingihavedone!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(邊走邊道):lunch!lunch!wherearemysocks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)heretheyare!(聞一下)er!howsmelly!theyarestilldirty!(突然想起)lunchhasgone!ihavetowashthemmyself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)oh,i’msohungry!butthere’snobreakfast!(撿起地上的圍裙)thisiswhatlunchalwayswears!imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Nowshehasgone.ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.jm(上):where’smybreakfast?wherelunch?’shasn’tshegotupyet?j:mum,can’tyouremember?lunchhasgone!jm(沉吟片刻):well,totellyouthetruthjohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.lunchisanicegirl,goandtakeherback!j(立正敬禮):yesmadam!act4(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜 )a:heyyou!stopandlistentous!theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上 )b:andiplantedonetree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上 )c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了 a的腳)ab&c:giveusallyourmoney!j(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出 1角硬幣):is1maoenough?(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在一邊商量 )a:whatbadluck!thisguyisbroken!;....ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarrymisslanzhiliunextmonth.wecangoandrobthewedding!a&b:goodidea!j(驚訝):what?what?lunchisgoingtogetmarried?it ’simpossible!ab&c:why?aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!j:butlunchismywife!wehaven’tgotdivorced突然有yet!(了主意)i’vegotanidea!youaregoingtorobthewedding,donyou?i’lltgowithyou.youtakethemoneyanditakethebride.b:haveyougotanyexperience?j:no.buti’vegotthis!(j脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)act5(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺)(j和三強盜躍至臺中)abc&j:heyyou!stopandlistentous!theroadisbuiltbyme!andiplantedonetree.ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---j:giveusallyourmoney!(l聽到j的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)l(驚喜萬分):johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到 j的身邊并躲到了的身后 )(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l暈倒)j(火冒三丈):how