The Cleaner《犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)清理員（2021）》第二季第二集完整中英文對(duì)照劇本

你好嗎？Alright?你是清潔工嗎？Youthecleaner?不，我是比爾克♥林♥頓♥No,I'mBillClinton.好吧，有人叫我來(lái)等清潔工Alright.I'vebeentoldtowaitforTheCleaner.我就是清潔工IamTheCleaner.發(fā)生丑聞之后，我需要找點(diǎn)事來(lái)做Ineededahobbyafterthescandal.我要去哪里？WheredoIgo?太棒了Lovely.小丑小心頭Mindyourhead.太好了Ah,right.相當(dāng)混亂，對(duì)吧？Quiteamess,isn'tit?歡迎你來(lái)，我是阿巴哈辛先生Welcome.IamMr.Abahassine.你好，到底發(fā)生了什么事？Hello.Whatthehellhappened?恐怕是一場(chǎng)相當(dāng)大且失控的打群架Ratheralargeandoutofcontrolcrowdfight,Ifear.打群架？在舞臺(tái)劇中？Acrowdfight?Ataplay?那是什么舞臺(tái)??？《洛奇》嗎？Whatwastheplay,wasit...Rocky?《洛奇》是舞臺(tái)劇嗎？Wasthataplayfirst?你知道，我剛剛發(fā)現(xiàn)我甚至講不出一部舞臺(tái)劇的名字Doyouknow,fvejustrealisedIdon*tknowthenameofoneplay.要是大家看的是舞臺(tái)劇就好了Wouldthatitwasaplaythattheywerewatching.天啊Dearfellow.對(duì)，我有個(gè)兒子Yes.Yeah,wehaveason.那你能靠這份工作養(yǎng)活一家子吧？And,youcansupporteveryone,doingthis,yeah?這個(gè)嘛，我開(kāi)始做這份工作之后塔拉不得不去找份兼♥職♥,但是Well,Tarahadtogetapart-timejobwhenIstarted,but,她支持我的夢(mèng)想shesupportsmydreams.我明白了Isee.斯特拉扎莫這是你在巴黎學(xué)的嗎？DidyoulearnthatinParis?那是什么意思？What'sthatsupposedtomean?你不用那么戒備，老兄Noneedtobedefensive,mate.我只是想知道，把氣球吹大Iwasjustwonderin*ifblowin1upthebigballoon是不是訓(xùn)練的一部分waspartofthetrainin*!嗯，那…Well,was...從袋子里拿出清潔布是你的訓(xùn)練的一部分嗎？gettingacleaningclothoutofabagpartofyourtraining?對(duì)Yeah.這個(gè)表演是我自己發(fā)明的Idevelopedthisactmyself.我在巴黎學(xué)到了紀(jì)律但藝術(shù)全都是我自己的Ilearnedthediscipline,inParis.Theartisallmine.啊，對(duì)了Ah,right.他們有教你And,didtheyteachyou怎么穿著那些又大又長(zhǎng)的小丑鞋子跑步嗎？howtoruninthosebig,long,clownshoes?沒(méi)有，巴黎教的是默劇No!Pariswasamimecourse.你真的有興趣嗎？Areyouactuallyinterested?我真的有興趣啊Ireallyam.這個(gè)嘛Well.有一天的課Well,ononedayofthecourse,我們一整天都在…andImeanforthewholeday,wejust...摘一朵想象中的…雛菊pickedsingleimaginary...daisy.你知道嗎？And,youknowwhat.等到第四個(gè)小時(shí)之后我發(fā)誓我能看到那朵花Afterthefourthhour,IswearIcouldseethatflower,在即將消失的夏日陽(yáng)光中閃爍caughtinthedyingsummerlight.馬歇這樣要收你多少錢(qián)？HowmuchdidMarcelchargeyouforthat?什么都要扯到錢(qián)Alwaysaboutmoney.你干嘛不直接說(shuō)出你的意思Whydon'tyousaywhatyoumean,你顯然對(duì)我做的事情有意見(jiàn)？youclearlyhaveaproblemwithwhatIdo?我沒(méi)有，我只是說(shuō)聽(tīng)起來(lái)那天很無(wú)聊No,I'mjustsayin',itsoundslikeaborin*day.