6分雅思大作文范文

1、 批改 by amber本次批改嚴(yán)格按照 ilets 大作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)進(jìn)行。ilets 大作文評分項(xiàng)：tr (論證扣題度), cc (連貫性及一致性), gra (語法范圍及精準(zhǔn)度), lr (詞匯資源)。文末會進(jìn)行總評及打分。作文題目作文題目more and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can beextremely difficult. explain some of difficulties of living in a city. how can governm

2、ents makeurban life better for everyone?學(xué)生原文學(xué)生原文nowadays, people are more likely to move to cities due to the fact that they believe that citylife is much better than rurals in terms of daily-life facilities. for example, convenienttransports and advanced health services. however numerous problems c

3、aused by inadapting to citylife are evident among people in particular less well educated ones.it is true that developed cities give people a great chance to enjoy a better life in materialways and this cannot be reached in backward countrysides such as shopping at departments andentertaining in the

4、me parks. it seems reasonable that people are in favor of migrating tometropolises. however, i think they have ignored some potential side effects of this act. oneissue is thatpeople might have difficulty inadapting to urban life. in other words, people whoare used to live in tranquil and relaxing p

5、laces might be reluctant to adjust their lifestylesin noisy and congested urban areas. elders and children, for instance, are prefer to live inspacious suburb areas. from another perspective, city life is teeming with a wide variety ofpollution such as smog, acid rain and noise pollution . therefore

6、, citizens are more likely tosuffer from respiratory diseases. moreover, it is quite common these days that citizens are easilyto get stress and anxiety through frequent traffic congestion and that is apparently notrecommendable for a healthy lifestyle. as a result, the living situation in cities co

7、uld berelative harsh to some extent.the possible solutions are always under discussion at both personal and government level. somepeople suggested that government ought to check the amount of polluted discharged and forcecompanies to process the effluent in order to reduce the pollution. another eff

8、ective measureis that governments should offer financial assistance to economically disadvatanged ones andprovide various types of community activities. that can help citizens to relieve negative moodsand encouraging them to slowdown their life pace. what is more, families concerns should beproposed

9、 in particular for elderly and youth who are have difficulty in fit modern life.despite some disadvantages of city life including pollution, congestion and rapid life pace, itscontribution to enrichour lifestyle diversity cannot be denied and it is important to take fulladvantage of it by introducin

10、g strict regulations to restrict the pollutants emission. nowadays, people are more likely to move to cities due (意思不恰當(dāng)，多為貶義，改為 owing) to thefact that they believe that city life is much better than rural s （詞性不對，這是形容詞，改為 the one in rural areas） in terms of daily-life facilities. for example, conven

11、ient transportsand advanced health services. （這不是一個(gè)句子，知識短語，應(yīng)該跟前面一句合并，改為 facilitiesincluding convenient transportation and advanced health care system ）however numerous problemscaused by inadapting the attempt to adapt to city life are evident among people in particularless well educated ones.it is t

12、rue that developed cities give people a great chance to enjoy a better life in materialways and this cannot be reached in backward countrysides countryside such as shopping atdepartments and or entertaining in theme parks. it seems reasonable that people are in favor ofmigrating to metropolises. how

13、ever, i think they have ignored some potential side effects of thisact. one issue is that people might have difficulty in adapting to urban life. in other words,people who are used to live in tranquil and relaxing places might be reluctant to adjust theirlifestyles in noisy and congested urban areas

14、. elders and children, for instance, are (沒有be 動詞加動詞原形) prefer to live in spacious suburb areas. from another perspective, city lifeis teeming with a wide variety of pollution such as smog, acid rain and noise pollution. therefore,citizens are more likely to suffer from respiratory diseases. moreove

15、r, it is quite common thesedays that citizens are easily to get stress and anxiety（副詞不能修飾介詞短語，改為 stressed）through （改為 due to）frequent traffic congestion and that is apparently not recommendable fora healthy lifestyle. as a result, the living situation in cities could be relative lyly （副詞才（副詞才能修飾形容詞能

16、修飾形容詞）harsh to some extent.the possible solutions are always under discussion at both personal and governmentalal level. somepeople suggested （沒必要過去式啊，難道現(xiàn)在這些人沒有建議了嗎？）that government ought to checkthe amount of polluted dischargedand force companiesto process the effluent in order to reducethe （去掉）po

17、llution. another effective measure is that governments should （for the governmentto）offer financial assistance to economically disadvatanged ( disadvantaged) ones and providevarious types of community activities. that can help citizens to relieve negative moods andencouraging (encourage) them to slo

18、wdownslow their life pace. what is more, families concernsshould be proposed in particular for elderly and youth who are ( 同前面一樣，be 不能加動詞原形)have difficulty in fit （adapting to）modern life.despite some disadvantages of city life including pollution, congestion and rapid life pace, itscontribution to enrichour lifestyle diversity cannot be denied and