Lecture-1(專四寫作)教學(xué)課件

Lecture1(專四寫作)Lecture1(專四寫作)Lecture1(專四寫作)Lecture1

GeneralIntroductionCompositionNote-writingGeneralIntroductionofCompositionEvaluationcriterioninTEM4StepsinwritingacompositioninTEM4ThreemainpartsofacompositioninTEM4EvaluationCriterioninTEM4(III)在實(shí)際評(píng)分中，專業(yè)英語(yǔ)四級(jí)作文考試評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)分五個(gè)等級(jí)，即優(yōu)秀：14-15分；良好：11-13分；一般：8-10分；較差：5-7分；極差：4分及以下。閱卷人員根據(jù)閱卷標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，打出各分項(xiàng)分，計(jì)算機(jī)自動(dòng)計(jì)算總分。各檔的具體描述為：優(yōu)秀：切題。思想表達(dá)清楚，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，連貫性好，基本無(wú)語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。良好：切題。思想表達(dá)清楚，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，連貫性較好，語(yǔ)言通順，但有少量語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。一般：基本切題。思想表達(dá)比較清楚，結(jié)構(gòu)基本合理，連貫性較好，但語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤較多，其中有少量嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。較差：基本切題。思想表達(dá)不夠清楚，結(jié)構(gòu)不夠合理，連貫性較差，有較多嚴(yán)重的語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。或者，其他方面尚可，但跑題。極差：條理不清，思想紊亂，語(yǔ)言支離破碎或大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，且多數(shù)為嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。或者，其他方面一般，而且跑題。評(píng)分中對(duì)字?jǐn)?shù)的要求：170-230之間為宜，累計(jì)字?jǐn)?shù)在150-170之間，扣1分；累計(jì)字?jǐn)?shù)在130-150之間，扣2分；累計(jì)字?jǐn)?shù)在110-130之間，扣3分；累計(jì)字?jǐn)?shù)在90-110之間，扣4分；累計(jì)字?jǐn)?shù)在90以下，至多給5分。StepsinWritingaCompositioninTEM4ReadingdirectionsBrainstormingOutliningWritingRevising時(shí)量分配:readingdirections+brainstorming+outlining約10分鐘，writing約20分鐘，revising約5分鐘。ReadingDirections不僅僅是瀏覽一下標(biāo)題，而是要認(rèn)真讀和分析相關(guān)部分，明確寫作目的和要求。在歷年TEM4寫作閱卷中發(fā)現(xiàn)，審題錯(cuò)誤（跑題、部分跑題）是學(xué)生經(jīng)常犯的錯(cuò)誤，從而導(dǎo)致作文不及格。審題錯(cuò)誤主要原因：只看標(biāo)題中的一兩個(gè)字，忽略整體，思路走岔，不達(dá)要求；只看標(biāo)題不看其他部分，對(duì)作文理解產(chǎn)生偏差，內(nèi)容不符；不認(rèn)真閱讀分析寫作項(xiàng)目中對(duì)篇章布局的要求，結(jié)構(gòu)失衡。作文題目解析TEM4作文題目一般由四個(gè)部分組成(以2010年題目為例)1.情景介紹Itwasrecentlyreportedinanewspaperthatsixstudentswhosharedadormatalocaluniversityhiredacleanertodolaundryandcleaningonceaweek.Andeachofthempaidher60yuanamonth.Thishasledtoaheateddebateastowhethercollegestudentsshouldhirecleaner.2.標(biāo)題

