搞笑5人英語劇本.doc

搞笑5人英語劇本西門吹雪與葉孤城 演員表：西門吹雪葉孤城花滿樓king旁白道具：牛奶兩袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，紙屑若干。第一幕：決戰(zhàn)紫荊城之顛旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y與X相遇X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y: Ha ha, Never mind bay bay.X: Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name? Y: ha ha ,I wont change my name! no matter what happens. Im the most famous-Ye Gucheng. Who are you?X:I am ximen chuixue.Y驚訝:Ar, ximenchui xue?X:Yes,what is wrong? Y:I heard that you are the best ing Martia lArts?X:Great, you know me !Y抱腿：Please, please Dont kill me! Let me you go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:Idont want to be killed. There are aeighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:Noway! Because we are fighting now!you know?Y突然站起冷冷的說：Dont force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X搶過牛奶:milk, very good! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha, haY:Do you still want to kill me?X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(惱怒+冷酷):Very good! Very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:Im sure Iwont!Y:I must give youa lesson !If Idont beat your this time, youll never behave properly!3-2-1-0!X捂著肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：Ha HaX可憐狀: help! help! Where is the washroom?Y:What ?X:Toliet?Y:What ?X:The “WC”?Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks, byebye.Y掏出紙屑吹:This is genuirnes now!H:Stop! Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!Y:Who are you?H:Hua-man-lou! Have you seen ximen chuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in“WC” now, haH驚訝:Now you are the best in the world!Y:You are right!H:Teriffic! You are the one my king looking for! Do you want join inus?Y:Yes,Its very good.H:Ok, follow me, Lets go to see my king!Y:Ok,Lets go!第二幕：無間道H:My dearest ! let me introduce ye gucheng to you! （指Y） this is ye gucheng.K:sit down plese, ye gucheng.H走到Y(jié)前，婚禮進(jìn)行曲起，H神甫狀:Ye gucheng! Do youwant to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache, sair and aids?Y: Yes,I do.K: Hua manlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音樂停）X唱著上:Only you(看到戒子) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you? Why should it belong you?Y急切: king! Dear king! I must go now, my brother is looking for me! huoxi(維語再見)K:huoxi? What does that mean? It is not English , isnt it ?Y:How cleverX冷酷:ye gucheng! Come here!I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X: Forgive me? Why?Y: Once the re was hachange before me,I lost it. If the god give me anther chance, Ill tell you“I love you”,If there must be a limited period, I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me! all you did are wrong! how can you tell the ladys“WC”!Y:I like going ladys WC .III think that you like what I like.(又拿出一袋牛奶)X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我愛你的意思)K: ayixidailu?Whatsthemeaning? whyIalsocantunderstandyou?X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.K:Dont saythat“you love me”. Illkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!X:What? (側(cè)耳裝著聽不到) You-kill-me?come, come(上去抓住K)K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!X:Howcanyoukillme? hahaY:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂著肚子，蹲下)K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, IllgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou haveavacation.Y:Thats good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! HahahaY:Hahaha-H:Wheressomewhere?K:What? Y:Doyouwanttogoladys“WC”?X:Yes,II do.H頂著搖頭：X,no, no， youcantgotoLadys “WC”. Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!X: whatifImthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutImstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLadys WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng-the wifeofX .Imaspy.K驚訝: !you-you-YouareLuXiaofeng ? Xwife ?Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (輕聲說)willdie ,goandseehim ,please .H撲倒在的身邊：,dot die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning ! K:what amoving story !I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneednt resume ! (H忽然將一把匕首插進(jìn)Y的心臟，嚇跑.音樂再見，警察起)Y痛苦狀:dontleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat Im wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you-help me . Ill never dothat again !(Y死，音樂停)（X咳，H撲到身邊，電影我的父親母親原聲音樂起）H: X , oh , no ,you cant die ,we will go home together .X:gohome ! ?H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor. promise meyou will survive. that youwillnevergiveup. nomatter what happens. no matter howhopeless. promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.H: I promise . X:Never let go . H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go , X.Ill never letgo.(X死)H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艱難的爬到X身邊死.音樂停。） - Three visits to the cottageBy FRIENDSThree visits to the cottage（中文名三顧茅廬） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novelsthe Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actorsLiubei, who visited ZhuGeliangs thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei sincerity, helped the three brothersLiubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness. Our script is revised from this story and writed by my classmates of group FRIENDS. In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名無間道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外傳）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎點(diǎn)秋香） were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide. Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.Three visits to the cottageAside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three personsLiubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocaos corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubeis homeActors: Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? Its so terrible! Liubei: Yu, its impossible that I dont feel painful, isnt it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocaos corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. Its very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliangs wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husbands CET-6 fees last month, it seems that its time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or well be as poor as church mouse.Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Lets go! Go go! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliangs houseActors: ZhuGeliang WifeZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. Whats CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) Ive never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. Its ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.Wife：My dear, how about your study?ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. Im dizzy.Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you cant pass cet6 to get your masters degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Yangling.ZhuGeliang：Dont worry, these books are too easy for your husband and dont need to learn.Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake! Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?ZhuGeliang: Sorry I cant.Wife：You cant? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) Im wrong, Im really wrong, Im wrong from the beginning. I shouldnt marry here. If I didnt marry here, Ill never in this heartrending place now,ZhuGeliang：Dont cry, dont cry, stop! I m going to study hard at once.Wife (laugh): Thats the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts.ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England. .Keeper: Yes! Madam!Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliangs house.SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliangs houseActors: Liube