我相信肯定沒(méi)有用拖把清潔污漬那么有趣Nowherenearasfascinatingasmoppingupsomestains,Tmsure.我不用拖把Idon'tuseamop.這不是拖把看起來(lái)像拖把，但不是拖把Thisisnotamop.Itlookslikeamop,it'snotamop.這是個(gè)專業(yè)的設(shè)備，我告訴你It'saspecialistpieceofequipment,andI'lltellyou-她說(shuō)我們要疏散之類(lèi)的Shesayswehavetoevacuate.Or,whatever.擔(dān)心你會(huì)在火災(zāi)中搞丟你那雙巨大的小丑鞋子？Worriedyou1!!loseyourmassiveclownshoes,inafire?我再說(shuō)一次，我沒(méi)有什么巨大的鞋子Forthesecondtime,Idon'thaveanymassiveshoes.怎么會(huì)呢？What,howcome?那你怎么做小丑那種好笑的走路？Howyougonnadothatfunnywalk,theclownsdo?不管你認(rèn)為小丑長(zhǎng)怎樣我都不是那種小丑Whateveryouthinkaclownis,Tmnotthat.那你有那種會(huì)垮掉的車(chē)子嗎？Well,yougotoneofthosecarsthatfallapart.小丑就是小丑，兄弟Clown'saclown,mate.小丑絕對(duì)不是小丑Aclownismostcertainlynotaclown.小丑糟透了Clownsareshit.她比看起來(lái)更聰明Sharperthanshelooks.我真的很抱歉Idoapologise.警報(bào)器已經(jīng)非常老舊了Thealarmisratheroutdated,必須由消防部門(mén)遠(yuǎn)端重置andhastoberemotelyresetbythefiredepartment!不過(guò)，有個(gè)好消息Goodnews,however.廚師已經(jīng)來(lái)了，如果有人想吃午餐的話Chefhasarrived,ifanyonewouldenjoylunch.太好了Lovely.很好Good.來(lái)吧Comeon.餓了嗎？Hungry?嗯Mm.你的薪水如何？Howdoesitpay?什么？Hmm?犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)清潔？Crimescenecleaning?啊，還可以Ah.Itsalright.都拿來(lái)養(yǎng)肚子了Allboughtandpaidfor.你是個(gè)獨(dú)資經(jīng)營(yíng)者吧？You'reasoletrader,right?什么？What?你是替公♥司♥工作，還是自己工作？Youworkforacompany,oryourself?哦，我替公♥司♥工作，羅森清潔公♥司♥Oh.Foracompany,Lawson.不，你應(yīng)該自己做No,youshouldgoself-employed.開(kāi)一家有限公♥司♥Startalimitedcompany,讓他們以自♥由♥職業(yè)者的身份雇用你andletthemcontractyouasafreelancer.在稅收和增值稅方面會(huì)有好處BeneficialtaxandVAToutcomes.這建議很有用Now.That'suseful.我想成為與眾不同的人，威基Iwanttobeextraordinary,Wicky.這頓午餐是免費(fèi)的吧？Ipresumemineiscomped?什么？Eh?因?yàn)槲視?huì)上臺(tái)表演BecauseI'mperforming.他說(shuō)你會(huì)這么說(shuō)，他說(shuō)這不是免費(fèi)的Hesaidyou'dsaythat,andhesaysit'snotfree.跟小丑說(shuō)，午餐不是免費(fèi)的Telltheclown,it'snotfree.好，沒(méi)關(guān)系…Yeah.Noproblem,noproblem.表演完后，我用演出費(fèi)支付rilpayyoufromreceipts,aftertheshow.-好-我賣(mài)♥♥了幾張票？-Yeah.-HowmanyhaveIsold?到目前為止，四張Sofar,fourtickets.四張？Four?四張F(tuán)our.讓我來(lái)吧rilgetit.你人真好Oh.Well,that'sverykind.你經(jīng)常只對(duì)著四個(gè)人表演嗎？Howoftenareyouplayin'tofourpeople?