2016.10月浙江讀后續(xù)寫分析及5檔例文分析點評

1、2016年10月浙江高考英語讀后續(xù)寫題目分析和樣文點評編者按： 普通高等學校招生全國統(tǒng)一考試英語科考試說明（高考綜合改革試驗省份試用）（第一版）已經(jīng)公布。作為試點單位，2016年10月份開始的浙江省新高考英語科目考試題型有重大變化，其中英語寫作分為兩部分，共40分：第一節(jié)為應用文寫作（15分），第二節(jié)為讀后續(xù)寫或概要寫作（25分），兩種形式在不同考次不定期交替使用。應用文寫作為廣大師生所熟悉，但是讀后續(xù)寫或概要寫作是一種新題型，之前考試中考生并未接觸過。為方便廣大師生盡早熟悉這種題型，適合相關變化，高效備考，特設學生習作點評欄目。本次學生習作選自未實行“一年兩考”的河北省高三學生，在此對他們表

2、示感謝。讀后續(xù)寫與評分標準解讀讀后續(xù)寫以讀為輔，以寫為主，其目標是考查學生的書面語言使用水平。從評分標準來看，讀后續(xù)寫主要是考查內(nèi)容和語言兩方面。在內(nèi)容上，第一，續(xù)寫內(nèi)容要與原文和所給續(xù)寫段落的首句融洽，續(xù)寫的每一段要與原文融洽度高，并且要緊貼所給首句的線索來寫。第二，內(nèi)容要豐富，要有細節(jié)的描繪，使用5個及以上原文中畫線的詞語。這兩方面對學生續(xù)寫內(nèi)容給出了極強的限制，使得學生的續(xù)寫內(nèi)容偏離原文的概率大大降低。同時，內(nèi)容也會被限制在能夠預測的范圍內(nèi)，便于評分。在語言方面，考生應該首先考慮語法和詞匯的準確性，然后再去考慮復雜性。有的考生直接將簡單句合并或者修改成復雜句，這在平時練習中作為學習過程是

3、可行的，但考試時，卻可能所以出現(xiàn)語法或詞匯錯誤，得不償失。第二點是上下文的連貫性，實際上應該是語句間的連接手段的使用，例如，“and”“but”“therefore”等詞，但必須指出的是，銜接詞使用要恰當，并非越多越好，連貫主要靠上下文的情節(jié)推動來實現(xiàn)。2016年10月浙江高考讀后續(xù)寫試題分析2016年浙江高考首次使用讀后續(xù)寫試題，故事講述了Jane和Tom去森林宿營，因為爭吵，Jane獨自走進森林后迷路，在叢林中，她后悔離開了Tom，度過一夜后，她發(fā)現(xiàn)了一條小溪，并吃了一些漿果充饑，在順流而上的途中，她聽到了直升機的聲音，并決定使用自己的黃色罩衣來引起直升機的注意。續(xù)寫部分給出的第一段首句表

4、明，沒有更多的直升機到來，天色也黑了下來；第二段首句表明，Jane睡了一晚后醒來了。所以在第一段續(xù)寫中，考生應該描述Jane晚上所做的事情；第二段續(xù)寫要求考生寫她醒來后發(fā)生的事情，按照常理，Jane在第二段續(xù)寫中應該獲救。文章中畫出的關鍵詞包括：人物Jane，Tom；背景l(fā)ake，stream，at a distance；事物helicopter，yellow blouse；動作walked，climbed；情感to her great joy。按照評分標準，評分員應首先考慮續(xù)寫與短文和段落開頭語的融洽水準。如果續(xù)寫第一段直升機又回來了，Jane沒有睡著，或者Jane又重復了前面吃漿果、沿著小

5、溪找路等事情，評分員就會認為續(xù)寫的第一段與原文和第一句不融洽，融洽的行為應該包括Jane為自救而采取的行動，如遇到的困難、黃色罩衣的使用、如何費勁地找到過夜之處、在情感上應該體現(xiàn)思念Tom和家人、后悔出走等，然后順利地過渡到她睡著了。第二段續(xù)寫按照常理Jane應該獲救，Tom能夠出現(xiàn)在她面前，然后再倒敘發(fā)現(xiàn)Jane的過程，最后是夫妻幸福的團聚。按照評分標準的第二項，考生應該能夠使故事復雜化并達到高潮；另外，需要添加細節(jié)，使內(nèi)容豐富；最后，考生千萬不要忘記使用5個及以上畫線詞，并且在自己的續(xù)寫中畫出來。從大的方向來說，試題所給的文章已經(jīng)完成了故事的開頭，考生的任務是使故事復雜化，添加更多的細節(jié)使

