致地球公開信

1、致地球公開信兒童英漢雙語故事麥田怪圈不是我們干的。請用心想想吧。我們以你們認為不 可能實現(xiàn)的速度飛行于群星間可你們還認為我們需要為了聯(lián)絡用途 而壓下麥稈？你們?yōu)槭裁催€總是以為我們會在荒郊僻野著陸？我們被你們的媒體所描繪的外星人形象弄得心煩意亂。當你們有 心情思考時，就好好地看看你們對地球犯下的罪孽。你們正在毀掉這 顆星球：把自然資源消耗殆盡，污染空氣，毀掉大海，將許多獨特的 物種永久地滅絕。你們怎么可能指望在即將來臨的星際經濟時代幸免 于難？First off, allow us to apologize for the abductions （綁架，劫持）.Although it seeme

2、d like a good idea at the time, we recognize that too often you did not find the experience as satisfying as we did. We genuinely regret the way things got out of handIt started out as just something to do, an occasional way to blow off steam （發(fā)脾氣，減壓）after a long day of observation. We tried not to

3、break anybody, and we always put you back where we found you. Frankly you arent all that interesting, and we might soon have grown tired of the whole thing.But we got such a kick out of your cute eyewitness accounts, what with the stories of our big dark eyes and little arms and all. You made us fee

4、l special, even if your tales were complete crap The books, the movies, the T-shirtswe were like celebrities And some of you took it all so seriously, with your conspiracy theories and everything It was really quite a hoot （叫囂，嘲罵聲）.Then this guy Whitley Strieber came along, and he sort of took the j

5、oy out of it, you know? What a killjoy shitbag he is. Today we abduct only nerdy guys who live alone in Airstream trailers, primarily because theyre nerds and, tmth be told, we just like to mess with theii* heads.Many of you have written asking about crop circles, so lets set the record straight.It

6、aint us. Really, its not. Tliiiik about it. You people have trouble reaching your own moon, and even you have cell phones, satellite TV, and high-speed DSLWe sail between stars at speeds you believe impossibleyou think we have to knock down veggies （蔬菜） in order to communicate?And why do you always

7、assume we land in rural areas? Please. On a planet with New York, Rio de Janeiro, Paris, and Amsterdam, you figure wed choose to hang out in Roswell, New Mexico? Have any of you actually been there? （By the way, Area 51 is a real hole In the unlikely event were ever in the neighborhood again, were s

8、taying someplace else for sure.）We would be remiss if we failed to mention the anal （肛門的,直腸 tl勺） probing For the longest time, we swear we thought those were data ports. We meant no harm, and hope that you will, like us, try to forget this unfortunate chapter in our history. In retrospect （回顧往事）it w

9、as simply a bad ideaNow we dont want to be seen as whiners （哀訴者，哭訴者）,but there are a few things we wish to discussFor one thing, we are troubled by the way we have been portrayed in the media. We represent an array of life whose richness and sheer scope would astound you. Yet for the most part, on t

10、his planet we are typecast as either hairless dweebs with foreheads like watermelons, or else giant insects who want to eat you.No offense, but this is especially hard to take from a backwater planet most beings have never heard of. （In fairness, this is not entirely true Earth is generally known fo

11、r one thing: cottage cheese Seriously, nobody else ever thought of that. Not even the Lobolata, who are themselves dairy products.）The very word alien is plagued （折磨，苦惱） by negative associations. According to our latest focus groups, the term conjures up （使人想象出）images of slimy, parasitic （寄生的）creatu

12、res who spring onto the faces of unsuspecting beings in order to plant their young inside, or people picking cabbages. （Apologies to the Bulibians: slimy, parasitic creatures who actually do spring onto the faces of unsuspecting beings in order to plant their young inside.）Weve discussed this among

13、ourselves, and we no longer wish to be called aliens Henceforth, we prefer to be called Chuck Norris. Please do not shorten, hyphenate （用 連字符連接）,or alter this in any way. The plural form （復數(shù)形式）is the same, as in, Hey, there goes a Chuck Norris Wait, there goes another one.Finally, some adviceLook, f

14、rom where we sit, yoifre all the same We appreciate that human beings come in slightly different models and colors, and to you these nearly imperceptible differences seem to cause no end of trouble. But honestly, were astounded that you can even tell yourselves apart In blind taste tests, in fact, t

15、he average Chuck Norris cannot detect any difference whatsoeve匚 So chill, people of Earth, and try to get alongWliile you be in a reflective mood, take a closer look at what yoifre doing to your planet. You are ruining it: depleting （耗盡） your natural resources, polluting your air, sickening your oce

16、ans, and destroying unique species forever. This is just plain wrong, not to mention completely irrational （不合理的,荒謬的）.Everyone knows that the logical tiling is to find somebody elses planet and min that. Noobs. How can you possibly expect to survive in the coming interstellar economy?By the way, wev

17、e elected you to come up with the new shared unit of galactic currency .Just pick something small and ubiquitous （至 ij 處存在 白勺），something of nominal value that you wont niiss much .Its your call, but we suggest hamsters （田鼠，倉鼠）In closing, much of what you do befuddles us. Many of your core conceptssu

18、ch as guilt, selflessness, and David Hasselhoffsimply have no counterparts in non-Tenan cultures. YoiVre what galactic sociologists call a bunch of strange ducks.Yet for reasons not entirely clear, we have developed a certain affection for you. Wed just as soon keep you around, if only for the entertainment value