2020年11月衢州五校期中聯(lián)考讀后續(xù)寫講評導(dǎo)學(xué)案

年11月衢州五校期中聯(lián)考讀后續(xù)寫講評導(dǎo)學(xué)案閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。Elizabethwalkedintotheyard,carryingabunchofroses.“Beautifulflowersfor...or...,I'llnevergetitright!”shecried,throwingtherosesontheground.Elizabethhadbeenpractisingherspeechforaweek.She'dpresentedflowerstothedog,thecat,andthestatueinthegarden.Partofhercouldn'twait.ThisSaturday,thegreatAnaWolff,famouspianist,wouldperformattheconcerthallintown.Forfouryears,Elizabethhadtakenpianolessons.She'dlistenedtoMs.Wolff'srecordingsoverandoveragainlovingthewaythenotestumbledlikearushingmountainstream.PartofElizabethwasterrified.Hermusicteacheratschool,Mr.Leaf,hadaskedElizabethtopresenttheflowerstoMs.Wolffaftertheperformance.Whydidhehavetochooseher?Elizabethhatedtalkinginfrontofpeople.Eachnight,Elizabethdreamtaboutmusic,spotlights,andshininggrandpiano.Sometimesshetripped（絆倒）andfell.Othertimessheforgotthewords.OncethedreamendedwithMs.WolffrushingoffstagebeforeElizabethcouldsayanything!Despiteallthese,Elizabethkeptpracticing.“Beautifulflowersforabeautifulperformance...”Afterall,itwasanhonortosharethestagewithAnaWolff.Then,finally,thebigdaycame.“Allset,Elizabeth?”Mr.Leafasked.“Herstomachtightened,butElizabethnoddedathim.”Thelightsdimmed,andMs.Wolffwalkedontothestagewearingablackgown.Smiling,shebowed.Theaudienceclappedloudly.Ms.Wolffmadehergracefulwaytothepiano,tookherseatandthenbegantoplay.Herfingersdancedacrossthekeys.Sheswayedandnodded,andhershinyblackponytailbobbed（跳躍）.Backandforthsheracedherfeetamongthepedals.Drawnintothemusic,Elizabethforgotforamomentaboutthesixwordsshehadtosay.SoonitwasAnaWolff'slastpiecebeforesheknewit.AndaburstofthunderousapplausesuddenlybroughtElizabethtoreality.Thefrighteningmomentwasalmostthere.Paragraph1:Takingadeepbreath,ElizabethwalkedslowlytowardsMs.Wolf,withrosestightinhand._Paragraph2:Justthen,Elizabethsensedsomeonepattingherontheshoulder._____________________讀寫微技能-1重視語言賞析用，積累真實語料庫1.Thelightsdimmed,andMs.Wolffwalkedontothestagewearingablackgown.Smiling,shebowed.環(huán)境+外貌+神態(tài)+動作描寫燈光暗了下來，沃爾夫穿著一件黑色禮服走上舞臺。她笑著鞠躬。2.Ms.Wolffmadehergracefulwaytothepiano,tookherseatandthenbegantoplay三個并列謂語動詞表一連串動作，說明舞臺經(jīng)驗豐富，臺風(fēng)穩(wěn)健.Herfingersdanced擬人acrossthekeys.Sheswayedandnodded,andhershinyblackponytailbobbed.Backandforthsheracedherfeetamongthepedals.動作描寫細膩真實，生動形象沃爾夫女士優(yōu)雅地走向鋼琴，坐到座位上，然后開始彈奏。她的手指在琴鍵上翩翩起舞。她時而搖擺,時而點頭,烏黑發(fā)亮的馬尾辮跟著起伏擺動。她的雙腳在踏板間來回穿梭。AburstofthunderousapplausesuddenlybroughtElizabethtoreality.一陣?yán)坐Q般的掌聲突然使伊麗莎白清醒過來。