大多時(shí)候是這樣沒(méi)錯(cuò)Moreoftenthannot.那你有沒(méi)有想過(guò)And,youdon'tthinksometimes,我會(huì)回到我的高薪工作Illjustgobacktomyreallywellpaidjob,在那里我會(huì)告訴別人如何避稅？whereIadvisepeoplehowtoavoidtax?從來(lái)沒(méi)有，成功與否取決于觸動(dòng)人心，而不是人數(shù)Never.Successisabouttouchingpeople,regardlessofthenumber.是啊，這個(gè)嘛，我已經(jīng)觸動(dòng)了很多人心Yeah.Well,Tvetouchedloadsofpeople.大約有12個(gè)Well,about12.那如果沒(méi)有觀眾呢？So,whathappensifnooneturnsup?我還是會(huì)表演rdstillperform.你不覺(jué)得這會(huì)讓你非常沮喪嗎？Wouldn'tyoufindthatmassivelydepressing?我本來(lái)可以留在金融界Icouldhavestayedinfinance.成為另一個(gè)西裝革履的人Beenjustanothersuit.現(xiàn)在，我的同事是格里馬爾迪馬叟、卓別靈跟基頓Now,mycolleaguesareGrimaldi,Marceau,Chaplin,Keaton.是啊Yeah.我阿姨在花♥園♥里到處閑晃Andmyauntypottersaroundthegarden,所以她和蒙提唐是最好的朋友soshe'sbestmateswithMontyDon.事實(shí)上，她真的這么認(rèn)為Actually,shedoesthinkthat.她應(yīng)該讓她最好的朋友檢查一下Shouldprobablygetherbestchecked.讓我為你表演我的節(jié)目Letmeshowyoumyact.哦不，不用了Oh.No,you'realright.就當(dāng)作是我請(qǐng)你吃午餐的回報(bào)Itcouldbepaybackforthelunch.拜托，我希望你能理解我的熱情，拜托Please.Iwantyoutounderstandmypassion.Please.好吧Yes!中♥央♥劇場(chǎng)所以，這個(gè)背景你需要想象成某種抽象的東西So,thisbackdrop,youneedtoimagineit'ssomethingabstract,既有趣又可怕somethingplayfulyetintense.既熱情又恐怖So,welcoming,yethorrifying.所以，不能是《驢子男孩》？So,notTheDonkeyBoyz?不行，不是《驢子男孩》No,notDonkeyBoyz.擠我…Milkme,milkme,milkme,milkme,milkme.哦Oh.那一點(diǎn)也不好笑Thatbitwasn'tfunny.表演結(jié)束There.哇Wow.只有哇？Justwow?只有哇Just,wow.所以呢？沒(méi)別的意見(jiàn)嗎？So?Nonotes?所以我最好繼續(xù)清潔了So,Ibettergeton.不過(guò)你表演得很好Welldone,though.非常有活力Veryenergetic.我的意思是，當(dāng)你把那個(gè)氣球吹大時(shí)Imean,whenyouwereblowingthatbigballoonup,我以為你會(huì)把自己累得半死Ithoughtyouweregonnagiveyourselfaprolapse.所以，很好So.Good.好Right.這個(gè)地方不會(huì)自己消毒Thisplaceisn'tgonnasteriliseitself.那…你有什么感想？Well...whatdidyouthink?聽(tīng)我說(shuō)Look.說(shuō)實(shí)話，我不認(rèn)為我應(yīng)該給你意見(jiàn)…Seriously,Idon'tthinkIshouldbethepersonto-拜托，威基，我需要你的意見(jiàn)Please,Wicky.Iwantyouropinion.來(lái)自普通人誠(chéng)實(shí)又不加掩飾的意見(jiàn)Honest,unvarnishedopinion,fromthecommonman.很差勁Shit.不好意思，你說(shuō)什么？Sorry,what?我覺(jué)得你的表演很差勁Ithoughtyouractwasshit.我…我覺(jué)得也許你沒(méi)有搞懂其中某些意象I...Ithinkmaybeyoudidnrtunderstandsomeoftheimagery.不對(duì)，我有搞懂Yeah,no,Idid.我全都有搞懂Iunderstoodallofit.