6、故事更加豐富，例如，Jane如何具體地使用黃色blouse、如何找到過夜的地方、有無野獸、如何生火等；同時，細膩地描寫Jane的情感，如后悔離開Tom、思念家人等。在復雜化之后，讓故事出現(xiàn)高潮，高潮應該出現(xiàn)在Jane和Tom相遇的時機。按照評分標準第三項，考生應該能夠準確使用詞匯和語法結構。除了語法和詞匯準確性外，考生所使用的語法結構和詞匯還應該具有一定的豐富性，也就是說，考生應該根據(jù)不同的語境，得體地使用較多的語法結構和多樣的詞匯來續(xù)寫故事。如果考生的語法詞匯較為簡單，雖然使用準確，也很難得到四檔高分，更不必說五檔高分了。按照評分標準第四項，考生所續(xù)寫的故事本身應該連貫，使用銜接詞是保證續(xù)寫

7、故事連貫性的手段之一，但對于連貫來說，更重要的是故事內(nèi)容本身的連貫，如果考生的續(xù)寫內(nèi)容句與句之間前言不搭后語，即使使用再多的“however”“but”“therefore”也是不連貫的。另外，考生需要注意，不要濫用銜接詞，濫用銜接詞會適得其反，會引起評分員的反感，對提升分數(shù)不利。例文分析下面是各個檔次的例文，由河北省某省級重點中學學生所寫，每篇都經(jīng)過了兩位參與高考評分的評閱教師的雙評，教師還給出了具體的評語。斜體部分是續(xù)寫給出的段首語，其余部分為學生續(xù)寫。例1 五檔續(xù)寫例文But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.

8、Feeling disappointed， Jane had to stay alone for another night. After walking a long distance again， it occurred to her that she had a box of matches with her. She was wild with joy and used them to burn some branches so that she could get some warmth. Staring at the jumping fire， Jane thought of al

9、l the things that she and Tom had experienced together. Only in this way could Jane feel better and fall asleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Feeling refreshed， she continued to walk along the stream to find the way out. At noon， to her great joy， she finally caught sight of a wide water surfac

10、e at a distance. It was the lake！ Also she spotted a crew of policemen seeking along the bank！ It seemed that they also spotted her because they were moving towards her！ It was Tom who called the police. Finally， they led her to her husband. And the minute they met， they hugged together firmly as if

11、 they would never separate again. They got home and have led a happy life ever since.【點評】該文為最高檔五檔作文，兩位評分員都給了22分。第一，續(xù)寫部分和原文及首句的融洽度高，第一段開頭“Jane had to stay alone for another night”一句中的“another night”說明作者理解了原文中Jane已經(jīng)度過了一夜的事實，又為下文她睡著了埋下了伏筆，從而和第二段又接續(xù)上了。第二段開頭作者說，Jane感覺精力恢復了，與段首所說的醒來呼應。第二，該文內(nèi)容豐富，增加了“a box

12、of matches”和“jumping fire”，極有畫面感；同時，在第二段，Jane看到了平靜的湖面、警方的活動和他們見面后的喜悅等細節(jié)都描寫得栩栩如生。另外，在情節(jié)的推進方面，作者在第一段續(xù)寫（生火）和第二段續(xù)寫的開頭（繼續(xù)前行）使故事復雜化，然后達到故事的高潮（看到湖面、警察和Tom）。第三，該文基本沒有語言錯誤，達到了語法和詞匯的準確性；在詞匯和語法的豐富性上，作者使用了“occur”“wild with joy”“refresh”“caught sight of”“spot”“the minute”（做連詞）等詞匯；在語法結構上，作者使用了現(xiàn)在分詞“feeling disappo

13、inted”“staring at the jumping fire”，主語從句“it occurred to her that”和“it seemed that”，“as if ”引導的狀語從句，倒裝“only in this way could Jane.”，在續(xù)寫中體現(xiàn)出了較高的語言運用水平。最后，在連貫方面，作者使用了“and”“also”“after”等詞將上下文的邏輯體現(xiàn)了出來，但是連貫性主要還是由情節(jié)的推進體現(xiàn)出來的。例2 四檔續(xù)寫例文But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane felt dis

14、appointed very much. A memory of her and Tom came up in her mind. Suddenly， Jane burst into tears. But after a while， she lay on the ground with her yellow blouse. Gradually， she fell asleep. Then， she dreamed about her husband and her parents， they were looking for her. Jane wanted to yell， but she

