翻譯OntheArtofLivingwithOthers

1、On the Art of Living with OthersSir Arthur Helps1 The "Iliad" for war; the "Odyssey" for wandering; but where is the great domestic epic? Yet it is but commonplace to say that passions may rage round a tea-table which would not have misbecome men dashing at one another in war cha

2、riots; and evolutions of patience and temper are performed at the fireside, worthy to be compared with the Retreat of the Ten Thousand. Men have worshiped some fantastic being for living alone in a wilderness; but social martyrdoms place no saints upon the calendar.1 伊利亞特是戰(zhàn)爭的史詩，奧德賽是漂泊冒險的史詩，但是平民史詩在哪里

3、呢？盛怒 從茶桌旁燃起最終演變?yōu)槟腥藗凂{著古戰(zhàn)車相互對峙，家庭生活中耐心和脾氣的發(fā)展過程堪比 遠征記里的萬人大撤退，這些都是非凡的事情。人們崇敬那些在野外獨立生存的人們，但 是歷史上卻沒有社會生活折磨下的圣賢。2 We may blind ourselves to it if we like, but the hatreds and disgusts that there are behind friendship, relationship, service, and, indeed, proximity of all kinds, is one of the darkest spots u

4、pon earth. The various relations of life, which bring people together, cannot, as we know, be perfectly fulfilled except in a state where there will, perhaps, be no occasion for any of them. It is no harm, however, to endeavor to see whether there are any methods which make these relations in the le

5、ast degree more harmonious now.2 我們可以視而不見，但是，隱藏在友誼，戀愛，服務(wù)，乃至所有人與人關(guān)系背后的仇恨與厭 惡是世界上最黑暗的方面。眾所周知，生活中的這些把人們聚到一起的關(guān)系，除非沒有任何意 外事情發(fā)生，否則都不會百分之百令人滿意。但是，努力嘗試尋找一下有沒有什么方法能使關(guān) 系變得和諧一點點還是有百利而無一害的。3 In the first place, if people are to live happily together, they must not fancy, because they are thrown together now, th

6、at all their lives have been exactly similar up to the present time, that they started exactly alike, and that they are to be for the future of the same mind. A thorough conviction of the difference of men is the great thing to be assured of in social knowledge: it is to life what Newton's law i

7、s to astronomy. Sometimes men have a knowledge of it with regard to the world in general: they do not expect the outer world to agree with them in all points, but are vexed at not being able to drive their own tastes and opinions into those they live with. Diversities distress them. They will not se

8、e that there are many forms of virtue and wisdom. Yet we might as well say: "Why all these stars; why this difference; why not all one star?"3 第一，如果人們想幸?？鞓返纳钤谝黄?，他們一定不能想當(dāng)然地認為，就因為他們現(xiàn)在相 遇了，那么他們從過去到現(xiàn)在的生活都是一樣的，那么他們生活的開端都是一樣的，以及他們 也會以一樣的思維繼續(xù)接下來的生活。在社會生活中，人與人有差異是最根本的定論，這就像 牛頓定律是天文學(xué)的根本一樣。有時候，人們懷著

9、這樣的看法：他們不求外周世界在所有問題 上和他們的觀點一致，但是會因為不能把自己的想法灌輸給他身邊的人而感到煩惱。差異使他 們感到痛苦。他們不明白其實世界上存在著很多種美德和智慧。我們可能會說：“為什么天上 有那么多星星？為什么這么不同？為什么不能所有星星都一樣呢？”4 Many of the rules for people living together in peace follow from the above. For instance, not to interfere unreasonably with others, not to ridicule their tastes,

10、not to question and requestion their resolves, not to indulge in perpetual comment on their proceedings, and to delight in their having other pursuits than ours, are all based upon a thorough perception of the simple fact that they are not we.4 很多人與人能和諧地共同生活的規(guī)則都依托于上面這個觀點- 人與人是不同的。比方說，不要毫無理由地干涉他人，不要嘲

11、笑別人的品味，不要質(zhì)疑并反復(fù)質(zhì)疑他人的決心，不要無休止 地評論別人的事情，要為他人追求和我們不同的事情而感到高興，這些都建立在一個簡單的事 實上 -他們不是我們。5 Another rule for living happily with others is to avoid having stock subjects of disputation. It mostly happens, when people live much together, that they come to have certain set topics, around which, from frequent d

12、ispute, there is such a growth of angry words, mortified vanity, and the like, that the original subject of difference becomes a standing subject for quarrel; and there is a tendency in all minor disputes to drift down to it.5 另外一個規(guī)則就是，避免產(chǎn)生爭吵的固定話題。這通常發(fā)生在人們長時間生活在一起，他們 會產(chǎn)生一些固定的話題，圍繞這些話題，人們以前常常發(fā)生爭執(zhí)，必然會