我覺(jué)得一切都很差勁Ithoughtitwasallshit.對(duì)不起，兄弟I'msorry,mate.我可能不該這么說(shuō)但我覺(jué)得斯特拉扎莫…很煩人I'mprobablynotthepersontoask,but,IfoundStrazzamo...annoying.那感傷力呢？ButthePaythos?兄弟，小丑應(yīng)該要很好笑Mate.Aclownissupposedtobefunny.誰(shuí)說(shuō)的？Sayswho?大家都這么說(shuō)Sayseveryone.天哪GoodGod,man.你就跟布賴恩科伊爾一樣好笑You'reaboutasfunnyasBrianCoyle.誰(shuí)？Who?他是個(gè)在酒吧喝酒的家伙他一點(diǎn)都不好笑He'sablokewhodrinksdownmypub,andheisnotfunny.你就坐在那里，帶著這種期望You'rejust,you'rejustsatthere,withthisexpectation.來(lái)吧，娛樂(lè)我Comeon,entertainme.逗我笑，哈Makemelaugh.Ha.是啊，那就是你該做的事Yeah.Weltthat'swhatyou*resupposedtodo!那是你的工作That'syourjob!是啊，但你也要有意愿才行啊Yes,butyouhavetobringacertainwillingness.天哪Christ!如果我連看小丑表演都要自備歡樂(lè)IfIhavetobringmyownfunnytoaclownshow,那我還不如回家逗自己開(kāi)心就好Imayaswellgohomeandticklemyself.我不是指那種奇怪的逗自己開(kāi)心AndIdon'tmeanthespecialtickle.不對(duì)，并不是所有的喜劇都要用笑聲來(lái)衡量的No.Notallcomedyismeasuredindecibels.有時(shí)候，一個(gè)微笑比一個(gè)大笑更有意義Sometimes,asmileismorevaluablethanalaugh!對(duì)，因?yàn)槲铱吹胶馨舻南矂r(shí)Yeah.'CausewhenIseenagoodcomedy,我都會(huì)說(shuō)，天啊，我微笑到頭都掉了Ialwayssay,oh,Ismiledmyheadoff.我就不該期待清潔工看得懂杰作Wouldn'texpectacleanertorecognisepoetrywhenheseesit.最好是杰作，吃屎吧Oh,yeah.Poetry,mysweet,sweetass!別這樣，兄弟Don'tdothis,mate.別讓我把揍小丑的事跡寫(xiě)進(jìn)我的履歷Don'tmakemeaddbeattheshitoutofaclowntomyCV.啊，你這個(gè)庸俗的家伙Ugh,youphilistine!你從來(lái)沒(méi)有試圖去實(shí)現(xiàn)什么事You'venevertriedtoachieveanything.你只是開(kāi)開(kāi)心心領(lǐng)薪水然后把自己灌醉Justhappytogetpaid,andgetdrunk.又是一個(gè)軍隊(duì)里的家伙Anotheroneofthearmy.是啊Yeah.是啊…Yeah...不是每個(gè)人都必須要有夢(mèng)想你有沒(méi)有想過(guò)這一點(diǎn)？Noteveryonehastohaveadream,haveyoueverconsideredthat?什么？當(dāng)然要有What?Ofcoursetheydo.我們不能所有人都去當(dāng)小丑或者消防員Wecan'tallbeclowns,or,orfiremen.有些人沒(méi)有這個(gè)嗜好Somepeopledon'thavetheinclination.有些人很滿足現(xiàn)況，不需要幻想Somepeoplearehappytobe,don'tneedafantasy,如果你仔細(xì)看andifyoulookclosely,你可能會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)那些人比你更快樂(lè)youmightfindthosepeoplearehappierthanyou.哦，天哪，真倒霉Oh,dear.Oh,dearme.你最好把那個(gè)警報(bào)器修好，兄弟Youwanttogetthatalarmsorted,mate.還有那個(gè)該死的門(mén)框And,thatbloodydoorframe.劇場(chǎng)！Thehouse!我的天啊MyGod.莎蓮娜還在里面Selinaisstillinthere.還有那個(gè)小丑…And,theclown...真是可惡ZutAlors.好戲上場(chǎng)Showtime.