15、 couldnt. She was so cold that she awaked from her dream. Then she found some branches to make a fire and continue to sleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She stood up and walked alone. She had a strong belief that Tom could rescue her. To her great joy， Jane heard the sound of a helicopter at a

16、 distance. Tom was on the helicopter yelling： “Jane， here I am.” Jane responded him excitedly. After Jane was rescued， they hugged firmly. They expressed thanks to the rescuers. And Jane promised Tom she would never quarrel with him.【點評】這篇續(xù)寫屬于四檔，得分為17分。首先，續(xù)寫與原文和段首語融洽度較高；在內(nèi)容豐富性方面，作者添加了Jane的情感和意志、做夢、生

17、火三個元素，使得故事復雜化，最后的高潮部分（直升機的出現(xiàn)）豐富性略顯不足，但是足夠使故事完整。在語言方面，表達較為準確，但是“then”一句中逗號使用錯誤，“continue”時態(tài)錯誤；另外，表達有一定的復雜度，在詞匯方面有“memory”“excitedly”“burst into tears”“respond”等的使用，在語法結構方面使用了較多的復合句，例如“so.that.”結構和同位語從句“a strong belief that”等。作者主要依靠意義和小句間的銜接來完成上下文的連貫，句子間只使用了“and”和“then”等簡單的銜接手段。例3 三檔續(xù)寫例文But no more he

18、licopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane was disappointed and scared. At that moment， she seemed to hear the sound of wolves， which made her calm down and began to think how to stay a night in the forest. A TV show about a wilderness survival program occurred to her. So she found a big tre

19、e and tried to climb the tree， that made her became safe. She sleep on the tree before long.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She was proud of herself because she stay a night safely by herself. Then Jane heard a helicopter. She was wild with joy and went to an open area and waved her yellow blouse

20、. However， she was not fortunately. The helicopter flew overhead. She thought she supposed to do something so that helicopters can find her. So Jane wrote a “SOS” at an open area. She was saved eventually. Tom hugged Jane and told her how much he loved her.【點評】該文屬于三檔例文（13分），續(xù)寫內(nèi)容無論是與原文還是與段首語都融洽度較高，但是

21、在內(nèi)容本身方面，Jane爬樹并且還睡在了樹上，顯得有些牽強，第二段續(xù)寫中Jane寫了“SOS”，但在直升機上能夠看到她手寫的“SOS”，令人難以置信。在內(nèi)容豐富性方面，作者添加了狼叫、爬樹和“SOS”等情節(jié)，使得故事復雜化。在語言方面，有較多錯誤，但是不影響對故事的理解，這些錯誤包括：“occur”的用法錯誤，“that”引導非限制性定語從句錯誤，“sleep”“stay”“can”的時態(tài)錯誤，“fortunately”應該改為形容詞，“supposed”應該使用被動語態(tài)等。作者在詞匯和語法結構的使用方面體現(xiàn)了一定的豐富性，例如“scared”“wolves”“wilderness”“surv

22、ival”“wild with joy”“eventually”等。銜接連貫方面，作者主要使用意義手段和小句間的銜接使得故事連貫，基本沒有使用句子間的銜接手段。例4 二檔續(xù)寫例文But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. This time， Jane felt scared. This was the second time that Jane had to through the dark day. She felt very tired and she wandered to know how she can t

23、hrough the darkness. Then， she thought a good idea. She made an easy house. She lived in the house. So she can through the darkness. She waited for tomorrow.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Jane thought about the helicopter came whether or not. She saw the yellow blouse beside herself. She waited

24、for the helicopter. Once she saw them she would throw her yellow blouse. She had a strong belief that the helicopter would see her. Finally， the helicopter came surely. So she was saved by them. She felt anxious. Because she didnt find her husband， Tom. So she asked them to look for Tom.【點評】這篇續(xù)寫屬于二檔，得7分。內(nèi)容與原文和段首句有一定的融洽度，但第一段和第二段間沒有呼應，在第一段續(xù)寫中，Jane沒有睡著。在內(nèi)容方面，作者運用了Jane的感受、搭建簡易房兩個情節(jié)使得續(xù)寫故事復雜化，但故事并沒有正常結束，因為Tom沒有出現(xiàn)！另外，續(xù)寫中只使用了4個畫線詞。在語法和詞匯方面，準確性較差，影響了理解，例如，“through”用作了動詞，“wonder”拼寫錯誤，變成了另一個詞“wander”，“whether or not”位置錯誤，“because”從句單獨成句，其余不一一指出。在復雜性方面，句子以簡單句為主，基本上以“she”