一分鐘英語(yǔ)小笑話大全

一分鐘英語(yǔ)小笑話大全篇一：英語(yǔ)幽默小笑話大全

英語(yǔ)幽默小笑話大全

1.akiss

Atadinnerparty,thespeaker,whowastheguestofhonor,wasabouttodeliveraspeechwhenhiswifesittingattheotherendofthetable,senthimapieceofpaperwiththeword"KISS"scribbledonit.

Theguestseatednexttothespeakersaid,"Yourwifemustloveyouverymuch,Iseehersendyoua'KISS'beforeyoubeginyourspeech."

Thespeakersmiledandexplained,"Youdon'tknowmywife.The'KISS'shegivemestandsfor'KeepItShort,Stupid.'"

2.Ateacherwastryingtomakeuseofherpsychologycourses.Shestartedherclassbysaying,"Everyonewhothinksyou'restupid,standup!"

LittleJohnnythenstoodup.

Theteachersaid,"Doyouthinkyou'restupid,Johnny"No,ma'am,butIhatetoseeyoustandingthereallbyyourself!"

一個(gè)老師在對(duì)學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰(shuí)認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來(lái)？〞她一開(kāi)始就說(shuō)。

小約翰尼站了起來(lái)。

“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？〞老師問(wèn)。

“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個(gè)人站著。〞

3.agreatman

Teacher:WouldShakespearebeagreatmanifhewerestillalivetodayStudent:Ofcourse.Hemustbeagreatman,forsofarnobodyhaslivedtoover400years.

一名偉人

老師：假設(shè)莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹?，還沒(méi)有人活到400多歲。

4TwoCutedogs

Amanwalksintoashopandseesacutelittledog.Heaskstheshopkeeper,"Does

yourdogbite6.Policeman:Whydidn'tyoushoutforhelpwhenyouwererobbedofyourwatchMan:IfIhadopenedmymouth,they'dhavefoundmyfourgoldteeth.Thatwouldbemuchworse.

警察：有人搶你的手表時(shí)，你為什么不呼救呢？男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆

金牙。那就更糟了。

7.Thelittlegirldidnotlikethelookofthebarkingdog.

"It'sallright,"saidagentleman,"don'tbeafraid.Don'tyouknowtheproverb:Barkingdogsdon'tbite"Ah,yes,"answeredthelittlegirl."Iknowtheproverb,butdoesthedogknowtheproverb,too一個(gè)小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，〞一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人?！?/p>

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？〞

8.ClassandAss

篇二：英語(yǔ)小笑話大全

英語(yǔ)小笑話大全

1、HeWonTommy:HowisyourlittlebrotherJohnnyJohnny:Heisillinbed.Hehurthimself.Tommy:Thatstoobad.HowdidthathappenJohnny:Weplayedwhocouldleanfurthestoutofthewindowandhewon.他贏了湯姆約翰尼你小弟弟好嗎約翰尼他害病臥床了。他受了傷。湯姆真糟糕怎么回事兒約翰尼我們做游戲看誰(shuí)能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)他贏了。

2、IHaveHisEarinMyPocketIvancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotheraskedWhathappened

AkidbitmerepliedIvan.Wouldyourecognizehimifyousawhimagainaskedhismother.IdknowhimanywheresaidIvan.Ihavehisearinmypocket.他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問(wèn)“發(fā)生了什么事〞“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口〞伊凡說(shuō)?！霸僖?jiàn)到他你能認(rèn)出來(lái)嗎〞媽媽問(wèn)?！八叩侥睦镂叶寄苷J(rèn)出他〞伊凡說(shuō)。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。〞

3、AGoodBoyLittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents.WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterdayIgaveittoapooroldwomanheanswered.Youreagoodboysaidthemotherproudly.Herearetwocentsmore.ButwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwomanSheistheonewhosellsthecandy.好孩子小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)?！白蛱旖o你的錢(qián)干什么了〞“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆〞他答復(fù)說(shuō)?！澳阏媸莻€(gè)好孩子〞媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)。“再給你兩分錢(qián)?？赡銥槭裁磳?duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢〞“她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的。〞

4、DrunkOnedayafatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisagetheboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.NowheaskedWhatsthemeaningofthewordDrunkdadWellmysonhisfatherrepliedlooktherearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk.ButdadtheboysaidtheresonlyONEpoliceman醉酒一天父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道“爸爸‘醉’字是什么意思〞“唔孩子〞父親答復(fù)說(shuō)“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。假設(shè)我把他們看成了四個(gè)那么我就算醉了。〞“可是爸爸〞孩子說(shuō)“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀〞

5、HospitalityThehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguestsplate.Thevisitorsmiledputthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmothersonny.WheredidyoufindthecheeseIntherat-trapsirrepliedtheboy.好客由于客人在吃蘋(píng)果餡餅時(shí)家里沒(méi)有奶酪了于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地分開(kāi)了屋子。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒他拿著一片奶酪回到房間把奶酪放在客人的盤(pán)子里?？腿宋⑿χ涯汤曳胚M(jìn)嘴里說(shuō)“孩子你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪〞“在捕鼠夾上先生。〞那小男孩說(shuō)。