WriteonANSWERSHEETTHREEacompositionofabout200wordsonthefollowingtopic：ShouldCollegeStudentsHireCleaners?3.寫作要求Youaretowriteinthreeparts.Inthefirstpart,stateclearlywhatyourviewis.Inthesecondpart,supportyourviewwithappropriatereasons.Inthelastpart,bringwhatyouhavewrittentoanaturalconclusionorasummary.4.評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)Markswillbeawardedforcontent,organization,grammarandappropriateness.Failuretofollowtheaboveinstructionsmayresultinalossofmarks.審題錯(cuò)誤(1)Recently,thereportofsixcollegestudentshiredacleanertodolaundryhasledtoheateddebate.Ithinkitisawisewayforcollegestudentstohireacleanertodolaundry.Besides,weshouldalsorespectthecleanerbecauseofthefollowingthreereasons.比較題目：

ShouldCollegeStudentsHireCleaners?審題錯(cuò)誤(2)

Nowadays,therehasbeenacontroversyamongpeopleastowhethercollegestudentsshouldhirecleanersornot.Somepeopleholdthatitisnecessarybecauseitsavestimeandenergy,whileothersdon’tthinkit’sbeneficialforcollegestudentstohirecleaners.AsfarasI’mconcerned,weshoulddothecleaningbyourselveswhichhasmoreadvantagethandisadvantage.

Firstly,ourcollegestudentsarestillatastageofpursuingknowledgeandstrugglingforabrightfuture,andwecanandshoulddolaundryandcleaningbythemselves.Theycouldpossiblyformintoabadhabitofdependingonothersiftheyhirecleaners.Providedtheyadoptedthesameattitudetowardtheirstudy,theywouldprobablyfailintheirstudy;therefore,theycan’tfulfilltheirowngoals.Secondly,doingcleaningourselvescanmakeusphysicallystrongandhealthy.Themoreyoudo,themoreenergeticandstrongeryouwillbe.Inaddition,doingcleaningourselvescanhelpusmakeourroomclearandtidy.Acleanenvironmentforstudyisveryimportant,andifwecancleantheroomeverydaybyourselves,we’llfeelcomfortableandrelaxed,whichhelpstoimproveourstudy.

該作文只得到7分，因?yàn)閷忣}有偏差，討論視角在于大學(xué)生自己打掃的優(yōu)點(diǎn)。

ThreeMainPartsofaCompositionBeginning/Introduction(15%)Middle/Body(70%)End/Conclusion(15%)Youaretowriteinthreeparts.Inthefirstpart,stateclearlywhatyourviewis.Inthesecondpart,supportyourviewwithappropriatereasons.Inthelastpart,bringwhatyouhavewrittentoanaturalconclusionorasummary.Beginning/Introduction2tasksofintroductionA.Arousethereaders’interest.B.Introduceyourmainidea.EffectivewaysofintroductionA.BeginwithaquestionB.Beginwithabrief/shortstoryC.BeginwithaquoteD.BeginwithbackgroundinformationE.Beginwithfigures/statisticsSampleIntroduction1

Howshouldwebringupourchildren?Parentsarefondofaskingthatquestion,andtheyshouldbe.Withtheimprovementofpeople’slife,mostChinesefamiliesdonotmindspendingmoneyonexpensivefoodandtoysfortheirchildren.However,itisafalsebeliefthataneasylifefostersusefulpersons.SampleIntroduction2Therewasanunfortunatefamily.Thefatherleft,leavingthemotherandaseven-year-oldsoninanearlyemptyhouse.Themotherdidnotgiveup,andsheplacedallherhopeontheboy.Shecouldbearallhardshipsinlife,butnotalowgradetheboygotfromschool.Oneday,thetiredmothersawanexampaperscored80onthetable.Inafitofmadnessshebeathersontodeath,andthenkilledherself.Thistragedyraisesaquestion:Areexamscoressoimportant?IthinkparentsinChinashouldhaveacorrectattitudetowardsschoolgrades.SampleIntroduction3

