第三講　寫順承-開頭、結(jié)尾與原文圓合好

第三講寫順承——開頭、結(jié)尾與原文圓合好記敘文的寫作講究“起承轉(zhuǎn)合”，讀后續(xù)寫的兩段在整篇文章架構(gòu)中承擔(dān)著“轉(zhuǎn)”與“合”的功能，續(xù)寫的開頭和結(jié)尾要與原文做好順承，寫出來的文章才能“天衣無縫”，融洽度高。如何寫好續(xù)寫兩段的段首和段尾，是本講重點(diǎn)指導(dǎo)的內(nèi)容。一、如何寫好第一段的段首、段尾和第二段的段首俗話說：“Wellbegunishalfdone！”(好的開頭是成功的一半)?？梢姡瑢懞美m(xù)寫部分段首開頭是多么的重要。那么如何寫出靚麗的開頭呢？我們可以從寫作涉及的內(nèi)容和語法手段來具體設(shè)計(jì)故事的段首開端。(一)寫作內(nèi)容——兩關(guān)注，解決“寫什么”的問題1．關(guān)注段首三點(diǎn)段首三點(diǎn)指的是與段首句相關(guān)的三個(gè)點(diǎn)，即緊接兩段段首句之后的兩個(gè)點(diǎn)和第一段結(jié)尾的一個(gè)點(diǎn)。點(diǎn)①：位于續(xù)寫第一段段首，流暢銜接原文和第一段段首語；點(diǎn)②：位于續(xù)寫第一段段尾，流暢銜接第二段段首語；點(diǎn)③：位于續(xù)寫第二段段首，續(xù)寫銜接第二段段首語。通過關(guān)注這三點(diǎn)可以保證整體故事的連貫性。第一點(diǎn)要限定情節(jié)走向，同時(shí)為下文的展開留出足夠的寫作空間；第二點(diǎn)要達(dá)成兩段之間的銜接，過渡不能突兀；第三點(diǎn)不僅要銜接第二段開頭語，也要開始收束情節(jié)，為結(jié)尾作鋪墊。在創(chuàng)作過程中，要培養(yǎng)銜接意識(shí)，關(guān)注原文的隱藏信息。[典例]

(2022·浙江6月高考改編)閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。Ineededtodosomethinginmycommunity(社區(qū))inordertocompletethecommunityservicehoursrequiredtograduatefromhighschool.Someofmyfriendshadsigneduptospendtimeatasoupkitchen,soIdid,too.Itseemedlikeagoodthingtodo.Ithoughtthatwewouldjustbepassingoutdinnerstothoseinneed,butIfoundoutwewouldbedoingeverythingfrompreparingtoservingthedinner.Webeganpreparingthefood,frommixingsaladdressingtoseparatingfrozenmeat.Muchstillneededtobedonebeforedinnerwasserved,butalreadyoutsidethebuildingmanyhomelesspeopleweregathering.Itwasn'tuntilacoupleofhourslaterthatweopenedthedoorsandbeganservingdinner.Asthelineofpeoplecametowardme,Igotalittlescared.I'dcomefacetofacewiththehomeless:HowshouldIact?Howwouldtheytreatme?Wouldtheyhatemeforhavingmorethantheydid?Whilesomeofthepeoplelookedveryfriendly,someofthemlookedsodangerous.Ididn'thavetoomuchtimetoworryaboutit.Iwasassigned(分配)toservethesaladwiththeladynexttome.ShesmiledatmeandsaidifIneededhelp,she'dberightthere,whichIfoundquitecomforting.Ihadneverseensomanypeoplewantingfood.Theywereofallagesandnationalities.Mostofthemworeclothesthatweretornanddirty.Somelookedliketheyhadtotallygivenuponlife,whileothersseemedtobemakingthebestofthesituation,smilingandjoking.Somewerebetteroffthanothers,buttheyallneededagoodmealandawarmplacetoeat.Itsaddenedmetothinkofhowmanypeopletherewerewhodidn'thaveaplacetocallhomeandtheonlyfoodtheygotcamefromasoupkitchen.注意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2．請(qǐng)按如下格式作答。As

they

came

in

my

direction,I

put

on

my

brightest

and

happiest

smile.

I

was

so

happy

that

I

had

earned

my

service

hours

in

this

way.

