讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)專(zhuān)題第3章如何進(jìn)行情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì) 下部

情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)|呼應(yīng)原文合理編●手把手教●原文取詞●改寫(xiě)&銜接Para1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.Thenwerealizedthatthesprayhadonlyangeredhimevenmore,forheseemedmuchfiercerthistimeandviolentlypushedthefencelikemad.Myheartracedwildly,notknowingwhattodo.Atthiscriticalmoment,Elligrabbedseveralpiecesofgarlicbreadandthrewthemoverthefence.Itworked!Thebearstoppedtheattackandrantothebread.Butitwasn'tlongbeforeheateupallthebreadandcamebackagain.Para2:Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.Thankgoodnesswearesaved!Ellicriedout.Oncethehelicopterlanded,wegotontoitinnotime,excitedandrelieved.Whenweweresafeonthehelicopterupintheair,Iwasamazedtospotthatthebearhadfinallytorndownthefenceandrantowardsthefoodweleftbehind.Iquicklytookoutthecameraandphotographedtherarescene-wewererobbedbyapolarbear![2020年7月浙江卷]續(xù)寫(xiě)使用的紅色單詞都是原文的單詞Onefall,mywifeElliandIhadasinglegoal:tophotographpolarbears.Wewerestayingataresearchcampoutside“thepolarbearcapitaloftheworld”一thetownofChurchillinManitoba,Canada.Takingpicturesofpolarbearsisamazingbutalsodangerous.Polarbears-likeallwildanimals一shouldbephotographedfromasafedistance.WhenI'mfacetofacewithapolarbear,Ilikeittobethroughacamerawithatelephotolens.Butsometimes,thatiseasiersaidthandone.Thiswasoneofthosetimes.AsElliandIcookeddinner,ayoungmalepolarbearwhowasplayinginanearbylakesniffed,andsmelledourgarlicbread.Thehungrybearfollowedhisnosetoourcamp,whichwassurroundedbyahighwirefence......[2020年7月浙江卷]1.所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2.至少使用5個(gè)短文中標(biāo)有下劃線(xiàn)的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ);現(xiàn)在無(wú)下劃線(xiàn)詞了但方法可沿用需自己找出關(guān)鍵詞合理編寫(xiě)原文詞匯：修飾—改寫(xiě)—推進(jìn)那么關(guān)鍵詞在哪里怎么找出來(lái)讀原文3件事：角色+特點(diǎn)+占比構(gòu)思前：讀原文3件事（5WP1P2+角色+描寫(xiě)）Who關(guān)鍵詞動(dòng)詞動(dòng)作（主要情節(jié)）情緒/心理：adj人物1續(xù)寫(xiě)：延續(xù)這些動(dòng)作；或再做一遍續(xù)寫(xiě)：加在名詞前或表達(dá)更加much+adj.er人物2其他What關(guān)鍵句需求沖突待做的事P1P2關(guān)鍵句The+名詞轉(zhuǎn)機(jī)（定結(jié)尾）需求3W1HWhere/when/why/how各類(lèi)描寫(xiě)占比讀后續(xù)寫(xiě):情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)|“需求法”NSDD簡(jiǎn)化表格進(jìn)行情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)—線(xiàn)索在哪里Needs需求重點(diǎn)看：首尾段+P1P2給定句也可理解為：寫(xiě)作者要寫(xiě)到的內(nèi)容Difficulty困難、障礙設(shè)置困難原文中找沖突、障礙（5W1H+角色特點(diǎn)）Solution行動(dòng)、方法大轉(zhuǎn)機(jī)：通常在P1/P2首句原文：所有角色/事物Denouement結(jié)局(需求解決)需求被解決（復(fù)合價(jià)值觀結(jié)局）升華感悟平常寫(xiě)作訓(xùn)練時(shí)，可以以此表格設(shè)計(jì)情節(jié)在考場(chǎng)上可以直接在原文標(biāo)記[填入原文線(xiàn)索,情節(jié)僅需補(bǔ)2-3句]N需求:__________________________________________(線(xiàn)索在:首尾段+P1/P2給定句)D困難:__________________________________________(線(xiàn)索在:5w1H+角色特點(diǎn))S方法:___________________________________________(線(xiàn)索在:P1/P2給定句+角色事物)D結(jié)局:___________________________________________(線(xiàn)索在:需求解決+呼應(yīng)原文)P1:Aferuminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.P2:Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.