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讀后續(xù)寫(xiě):OldManDonovan
wasameanmanwhohatedchildren.Hethrewrocksatthemandevenshotatthemwithashotgun.Atleastthat’swhatwehadheard.Hissmall
farm
borderedourneighborhoodwheremyyoungersister,LeighAnn,andIlivedwhenweweregrowingup.Hisfarmwaslong,narrow,andquaint.Itheldtwotreasures.Onewashisbeautifulfruit.Thereweremanyvarietiesoffruit:pears,apples,andlotsmoreIjustcan'tthinkof.Thefruitnaturallydrewthechildrentohisland.Itmadethemintothieves.But
mysisterandI
didn'tdaretotakehisfruitbecauseofthehorriblerumorswehadheardaboutOldManDonovan.One
summer
day,wewereplayinginanearbyfield.Itwastimetoheadbackhome.MysisterandIwerefeelingverydaringthatday.TherewasashortcuttoourhousethatwentthroughtheDonovanfarm.Wethoughthewouldn'tbeabletoseeusrunacrosshispropertyaroundtheluscious
fruit
trees.Wewerealmostthroughthefarmwhenweheard,"Hey,girl!"inagruff,lowvoice.Westoppeddeadinourtracks!Therewewere,facetofacewithOldManDonovan.Ourkneeswereshaking.Wehadvisionsofrockspoundingourbodiesandbulletspiercingourhearts."Comehere,"hesaid,reachinguptooneofhisappletrees.Stillshaking,wewentovertohim.Heheldoutseveralripe,juicy,redapples."Takethesehome,”hecommanded.Wetooktheappleswithsurprisedheartsandranallthewayhome.Ofcourse,LeighAnnandIatetheapples.Astimewenton,weoftenwentthroughOldManDonovan'sfarm,andhekeptongivingusmorelusciousfruit.Oneday,westoppedbytoseehimwhenhewasonhisfrontporch.Wetalkedtohimforhours.Whilehewastalking,werealizedthatwehadfoundtheother
hiddentreasure:thesweet,
kindhearthiddenbehindhisgruffvoice.Soon,hewasoneofourfavoritepeopletotalkto.Unfortunately,
hisfamily
neverseemedtoenjoyour
company.Theyneversmiledor
welcomed
usin.Paragraph1:Everysummer,wewouldvisitMr.Donovanandtalktohim.____________________________Paragraph2:Thenextwinter,wordgotaroundthatOldManDonovanhaddied.
________________一、寫(xiě)作思路解讀Moreattentionshouldbepaidtothefollowingpoints.1.
Para1抓住段首句的關(guān)鍵詞visit...andtalk.
因此本段要描寫(xiě)我們見(jiàn)面后的交談,(交談的對(duì)話(huà)和內(nèi)容不重要,所以應(yīng)用概括性詞語(yǔ)描述Wetoldhimwhathappenedinourschoollife/Wesharedourhappinessandsorrowwithhiminourlife,especiallysomeinterestingstorieshappenedinourschool。重要的是我們的交談是開(kāi)心快樂(lè)的Weburstintolaughfromtimetotime/Thosehappymomentswespenttogetherlingeraround,快樂(lè)的時(shí)光轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝)最后我們成為朋友。2.
根據(jù)Para2段首句die可知,應(yīng)該在Para1安排死亡預(yù)兆,但是是預(yù)兆,預(yù)兆??傊琍ara1至少要出現(xiàn)weak,ill,hospital,medicine同一語(yǔ)義場(chǎng)的詞語(yǔ),否則按故事情節(jié)不合理扣分。3.
Everysummer,wewouldvisitMr.Donovanandtalktohim.When:summer;daytimeWhere:Mr.Donovan’ssmallfarm可根據(jù)when&where對(duì)故事鋪開(kāi)環(huán)境描寫(xiě),為下文做鋪墊。(夏日,白天,陽(yáng)光,藍(lán)天,白云,鳥(niǎo)語(yǔ),花香,清風(fēng))(夏日,小農(nóng)場(chǎng),碩果累累,金燦燦,沉甸甸,香甜可口,小而溫馨)
根據(jù)Para2段首句die可知,
Para2中需簡(jiǎn)述die的原因。(可以是年邁身體虛弱,也可以是意外事故)。原因靈活多樣自圓其說(shuō)即可,但原因也可把故事推向高潮升華主題。(inordertosaveaboywhostolehisfruits,hecametorescuebutdied)5.
Die后的遺愿也可把故事推向高潮升華主題,
故事峰回路轉(zhuǎn),
展現(xiàn)高尚人格關(guān)愛(ài)人間讓世界更美好(Hehaddonatedhissmallfarmtothecharitytomakeabetterlifeforthehomelesschildren.Hisactionsmovedthewholecommunitydeeplysothatallofthemhaveanewimpressiononhim…)6.