技法演示①續(xù)寫第一段的第一句話要與原文的最后一句話“Itsaddenedmetothinkofhowmanypeople...camefromasoupkitchen.”和第一段所給的段首語“Astheycameinmydirection,Iputonmybrightestandhappiestsmile.”流暢銜接。由此可推斷出第一段我們要寫的第一句話的內(nèi)容一定是以上兩句話的目的與動(dòng)機(jī)。那么第一段續(xù)寫部分的開頭就可以這么寫：IwantedtomakethemknowthatIwasreallyanxioustohelpthem.②第一段的段尾要與第二段所給的段首句“IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.”流暢銜接。由此可以推斷出第一段的段尾應(yīng)該寫與“myservicehoursinthisway”相關(guān)的內(nèi)容。我們可以這樣結(jié)束第一段：Fortunately,thehelpfulladycametoassistme,whotooksomeloadsoffmyshoulder.Withherassistance,Ifinishedmyservingtimesmoothly.③第二段要續(xù)寫的第一句話要與第二段所給的段首句“IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.”流暢銜接，因此第二段續(xù)寫的第一句話應(yīng)該與“myservicehoursinthisway”銜接順承。我們可以這樣開始第二段的續(xù)寫部分：Thisexperiencemademerealizethattherearesomanypeopleinthisworldwhoneedourhelp.Italsomademerealizethat...2．關(guān)注故事背景與人物動(dòng)作描寫在開頭時(shí)，適度的環(huán)境、場所描寫，可以渲染氣氛、烘托人物，給人物的出場造勢(shì)；同樣，運(yùn)用一連串的行為動(dòng)詞對(duì)人物動(dòng)作加以描寫，可以讓人物活靈活現(xiàn)、動(dòng)感十足，人物特征躍然筆端。所以，對(duì)背景和動(dòng)作的細(xì)節(jié)描寫也是常見的一類開頭方式，我們可以品悟以下示例。[示例1]

We

drove

through

several

states

and

saw

lots

of

great

sights

along

the

way.Ilookedoutofthecarwindow,windingrivers,loftymountains,sunnybeachesanddeepvalleysholdingmeentirelyintheirfascination.(用“視覺＋環(huán)境描寫＋擬人”的寫作手法，成功地使讀者有身臨其境之感)[示例2]