13、伴隨惡語相向，羞辱 對方，這樣，這個最初簡單的爭執(zhí)話題就變?yōu)榱?“固定話題 ”。所有微不足道的爭執(zhí)話題都有可 能轉(zhuǎn)化為 “固定話題 ”。（這一規(guī)則相對難理解，下面我來舉個例子。一對母子。兒子不努力學(xué) 習(xí)，母親經(jīng)常和兒子嘮叨類似話題，兩人經(jīng)常爭吵。一天兒子放學(xué)回來非常累，倒在床上想休 息一下，他計劃著休息半小時就起來復(fù)習(xí)功課，但是他剛躺下老媽進了他房間，看見他在睡覺， 馬上火冒三丈，認為這又是兒子不努力學(xué)習(xí)的表現(xiàn)，大聲叫兒子起來。兒子也覺得自己很委屈， 不理解為什么老媽總是要揪住這一點不放，自己本來沒想偷懶。兩個人就這樣吵起來了。這個 例子中，兒子不努力學(xué)習(xí)就是 “固定話題 ”，一旦粗發(fā)到相關(guān)問

14、題，母子就會激烈爭吵。其實本 來就事論事的情況下是不會這么嚴(yán)重吵架的！這也就是為什么作者提出避免產(chǎn)生固定話題這一 規(guī)則了。）6 Again, if people wish to live well together, they must not hold too much to logic, and suppose that everything is to be settled by sufficient reason. Dr. Johnson saw this clearly with regard to married people, when he said: "Wretch

15、ed would be the pair above all names of wretchedness, who should be doomed to adjust by reason every morning all the minute detail of a domestic day." But the application should be much more general than he made it. There is no time for such reasonings, and nothing that is worth them. And when

16、we recollect how two lawyers, or two politicians, can go on contending, and that there is no end of onesided reasoning on any subject, we shall not be sure that such contention is the best mode for arriving at truth. But certainly it is not the way to arrive at good temper.7 If you would be loved as

17、 a companion, avoid unnecessary criticism upon those with whom you live. The number of people who have taken out judge's patents for themselves is very large in any society. Now it would be hard for a man to live with another who was always criticizing his actions, even if it were kindly and jus

18、t criticism. It would be like living between the glasses of a microscope. But these self-elected judges, like their prototypes, are very apt to have the persons they judge brought before them in the guise of culprits.8 One of the most provoking forms of the criticism above alluded to is that which m

19、ay be called criticism over the shoulder. "Had I been consulted," "Had you listened to me," "But you always will," and such short scraps of sentences may remind many of us of dissertations which we have suffered and inflicted, and of which we cannot call to mind any soo

20、thing effect.9 Another rule is, not to let familiarity swallow up all courtesy. Many of us have a habit of saying to those with whom we live such things as we say about strangers behind their backs. There is no place, however, where real politeness is of more value than where we mostly think it woul

21、d be superfluous. You may say more truth, or rather speak out more plainly, to your associates, but not less courteously, than you do to strangers.10 Again, we must not expect more from the society of our friends and companions than it can give; and especially must not expect contrary things. It is

22、somewhat arrogant to talk of travelling over other minds (mind being, for what we know, infinite): but still we become familiar with the upper views, tastes, and tempers of our associates. And it is hardly in man to estimate justly what is familiar to him. In travelling along at night, as Hazlitt sa

23、ys, we catch a glimpse into cheerful-looking rooms with lights blazing in them, and we conclude, involuntarily, how happy the inmates must be. Yet there is heaven and hell in those rooms, the same heaven and hell that we have known in others.11 There are two great classes of promoters of social happ

24、iness; cheerful people, and people who have some reticence. The latter are more secure benefits to society even than the former. They are non-conductors of all the heats and animosities around them. To have peace in a house, or a family, or any social circle, the members of it must beware of passing

25、 on hasty and uncharitable speeches, which, the whole of the context seldom being told, is often not conveying but creating mischief. They must be very good people to avoid doing the; for let human nature say what it will, it likes sometimes to look on at a quarrel; and that, not altogether from ill

26、-nature, but from a love of excitement - for the same reason that Charles II liked to attend the debates in the Lords, because they were "as good as a play."12 We come now to the consideration of temper, which might have been expected to be treated first. But to cut off the means and cause

27、s of bad temper is, perhaps, of as much importance as any direct dealing with the temper itself. Besides, it is probable that in small social circles there is more suffering from unkindness than ill-temper. Anger is a thing that those who live under us suffer more from than those who live with us. B

28、ut all the forms of ill-humor and sour-sensitiveness, which especially belong to equal intimacy (though, indeed, they are common to all), are best to be met by impassiveness. When two sensitive persons are shut up together, they go on vexing each other with a reproductive irritability. But sensitive

29、 and hard people get on well together. The supply of temper is not altogether out of the usual laws of supply and demand.13 Intimate friends and relations should be careful when they go out into the world together, or admit others to their own circle, that they do not make a bad use of the knowledge which they have gained of each other by their intimacy. Nothing is more common than this, and did it not mostly proceed from mere carelessness it would be superlatively ungenerous. You seldom need wait for the written life of a