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沿用文風(fēng)定語(yǔ)言,豐富描繪來(lái)寫意蘄春一中

余蕾Continuationwriting——以BOOK2U4單元主題語(yǔ)境讀后續(xù)寫課為例CONTENTS1234延時(shí)符Strategies

Theory&Solution

ProblemsTeachingProcedures-01-9月聯(lián)考學(xué)生續(xù)寫主要問(wèn)題9月聯(lián)考學(xué)生問(wèn)題分析學(xué)生在續(xù)寫中遇到最大的問(wèn)題是:1.不知道選什么詞來(lái)表達(dá)自己的意思

2.語(yǔ)言不準(zhǔn)確不豐富3.續(xù)寫內(nèi)容語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格與前文不協(xié)調(diào)-02-理論和解決問(wèn)題的辦法

AnalysisofprospositionalintentionContinuationwritingisanewtexttypeintheCollegeEntranceExamination,whichfirstappearedintheZhejiangCollegeEntranceExaminationof2016.Continuationwritingwillclosely

combinereadingandwriting,

focusontheaccuracyandrichnessoflanguageuse,

teststudents'abilitytograspthekeyinformationandlanguagecharacteristicsofthepassage,andtheabilitytocontroltextstructureandcreativethinking.(LiuQingsi,2016).Italsowillhelpstudentsbuildmoralintegrityandahealthyoutlookonlife.學(xué)生在閱讀所給故事的基礎(chǔ)上,在關(guān)鍵詞和/或段首句的提示下續(xù)寫兩段話,要求學(xué)生在續(xù)寫部分的故事內(nèi)容和語(yǔ)言表達(dá)上和閱讀材料保持一致,使兩者產(chǎn)生協(xié)同性,促進(jìn)學(xué)生的綜合語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力。AnalysisofGradingCriteria評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)________________________________________Solution:王初明教授提出:“內(nèi)容要?jiǎng)?chuàng)造,語(yǔ)言要模仿,創(chuàng)造與模仿要緊密結(jié)合?!狈治鲈牡恼Z(yǔ)言特色對(duì)增加原文協(xié)同性非常重要。對(duì)語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格的分析應(yīng)包括語(yǔ)言中高級(jí)詞匯、長(zhǎng)難句的使用和各種細(xì)節(jié)描寫的運(yùn)用。語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格協(xié)同(LinguisticSynergy)-03-如何構(gòu)建一堂以單元主題為依托的讀后續(xù)寫課依托高考真題結(jié)合單元語(yǔ)境讀后續(xù)寫

課例分享授課老師:余蕾教學(xué)重點(diǎn):如何研讀文本語(yǔ)言特征,在原文中獲取豐富地道的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)?教學(xué)難點(diǎn):如何基于語(yǔ)言協(xié)同原則查找語(yǔ)言素材,在續(xù)寫中實(shí)現(xiàn)模仿與創(chuàng)新?雪夜圣誕Decemberstrode(闊步走)intothemountainsofColorado,shootingsnowflakesandblowingthemintoathickblanketofwhite.AsChristmasapproached,thefarmerstherecloseddownmostwoodenhousesforaholidaycheer.Notallwereclosed,however.Therewasstillworktobedone,andsomeonehadtostay.ThatsomeonewasSlimCarter.OldJake,anotherfarmerthere,hadofferedtokeephimcompany,butSlimshookhishead.“Afterall,ayoungmanlikemehasgotplentyofChristmasesahead,"Slimjoked.BeforeJakeofferedtostayagain,Slimhurriedon.“I'lljusthaveaprivateChristmasthisyear,andthat'sthewayIwantit."Sohewasleftaloneatthehouse.Alone,withhishorseinthefarmandthewolvesroaringintheforestnearby.Truthwas,SlimhaddecidednottocelebrateChristmasatall.Itwasn'tthathedidn'tlikeChristmas.Infact,hisChristmasmemoriesweregoodones.Hismotherwouldfilltheirhousewiththelightofcandlesandthesmellofcandy.HisfatherwouldmaketheirChristmastreehuntanall-day,men-onlyaffair.Slimsmiledasherememberedsittingonthebroadbackoftheirhorsewiththefreshlycuttreealongbehind.Backhome,theywouldcoverthetreewithpapersnowflakesandhomemadedecorationsandsingalltheChristmassongstheyknew.Andthat'sthewayhelikedit.Thosewerethememorieshepulledoutonnightswhenhewasworkingalone.Suchmemorieswarmedhiminside,evenifhisoutsideswereachingwithcold.1.體裁:記敘文TextType:Narrative2.主題語(yǔ)境:人與社會(huì)ThemeContext:HumanandSelf3.話題:獨(dú)自留守山中圣誕-美麗的雪景,孤單的回憶,夜里的敲門聲,會(huì)是誰(shuí)呢?4.主題:體現(xiàn)圣誕精神:愛,善良,溫暖.........(ReflectthespiritofChristmas)1.Itisveryinstructiveandeducational.2.Itaccordswiththesocialistvalue.Book2U4FestivalThiswasSlim'sfirstyearawayfromhome.“Christmasisnothingifnotspentwithfamily,"Slimdeclaredtotheemptyhouse.Thatwastherealreasonhe'dsentJakeaway.HefiguredhewouldhandleChristmasbetterifhejustpretendeditwasanordinarywinterworkday.ButonChristmasEve,asSlimheadedbackwithsnowbeneathhisfeetandstarsoverhead,hisheadhunglow.ItwasChristmas,evenwithoutthetreeandthegifts.Christmas,andhewasallalone.

