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Unit8TheDiscusThrowerRichardSelzer1 Ispyonmypatients.Oughtnotadoctortoobservehispatientsbyanymeansandfromanystancethathemighttakeforthemorefullyassembleevidence?SoIstandinthedoorwaysofhospitalroomsandgaze.Oh,itisnotallthatfurtiveanact.Thoseinbedneedonlylookuptodiscoverme.Buttheyneverdo.2 FromthedoorwayofRoom542themaninthebedseemsdeeplytanned.Blueeyesandclose-croppedwhitehairgivehimtheappearanceofvigorandgoodhealth.ButIknowthathisskinisnotbrownfromthesun.Itisrusted,rather,inthelaststageofcontainingthevilereposewithin.Andtheblueeyesarefrosted,lookinginwardlikethewindowsofasnowboundcottage.Thismanisblind.Thismanisalsolegless―therightlegmissingfrommidthighdown,theleftfromjustbelowtheknee.Itgiveshimthelookofabonsai,rootsandbranchesprunedintothedwarfedfacsimileofagreattree.3 Proppedonpillows,hecupshisrightthighinbothhands.Nowandthenheshakeshisheadasthoughacknowledgingtheintensityofhissuffering.Inallofthishemakesnosound.Ishemuteaswellasblind?4Theroominwhichhedwellsisemptyofallpossessions―noget-wellcards,small,privatecachesoffood,day-oldflowers,slippers,alltheusualkickshawsofthesickroom.Thereisonlythebed,achair,anightstand,andatrayonwheelsthatcanbeswungacrosshislapformeals.5“Whattimeisit?”heasks.“Threeo’clock.”“Morningorafternoon?”“Afternoon.”Heissilent.Thereisnothingelsehewantstoknow.“Howareyou?”Isay.“Whoareyou?”heasks.“It’sthedoctor.Howdoyoufeel?”Hedoesnotanswerrightaway.“Feel?”hesays.“Ihopeyoufeelbetter,”Isay.Ipressthebuttonatthesideofthebed.“Downyougo,”Isay.“Yes,down,”hesays.6Hefallsbackuponthebedawkwardly.Hisstumps,unweightedbylegsandfeet,riseintheair,presentingthemselves.Iunwrapthebandagesfromthestumps,andbegintocutawaytheblackscabsandthedead,glazedfatwithscissorsandforceps.Ashardofwhitebonecomesloose.Ipickitaway.Iwashthewoundswithdisinfectantandredressthestumps.Allthiswhile,hedoesnotspeak.Whatishethinkingbehindthoselidsthatdonotblink?Isherememberingatimewhenhewaswhole?Doeshedreamoffeet?Orwhenhisbodywasnotarottinglog?7Heliessolidandinert.Inspiteofeverything,heremainsimpressive,asthoughhewereasailorstandingathwartaslantingdeck.“AnythingmoreIcandoforyou?”Iask.Foralongmomentheissilent.“Yes,”hesaysatlastandwithouttheleastirony.“Youcanbringmeapairofshoes.”Inthecorridor,theheadnurseiswaitingforme.“Wehavetodosomethingabouthim,”shesays.“Everymorningheordersscrambledeggsforbreakfast,and,insteadofeatingthem,hepicksuptheplateandthrowsitagainstthewall.”“Throwshisplate?”“Nasty.That’swhatheis.Nowonderhisfamilydoesn’tcometovisit.Theyprobablycan’tstandhimanymorethanwecan.”Sheiswaitingformetodosomething.“Well?”“We’llsee,”Isay.8ThenextmorningIamwaitinginthecorridorwhenthekitchendelivershisbreakfast.Iwatchtheaideplacethetrayonthestandandswingitacrosshislap.Shepressesthebuttontoraisetheheadofthebed.Thensheleaves.9Intimethemanreachestofindtherimofthetray,thenontofindthedomeofthecovereddish.Heliftsoffthecoverandplacesitonthestand.Hefingersacrosstheplateuntilheprobestheeggs.Heliftstheplateinbothhands,setsitonthepalmofhisrighthand,centersit,balancesit.Heheftsitupanddownslightly,gettingthefeelonit.Abruptly,hedrawsbackhisrightarmasfarashecan.10Thereisthecrackoftheplatebreakingagainstthewallatthefootofhisbedandthesmallwetsoundofthescrambledeggsdroppingtothefloor.人也受不了?!彼戎易鳇c什么?!澳阏f呢?”“我們看看該怎么辦?!蔽艺f。8第二天早上廚房送餐時我等在走廊里。我看著助手將盤子放在托板上,托板移到他大腿上方。她按下按鈕把床頭升高,隨后離開。9他很快摸索著找到了托板的邊緣,接著又找到了盤子上的蓋子。他揭開蓋子把它放在托板上。他用手指在盤子上摸索著,直到摸到了炒蛋。他雙手端起盤子,放到右手上,移到手心里,然后把它穩(wěn)住。他上下掂著盤子尋找感覺。突然,他把右臂盡量繃直伸向后方。10盤子被扔到床腳處的墻上發(fā)出碎裂聲,還有炒蛋掉落在地板上發(fā)出的濕濕的輕響。11然后他笑了。這是你聞所未聞的笑聲。這是陽光下新奇的聲音??梢灾斡┌Y的聲音。外面的走廊上,護(hù)士長的眼睛瞇縫起來?!八α?,對吧?”她往寫字夾板上寫了點什么。12第二名助手來了,用托盤送來第二份早飯,把它放在床頭柜上他夠不著的地方。她看著我搖搖頭,只是動了動嘴唇。我明白我們得合作一下。13“我只好喂你了,”她對他說。“哦,不,不用?!彼f?!芭叮?,我得幫你?!敝终f,“因為你剛才的表現(xiàn)。護(hù)士說得喂你?!薄鞍盐倚幽脕怼!彼f?!斑@是燕

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