我吸入了太多煙I'veinhaledtoomuchsmoke.你不會(huì)有事的You'regonnabefine.這次不一樣Notthistime.告訴我的家人，我對(duì)所有一切都很抱歉TellmyfamilyI'msorry,foreverything.不行，保持清醒No.Staywithme.我只是需要時(shí)間思考Ijustneedtimetothink.嗨，你好Hello,there.我也許幫得上忙Perhaps,Icanhelp.你不會(huì)有事的You*regoingtobefine.去把火災(zāi)撲滅Getthatblazeundercontrol.你是消防員吧？《驢子男孩》脫衣舞男？Strippers?脫衣舞男在劇院里做什么？Well,whatarestrippersdoingatthetheatre?我必須做該做的事Onedoeswhatonemust,好讓劇院活下去inordertoensurethesurvivalofthetheatre.莎蓮娜？Selina?莎蓮娜，快去啟動(dòng)咖啡機(jī)Selina,runandturnontheespressomachine.我們的朋友肯定口渴了Ourfriendheremustbeparched.什么機(jī)？Thewha?昨天燙到你手指的那臺(tái)嘶嘶叫的蒸汽機(jī)Thehissysteamymachinethatyouburntyourfingeron,yesterday.好痛Killed.在這么偏僻的地方，很難找到員工Hardtofindthestaffouthere,inthesticks.是啊，我不是要批評(píng)，但她好像…很糟Yes.I'mnotonetojudge,butshedoesseemtobe...amiserableshit.我不認(rèn)為她對(duì)劇院有熱情Idon'tthinkshe'syetdevelopedherpassionforthetheatre,或者對(duì)任何事有熱情orforanythingelse,atall.我們無(wú)法知道自己在這幅偉大的生命織錦中的位置Wecannotknowwhatourplaceisinthisgreattapestryoflife.說(shuō)得太對(duì)了，我在她的年紀(jì)時(shí)我以為我會(huì)成為功夫大♥師♥Sotrue.WhenIwasherage,I,IthoughtI'dbeakungfumaster.我們最終都會(huì)找到自己的位置Weallfindourplace,eventually.對(duì)，可是據(jù)我所知我還沒(méi)放棄成為功夫大♥師♥Yeah.Fine.But,fortherecord,Istillintendtobeakungfumaster.盡力而為，做你自己Dowhatyoucan,beingwhoyouare.如果你不能成為天上的星就像螢火蟲(chóng)一樣閃耀吧Shinelikeaglow-worm,ifyoucan*tbeastar.You'reafireman,aren'tyou?拜托，誰(shuí)能幫幫忙？Please.Canyouhelp?!收到了，把火撲滅Rogerthat,control.我可以把噴射機(jī)開(kāi)向火場(chǎng)希望能把火給撲滅Icouldbuzzthefirewithmyjets,andhopeitblowsitout.天啊Oh,boy.我可以在建筑物受損最嚴(yán)重的地方放炸♥藥♥Icouldputexplosivesaroundtheworsthitpartofthebuilding,把火給炸熄，真的blowthefireout,literally.各位，我們只需要一根水管就行了Guys.Wejustneedahose.我們可以用大象！Wecanuseelephant!大象？Elephant?你正在收看，醫(yī)生威基你正在收看，機(jī)長(zhǎng)威基拆除工威基野蠻人威基等一下Hangon.我就說(shuō)吧Itoldyou.什么？What?每個(gè)人都有夢(mèng)想Everyonehasadream.小心頭，威基Mindyourhead,Wicky.你在說(shuō)什么？Whatareyoutalkin'about?我說(shuō)“小心頭”，你又撞到門(mén)框了Isaid,"Mindyourhead”,youhititonthedoorframe,again.那比夢(mèng)到芝士還要糟Thatwasworsethanacheesedream.每個(gè)人都有夢(mèng)想Weallhaveadream.我們有些人只是努力讓夢(mèng)想成真Someofusarejusttryin'tomakeoursareality.不要騙自己，威基Don'tlietoyourself；Wicky.