SophiaLoren,anItalianfilmstar,oncesaid:“Beautyishowyoufeelinsideanditreflectsinyoureyes.Itisnotsomethingphysical.”Shewasright.However,moreandmorepeoplenowadaysspendafortuneonplasticsurgery,hopingthattheymightgainamorebeautifulfaceorfigure.Plasticsurgerycanchangepeople’slooks,buttheydonotgivepeoplebeauty.SampleIntroduction4Jobinterviewhasbeenattachedspecialimportanceto,becauseinthecompetitivejobmarketitisthefirstthresholdtojobs,anditdecideswhetheragraduatewillgetanidealjob.Amongvariousfactorsinfluencinganinterview,inmyeyes,displayingoneselfproperlyisthemostimportantthing.SampleIntroduction5ItisatraditionalcustomforChineseold,sickpeopletolivewiththeirchildrenandtheirgrandchildren.Inthiswaytheyoungpeoplecanexpresstheirgratefulnessandshowrespectforthem.Butintherecentdecades,thependulumhasswungintheoppositedirection.AccordingtoasurveyconductedinShanghaialonein2001,nearly52%oftheoldandsickparentswereplacedinthenursinghomes.Althoughmanypeoplefrownonit,Idon’tthinkitisabadtendency.End/Conclusion2tasksofconclusion:Summarizethemainpointsdiscussedinthebody/Restatethethesis.Givethereadersadeeperimpression.

Pointstopayattentionto:Donotintroducenewideas.Donotrepeatthethesis.閱卷教師看完結(jié)尾后開(kāi)始打分，所以文章結(jié)尾的好壞會(huì)直接影響到閱卷教師的評(píng)分心理。注意：一定有結(jié)尾，并且盡可能寫好結(jié)尾。2010年考生作文1

Recentlyanewspaperreportedthatsomestudentshiredacleanertodolaundryandcleaningintheuniversity.Thishasledtoaheateddebateastowhethercollegestudentsshouldhirecleaners.AsfarasIamconcerned,itisnotwisetohireacleanerforcollegestudents,butyoucantryifyouwant.Ontheonehand,universityisaplacewherewestudybutnotplayorspendmoneyforfun.Studyinginuniversityisespeciallybeneficialforustobecomemoreindependent.Supposeyouhireacleaner,you’llbelazy,whichisactuallyagainstouroriginalpurposeofgoingtouniversity.Ontheotherhand,ifyouhireacleaner,itwillcostalotofmoney.Inmyopinion,weshouldalwayskeepthisinmind:weareusingourparents’money!Ingeneral,mostoftheuniversitystudentsareallstillthecustomer.Theycouldnotearnthemoneybythemselves.Ifyouhireacleaner,itwillabsolutelyincreaseyourparents’burden.Theburdenwillmakeyourparentsworkharder.Weshoulddoourbesttoremovetheburdenbydoingpart-timejoborbysavingsomemoney.Inoticethatsomeofmyclassmatesaresellingnewspaperorsomeelectronicproductsincampus.Theyaregoodstudentsthatweshouldfollow.Allinall,hiringacleanerisnotagoodchoiceforouruniversitystudents.Wecoulddothecleaningbyourselvesandsupportourselves.Butifyouwanttotry,justtryit!2010年考生作文1評(píng)析

該作文獲得8分，沒(méi)有及格。專家評(píng)語(yǔ)：審題大致切題，結(jié)構(gòu)不嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，層次不夠分明；沒(méi)有緊扣論點(diǎn)進(jìn)行分析討論，論證缺乏說(shuō)服力；表述比較混亂，越到后來(lái)，邏輯性越差；銜接不夠自然順暢，語(yǔ)言規(guī)范性和準(zhǔn)確性都有問(wèn)題。Recentlyanewspaperreportedthatsomestudentshiredacleanertodolaundryandcleaningintheuniversity.Thishasledtoaheateddebateastowhethercollegestudentsshouldhirecleaners.AsfarasIamconcerned,itisnotwisetohireacleanerforcollegestudents,butyoucantryifyouwant.TheFirstPart前面的generalstatement還行，后面從“AsfarasIamconcerned”開(kāi)始的thesisstatement有點(diǎn)畫蛇添足，反而使得觀點(diǎn)模糊不清。