Para.1:Thenheremembereddecoratingthetreewithhisfamilyagain.______________________________________________________________________________

Para.2:WhilesingingtohisdecoratedChristmastree,Slimheardaknockonthedoor._____________________________________________________________________

03教學(xué)過(guò)程OutlinetheplotReadforbasicelements

Buildtheframework如何讀?(教學(xué)過(guò)程略)從三個(gè)角度1.詞句選擇

Wordselection(提高語(yǔ)言表達(dá)的豐富性準(zhǔn)確性)2.場(chǎng)景描寫Scenedescription

(確保語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用的的得體性)3.修辭手法Rhetoricaldeviceapplication

(關(guān)注語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用的有效性)如何研讀文本語(yǔ)言,在原文中獲取豐富地道的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)?Step3分析原文語(yǔ)言特征:如何寫?(這節(jié)課要解決的重點(diǎn)問(wèn)題)大量動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)(verbphrase)動(dòng)作鏈(actionchain)closeddownofferedtokeepcompanyofferedtostayagainfill......withcoverthetreewithpulledoutdeclaredtoheadedback非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞(non-finiteverb).........shootingsnowflakesandblowing.....Step3分析原文語(yǔ)言特征:一:Wordselection(詞句選擇)各類從句(variousclauses)With復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)(單元主題句式)withChristmasapproaching............Withhishorseinthefarmandthewolvesroaringintheforestnearby..................withthefreshlycuttreealongbehind.................withsnowbeneathhisfeetandstaroverhead........一:Wordselection(詞句選擇)二.Scenedescription(場(chǎng)景描寫)語(yǔ)言描寫:對(duì)話(dialogue)獨(dú)白(monologue)“Afterall,ayoungmanlikemehasgotplentyofChristmasesahead,".......“I'lljusthaveaprivateChristmasthisyear,andthat'sthewayIwantit.‘’

“Christmasisnothingifnotspentwithfamily,"...........心理描寫:Suchmemorieswarmedhiminside,evenifhisoutsideswereachingwithcold.withsnowbeneathhisfeetandstarsoverhead,hisheadhunglow.Sohewasleftaloneatthehouse.Alone..........Christmas,andhewasallalone.三.Rhetoricaldeviceapplication(修辭手法應(yīng)用)

無(wú)靈主語(yǔ)(Inanimatesubject)+比喻(metaphor)December

strode(闊步走)intothemountainsofColorado,shootingsnowflakesandblowingthemintoathickblanketofwhite.對(duì)比:(contrast)Suchmemorieswarmedhiminside,evenifhisoutsideswereachingwithcold.withsnowbeneathhisfeetandstarsoverhead,hisheadhunglow.Step4.如何構(gòu)建續(xù)寫語(yǔ)料(模仿+創(chuàng)新)從四個(gè)方面入手1.

沿用follow(主要體現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)上)2.

借用borrow(直接在原文中搬用單詞,短語(yǔ)和結(jié)構(gòu),是語(yǔ)言協(xié)同的基本方法)3.