(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Heloweredhisheadandrubbedhishands./HelookedbackatmeandIrespondedwithabrightsmile./Iclenchedmyfistandwavedathim./Hisbodystillrockedfromsidetoside,withhisnameandnumbertagonhisbackflyingupanddownliketheflagofpermanentperseverance.(通過行為動(dòng)作描繪出生動(dòng)的場景，引人入勝)(二)語法手段——三巧用，解決“怎樣寫”的問題1．巧用形容詞/副詞(短語)①(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Davidtookthefirststep,slowlybutfirmly.(副詞的使用把前面的動(dòng)作“tookthefirststep”描寫得更加細(xì)致和生動(dòng))②(2020·浙江7月高考)Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.Thebearroaredatus,ourfrightenedmouthswideopen.(時(shí)間副詞短語＋動(dòng)作描寫，通過動(dòng)靜結(jié)合設(shè)置懸念)③Immediately,anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest.(時(shí)間副詞的銜接＋環(huán)境描寫，烘托了在森林里迷路的緊張氣氛)④Curioustoknowwhatwasinside,hetiptoedintothedarkcave.(形容詞短語表明他進(jìn)洞穴的原因)⑤Exhaustedandhungry,Iwonderedifwecouldfindourwayback.(情緒形容詞＋從句的形式，很好地體現(xiàn)了面臨的困境)2．巧用分詞(短語)①(2023·新高考Ⅰ卷)Gigglinginstantlywithabroadsmilespreadingonhisface,hetoldmethathewasproudofmywonderfulperformance.(刻畫了老師的欣慰與仁愛)②(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Heburiedhisheadinhishands,sobbing.(渲染了這個(gè)殘疾學(xué)生的失落與沮喪)③(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Seeingthemessinthekitchen,heimmediatelyunderstoodwhathadhappened,buthewasn'tupset.(使表達(dá)具有動(dòng)態(tài)畫面感)④(2020·新高考全國卷Ⅰ)Witheverythingready，Bernardstartedoutonhisnewbusiness.Feelingshy,Bernarddidn'tdaretopeddle(賣)hispopcorn.(簡潔、直白地體現(xiàn)了Bernard的心態(tài))⑤(2020·浙江1月高考)Afewweekslater,theboyarrivedhomefromuniversity.Hurryinghome,hecouldn'twaittoseehisoldfriendPoppy.(簡潔地描寫出這個(gè)小男孩迫不及待的心情)3．巧用高級(jí)句式或特殊句式①(2023·浙江1月高考)Asmycarnearedit,mythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbirdfromthespider'sweb.(as引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語從句以及when引導(dǎo)的定語從句)②(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Onelookandheknewwhattheywereupto.(what引導(dǎo)的賓語從句)③(2021·浙江1月高考)Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Mybrothercameupwithanideathathecouldcutthepumpkinwithaknife.(that引導(dǎo)的同位語從句)④(2021·浙江6月高考)Really,mydad'struckoftenbrokedownontheway,whichmadehimintrouble.(which引導(dǎo)的非限制性定語從句)⑤(2021·浙江1月高考)ThatvideowaspostedthedaybeforeHalloween.Itwasmybrotherwhodidthatforamusement.(強(qiáng)調(diào)句型)二、如何寫好第二段的段尾在讀后續(xù)寫中，與開頭一樣，文章的結(jié)尾也同樣重要。結(jié)尾句是全文的收筆處，精彩的結(jié)尾能夠起到點(diǎn)睛的作用，給讀者留下深刻印象，亦能喚起讀者的思考與共鳴，增強(qiáng)文章的感染力。在滿足故事劇情的基本要求的前提下，可以靈活運(yùn)用多種方式進(jìn)行結(jié)尾，對(duì)故事主題進(jìn)行深化，使人物情感得到升華。熟練掌握一些結(jié)尾方法并針對(duì)故事特征進(jìn)行恰當(dāng)?shù)倪\(yùn)用，可以使文章的結(jié)尾更加出彩。常見的結(jié)尾方式有：(一)畫面定格式結(jié)尾畫面定格式結(jié)尾把環(huán)境描寫與人物動(dòng)作和情感描寫相結(jié)合，描景狀物，營造畫面感，寓情于景，讓讀者體味不言情而情無限的感覺。1．人物動(dòng)作的畫面定格①(2023·浙江1月高考)Atthatmoment,happinessandthefeelingofbeingmovedmingled,wellingupintomyheart,tearsrollingdownmycheeks.那一刻，幸福和感動(dòng)的感覺交織在一起，涌上我的心頭，淚水順著我的臉頰滾落下來。②(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Motherbitintoasandwichandsaiditwasthebestoneshehadevertasted.Jeffimmediatelywantedtohaveabite,too.Jennacaughtherfather'seyesandtheywinkedateachothersecretly.母親咬了一口三明治，說這是她吃過的最好的三明治。杰夫立刻也想吃一口。珍娜捕捉到父親的目光，他們偷偷地相互眨眼。③(2020·新高考全國卷Ⅰ)Thebasketgrewheavierwithcoins,foods,andothernecessities,whileBernard'sstepsbecamelighterwithjoyandrelief.籃子里裝滿了硬幣、食物和其他必需品，變得越來越重，而伯納德的步子因喜悅和寬慰而變得更輕了。④Slowly,sheplacedherarmwithaffectionaroundhermother'sshouldersandgentlyguidedherbackintothecrowd.慢慢地，她深情地?fù)ё∧赣H的肩膀，輕輕地引導(dǎo)她回到人群中。2．特殊寓意的寫景畫面①Theskywasabillionpureeyesoflightandthegrassgreenunderfoot,itwasasifnightanddayhadbecomeonebeautifulmoment.Dawnhadcome.天空像是十億只純凈的眼睛拼接在一起，腳下是青草，仿佛黑夜和白晝已成為一個(gè)美麗的時(shí)刻。黎明已經(jīng)來臨。(黎明到來的畫面)②ThecrystalandceruleanwaterwasgentleasIwadedthroughit,thesunsetlikeorangepaintonabluecanvas.當(dāng)我涉過水晶般天藍(lán)色的輕柔的水時(shí)，日落就像藍(lán)色畫布上的橙色顏料。(日落時(shí)的美好畫面)③Themoonundersiegebystarsseemedtolightenthenight,bringingforthstarsthatshoneandhungintheblackness.Theneverendingblacknessconsumedeverything.被群星圍繞的月亮似乎照亮了黑夜，帶來了在黑暗中閃耀和懸掛著的群星。無盡的黑暗吞噬了一切。(描寫夜空的畫面)④Lookingup,IsawthesunshinebrighterthanIeverknewbefore.抬起頭，我看到太陽比我以前所知道的還要明亮。(特殊寓意)(二)對(duì)話式結(jié)尾對(duì)話式結(jié)尾指文章以對(duì)話結(jié)束，有時(shí)伴有相應(yīng)的動(dòng)作收尾，有時(shí)意味深長，曲雖終，但余音繞梁，值得回味，留有空間讓讀者思考與感悟。