TheSecondPartOntheonehand,universityisaplacewherewestudybutnotplayorspendmoneyforfun.Studyinginuniversityisespeciallybeneficialforustobecomemoreindependent.Supposeyouhireacleaner,you’llbelazy,whichisactuallyagainstouroriginalpurposeofgoingtouniversity.Ontheotherhand，

ifyouhireacleaner,itwillcostalotofmoney.Inmyopinion,weshouldalwayskeepthisinmind:weareusingourparents’money!

ontheotherhand，另一方面，是指一方面和另一方面的比較。有的學(xué)生經(jīng)常誤以為ontheonehand和ontheotherhand之間是遞進(jìn)或者并列的關(guān)系，這是錯(cuò)誤的。該對(duì)短語(yǔ)一般是用于提出兩個(gè)相反的事物和看法，是introducingtwocontrastingpoints,facts,orwaysoflookingatsomething。

這里用了顯得邏輯不清，可以用besides,furthermore,what’smore,moreover等來(lái)表示“再者”，“此外”。

TheThirdPart

Ingeneral,mostoftheuniversitystudentsareallstillthecustomer.Theycouldnotearnthemoneybythemselves.Ifyouhireacleaner,itwillabsolutelyincreaseyourparents’burden.Theburdenwillmakeyourparentsworkharder.Weshoulddoourbesttoremovetheburdenbydoingpart-timejoborbysavingsomemoney.Inoticethatsomeofmyclassmatesaresellingnewspaperorsomeelectronicproductsincampus.Theyaregoodstudentsthatweshouldfollow.這里思路和結(jié)構(gòu)的嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)都出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題，扯到burden方面去了?！叭绾螠p輕父母的負(fù)擔(dān)，有些同學(xué)是怎么做的……”。不少學(xué)生都有這樣的問(wèn)題，思路混亂，缺乏邏輯性，一不小心就扯遠(yuǎn)了，不能緊扣論點(diǎn)展開(kāi)。2010年考生作文2

Thenewsthatsixcollegestudentshirethecleanerhasprovokedheateddiscussioninthesociety.Althoughmanypeoplecondemnedthemforbeing“l(fā)azy”and“dependent”,Idonotseeanythinginappropriateinhiringthecleaner.Itisabsolutelyacceptablebecauseitsavestimeforstudents,avoidsconflictbetweendormmateandbenefitstheserviceindustry.

Hiringacleanercanbenefitbothcollegestudentsandtheserviceindustry.

Tobeginwith,itsparesstudentsmuchtime,sothattheycanfocusontheirstudy.Afreshmanusuallyhaseighthoursoflecturesandclassesadayandneedstimetowritemanyessayorfinishtheirassignments.Inaddiction,conflictsamongroommatescanbeavoidedifacleanerishired.Studentssharingaroomoftenfightovertrivialthingslikewhoisondutytoday.Iftheyeachspendthesameamountofmoneytohireacleaner,thisproblemcanbesolved.Lastbutnotleast,itbenefitstheserviceindustry.Hiringsomeonetodocleaningcontributestoemploymentissue.Cleanerswouldnotprotestagainstwhethertheirclientsarestudents.

Inconclusion,weshouldnotcriticizecollegestudentsforhiringcleaners.Themodernsocietyrequiresthespecializationofjobs.Letstudentsbetterfocusonstudyandcleanersoncleaning.Itwouldbenefitboth.2010年考生作文2評(píng)析結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)13分開(kāi)頭段符合議論文要求，既介紹了背景，又提出了自己的反對(duì)觀點(diǎn)，還指出將從三個(gè)方面來(lái)進(jìn)行論證：（1）savestimeforstudents（2）avoidsconflictbetweendormmate（3）benefitstheserviceindustrytopicsentence寫得比較到位。三個(gè)論據(jù)清晰，基本緊扣論點(diǎn)。內(nèi)容比較充實(shí)，組織有條理。文章連貫性較好。2010年考生作文3