①②③④⑤⑥⑦⑧⑨⑩Onefall,mywifeElliandIhadasinglegoal:tophotographpolarbears.Wewerestayingatаresearchcampoutsidethepolarbearcapitaloftheteardownthefencewithhismassivepaws.world"-thetownofChurchillinManitoba,Canada.Takingpicturesofpolarbearsisamazingbutalsodangerous.Polarbears-likeallwildanimals-shouldbephotographedfromаsafedistance.WhenI'mfacetofacewithapolarbear,Ilikeittobethroughacamerawithatelephotolens.Butsometimes,thatiseasiersaidthandone.Thiswasoneofthosetimes.AsElliandIcookeddinner,ayoungmalepolarbearwhowasplayinginanearbylakesniffed,andsmelledourgarlicbread.Thehungrybearfollowedhisnosetoourcamp,whichwassurroundedbyahighwirefence.Hepulledandbitthewire.HestoodonhisbacklegsandP1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktopushedatthewoodenfenceposts.Terrified,ElliandItriedallthebeardefenseactionsweknew.Weyelledatthebear,hitpotshard,andfiredblankshotgunshellsintotheair.Sometimesloudnoiseslikethesewillscarebearsoff.Notthispolarbearthough-hejustkepttryingtoresearchcampoutsidethepolarbearcapitaloftheteardownthefencewithhismassivepaws.Iradioedthecampmanagerforhelp.Hetoldmeahelicopterwasonitsway,butitwouldbe30minutesbeforeitarrived.Makingthebestofthiscloseencounter,Itooksomepicturesofthebear.ElliandIfearedthefencewouldn'tlastthrough30moreminutesofthebearspunishment.ThecampmanagersuggestedIusepepperspray.Thesprayburnsthebears'eyes,butdoesn'thurtthem.SoIapproachedouruninvitedguestslowlyand,throughthefence,sprayedhimintheface.Withanangryroarthebearrantothelaketowashhiseyes.[2020年7月浙江卷]P1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.P2:Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.N需求:脫險(xiǎn),對(duì)抗熊3o分鐘;驚險(xiǎn)時(shí)刻(線(xiàn)索在:首尾段+P1/P2給定句)D困難:熊兇猛;武器只能用普通物品(線(xiàn)索在:5w1H+角色特點(diǎn))S方法:等直升機(jī);Elli行動(dòng);噴霧+面包(線(xiàn)索在:P1/P2給定句+角色事物)D結(jié)局:登機(jī)脫險(xiǎn)-熊破柵欄吃食物-我拍照(線(xiàn)索在:需求解決+呼應(yīng)原文)P1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.Thenwerealizedthatthesprayhadonlyangeredhimevenmore,forheseemedmuchfiercerthistimeandviolentlypushedthefencelikemad.Myheartracedwildly,notknowingwhattodo.Atthiscriticalmoment,Elligrabbedseveralpiecesofgarlicbreadandthrewthemoverthefence.Itworked!Thebearstoppedtheattackandrantothebread.Butitwasn'tlongbeforeheateupallthebreadandcamebackagain.P2:Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.