高三期中聯(lián)考作文評(píng)講（徐曉英）

熱烈歡迎武昌區(qū)名師工作室成員及同行蒞臨指導(dǎo)！WelcometoWuchangExperimentalHighSchool!湖北省武昌實(shí)驗(yàn)中學(xué)

徐曉英WritingPolishment－Howtoimproveyourwriting

假定你是李華，前不久利用國(guó)慶假期與家人外出游玩并入住某國(guó)際連鎖酒店。下面是酒店的外籍經(jīng)理Mr.Wayne在最近給你發(fā)來(lái)征求反饋意見(jiàn)(feedback)的電子郵件。請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下要點(diǎn)寫(xiě)一封回郵：1.對(duì)本次酒店入住體驗(yàn)表示肯定；

2.酒店僅在公共區(qū)域提供免費(fèi)WiFi，而房間WiFi收費(fèi)過(guò)高，希望改進(jìn)；

3.祝愿酒店越辦越好。DearLiHua,ThankyouforyourrecentstayatHotelWestin,whereyouspentyourholidayfromOct1st

toOct3rdWewouldgreatlyappreciateitifyouwouldtakethetimetogivesomefeedbackonyourstay,whichwillhelpustoimproveourservice.Doyoulikethefacilitiesofthehotel?Doyouenjoythefoodofthehotelrestaurant?Areyousatisfiedwiththeserviceofthehotelstaffs?Anyotheradvice?Thankyouforyourtime.WelookforwardtowelcomingyoubacktoWestininthenearfuture.Sincerely,BruceWayneAppreciationTime

DearMr.Wayne,

ThankyouforyourE-mailandIamgladtogivefeedbackonmyrecentstayatWestinHotel.Thereisnodenyingthatmy3-daystayatyourhotelhasbeenthemostmemorabletimeinmyholidays.Featuringmodernfacilitiesandstylishdecoration,Westinguaranteedmyfamiliescomfortandrelaxation.Furthermore,weenjoyedthetastefuldishesofthehotelrestaurantwherevariouscuisinesareserved.Ofalltheadvantages,themostimpressiveisthehelpfulstaff.Itwasyourhospitalityandconsiderationoneverydaybasisthatmademefeelathome.However,thereisroomforimprovementasfortheWiFiservice,sincethefreeWiFiaccessisonlyavailableinpublicareaandthepaidWiFiserviceinguestroomisovercharged.Ihopemyfeedbackwouldbeofgreathelptoyourbetterserviceandbusiness.Yoursfaithfully,LiHua

DearMr.Wayne,

ThankyouforyourE-mailandIamgladtogivefeedbackonmyrecentstayatWestinHotel.

Thereisnodenyingthatmy3-daystayatyourhotelhasbeenthemostmemorabletimeinmyholidays.Featuringmodernfacilitiesandstylishdecoration,Westinguaranteedmyfamiliescomfortandrelaxation.Furthermore,weenjoyedthetastefuldishesofthehotelrestaurantwherevariouscuisinesareserved.Ofalltheadvantages,themostimpressiveisthehelpfulstaff.Itwasyourhospitalityandconsideration

oneverydaybasisthatmademefeelathome.

However,thereisroomforimprovementasfortheWiFiservice,sincethefreeWiFiaccessisonlyavailableinpublicareaandthepaidWiFiserviceinguestroomisovercharged.Ihopemyfeedbackwouldbeofgreathelptoyourbetterserviceandbusiness.Yoursfaithfully,LiHua

ConsultationTime!

(專(zhuān)家會(huì)診)

Instruction:

Youareallexpertstoday.Byhavingaconsultation(會(huì)診),youwillfindouttheproblems.

Assessthewritingbyusingthecriteriaform.

TickYes/NoQuestionintheform.

Whatisthemostseriousproblem?

TreatmentTime!

Revising1.Correctthemistakesifany,usingacolouredpen.2.Exchangeideaswithyourgroupmember.(Seekyourteacher'shelpifnecessary.)3.Don'tchangethemeaningoftheoriginalsentence.

Rewriteitinanotherway.

Firstofall,Iwouldgivemygratitudetoyourextraordinarywork,includingyourroomserviceandtheadvancedfacilitiesinyourhotel.Whatimpressedmemostwasyourenthusiasticwaitresseswhoalwaysthinkfromourviewpointandarealwaystherenomatterhowlateitwas.Thefoodwas

awesome.YouhadnoideahowdelightedIwaswhenIfoundtherewereallkindsofChinesefoodandallofthemweresodelicious.Buttherewasstilloneproblemthatbotheredme.Yourhoteldoesn'thavefreeWiFiinrooms.ThefreeWiFicanonlybeusedinthereceptiondeskandtheroomWiFiissoexpensive.Thisistheonlythingforyoutoimprove.

Iwishyourhotelcanbecomebetter.RevisedVersion

CosmeticSurgeryTime!

⑧Firstofall,Iwouldgivemygratitudetoyourextraordinarywork,includingyourroomserviceandtheadvancedfacilitiesinyourhotel.Whatimpressedmemostwasyourenthusiasticwaitresseswhoalwaysthoughtfromcustomers'pointofviewandwerealwaystherenomatterhowlateitwas.Thefoodwasawesome.YouhadnoideahowdelightedIwaswhenIfoundtherewereallkindsofChinesefood⑤andallofthemweresodelicious.

⑨Buttherewasstilloneproblemthatbotheredme.Yourhoteldoesn'thavefreeWiFiinguestrooms.⑥ThefreeWiFicanonlybeusedinthereceptionareaandtheWiFiinguestroomsis④soexpensive.⑦Thisistheonlythingforyoutoimprove.

⑩Iwishyourhotelcanbecomebetter.PolishtherevisedversionGroupdiscussionPolishing

1.Replace???④withvariedwordsorphrases.短語(yǔ)優(yōu)先