6、NestandHairMysisteraprimaryschoolteacherwasinformedbyoneofherpupilsthata

birdhadbuiltitsnestinthetreeoutsidetheclassroom.Whatkindofbirdmysisterasked.Ididntseethebirdmaamonlythenestrepliedthechild.Thencanyougiveusadescriptionofthenestmysisterencouragedher.Wellmaamitjustresemblesyourhair.Notes:1informv.告訴2nestn.窩巢3descriptionn.描繪4encouragev.鼓勵(lì)5resemblev.相似類似

7、鳥(niǎo)窩與頭發(fā)我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師。一次一個(gè)學(xué)生告訴她說(shuō)一只鳥(niǎo)兒在教室外的樹(shù)上壘了個(gè)窩?！笆鞘裁带B(niǎo)呢〞我姐姐問(wèn)她?！拔覜](méi)看到鳥(niǎo)兒老師只看到鳥(niǎo)窩。〞那孩子答復(fù)說(shuō)?！澳敲茨隳芙o我們描繪一下這個(gè)鳥(niǎo)巢嗎〞我姐姐鼓勵(lì)她道?！芭独蠋熅拖衲愕念^發(fā)一樣。〞IveJustBittenMyTongueArewepoisonoustheyoungsnakeaskedhismother.Yesdearshereplied-WhydoyouaskCauseIvejustbittenmytongueNotes:1poisonousadj.有毒的2CauseIvejustbittenmytongue因?yàn)槲覄傄Я俗约旱纳囝^。句中Cause是Because的縮略形式。

8、我剛咬破自己的舌頭“我們有毒嗎〞一個(gè)年幼的蛇問(wèn)它的母親?！笆堑挠H愛(ài)的〞她答復(fù)說(shuō)“你問(wèn)這個(gè)干什么〞“因?yàn)槲覄倓傄谱约旱纳囝^。〞AWomanWhoFellItwasrushhourandIwasdashingtoatraininNewYorkCitysGrandCentralTerminal-AsInearedthegateaplumpmiddle-agedwomansprintedupfrombehindlostherfootingonthesmoothmarblefloorandslidontoherback.Hermomentumcarriedherclosetomyshoes.BeforeIcouldhelpherhowevershehadscrambledup.GainingherposureshewinkedatmeandsaidDoyoualwayshavebeautifulwomenfailingatyourfeet9、摔倒的女人上下班頂峰期我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車(chē)。接近門(mén)口一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過(guò)來(lái)沒(méi)想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正準(zhǔn)備扶她她卻自己爬了起來(lái)。她鎮(zhèn)定了一下對(duì)我擠了一下眉說(shuō)道“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎〞

10、Q:WhatsthedifferencebetweenamonkeyandafleaA:Amonkeycanhavefleasbutafleacanthavemonkeys.猴子會(huì)和跳蚤有什么不同呢你可能會(huì)直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢那就是猴子身上可以長(zhǎng)跳蚤而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個(gè)答案很有意思吧

11、Q:HowcanyoumostirritateafarmerA:Bytreadingonhiscorn假設(shè)你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物他肯定會(huì)生氣的而假設(shè)你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼他會(huì)更生氣。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物〞也有“雞眼〞的意思。

12、Q:WhichisthestrongestcreatureintheworldA:Thesnail.Itcarriesitshouseonitsback.因?yàn)閟nail蝸牛的后背上總是背著一所房子所以說(shuō)蝸牛是世界上最強(qiáng)壯的生物是缺乏為奇的。你說(shuō)呢

13、Q:WhatdopeopledoinaclockfactoryA:Theymakefacesallday.一看到makefaces這個(gè)短語(yǔ)你可千萬(wàn)別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀因?yàn)槌诉@個(gè)意思以外它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。

14、Q:HowdoyoustopasleepwalkerfromwalkinginhissleepA:Keephimawake.怎樣才能不讓夢(mèng)游者sleepwalker夢(mèng)游walkinhissleep呢最簡(jiǎn)單的方法就是不讓他睡覺(jué)。雖然這不是治療方法但假設(shè)讓夢(mèng)游者醒著呢他確實(shí)就不會(huì)去夢(mèng)游了。

15、Heisreallysomebody--Myunclehas1000menunderhim.--Heisreallysomebody.Whatdoeshedo--Amaintenancemaninacemetery.他真是一個(gè)大人物--我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。--他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的--墓地守墓人。

16、NotlongafteranoldChinesewomancamebacktoChinafromhervisittoherdaughterintheStatesshewenttoacitybanktodeposittheUSdollarsherdaughtergaveher.Atthebankcountertheclerkcheckedeachnotecarefullytoseeifthemoneywasreal.Itmadetheoldladyoutofpatience.Atlastshecouldnotholdanymoreuttering.TrustmeSirandtrustthemoney.TheyarerealUSdollars.TheyaredirectlyfromAmerica.它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票看是否有假。這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩最后實(shí)在忍受不住說(shuō)“相信我先生也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的。〞