仿用imitate(通過(guò)感知原文語(yǔ)言特色,在續(xù)寫時(shí),應(yīng)于原文風(fēng)格保持一致,但應(yīng)避免為了博人眼球,故意使用長(zhǎng)難句和特殊句型的做法)4.

創(chuàng)新innovate(語(yǔ)言水平較高的同學(xué),可以根據(jù)原文中使用的語(yǔ)言結(jié)構(gòu),進(jìn)行更加靈活自如的表達(dá),更好的展示學(xué)生的語(yǔ)言水平。)仿寫練習(xí):模仿+創(chuàng)新

(搭建續(xù)寫語(yǔ)言支架)Para1:砍樹+裝扮圣誕樹1.with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu):燭光在屋里閃爍著(仿用)2.感嘆句:他多么想念蠟燭和新砍的樹所散發(fā)的香味?。。▌?chuàng)新)3.非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞:決定即使是自己一個(gè)人也要慶祝圣誕節(jié),他動(dòng)身前往森林深處尋找圣誕樹。(仿用)4.動(dòng)作鏈:他穿上厚外套,抓起斧頭,然后打開大門。(仿用)5.倒裝:一扛著新砍的樹到家,他就迫不及待的開始裝扮。(創(chuàng)新+借用)6.夸張修辭手法:似乎過(guò)了一個(gè)世紀(jì),他終于裝扮好了圣誕樹(創(chuàng)新)7.with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu):臉上露出了燦爛的微笑(仿用)仿寫練習(xí):模仿+創(chuàng)新

(搭建續(xù)寫語(yǔ)言支架)Para2:二人歡度圣誕節(jié)+主題升華(體現(xiàn)圣誕精神)1.語(yǔ)言描寫(獨(dú)白):這么晚了,會(huì)是誰(shuí)呢?(仿用)2.with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu):籃子里裝滿了酒(仿用)3.語(yǔ)言描寫(對(duì)話):OldJake笑的合不攏嘴,大聲說(shuō):“圣誕節(jié)快樂!”(仿用)4.心理描寫+無(wú)靈主語(yǔ):一陣巨大的驚訝和感激感淹沒了他。(仿用)5.with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu):在oldJake的陪伴下,他過(guò)了一個(gè)難忘的圣誕節(jié)。(仿用)6.定語(yǔ)從句:.........他也是他的家人,用溫暖,善良和愛裝滿了他的心靈。(創(chuàng)新)課堂呈現(xiàn)課堂呈現(xiàn)原生態(tài)課堂課堂呈現(xiàn)下筆如有神討論很熱烈Step5學(xué)生作品賞析:根據(jù)寫作提綱,模仿續(xù)寫原文語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格并創(chuàng)新形成續(xù)寫成品。Step6:HowtopolishthewritingPara1:Thenheremembereddecoratingthetreewithhisfamilyagain.Atthatmoment,hisfamilyweresittingaroundthetableandenjoyingthebigfeast,Withthelightofcandlesflickeringinthehouse.(燭光在屋內(nèi)閃爍著).How

hemissedthesmelloflightedcandlesandnewly-cuttree!(感嘆句)Allofasudden,SlimCarterputon

histhickcoat,grabbed

anaxeand

opened

thedoor.(動(dòng)作鏈)

Determinedto

celebratetheChristmasevenonhisown,Slimheadedforthedarkforestinthehopeoffindinganidealtree.(非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞)

Itdidn’ttakealongtimebefore(沒過(guò)多久)hefoundandcutasmalltree.Nosooner

hadhecarriedthefreshlycuttreeintothewoodenhousethan

hebegantodecorateitwithpapersnowflakes,home-madedecorations,justashisfamilydidbefore.(倒裝句)Afterwhatseemedlikecenturies(似乎幾個(gè)世紀(jì)的時(shí)間),hefinishedthejobofdecoratingthetree,abigsmilebloomingacrosshisface.(臉上露出了燦爛的笑容).Para2:WhilesingingtohisdecoratedChristmastree,Slimheardaknockonthedoor.

“Whocoulditbe?”Slim

sighed

and

steppedup

toopenthedoor.Themomentthe

dooropened,aheadpokedin.ItwasOldJake,

withabasketfilledwithabottleofwine,

candiesandseveralgiftpackage

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