樂(lè)清市第二中學(xué)陳凌云

1、樂(lè)清市第二中學(xué)樂(lè)清市第二中學(xué) 陳凌云陳凌云高三（1）（2）學(xué)生溫二模得分?jǐn)?shù)據(jù)檔次檔次人數(shù)人數(shù)百分比百分比第一檔（第一檔（10分以下）分以下）00%第二檔（第二檔（11-15分）分）5150%第三檔（第三檔（16-20分）分）4343%第四檔（第四檔（21-25分）分）77%第五檔（第五檔（26-30分）分）00%Average score: 16.1 77%Road to better essays 方海燕高考寫(xiě)作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)高考寫(xiě)作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)第四檔（21-25分）完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)。達(dá)到了預(yù)期的寫(xiě)作目的。1.雖漏掉了一兩個(gè)次重點(diǎn)，但覆蓋所有主要內(nèi)容。2.應(yīng)用的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求3.語(yǔ)

2、法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯方面應(yīng)用基本準(zhǔn)確，些許錯(cuò)誤主要是因嘗試復(fù)雜語(yǔ)法機(jī)構(gòu)和詞匯所致。4.應(yīng)用簡(jiǎn)單的語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，使全文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。高三（1）（2）學(xué)生溫二模得分?jǐn)?shù)據(jù)檔次檔次人數(shù)人數(shù)百分比百分比第一檔（第一檔（10分以下）分以下）00%第二檔（第二檔（11-15分）分）5150%第三檔（第三檔（16-20分）分）4343%第四檔（第四檔（21-25分）分）77%第五檔（第五檔（26-30分）分）00%Average score: 16.1 /32(14-15)/32%Find out and correct mistakes1. I still remember the mistake, what st

3、ill makes me regretful. 2. It was happened when I was only seven years old. 3. My mom chosed to trust me. 4. I was very regretful that I couldnt forgive myself.5. Never I will tell a lie from then on. happenedchoseRoad to better essays whichsowill I Tip 1. Make your essay correctThere was a time whe

4、n I was addicted to watching TV six years ago. However, at the same time, it was my duty to look after my little brother. Not having taken the safety into consideration, I left him alone in the ground which was next to a busy street. Much to my regret, he was knocked down by a car by coincidence, wi

5、th his leg hurt badly. On account of it, he had got to stay in hospital for a long time. It was I, his beloved sister, who had a bad impact on his life, even if I didnt make it on purpose. I was not a responsible sister. I felt ashamed about what I did, and I had no alternative but to treat him bett

6、er than before. (陳小燕陳小燕)Road to better essays There was a time when I was addicted to watching TV six years ago. However, at the same time, it was my duty to look after my little brother. Not having taken the safety into consideration, I left him alone in the ground which is next to a busy street. M

7、uch to my regret, he was knocked by a car by coincidence, with his leg hurt badly. On account of it, he had got to stay in hospital for a long time. It was I, his beloved sister, who had a bad impact on his life, even if I didnt make it on purpose. I was not a responsible sister. I felt ashamed abou

8、t what I did, and I had no alternative but to treat him better than before. (陳小燕陳小燕)Road to better essays was addicted to takeninto consideration, left him aloneMuch to my regret, by coincidenceOn account of had a bad impact onon purpose.had no alternative but toTip2: Proper word choicewas addicted

9、to takeninto consideration, was addicted to takenleft him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenMuch to my regret, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenby coincidenceMuch to my regret, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenOn by coincidenceMuch to my regret

10、, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenaccount of On by coincidenceMuch to my regret, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenhad a bad impact onaccount of On by coincidenceMuch to my regret, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenon purpose.had a bad

11、 impact onaccount of On by coincidenceMuch to my regret, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenhad no alternative but toon purpose.had a bad impact onaccount of On by coincidenceMuch to my regret, left him aloneinto consideration, was addicted to takenThere was a time when I was add

12、icted to watching TV six years ago. However, at the same time, it was my duty to look after my little brother. Not having taken the safety into consideration, I left him alone in the ground which was next to a busy street. Much to my regret, he was knocked by a car by coincidence, with his leg hurt

13、badly. On account of it, he had got to stay in hospital for a long time. It was I, his beloved sister, who had a bad impact on his life, even if I didnt make it on purpose. I was not a responsible sister. I felt ashamed about what I did, and I had no alternative but to treat him better than before.

14、(陳小燕陳小燕)Road to better essays Tip3: Use some good sentence patterns1. I went away even more quickly, and I ignored it was bleeding.（用（用v-ing結(jié)構(gòu)改寫(xiě)句子）結(jié)構(gòu)改寫(xiě)句子）2. I still remember the day when I was learning to ride a bike and my mother accompanied me. (用用v-ed結(jié)構(gòu)改寫(xiě)結(jié)構(gòu)改寫(xiě)句子句子)PracticeRoad to better essays I w

15、ent away even more promptly, ignoring it was bleeding. (林子?jì)沽肿計(jì)?I still remember the day when I was learning to ride a bike, accompanied by my mother. (楊培禾）楊培禾）3. On an afternoon, I hid the bottle. It belonged to my best friend. (用定語(yǔ)從句改寫(xiě)句子用定語(yǔ)從句改寫(xiě)句子)4. We should never forget to be grateful to the love