“Thankgoodnesswearesaved!"Ellicriedout.Oncethehelicopterlanded,wegotontoitinnotime,excitedandrelieved.Whenweweresafeonthehelicopterupintheair,Iwasamazedtospotthatthebearhadfinallytorndownthefenceandrantowardsthefoodweleftbehind.Iquicklytookoutthecameraandphotographedtherarescene一wewererobbedbyapolarbear!Who關(guān)鍵詞動(dòng)詞形容詞I&Elligoal:tophotograph;triedallactions;radioedforhelp;Itooksomepictures;singlegoal;safedistance;Terrified;fearedPolarbearpushedthefence;pulledandbitthewire;teardownthefence;ranto;headedback;youngmale;hungry;angryroar;fierce;wildanimals;uninvitedguest;kepttrying物體（做工具）dinner;garlicbread;fence;camera;loudnoises;pepperspray;helicopter;foodWhat關(guān)鍵句（3W1H）Takingpicturesofpolarbearsisamazingbutalsodangerous;thefencewouldn'tlastthrough30moreminutesofP1P2關(guān)鍵詞thatverymoment[填入原文線(xiàn)索,情節(jié)僅需補(bǔ)2-3句]N需求:脫險(xiǎn),對(duì)抗熊30分鐘;驚險(xiǎn)時(shí)刻(線(xiàn)索在:首尾段+P1/P2給定句)D困難:熊兇猛;武器只能用普通物品(線(xiàn)索在:5w1H+角色特點(diǎn))S方法:等直升機(jī);Elli行動(dòng);噴霧+面包(線(xiàn)索在:P1/P2給定句+角色事物)D結(jié)局:登機(jī)脫險(xiǎn)-熊破柵欄吃食物-我拍照(線(xiàn)索在:需求解決+呼應(yīng)原文)P1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.①心里/動(dòng)作線(xiàn)：（順著P1首句）我們更加害怕，熊看起來(lái)更兇狠②Elli行動(dòng)+面包“扔面包轉(zhuǎn)移熊的注意力”③（角色互動(dòng)）熊跑去吃面包但吃完又折回來(lái)④我緊急拿到辣椒噴霧嘗試擊退它⑤驚險(xiǎn)時(shí)刻unfortunatelyasexpected，熊更憤怒了直接撲過(guò)來(lái)P2:Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.⑥心理加動(dòng)作線(xiàn)我們開(kāi)心，得救(心理+語(yǔ)言)⑦登直升機(jī)脫險(xiǎn)(動(dòng)作+心理)⑧俯瞰營(yíng)地，發(fā)現(xiàn)驚人一幕⑨熊吃食物⑩我拍照，心想熊得償所愿了運(yùn)用原文詞匯：加修飾改寫(xiě)推進(jìn)Who關(guān)鍵詞動(dòng)詞形容詞I&Elligoal:tophotograph;triedallactions;radioedforhelp;Itooksomepictures;singlegoal;safedistance;Terrified;fearedPolarbearpushedthefence;pulledandbitthewire;teardownthefence;ranto;headedback;youngmale;hungry;angryroar;fierce;wildanimals;uninvitedguest;kepttrying物體（做工具）dinner;garlicbread;fence;camera;loudnoises;pepperspray;helicopter;foodP1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.①意識(shí)到噴霧無(wú)用，熊更兇狠②我害怕，不知道咋辦③Elli行動(dòng)，扔面包④行動(dòng)有用熊跑去吃面包⑤不幸運(yùn)的是熊吃完又折回●Thenwerealizedthatthesprayhadonlyangeredhimevenmore,forheseemedmuchfiercerthistimeandviolentlypushedthefencelikemad.●Myheartracedwildly,notknowingwhattodo.●Atthiscriticalmoment,Elligrabbedseveralpiecesofgarlicbreadandthrewthemoverthefence.Itworked!●Thebearstoppedtheattackandrantothebread.●Butitwasn'tlongbeforeheateupallthebreadandcamebackagain.●Thenwerealizedthatthesprayhadonlyangeredhimevenmore,forheseemedmuchfiercerthistimeandviolentlypushedthefencelikemad.原文adj/v.加修飾：原文形容詞>比較級(jí)更加原文動(dòng)詞>前加副詞加強(qiáng)程度續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)拓展5個(gè)技巧1、重現(xiàn)改寫(xiě)原文關(guān)鍵(尤其續(xù)寫(xiě)第1句)(句式:evenmore..;dosthagain..)2.評(píng)價(jià)(評(píng)價(jià)前動(dòng)作/前情節(jié))(句式:..whichworked/whichmadesb.../whichturnedout)3、后悔感嘆(當(dāng)初就../要是..就好了)(句式:虛擬語(yǔ)氣,should/shouldn'thavedone;ifonly)4.動(dòng)作鏈(單動(dòng)作，拆成多動(dòng)作)(句式:動(dòng)詞排比/Doingsth,sbdosth./Havingdonesth,sbdosth.)5.