Recently,ithasbeenreportedthattoliberatethemselvescompletelyfromtheseeminglyoverwhelmingcleaningwork,sixstudentssharingadormatauniversityemployedacleanertofacilitatecomfortaswellasconvenienceforthem.Frommyperspective,itisimmenselyunwiseandirresponsibleforstudentstohireanyoneelsetotakechargeofwhattheyshouldhavedone,forshirkingtheresponsibilitiesturnsouttobedetrimentaltobothourphysicalhealthandmentalhealth.

Concerningourphysicalhealth,doinglaundryandcleaningcanhelpusstretchourlimbsandimproveourphysicalstrength.Accordingtoarecentreport,anappallinglylargenumberofcollegestudentsfeelreluctanttodoexercise,ortheyarejustdeprivedofenoughtimebypilesofhomeworktoworkoutintheopenair.Thus,doinglaundryandcleaningcanprovidethemwithgoodopportunitiestokeepfit.Besides,tokeepthesanitationofthedormiscruciallyimportant.Astoourmentalhealth,doingcleaningofthedormcanreinforceourconceptandideaofresponsibilityandobligation.Inaddition,sharingthecleaningcanrenderourrelationshipswiththeotherroommatestobemoreharmonious.Lackingsenseofresponsibilityandbeingselfishandself-centeredwillmakeusmentallydisabled.Thereby,hiringacleanerisharmfultoourbuildingsenseofresponsibility,partnershipandteamwork.Toconclude,toemployacleanermakeslittlepositiveandbeneficialcontributiontoourphysicalandmentalhealth.Thus,inmyview,collegestudentsshouldn’thirecleaners.2010年考生作文3評(píng)析語(yǔ)言駕馭能力強(qiáng)14分專家評(píng)語(yǔ)：1.作文審題準(zhǔn)確，比較正確地理解了題目和要求，與討論主題緊密聯(lián)系。2.文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，第一段的thesisstatement觀點(diǎn)清楚,后面論述部分的topicsentence也寫得較好，論據(jù)較為充分。結(jié)尾部分自然合理，與首段的thesisstatement很好地做了呼應(yīng)。3.語(yǔ)言流暢，用詞用句較好，反映出考生有較好的語(yǔ)言駕馭能力和英語(yǔ)專業(yè)二年級(jí)學(xué)生較好的綜合素質(zhì)。2011年專四作文題RecentlyGovernmentagenciesinsomebigcitieshavebeenstudyingthepossibilityof“posingapollutiontax”onprivatecars.Theamountoftaxprivatecarownerswouldhavetopaywoulddependontheemissionlevels,i.e.engineorvehiclesize.Thishascausedquiteastiramongthepublic.Someregarditasaneffectivewaytocontrolthenumberofcarsandreducepollutioninthecity.Butothersdon’tthinkso.Whatisyouropinion?Writeacompositionofabout200wordsonthefollowingtopic:Shouldprivatecarownersbetaxedforpollution?2011考生作文1PrivatecarownersshouldbetaxedforpollutionWhetherputa“pollutiontax”onprivatecarshascausedquiteastiramongthepublic.Frommypointofview,privatecarownersshouldbetaxedforpollution.Firstofall,itisaneffectivewaytocontrolthenumberofcars.Theamountofthecarsincreasedrapidlynowadays.Toomuchcarsmaycausedmoretrafficjam,ontheotherhand,toomuchcarsalsomakeitveryinconvenientforthepeople’sworkandtravel.Itwillbringmanytroublesintheprocessofdriving.Lastbutnottheleast,puta“pollutiontax”onprivatecarscanreducepollutioninthecity.Iftheprivatecarownerhavetopaydependontheemissionlevels,i.e.engineorvehiclesize,theywillpaymoreattentiontodrivecarproperly.Thepollutionthatmadebycarwillreducedinthatway.Puttinga“pollutiontax”onprivatecarsnotonlycanreducethepollutionandprotectourenvironmentbutalsocontrolthenumberofcars.Istronglysupportit.2011考生作文1評(píng)析分?jǐn)?shù)：4分