①Deeplytouched,Dadheldtheflowerstightly,andimmediatelygatheredusintohisarms,saying,“Youaremybestflowers！”爸爸深受感動(dòng)，把花緊緊地握在手里，并立刻把我們抱在懷里，說：“你們是我最美的花！”②(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)IrantowardsDavidandgavehimabearhug,saying“Youmadeit！”excitedly.Hiseyestwinkledwithdelight,saying,“Thankyou.Itwasyouwhomademerealizethatjustbemyself,andIcanbethemasterofmydestiny.”我跑向大衛(wèi)，給了他一個(gè)熊抱，

興奮地說“你成功了！”。

他的眼睛閃爍著喜悅的光芒，說：“謝謝你。是你讓我意識(shí)到只要做我自己，我就能成為自己命運(yùn)的主人?！雹?2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Atthismoment,theirfatherjoinedthemandsaidtohiswife,“Eliza,Ienvyyou.”Jennacomfortedherfathercheerfully,“Noworries,Dad.Mumhasherbreakfasttoday,andyou'llhaveyourdinnerwhenFather'sDaycomes.”這時(shí)，他們的父親加入進(jìn)來，對(duì)他的妻子說：“伊麗莎，我羨慕你?！闭淠扔淇斓匕参扛赣H：“別擔(dān)心，爸爸。媽媽今天吃上早餐，父親節(jié)來的時(shí)候，你將會(huì)吃上晚餐?！雹?2020·新高考全國卷Ⅰ)Hearingthegoodnews,Mrs.Meredithsaidtoherchildren,“Done!Thetwentieth.NextI'llhelpourneighbourJennymakehandicrafts.”聽到這個(gè)好消息，梅雷迪斯太太對(duì)她的孩子們說：“好了！已經(jīng)幫助了二十個(gè)人。接下來我將幫助鄰居珍妮做手工藝品。”(三)情感升華式結(jié)尾在讀后續(xù)寫的結(jié)尾部分，可以采用情感升華式結(jié)尾，激發(fā)讀者思考，讓讀者產(chǎn)生情感上的共鳴。通常我們可以通過表達(dá)人生感悟、生活真諦、生活哲理、人生觀或價(jià)值觀來達(dá)到結(jié)尾部分的情感升華。

①(2023·浙江1月高考)Solidbridgescanbebuiltbetweenspecies.物種之間可以架起堅(jiān)實(shí)的橋梁。(借用人生感悟升華主題)②(2023·新高考Ⅰ卷)Throughthisunforgettableandremarkableevent,iteventuallydawnedonmethatnothingisdifficultwithawillingheart.通過這個(gè)難忘而非凡的事件，我終于明白了，有志者，事竟成。(借用名言警句來升華主題)③(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Everyoneislikeaflower,somehavingfragrance,butsomenot.Aslongasyoubloom,therewillbebeesandbutterflies.每個(gè)人都像一朵花，有的散發(fā)著芬芳，有的沒有。你若盛開，蜂蝶自來。(哲理式升華)④Inmyopinion,moneycan'ttaketheplaceofeverything,suchasyourlife,yourtimeandyourhappiness.在我看來，金錢不能取代一切，比如你的生活、你的時(shí)間和你的幸福。(表達(dá)自己的價(jià)值觀)(四)留白式結(jié)尾結(jié)尾留白是在結(jié)尾處給讀者留下想象的空間，一般是開放式結(jié)局，讓讀者自己去想象最后的結(jié)局。①“Wouldyoubeinterestedinjoiningmeinabitetoeat？”Iasked.“I'dloveto，”shereplied,hereyessparklinglikediamonds.And，thiswasthebeginningoftheendtomymonthsofheartbreakfollowingBetsy'sdeath.“你有興趣和我一起吃點(diǎn)東西嗎？”我問道?！拔液軜芬馊?，”她回答，她的眼睛像鉆石一樣閃閃發(fā)光。這是我結(jié)束貝特西死后幾個(gè)月的心碎的開始。②Heunwrappedthewhitetissuepaper，buttohissurprise，therewasnohardrockcandyinside.Instead，intohisfingersfellashinywhitepearlworththousandsofdollars.他打開白色的包裝紙，但令他驚訝的是，里面沒有硬糖果。相反，一顆價(jià)值數(shù)千美元的閃亮的白色珍珠落進(jìn)了他的手指里。③NeverhadIexpectedthatmyactscouldmakesuchadifferencetohim.Alampislightedandmyheartiswarmedaswell.我從未想過我的行為會(huì)對(duì)他產(chǎn)生如此大的影響。一盞燈亮了，我的心也溫暖了。(五)首尾呼應(yīng)式結(jié)尾首尾呼應(yīng)是指開頭和結(jié)尾互相接應(yīng)，使結(jié)構(gòu)更加完整和嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，使含義更加深刻、情感更加強(qiáng)烈、主題更加突出，從而加深讀者印象，引起讀者共鳴，增強(qiáng)表達(dá)效果。