角色分工(同時(shí)空下，不同角色的行動(dòng))(句式:While/When/A....sbdosth./Meanwhile,sbdosth.)解析1.重現(xiàn)、改寫(xiě)原文關(guān)鍵(尤其續(xù)寫(xiě)第1句)原文尾段關(guān)鍵句+P1首句:組合改寫(xiě),順接著描述?常用詞匯:Sb/sthisevenmore+形容詞/副詞;(某人/某物更加..）Sb/sthdosthagain/oncemore/repeatedly..(某人再次做.)◆真題運(yùn)用1:[2020.07浙江卷]尾段:..Thesprayburnsthebears'eyes,butdoesn'thurtthem.SoIapproachedouruninvitedguestslowlyand,throughthefence,sprayedhimintheface.Withanangryroar(吼叫),thebearrantothelaketowashhiseyes.*尾段關(guān)鍵詞:Thesprayburnsthebears'eyes;anangryroar;fierce;pushfence(噴霧灼傷了熊的眼睛;憤怒的咆哮;兇猛;推柵欄)*Paragraph1給定句:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.(幾分鐘后，熊回到了我們的營(yíng)地)續(xù)寫(xiě)范文:Thenwerealizedthatthesprayhadonlyangeredhimevenmore,forheseemedmuchfiercerthistimeandviolentlypushedthefencelikemad.(紅字:原文詞/改寫(xiě);綠字:改寫(xiě)潤(rùn)色)然后我們意識(shí)到,噴霧只會(huì)讓他更加憤怒，因?yàn)檫@次他似乎更猛烈了,像瘋了一樣猛烈地推著柵欄。真題運(yùn)用2:[2021年全國(guó)1卷]尾段:.JenatoldJefftocleanitupsotheycouldcontinuetocooktherestoftheporridge.ButJeffshandtouchedthehotburnerandhegaveacryofpain...*尾段關(guān)鍵詞:tocleanthekitchenupsotheycouldcontinuetocook...-(清理廚房,這樣他們就可以繼續(xù)做飯了..*P1給定:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.(當(dāng)雙胞胎失望地環(huán)顧四周時(shí)，他們的父親出現(xiàn)了)續(xù)寫(xiě)范文:Hetoldthem,tocleanupthekitchenwhilehehelpedthemmakebreakfastforMother.(紅字:原文詞/改寫(xiě);綠字:改寫(xiě)潤(rùn)色)他告訴她們清理廚房,同時(shí)他幫他們?yōu)槟赣H做早餐。2.評(píng)價(jià):前動(dòng)作/前情節(jié)萬(wàn)用句式:Sbdidsth,whichturnedouttobe...(某人做某事,這是..的)?常用詞匯:...whichworked;(這發(fā)揮作用了)...whichmadesb...(這使得某人...)...whichturnedouttobequitehelpful/fruitful/productive.(事實(shí)證明，這是非常有幫助/富有成效/富有成效的)◆真題運(yùn)用1:[2020.07浙江卷]P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):Elli扔面包引誘熊去吃。熊跑去吃面包。擴(kuò)寫(xiě)加評(píng)價(jià):Elli扔面包引誘熊去吃，這個(gè)行動(dòng)有用。熊跑去吃面包。?Elligrabbedseveralpiecesofgarlicbreadandthrewthemoverthefence,whichworked.Thebearstoppedtheattackandrantothebread..◆真題運(yùn)用2:[2020.07浙江卷]P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):(對(duì)著熊?chē)妵婌F，熊返回來(lái))熊更兇狠了。擴(kuò)寫(xiě)加評(píng)價(jià):(對(duì)著熊?chē)妵婌F,熊返回來(lái))噴霧對(duì)熊無(wú)用，只會(huì)讓他更兇狠。?基礎(chǔ):Thebearlookedangrier.?改成:Thenwerealizedthatthesprayhadonlyangeredhimevenmore...◆真題運(yùn)用3:[2020.07浙江卷]P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):(熊跑去吃面包)熊吃完又折回。擴(kuò)寫(xiě)加評(píng)價(jià):(熊跑去吃面包)不幸運(yùn)的是/讓他們失望的是，熊吃完又折回。?Unfortunately/Totheirgreatdisappointment,thebearateupallthebreadandcamebackagain.◆真題運(yùn)用4:[2021年全國(guó)1卷]P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):(爸爸出現(xiàn)了)雙胞胎按照爸爸說(shuō)的做。擴(kuò)寫(xiě)加評(píng)價(jià):(爸爸出現(xiàn)了)雙胞胎按照爸爸說(shuō)的做,爸爸總是她們的大救星。?基礎(chǔ):Thetwinsdidwhatwasinstructedbyfather.?改成:Thetwinsdidwhatwasinstructedbyfather,whowasthemosttrustworthypersonalwayscomingtotheirrescue.3.后悔感嘆(當(dāng)初就../要是..就好了)(句式:虛擬語(yǔ)氣，should/shouldn'thavedone;ifonly)●常用句式1:“shouldhavedone當(dāng)初就..”