專家評(píng)論：整體寫作能力差1.審題有問(wèn)題；2.內(nèi)容不完整；3.思路混亂；4.語(yǔ)句不完整,不通順，只有少數(shù)句子可以理解；5.語(yǔ)法、詞匯、拼寫等錯(cuò)誤嚴(yán)重。題目格式有問(wèn)題第一部分基本抄作文題目背景語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤：

Whetherput…Accordingtomypointofview=Accordingtosb.=Inmyopinion邏輯不清，句子問(wèn)題多：Controltheamountofcars,Toomuchcars

maycausedmoretrafficjam,ontheotherhand,toomuchcarsalsomakeitveryinconvenientforthepeople’sworkandtravel.

到底想說(shuō)什么？思路混亂！Iftheprivatecarownerhavetopaydependontheemissionlevels,i.e.engineorvehiclesize,theywillpaymoreattentiontodrivecarproperly.Thepollutionthatmadebycar

willreducedinthatway.最后一段仍有不少句子語(yǔ)法問(wèn)題，如：第三人稱單數(shù)問(wèn)題：Puttinga“pollutiontax”onprivatecarsnotonlyreducethepollutionandprotectourenvironmentbutalsocontrolthenumberofcars.2011考生作文2PrivateCarOwnersShouldbeTaxedforPollutionNowadays,whethertheprivatecarownersshouldbetaxedforpollutioncameintothefocus.Whilesomeholdthatitisgood,othersdon’tthinkso.Inmypointofview,it’saneffectivewaytoreducethepollutionandtheheavytrafficinthebigcities.Inthefirstplace,theprivatecarownersbetaxedforthepollutioncanresultinlesspollution.Sincetheenvironmentisgettingworseamongwhichthecargaspollutionisamajorone.Ifwecanletthecarsownersbetaxedthenlesscarscanbeused.Sothepollutionwillbemuchlighter.Peoplecantakeonecartogetherwhiletheycannotonlyreducetheenergybutalsotheycanreducelesspollution.Soitisreallyabetterwaytothat.Inthesecondplace,thecarownerscanlessentheheavytrafficinthebigcitiesespeciallyinthehightimesuchasthetimetogotowork.whenthecarslessthetimewillbeshorter,it’sreallyconvinent.Inashort,theprivatecarownerstaxingforthepollutionisaeffectiveway.AsauniversitystudentIsupporttheideawhichisbeneficialtobothourenvironmentandourselves.2011考生作文2評(píng)析分?jǐn)?shù)：8分