①開頭：Itwassummer,andmydadwantedtotreatmetoavacationlikeneverbefore.HedecidedtotakemeonatriptotheWildWest.結(jié)尾：NeverhadIhadsuchathrillingyetdangerousvacationbefore.ThespecialtriptotheWildWestwasdeeplyengravedinmymind.②開頭：Ihadaninterestingchildhood.Itwasfilledwithsurprisesandamusements,allbecauseofmymother—loving,sweet,yetabsent-mindedandforgetful.OnestrangefamilytripwetookwhenIwaseleventellsalotabouther.結(jié)尾：DespiteMom'sbeingabsent-mindedandforgetful,shewasstillakindandniceMom.③開頭：AfunnythinghappenedtoArthurwhenhewasonthewaytoworkoneday.結(jié)尾：Whatafunnyday!Arthurcouldn'tstoplaughingwheneverhelookedbackonthisfunnyexperience.(六)自然式結(jié)尾自然式結(jié)尾是順著文中所敘述之事的自然發(fā)展，以它的必然結(jié)果做結(jié)尾。這樣的結(jié)尾雖然簡潔明了、樸實(shí)無華，但令人回味無窮，給讀者留有思考的空間。

①(2023·浙江1月高考)Ifeltasurgeofreliefandaweatthesightofthissoundandgratefulcreature,andIknewthatIwouldalwayscherishthememorieswesharedasIclimbedintomycaranddroveaway.看到這個(gè)安然無恙、心懷感激的生物，我感到一陣寬慰和敬畏。當(dāng)我鉆進(jìn)車?yán)镫x開時(shí)，我知道我會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)珍惜我們共同擁有的記憶。②(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Heeventuallyreachedthefinishinglinewithtoothysmileinhisface,althoughwithtoilandsweataswell.雖然付出了辛勞和汗水，但他最終到達(dá)終點(diǎn)線，臉上洋溢著露齒微笑。③(2022·浙江1月高考)Moreimportantly,Iearnedmyteammate'srecognitionandwehavebecomegoodfriendssincethen.更重要的是，我贏得了隊(duì)友的認(rèn)可，從那時(shí)起我們就成了好朋友。④(2021·浙江1月高考)ItturnedoutthatpeoplelikedandforwardeditcrazilyontheInternet,onlytomakemeanInternetcelebrity.結(jié)果證明，人們喜歡它，并在互聯(lián)網(wǎng)上瘋狂轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)，讓我成為一個(gè)網(wǎng)絡(luò)名人。⑤(2020·新高考全國卷Ⅰ)HeneverforgetsMrs.Meredith'shelp.Heandhisfamilyhavelivedahappylifeeversince.他從未忘記梅雷迪斯夫人的幫助。從那以后，他和家人過著幸福的生活。(2020·新高考全國卷Ⅰ)閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。TheMeredithfamilylivedinasmallcommunity.Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.Manyoftheirfamilieswerestrugglingtomakeendsmeet.Peopleweretryingtohelpeachothermeetthechallenges.Mrs.Meredithwasamostkindandthoughtfulwoman.Shespentagreatdealoftimevisitingthepoor.Sheknewtheyhadproblems,andtheyneededallkindsofhelp.Whenshehadtime,shewouldbringfoodandmedicinetothem.Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.Therewasamansickinbed,hiswife,whotookcareofhimandcouldnotgoouttowork,andtheirlittleboy.Thelittleboy—hisnamewasBernard—hadinterestedherverymuch.“Iwishyoucouldseehim，”shesaidtoherownchildren,John,Harry,andClara.“Heissuchahelptohismother.Hewantsverymuchtoearnsomemoney,butIdon'tseewhathecando.”Aftertheirmotherlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.“Iwishwecouldhelphimtoearnmoney，”saidClara.“Hisfamilyissufferingsomuch.”“SodoI，”saidHarry.“Wereallyshoulddosomethingtoassistthem.”Forsomemoments,Johnsaidnothing,but,suddenly,hesprangtohisfeetandcried,“Ihaveagreatidea!Ihaveasolutionthatwecanallhelpaccomplish(完成)．”Theotherchildrenalsojumpedupallattention.WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.“Itellyouwhatwecando，”saidJohn.“YouknowthatbigboxofcornUncleJohnsentu