17、mylittledogcantreadMrs.Brown:OhmydearIhavelostmypreciouslittledogMrs.Smith:ButyoumustputanadvertisementinthepapersMrs.Brown:Itsnousemylittledogcantread.我的狗不識(shí)字布朗夫人哦親愛(ài)的我把珍愛(ài)的小狗給丟了史密斯夫人可是你該在報(bào)紙上登廣告啊布朗夫人沒(méi)有用的我的小狗不認(rèn)識(shí)字。〞

18、Bringmethewinner--Waiterthislobsterhasonlyoneclaw.--Imsorrysir.Itmusthavebeeninafight.--Wellbringmethewinnerthen.給我那個(gè)打贏的吧--效勞員這個(gè)龍蝦只有一只爪。--對(duì)不起先生這只肯定打過(guò)架了。--哦那給我那個(gè)打贏的吧。

19、Themeanmansparty.Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartmenthesaideupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropenpushwithyourfoot.WhyusemyelbowandfootWellgoshwasthereplyYourenotingempty-hangdedareyou吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)“你上到五樓找中間那個(gè)門(mén)然后用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴。門(mén)開(kāi)了之后再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi)。〞“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢〞“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧〞吝嗇鬼答復(fù)。

20.Mother:IlefttwopiecesofcakeinthecupboardthismorningJohnnyandnowthereisonlyonepieceleft.CanyouexplainthatJohnny:WellIsupposeitwassodarkthatIdidn’tnoticetheother.媽媽約翰尼我今天早上在櫥子里放了兩塊點(diǎn)心。如今就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎約翰尼嗯我想是因?yàn)槔锩嫣谖覜](méi)看到另外那塊。幽默笑話

21.Alittleboywaspracticinghisviolinwhilehisfathersatreadingthenewspaper.Thefamilydogbegantohowlalongdismally.FinallythefathercouldendurethebinationnomoreandsaidCantyouplaysomethingthedogdoesntknow一個(gè)小男孩在練習(xí)小提琴他的父親在讀報(bào)紙。隨著小男孩的琴聲家里養(yǎng)的狗也開(kāi)始高一聲低一聲的叫起來(lái)。最后小男孩的父親實(shí)在忍不下去了說(shuō)“難道你就不能拉一些狗聽(tīng)不懂的曲子嗎〞

22.Thezoobuiltaspecialeight-foot-highenclosureforitsnewlyacquiredkangaroobutthenextmorningtheanimalwasfoundhoppingaroundoutside.Theheightofthefencewasincreasedto15feetbutthekangaroogotoutagain.Exasperatedthezoodirectorhadtheheightincreasedto30feetbutthekangaroostillescaped.AgiraffeaskedthekangarooHowhighdoyouthinktheyllbuildthefenceIdontknowsaidthekangaroo.Maybeathousandfeetiftheykeepleavingthegateunlocked.動(dòng)物園為剛引進(jìn)的袋鼠建了一個(gè)特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上人們發(fā)現(xiàn)這動(dòng)物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺但袋鼠還是跑了出來(lái)。動(dòng)物園經(jīng)理甚感惱火又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺但袋鼠還是逃了出來(lái)。一個(gè)長(zhǎng)頸鹿問(wèn)袋鼠“你認(rèn)為他們會(huì)把圍墻建到多高〞

篇三：英語(yǔ)幽默小笑話大全

英語(yǔ)幽默小笑話大全

1.akiss

Atadinnerparty,thespeaker,whowastheguestofhonor,wasabouttodeliveraspeechwhenhiswifesittingattheotherendofthetable,senthimapieceofpaperwiththeword"KISS"scribbledonit.

Theguestseatednexttothespeakersaid,"Yourwifemustloveyouverymuch,Iseehersendyoua'KISS'beforeyoubeginyourspeech."

Thespeakersmiledandexplained,"Youdon'tknowmywife.The'KISS'shegivemestandsfor'KeepItShort,Stupid.'"

2.agreatman

Teacher:WouldShakespearebeagreatmanifhewerestillalivetodayStudent:Ofcourse.Hemustbeagreatman,forsofarnobodyhaslivedtoover400years.

一名偉人

老師：假設(shè)莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹?，還沒(méi)有人活到400多歲。

3.buyingyourticket

Threeengineersandthreeaccountantsaretravelingbytraintoaconference.Atthestation,thethreeaccountantseachbuyticketsandwatchasthethreeengineersbuyonlyasingleticket.

"HowarethreepeoplegoingtotravelononlyoneticketShortlyafterthetrainhasdeparted,theconductoresaroundcollectingtickets.Heknocksontherestroomdoorandsays,"ticket,please."Thedooropensjustacrackandasinglearmemergeswithaticketinhand.Theconductortakesitandmoveson.

Theaccountantssawthisandagreeditwasquiteacleveridea.Soaftertheconference,theaccountantsdecidetocopytheengineersonthereturntripandsavesomemoney(beingcleverwithmoney,andall!)Whenthey