（無靈主語）讀寫微技能-2理順敘事元素敘事元素和結(jié)構(gòu)故事背景setting人物性格personalcharacter沖突conflict鋪墊foreshadowing懸念suspense首尾呼應(yīng)inclusio讀寫微技能-3順理協(xié)同成章①時空線（明線）②情節(jié)線（明線）③情感線（暗線）時間：空間：人物：事物：動作：情感態(tài)度價值觀問題鏈第一段Takingadeepbreath,ElizabethwalkedslowlytowardsMs.Wolf,withrosestightinhand.第二段Justthen,Elizabethsensedsomeonepattingherontheshoulder.呼應(yīng)點讀寫微技能-4善用形容詞、副詞、doing/done、介詞短語，做伴隨狀語，在關(guān)鍵處駐足，避免流水賬，細化動作延緩過程，立體動感show出鮮活1.Clutchingtheroses現(xiàn)在分詞做伴隨狀語,ElizabethwalkedslowlytowardsMs.Wolff，thestagelightsblazinghotandbeadsofperspirationtricklingdownElizabeth’sface兩個獨立主格結(jié)構(gòu).伊麗莎白手里拿著玫瑰花，慢慢走向沃爾夫，舞臺燈光灼熱，汗珠順著伊麗莎白的臉上滴下來。2.AnaWolffcametoherwitharadiantsmile介詞短語.“Doyouwanttogivemetheroses?”withagentlevoice,smoothandmollified形容詞/done做伴隨狀語.Thevoiceblewawaythefearhoveringoverherhead擬人修辭.“Yes,lady.Beautifulflowersforyourbeautifulperformance.”Elizabethansweredpromptly副詞,asurgeofexcitementsweepingoverher獨立主格結(jié)構(gòu).Intheblinkofaneye,allofaudiencewereboiling比喻修辭.安娜·沃爾夫容光煥發(fā)地朝她走來?！澳阆胨臀颐倒鍐?”她的聲音很溫和，很平靜。這聲音驅(qū)散了盤旋在她頭上的恐懼?！笆堑?，女士”。伊麗莎白立刻回答道?！懊利惖幕ǘ?，感謝您美麗的表演?！币魂嚰拥那榫w席卷了她的全身。瞬間，臺下的觀眾沸騰了。(汪亦可)讀寫微技能-5高分開頭，吸引眼球1（倒裝句開頭）Takingadeepbreath,ElizabethwalkedslowlytowardsMs.Wolf,withrosestightinhand.Sonervouswasshethatshewastrippedandfell,withtherosesonthestage.Everyonewasshocked.Thesilenceintheconcerthallwasdeafening.她因太緊張而被絆倒，玫瑰花灑落在舞臺上。每個人都很震驚。音樂廳里的寂靜得可怕。(劉雨潔)2（介詞短語開頭）Justthen,Elizabethsensedsomeonepattingherontheshoulder.Withblurryeyes,sheslowlyswungaround.ItwasAnaWolff!眼睛模糊，她慢慢地轉(zhuǎn)過身來。是安娜·沃爾夫！(劉雨潔)讀寫微技能-6抓住文章中心詞，首尾呼應(yīng)，主題升華“Youswallowthatfearandgooutthereanyway,”saidMs.Wolff,smiling.“Justthewayyoudidtonight.”ThenthegreatAnaWolffgentlydrewasingleredrosefromherbouquetandgaveittoElizabeth.“你最終還是咽下恐懼，大膽走出。”沃爾夫笑著說，“就像你今晚做的那樣?！眰ゴ蟮陌材取の譅柗驈幕ㄊ谐槌鲆欢浼t玫瑰，送給伊麗莎白。（由事及理，雖然伊麗莎白道賀時，仍是緊張萬分，但是她還是得到了沃爾夫女士的肯定。最終，她不但得到了偶像的擁抱，還得到了一朵象征勇氣的玫瑰，并呼應(yīng)前文。）Tohergreatastonishment,AnaWolffthrewherarmsaroundhertightly,“Nothingmatters,sweetieWhenIwasatyourage,Isharethesameexperiencewithyou.It’scalled‘stagefright’.”AnaWolffsmiledinagentletone.NotuntilthendidElizabethrealizethateveryonehasanembarrassedexperience,butthemostimportantthingistoovercomeit,andyouwillfindyourselffragrantlikethemostbeautifulrose!令她驚訝的是，安娜·沃爾夫緊緊地摟著她說:“親愛的，沒什么，我像你這么大的時候，也有同樣的經(jīng)歷叫做“怯場”?！卑材取の譅柗驕厝岬匦α诵ΑＶ钡侥菚r，伊麗莎白才意識到每個人都有尷尬的經(jīng)歷，但最重要的是克服它，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己像最美麗的玫瑰一樣芬芳!(劉雨潔)（由點到面，呼應(yīng)前文，并使主題的境界得到提升“成長經(jīng)歷人生軌跡和前輩鼓勵終生受益”。）課后練習(xí)：范文賞析（找出范文里的寫作微技能）adeepbreath,ElizabethwalkedslowlytowardsMs.,withrosestightinhand.Thestagelightsfeltblazinghot.Beadsofsweattrickleddownherface.FinallyshestruggledtothespotwhereMs.wasstanding.Elizabethopenedhermouth.Shemouthedthewbutnosoundcameout.Murmursandscatteredcoughscamefromthefron