如果我讓所有夢(mèng)想都成真Ifallofmydreamsbecameareality,事情會(huì)變得很奇怪的，相信我thingswouldgetprettyweird,trustme.反正你是在自己騙自己And,anyway,you'retheonewho'skiddingyourself.你甚至連自己的午餐都買(mǎi)♥♥不起Youcan'tevenaffordyourownlunch.你就是無(wú)法面對(duì)你的表演可能不怎么樣的事實(shí)Youjustcanrtfacethefactthatyouractmightnotbeanygood.這就是真♥相♥That'swhatrsgoin*on,here.中♥央♥劇場(chǎng)你還好嗎？Alright?你說(shuō)得對(duì)You'reright.別聽(tīng)我胡說(shuō)，我是個(gè)悲觀的家伙Don'tlistentome,I'mamiserablegit.十張票Tentickets.如果今晚我沒(méi)賣(mài)♥♥出十張票IfIdon'tselltentonight,我就放棄，然后回到金融行業(yè)I'mgonnajackitin,gobacktofinance.別這樣，你應(yīng)該…No.Youshould...不要因?yàn)槲艺f(shuō)的話而放棄don'tgiveitup'causeofwhatIsaid.我已經(jīng)下定決心了Mymind'smadeup.你現(xiàn)在賣(mài)♥♥了幾張票？Howmanyhaveyousold,now?九張Nine.總而言之Anyway.很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，清潔工先生Goodtomeetyou,Mr.Cleaner.嗯Yeah.你好嗎？Alright?一張票賣(mài)♥♥多少？Howmucharetickets?15英鎊￡15.15英鎊？那種表演？￡15?Forthat?算了，給我一張Goon,givemeone.這個(gè)決定不容易吧？It'sahardlinetowalk.Isn'tit?不知道是否該煽動(dòng)Knowingwhetheroneshouldfantheflames,無(wú)法實(shí)現(xiàn)的夢(mèng)想的火焰？ofadreamthatcanneverberealised?你認(rèn)為我不該買(mǎi)♥♥票吧？Youdon'tthinkIshouldbuyaticket,doyou?盡力而為，做你自己Dowhatyoucan,beingwhoyouare.如果你不能成為天上的星就像螢火蟲(chóng)一樣閃耀吧Shinelikeaglow-wormifyoucan'tbeastar.如果你不能成為起重機(jī)就像滑輪一樣努力工作Worklikeapulleyifyoucan'tbeacrane.如果你不能駕駛火車(chē)就要充分地給輪子上油Greasethewheelsfully,ifyoucan'tdrivethetrain.我覺(jué)得這幾句有點(diǎn)重復(fù)了但我懂你要說(shuō)什么Imean,itsortarepeatsitself,but,Itakeyourpoint.莎蓮娜？Selina?你被開(kāi)除了You'refired.謝謝你Thankyou.你不應(yīng)該抽煙的Youknow,youshouldn'tsmoke.孩子，人終將一死You'vegottadieofsomething,son.你以后想做什么？Whatareyousupposedtobe?傻瓜，我要當(dāng)太空人Anastronaut,silly.是嗎？那就是你長(zhǎng)大之后想做的事嗎？Oh,yeah?Isthatwhatyouwanttobe,whenyougrowup?對(duì)，不然就當(dāng)柯柏文Yeah.Or,OptimusPrime.酷Cool.祖？動(dòng)作快，我們還沒(méi)拿到門(mén)票呢Joe?Comeon,haven'tgotthetickets,yet.我們遲到了We'relate.那你呢？Whatareyousupposedtobe?我？Me?我只是一只螢火蟲(chóng)，孩子I'mjustaglow-worm,kid.原來(lái)你就是那個(gè)清潔工?。縊h,you'rethecleaner??犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)-犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)清潔師-Crimescene.-Crimescenecleaner.沒(méi)錯(cuò)Oh.Yeah.他說(shuō)里面原本一團(tuán)糟，但你做得很好Hesaiditwasamessinthere.Youdidanamazingjob.哦Oh.抱歉，是誰(shuí)說(shuō)的？