很多事情可“不言而喻”,一句話(huà)可改變形象Hedonatedthefarmtothecharitytohelppeopleinneed.(PeoplestilltalkingaboutMr.Donovanwhowasameanman.Butthistime,peopleknewthathewasagreatmanwithawarmheart./Hetoldusthathewasnotameanman.)/Afteroursharingthestory,ourneighborrealizedMr.Donovan’skindcharacter…7.
抓重點(diǎn),寫(xiě)亮點(diǎn),淡化細(xì)枝末節(jié)Havingtalkedtohim,wefoundthathewasreallyfriendlyandhumorousinsteadofwhatwehadheard.8.
Para2專(zhuān)注段首句的關(guān)鍵詞die。描寫(xiě)聽(tīng)到這一消息時(shí),我們的反應(yīng)。以及回扣主題“老人的善良”。When:winter對(duì)比summer可根據(jù)when&where對(duì)故事鋪開(kāi)環(huán)境描寫(xiě),為下文做鋪墊。(冬天,夜晚,月光,寒風(fēng))7.結(jié)尾對(duì)比:雖然老人已隨風(fēng)而逝,但他的善良永不消失參考范文:Paragraph1
Everysummer,wewouldvisitMr.Donovanandtalktohim.Wesharedwithhimourcolorfulexperienceatschoolwhilehekeptgivingouthislusciousfruitstousasusual.Astimewentby,weseemedtobemoreafamilythangoodfriendsandhisfamilygraduallycametogreetuswithawarmsmile.Butonesummer,wewereinformedthathewasseriouslyillandwewereanxiousandrestless,feelinglikesittingonpinsandneedles.Thenextday,werushedstraighttothehospitaltoseehishealthcondition.Weakashewas,hecomfortedusthatitwasn’tabigdeal.Itwasfromhisfamilythatweknewthetruth.OldManDonovanhadfellfromatreewhilelookingafterthefruitsandhisheadwasseriouslyhurtandneedanoperation.Theoperationmightnotsucceedanditwasagamblewhetherhewouldliveordie.Paragraph2Thenextwinter,wordgotaroundthatOldManDonovanhaddied.Hearingthebadnews,mysisterandIjustcouldn’tbelieveituntilwewentbackhomeandsawhissmilingfaceonthewall.Ifeltalumpinmythroat,tearswellingupinmyeyes.Thefamilyapproachedandwelcomedus.“I’msorryforyourloss.”Igavethemabighug.Onmywaybackhome,thewindwhistledthroughthetrees,asifmourningforthedeathofDonovan.Irealizedgonewerethedayswhenwesattogetherchattingwitheachother.Irealizedgonewerethedayswhenwewereluckyenoughtohaveatasteofthelusciousfruitgrownbyhim.However,heleftusahiddentreasure--hiskindheart,whichshallneverdieawaywiththepassageoftime.下水文1:Paragraph1
Everysummer,wewould
visit
Mr.Donovanand
talk
tohim.
Healwaysgrinnedwithenthusiasm,openedthedoorwithanexcitinggreetingandtreateduswithlusciousfruit.Wesharedthehappinessandsorrowwithhim,andhetookitseriouslyandtaughtusprinciples.Hisvoicesoundedgruffandlow,butsweetandkindinside.Heislikeananglewhocomestolightupourlife.Buttooursadness,hehadaseriousillnessandhischildrenhadabandonedhim.Weplayedsomejokesonhimtodelighthim.Wedidn’tleaveuntilthesunwassetting,reddeningthewholesky.Paragraph2Thenextwinter,wordgotaroundthatOldManDonovanhad
died.
Sogrievedwerewethatwetriedtofindhimagainandagain.However,wecouldn’tdenythefactthathehaddiedandhehaddonatedhisfarmtothecharity.Hissweetandkindactionmovedpeopledeeplyinthecommunity.Thisspecialexperiencetaughtusapreciouslessonthatnevershouldwejudgeamanwithoutknowingthewholetruth,andweareexpectedtotreateverythingwiththebestintentions.下水文2:Paragraph1
Everysummer,wewould
visit
Mr.Donovanand
talk
tohim.
Withthewarmsunshinecastonus,wewouldsharethelusciousfruittogetherandhadagreattime.Everytimewewenttovisithim,hegreeteduswithabigsmilewearingonhisface,whichshonelikeadiamond,madeuswarmandpowerful.Wegraduallyrealizedthatmaybewhatwehadheardwaswrong.Withtimegoingby,hishe
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