專家評(píng)論：1.審題基本準(zhǔn)確，結(jié)構(gòu)比較清晰；2.內(nèi)容上稍有偏題,第二點(diǎn)沒(méi)有緊扣pollution；3.論述不夠完整到位；4.語(yǔ)言一般，詞匯句式平淡，規(guī)范尚可。第一段基本符合要求，指出了問(wèn)題，表明了自己的觀點(diǎn)，即thesisstatement:…it’saneffectivewaytoreducethepollution.第二段的第一點(diǎn)的topicsentence意思有了，表述有點(diǎn)問(wèn)題，語(yǔ)法有錯(cuò)誤。第二點(diǎn)有點(diǎn)偏題，沒(méi)有討論thesis指出的減少污染問(wèn)題，而是提出了新的問(wèn)題，是關(guān)于減少車輛問(wèn)題，有點(diǎn)偏題。語(yǔ)言問(wèn)題比較多，有的句子不通，反映出基本功不扎實(shí)：1.theprivatecarownersbetaxed2.lesscarscanbeused3.thecarownerscanlessentheheavytraffic4.Whenthecarslessthetimewillbeshorter,it’sreallyconvinent5.Inashort6.theprivatecarownerstaxingforthepollution2011考生作文3ShouldPrivateCarOwnersbeTaxedforPollution?Recentlythegovernmentagenciesinsomebigcitieshavebeenstudyingthepossibilityofputtinga“pollutiontax”onprivatecars.Thishascausedagreatstiramongthepublic.Somepeopleholdtheopinionthatitisaneffectivewaytocontrolthenumberofcarsandreducetheamountofpollutioninthecity,butothersdon’tthinkso.AsfarasI’mconcerned,privatecarownersshouldbeproperlytaxedforpollution.Thefollowingtworeasonsareusedtosupportmypointofview.Ononehand,aswellknowntous,oursurroundingisseriouslypollutedespeciallybycarpollution.Therefore,“pollutiontax”onprivatecarcaneffectivelyremindusoftheseverelypollution.Thenthenumberofcarsandpollutioninthecitycanbereducedinsomeway.Ontheotherhand,weknowthatwearefacingtheresourcecrisis.However,moreprivatecarswilluseupmoregasorotherresources.Soifwetaxprivatecarownersforpollution,wecandecreasetheuseofresourcesandthenprotecttheenvironmentfrompollutionindirectly.Inconclusion,Ithinkthatprivatecarownersshouldbeproperlytaxedforpollution.Itisnotonlyforpunishmentbutalsoforwarning.“pollutiontax”onprivatecarsisaneffectivewaytocontrolthenumberofcars,reducepollutionandprotectresources.Fromnowon,asstudents,weshouldtryourbesttocarryoutit,suchasgoingsomewherefarawaybybus,orotherpublictransportations.2011考生作文3評(píng)析分?jǐn)?shù)：9分