Sorry,whosaidthat?我先生Myhusband.斯特拉扎莫，那個(gè)小丑Strazzamo,theclown.我得進(jìn)去了，不想錯(cuò)過(guò)吹大氣球的時(shí)刻Bettergetin,don'twannamissthebigballoonbeinginflated.媽媽，快點(diǎn)Mum!Hurryup!別再跟那個(gè)奇怪的老頭說(shuō)話了Stoptalkingtothatweirdoldman.啊，我喜歡你這么說(shuō)，沒(méi)錯(cuò)Ah.Well,Ilikethat!Oh,yeah.這會(huì)給我靈感去清理…That'llgivemeinspirationtocleanup...你說(shuō)這里發(fā)生了什么事，打斗？whatdidyousayhappenedhere,afight?我想《驢子男孩》太快就把場(chǎng)子炒熱了IthinktheDonkeyBoyzbroughtupthetemperaturetoosoon.過(guò)了10分鐘有40個(gè)女人打起了群架Tenminutesin,wehada40womanbrawl.哇Well.劇院可能不是宣布這件事的好地方Thetheatreisprobablythewrongplacetoannouncethis,但那讓我有點(diǎn)興奮but,thatratherturnsmeon.?我不打擾你了-好-1*11leaveyoutoit.-Yes.《驢子男孩》，取消演出什么？真是夠了What?Ah,comeon!老天爺?。esusChrist!太棒了，再一次Bravo.Encore!什么？Hello?跌得太棒了，你真厲害Theperfectfall.Whatagift.你哪位？Whoareyou?我哪位？WhoamI?我是斯特拉扎莫IamStrazzamo.誰(shuí)？Who?我今晚要在這里表演Oh,I'mperformingheretonight,不過(guò)你什么時(shí)候上臺(tái)?butlisten,whattimeareyouon?我很想看整場(chǎng)表演fdlovetoseethewholeshow.什么？幫我一把我被困在驢子的老二下面了What?Helpme.I'mtrappedunderadonkeydick.時(shí)機(jī)太完美了Thetimingwasperfection.撞擊聲穿過(guò)我，著地的方式簡(jiǎn)直太怪了Thesoundofimpactwentthroughme,thelandingalmostgrotesque.我以為你真的受傷了Ithoughtyouhadgenuinelyhurtyourself.我是真的受傷了Ihavegenuinelyhurtmyself.你不是故意摔倒？Itwasn'tadeliberatefall?好，我再說(shuō)一遍Okay,I'mgonnasayitagain.我真的受傷了，而且我被卡在老二下面I'vegenuinelyhurtmyseltandI'mstuckunderadick.但是，你穿了戲服But,yourcostume.這個(gè)打扮很經(jīng)典Andthelookisiconic.這不是戲服，我不是小丑！Itfsnotacostume.Tmnotaclown!那你是誰(shuí)？Whoareyou?我來(lái)這里打掃的I'mheretoclean.我想你會(huì)希望我來(lái)打掃的Ipresumeyou'dlikemetoclean,還是你寧愿讓你的觀眾坐在準(zhǔn)新娘聚會(huì)的汁液里？orwouldyoupreferyouraudiencetobesittinginhenpartyjuice?我說(shuō)汁液，其實(shí)指的是血And,byjuice,Imeanblood.還有尿And,piss!你只是個(gè)清潔工？You'rejustacleaner?我是犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)清潔師Iamacrimescenecleaner.你浪費(fèi)了大好的天賦Whatawasteofsuchnaturalattributes.你異常地高，胖得很好笑Freakishlytall.Hilariouslyfat.你再戳我一下你就不需要那個(gè)紅鼻子了Youpokemeagain,youwon'tneedthatrednose.實(shí)際上，鼻子更像是個(gè)象征Actually,the...noseismoreofasymbol.這是我和觀眾之間的一種隱性契約It'ssortofanimplicitcontractbetweenmeandtheaudience-我是在威脅你I'mthreateningyou!啊，你太會(huì)威脅了Ah,that'sreallygood.我都起雞皮疙瘩了，真可怕Gavemechills.Reallyscary.