16、ly strangers around us. On a sweating afternoon, I hid the bottle which belonged to my best friend.(吳海武）吳海武）Road to better essays Never should we forget to be grateful to the lovely strangers around us. （杭州二模（杭州二模)5.我太害怕了以致于不承認(rèn)這事，還撒謊說(shuō)是貓應(yīng)該受到我太害怕了以致于不承認(rèn)這事，還撒謊說(shuō)是貓應(yīng)該受到責(zé)備。（用強(qiáng)調(diào)句來(lái)翻譯句子）責(zé)備。（用強(qiáng)調(diào)句來(lái)翻譯句子）Road to

17、better essays I was too frightened to admit it, lying it was the cat that was to blame. (二模作文范文二模作文范文) I still remember the mistake I made which still makes me regretful. It happened when I was only seven years old. And one day I broke an expensive bottle of wine by accident. The wine had been treas

18、ured for many years. I was so worried because I knew how much it cost, so I decided to tell a lie. At first, I cleaned the broken wine bottle and then told my mom that my brother did it. Due to my good performance, my mom chose to trust me. As a result, my brother was punished later on. 修改提示：修改提示：將將

19、,兩句話合并成一句兩句話合并成一句話話 _將將,兩句話分別修改兩句話分別修改 _I still remember the mistake I made which still makes me regretful.It happened when I was only seven years old. 1.And one day I broke an expensive bottle of wine by accident. 2.The wine had been treasured for many years. 3.I was so worried because I knew how m

20、uch it cost, so I decided to tell a lie. 4. At first, I cleaned the broken wine bottle and then told my mom that my brother did it. Due to my good performance, my mom chose to trust me. As a result, my brother was punished later on. I still remember the mistake I made which still makes me regretful.

21、Due to my good performance, my mom chose to trust me. As a result, my brother was punished later on. It happened when I was only seven years old. And one day I broke an expensive bottle of wine which had been treasured for many years by accident. Knowing how much it cost I was so worried that I deci

22、ded to tell a lie. Having cleaned the broken wine bottle, I told my mom that it was my brother who did it. Road to better essays I still remember the mistake I made which still makes me regretful.Due to my good performance, my mom chose to trust me. As a result, my brother was punished later on. It

23、happened when I was only seven years old. And one day I broke an expensive bottle of wine which had been treasured for many years by accident. So worried was I that I decided to tell a lie, knowing how much it cost. Having cleaned the broken wine bottle, I told my mom that it was my brother who did

24、it. Road to better essays Beginning: topic Body: story in detail(setting, development and ending)Ending: your point of view outline I still remember the mistake I made which still makes me regretful. It happened when I was only seven years old. And one day I broke an expensive bottle of wine which h

25、ad been treasured for many years by accident. So worried was I that I determined to tell a lie, knowing how much it cost. Having cleaned the broken wine bottle, I told my mom that it was my brother who did it. Due to my good performance, my mom chose to trust me. As a result, my brother was punished

26、 later on. Ending: your point of view Original ending: I was very regretful to do so. And I told my mom the truth and I felt relaxed. I will never tell a lie from then on. Your ending: _ I still remember the mistake I made which still makes me regretful. It happened when I was only seven years old.

27、And one day I broke an expensive bottle of wine which had been treasured for many years by accident. So worried was I that I determined to tell a lie, knowing how much it cost. Having cleaned the broken wine bottle, I told my mom that it was my brother who did it. Due to my good performance, my mom

28、chose to trust me. As a result, my brother was punished later on. Road to better essays Ending: your point of view Original ending: I was very regretful to do so. And I told my mom the truth and I felt relax. Never will I tell a lie from then on. One possible version: Afterwards, the lie was botheri

29、ng me though mom and brother didnt discover it. How regretful I was for what I had done. Finally, I gathered my courage to tell the truth. Now I feel relieved, just as an English proverb goes, “Honesty is the best policy.” (參考二模作文范文）參考二模作文范文）Tip4: Express your emotions and convey positive energyI st

30、ill remember a wrong thing. It left a deep impression on me and also made me know more about friendship. It happened between my best friend and me. One day, I planned to do my homework, but I couldnt find my notebook anywhere I could imagine. It made me very sad. At the same time, my best friend cam

31、e and carried my notebook. When I saw my notebook, I thought he brought my book to copy homework at first, so I was angry with him. After a minute, I realized that I just left my book in the playground and he helped me take it back. I felt very sorry and said sorry to him finally. And he forgave me

32、at once. Since then, before I do anything, Ill think more carefully. Also, I know that he is a real good friend.Polish the essay givenEg1. From the above experience, Ive learned that it is not our inborn gifts but our efforts that help us achieve success. When confronted with challenges, we should f

33、ight bravely instead of giving up. (杭州一模生活中遇到的最大的挑戰(zhàn))Eg2. I am really proud of this experience, because it helps me realize that we all can fulfill our potential and achieve our goals through hard work. It also helps me better understand the proverb “Practice makes perfect” (13年浙江卷我驕傲的一件事)Eg3. I think smiling not only makes us happy but also helps build u