專家評(píng)論：1.審題基本準(zhǔn)確；2.內(nèi)容基本切題；3.結(jié)構(gòu)不夠嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)；4.論據(jù)缺乏說(shuō)服力，論述不夠充分；5.語(yǔ)言一般，不夠流暢。該篇作文第一段寫得還可以。前面的generalstatement交代了背景，政府有關(guān)機(jī)構(gòu)正在研究向私家車征收污染費(fèi)的可能性，這一舉動(dòng)引發(fā)了民眾爭(zhēng)議，有支持，有反對(duì)。接著，從“AsfarasIamconcerned”開(kāi)始的thesisstatement闡述了作文作者的觀點(diǎn)：私車主應(yīng)該交污染費(fèi)，但是要“properly”。我們期待后面的討論會(huì)指出如何“properly”。要討論的觀點(diǎn)應(yīng)該在第一段的Thesisstatement里交代清楚，第二段主要是論證，但是作文作者繼續(xù)討論背景，論證不嚴(yán)密，結(jié)構(gòu)松散不夠緊湊。第一個(gè)論點(diǎn)模糊，論據(jù)交代不清楚，直接得出結(jié)論：Therefore,“pollutiontax”onprivatecarcaneffectivelyremindusoftheseverelypollution.Thenthenumberofcarsandpollutioninthecitycanbereducedinsomeway.第二個(gè)論點(diǎn)轉(zhuǎn)到資源危機(jī)方面，認(rèn)為征稅可以減少資源利用，從而間接保護(hù)環(huán)境不被污染。論據(jù)說(shuō)服力不夠。對(duì)Thesisstatement提出的“properly”征稅沒(méi)有任何討論和表述。結(jié)尾部分一開(kāi)始沒(méi)有圍繞前面的討論進(jìn)行總結(jié)，而是又出現(xiàn)新的論點(diǎn)：Itisnotonlyforpunishmentbutalsoforwarning.后面點(diǎn)出了三點(diǎn)：“Pollutiontax”onprivatecarsisaneffectivewaytocontrolthenumberofcars,reducepollutionandprotectresources.最后一句是倡議：我們大學(xué)生要努力實(shí)行，多乘坐公交。這和討論的主題不相干，完全是畫蛇添足。最后一段寫得比較勉強(qiáng)。2011考生作文4ShouldPrivateCarOwnersbeTaxedforPollution?Asthedevelopmentofoursociety,moreandmorepeoplebuyprivatecars.Andrecentlygovernmentagenciesinsomecitieshavebeenstudyingthepossibilityofputtinga“pollutiontax”onprivatecars,whichhasarousedquiteastiramongthepublic.Inmyopinion,theprivatecarownersshouldnotbetaxedforpollution,andIhavethreereasonsformyopinion.Firstly,Ithinktheemissionlevelscan’tdecidehowmuchpollutionthecarhadmadeandhowmuchmoneytheownershouldbetaxed.Forexample,acarwithasmallerenginemaybeproducelesspollution,butiftheowneruseitmorefrequently,ofcourseitwillproducemorepollution.Sothetaxshouldn’tdependontheemissionlevels.Secondly,thetaxforpollutionmaybemoreharmfultoourenvironment.Asyouknow,ifapersonpaysomemoneyforthepollution,hewillthinkthereisnoresponsibilityforhiscarandthereisnoneedforhimtoprotecttheenvironment,becausehehasalreadypaythemoneyfortheenvironment.Thenhemaypaylittleattentiontotheenvironment,andevenharmtheenvironment.So“pollutiontax”maybenotbegoodfortheenvironment.Thirdly,protecttheenvironmentisthedutyofeveryofus,notjustseveralprivatecarowners.Ifthegovernmentjustforcesomeprivatecarownerstopaythe“pollutiontax”,therestofuswillthinkthereisnodutyforustoprotecttheenvironment.Thentherewillbemorepeopletodestroytheenvironment,andlesspeopletoprotecttheenvironment.Ofcourse,theresultofthe“pollutiontax”willbeopposetotheoriginalpurposeofthegovernment.Allinall,“pollutiontax”isnotgoodtoourenvironment.Andweshouldalsorememberthatthedutyofprotecttheenvironmentisnotjustthedutyofseveralprivatecarowners,butthedutyofeveryoneofus.2011考生作文4評(píng)析分?jǐn)?shù)：11.5分專家評(píng)論：1.審題基本準(zhǔn)確到位；2.內(nèi)容切題充實(shí)；3.觀點(diǎn)清晰獨(dú)到；4.結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)合理；5.有一些語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤：Asthedevelopmentofoursociety—WiththedevelopmentofthesocietyIhavethreereasonsformyopinion:Ihavethreereasonstosupportmyopinion.Maybe用法錯(cuò)誤：

acarwithasmallerenginemaybe（may）producelesspollution；thetaxforpollutionmaybe（maybe）moreharmfultoourenvironment；the“pollutiontax”maybenotbe

（maynotbe）goodfortheenvironment語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤：hehasalreadypaythemoney=paidlesspeople=fewpeoplewillbeopposeto=willbeoppositeto,willopposeto2011考生作文5

PrivateCarOwnersShouldbeTaxedforPollutionItisn’tuntilrecentyearsthatthegovernmentelectedoutascrappywinoncuttingcarbondioxideemission,inwhichcontrollingthenumberofcarsandadvocatingsmall-sizevehiclehaveplayedanimportantrole.Imposing“pollutiontax”onprivatecars,withoutanydoubt,willexertcertaineffectoncontrollingpollution,butonlythroughamorerefinedandconsiderablescheme,canthepolicythrivetoitsmaximumpowertorealizethegoals.Thefirstandforemostthingtoconsideristhevolumeofvehiclethatbelongstogovernmentitself.Asthegovernmentcallsfortakingpublictransportationratherthansmallvehicle,the“pollutiontax”imposedonstatedownedvehicleswhichisalmostforpersonaluseshouldbemoreseverethanthatonprivatevehicles.Asl