你要把這個(gè)放哪？Wheredoyouwantthis?那是意式濃縮咖啡嗎？Isthatanespresso?太棒了Delightful.我也可以來(lái)一杯嗎？CouldLcouldIhaveonetoo,但你可以用肯雅咖啡豆嗎？butyoucouldmakesureit'stheKenyanbean,不要用意大利的asopposedtotheItalian?中♥央♥劇場(chǎng)你穿的是犯罪…Now,thisisasock...?犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)調(diào)查裝，沒(méi)錯(cuò)，犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)SOCOsuit,yeah.SceneOfCrime.真厲害It'swonderful.我可以用這套服裝來(lái)做點(diǎn)什么一些蘇聯(lián)時(shí)代的東西Icanreallydosomethingwithit,somethingSovietera.斯特拉扎莫在冷戰(zhàn)背景下Strazzamotakesontheextinctionofhumanity,與蘇維埃俄♥羅♥斯♥一起承擔(dān)了人類(lèi)的滅絕againstthebackdropoftheColdWar,withSovietRussia.嘿…這讓我想起了那個(gè)笑話，你記得嗎？Hey.Hey,yo,itremindsmeofthatjoke,doyourememberthat?你怎么叫一個(gè)有三顆睪丸的俄♥羅&hearts撕♥人?What,whatdoyoucallaRussianwiththreeballs?什么？What?一個(gè)有三顆睪丸的俄♥羅♥斯♥人你會(huì)怎么叫他？ARussianwiththreeballs,whatdoyoucallhim?我不知道，而且我不確定我想知道Idon'tknow；andI'mnotsureIwanttoknow.你一定想知道…Youdo.抱歉，〃你偷了誰(shuí)的睪丸？”Sorry.Who'dyounickyourbollockoff?你可以把這個(gè)笑話用在表演上Youcanusethatinyourshow.什么?What?“尼托勒什德科夫”O(jiān)o-junik-yabalak-ov.不，我剛才就聽(tīng)懂了，謝謝No,Iheardyouthefirsttime.Thankyou.他說(shuō)你可以免費(fèi)喝這一杯Hesaysyoucanhavethisoneforfree,但你如果要喝第二杯就要付錢(qián)butyou'llhavetopayfortheothers.謝謝Blessyou.是啊，就跟我的笑話一樣嘿，你會(huì)喜歡這個(gè)笑話的Yeah,justlikemyjokes.Hey,youlllikethis.什么？Eh?你怎么叫一個(gè)有三顆睪丸的俄♥羅&hearts撕♥人?WhatdoyoucallaRussianwiththreeballs?她不會(huì)知道的，她太年輕了Shewon'tknowit,she'stooyoung.她聽(tīng)得懂啦，這很有名Yeah,shewill,ifsfamous.她1985年還在操場(chǎng)上玩呢Intheplayground,in1985.“你偷了誰(shuí)的睪丸？”Who'dyounickyourbollockoff?什么?Wha?太扯了Nonsense.難搞的觀眾Toughcrowd.不對(duì)Nope.粉紅色貴婦狗，真有創(chuàng)意Pinkpoodle.Sooriginal.你好啊，拍檔，這要用在哪一段表演？Howdy,partner.Whatpartoftheshow'sthis?哪都不用Itisn't.是哦，那這個(gè)呢？Oh.This?我知道了，這些是《驢子男孩》的道具吧？Oh!ThesearetheDonkeyBoyz'sprops,aren'tthey?那當(dāng)然Clearly.你需要一個(gè)性感的小丑嗎？Couldyouhaveasexyclown?也許這是個(gè)全新的市場(chǎng)？Mightbeawholenewmarketforya?我傾向于遠(yuǎn)離最低共同特點(diǎn)的東西Itendtosteerawayfromlowestcommondenominatorstuff.那當(dāng)然Clearly.你是怎么成為小丑的？How*dyouevenbecomeaclown?我很晚才獲得這個(gè)使命感Igotthecalling,lateinlife.馬戲團(tuán)到鎮(zhèn)上表演嗎？Didthecircuscometotown?馬戲團(tuán)很有魅力的Theycanbeveryseductive.我表妹跟其中一個(gè)煙熏妝的男孩搞上了Mycousingotu