?當(dāng)初就應(yīng)該做某事:Sbshouldhavedonesth.(實(shí)際沒(méi)做)?當(dāng)初就不應(yīng)該做某事:Sbshouldn'thavedonesth,E(實(shí)際做了)●常用句式2:“Ifonly要是...,就好了”?要是某人有做過(guò)某事就好了:Ifonlysbhaddonesth.(對(duì)過(guò)去的假設(shè))?要是某人會(huì)去做某事就好了:Ifonlysbwoulddosth.(對(duì)將來(lái)的期望)◆真題運(yùn)用1:[2021年全國(guó)1卷]*P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):爸爸做好了早餐。*擴(kuò)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思:看著爸爸煮好的完美早餐,她們懊悔地想，早前應(yīng)該先跟爸爸請(qǐng)教怎么做早餐的!?Lookingattheperfectbreakfastcookedbytheirfather,theyremorsefullythought,theyshouldhaveaskedhimhowtomakebreakfastpreviously!?或:Lookingattheperfectbreakfastcookedbytheirfather,theyremorsefullythought,ifonlytheyhadaskedhimhowtomakebreakfastpreviously!◆真題運(yùn)用2:[2021年全國(guó)1卷]*P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):媽媽享用了早餐。*擴(kuò)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思:媽媽開(kāi)心地說(shuō)，要是每天都可以吃到這么美味的早餐就好了!?Momsaiddelightedly,ifonlyshecouldhavesuchadeliciousbreakfasteveryday!◆真題運(yùn)用3:[2020.07浙江卷]*P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):熊去湖里洗眼晴,返回來(lái)。*擴(kuò)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思:我懊悔地想，不應(yīng)該惹怒它的,真是個(gè)糟糕的嘗試。(+評(píng)價(jià))?RemorsefullyIthoughttomyself,weshouldn'thaveangeredit.Whataterribletry!◆真題運(yùn)用4:[2020.07浙江卷]*P1段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):扔面包分散熊的注意力，行動(dòng)有用。*擴(kuò)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思:應(yīng)該多準(zhǔn)備一些面包的。?Weshouldhavepreparedmorebread./Ifonlywehadpreparedmorebread.小總結(jié)后悔感嘆(虛擬語(yǔ)氣)●常用句式1:“shouldhavedone當(dāng)初就..”?當(dāng)初就應(yīng)該做某事:Sbshouldhavedonesth.(實(shí)際沒(méi)做)?當(dāng)初就不應(yīng)該做某事:Sbshouldn'thavedonesth,5(實(shí)際做了)●常用句式2:“Ifonly要是...,就好了”?要是某人有做過(guò)某事就好了:Ifonlysbhaddonesth.(對(duì)過(guò)去的假設(shè))?要是某人會(huì)去做某事就好了:Ifonlysbwoulddosth.(對(duì)將來(lái)的期望)4、動(dòng)作鏈(單動(dòng)作，拆成多動(dòng)作)(句式:動(dòng)詞排比/Doingsth,sbdosth./Havingdonesth,sbdosth.)動(dòng)作鏈(拆分動(dòng)作,一分為二/一分為三)●常用句式:sbdosth1,dosth2anddosth3.(非謂語(yǔ))Doingsth,sbdosth./Havingdonesth,sbdosth.◆真題運(yùn)用1:[2020.07浙江卷]*P2段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):我們登上直升機(jī)，往下看發(fā)現(xiàn)熊吃了我們的食物。*擴(kuò)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思:熊終于沖破柵欄,吃到食物。(原文前面，有柵欄阻礙,所以它要先沖破柵欄，再?zèng)_向食物,吃到食物)?Thebearhadfinallytorndownthefenceandrantowardsthefoodweleftbehind.?或:Finally,havingtorndownthefence,thebearrantowardsthefoodweleftbehind.(最后，在拆毀了柵欄后，熊跑向我們留下的食物)◆真題運(yùn)用2:[2020.07浙江卷]*P2段續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié):Elli扔面包。*擴(kuò)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思:EIli抓起幾塊面包，瞄準(zhǔn)遠(yuǎn)方，盡可能遠(yuǎn)地將它扔出柵欄。?EIligrabbedseveralpiecesofgarlicbread,aimedfarawayandthrewthemoverthefenceasfaraspossible.◆真題運(yùn)用3:[2020.07浙江卷]*P2段續(xù)寫(xiě)