不快樂的七個(gè)基本原因

1、不快樂的七個(gè)基本原因 62%的保加利亞人說他們 不是非?！笨鞓坊蛘?根本一點(diǎn)也不”快樂。 某種程度上，我們都是保加利亞人：不管是事業(yè)或職業(yè)成功與否，我們都會(huì)有不快樂的 時(shí)候。 以下是為什么會(huì)出現(xiàn)不愉快的原因： 1. 身在圈內(nèi)神在外 和人們?nèi)〉寐?lián)系比以往都更加容易，不僅是通過社交媒體。加入校友組織和職業(yè)組織， 穿高爾夫球場(chǎng)馬球衫或者校園運(yùn)動(dòng)衫，在小車上貼上帶有像“HH等首字母的貼紙向世人宣 布你去希爾頓頭島度夏 許多人努力去展示他們的歸屬 一一如果只是為了自己。 這些關(guān)系再好，多半也流于形式。 配偶故去，校友組織可能來獻(xiàn)花 （我承認(rèn)，不來獻(xiàn)花也有可能）。如果你失業(yè)了，職業(yè)組織 會(huì)寄給你漂亮的網(wǎng)絡(luò)

2、指導(dǎo)。（是的，也有可能不送，但是當(dāng)你該更新你的會(huì)員信息時(shí)，他們 會(huì)寄給你發(fā)票，因此，你會(huì)有所期待。）任何人都可以買，比如UVA （美國(guó)弗吉尼亞大學(xué)） 運(yùn)動(dòng)衫。UVA并不希望我買，但是我仍然有一件。（在減價(jià)出售。） 加入某些組織越容易，你就越不重視。真正的歸屬感來自給予、犧牲和努力。 要有歸屬感，你必須分享共同經(jīng)歷一一越艱苦越好。 點(diǎn)擊一個(gè)鏈接就讓你加入成為會(huì)員；整晚和一船員呆在一塊，為一個(gè)緊急發(fā)運(yùn)日期不停 裝載拖車，就讓你加入。郵寄捐贈(zèng)就讓你加入一個(gè)項(xiàng)目；在一個(gè)擁擠不堪的施粥場(chǎng) （我懷疑 是我從來沒有做過的事情）工作，使你歸屬于一群努力做出改變的人們。 選一個(gè)你想歸屬的組織，并做必要的工作去贏

3、得他們的尊重和信任。 尤其是艱難時(shí)期，真正的歸屬感讓你感到自信；甚至當(dāng)你獨(dú)自一人時(shí)，為你帶來安全感 和幸福感一一因?yàn)楫?dāng)你真正感到歸屬時(shí)，你不再孤獨(dú)。 2. 自以為無所不能 我們的父母都用心良苦卻是錯(cuò)的：我們不能成為任何我們想成為的。我們都能成就驚人 事業(yè)，但是我們不能去做任何我們想做的事情。遺傳、性格和運(yùn)氣也都有關(guān)聯(lián)。 關(guān)鍵是首先你要了解自己，然后，基于你自己獨(dú)特的優(yōu)勢(shì)和劣勢(shì)盡量做到最好。 這有個(gè)非商業(yè)化事例。比如，你決定跑馬拉松?？梢砸灰煌ㄟ^充分的訓(xùn)練，幾乎每個(gè)人 都可以做到。但是，假如你體重有250磅(約230斤)，并想在2個(gè)半小時(shí)內(nèi)完成。 那是不可能的；你不可能做得到， 而且，那種嘗試會(huì)

4、讓你喪失信心、感到挫敗和不開心。 但是，通過足夠的訓(xùn)練，你可能可以替補(bǔ)掉350磅級(jí)的選手，可是這是那些骨瘦的馬拉松 運(yùn)動(dòng)員永遠(yuǎn)無法做到的事情。 公眾演說也是同樣的道理。你也許永遠(yuǎn)成不了像比利梅斯(Billy Mays )，但是你可以成 為一名出色的史蒂夫賴特 (Steven Wright ). 你所完成的不一定就如成就的某些事情同等重要。選擇一個(gè)適合你的目標(biāo)， 并為之奮斗。 做一些或做任何其他大多數(shù)人不能或不做的事情會(huì)讓你感覺更自豪、更滿足和更快樂。 3. 認(rèn)為事業(yè)成功等于人生成功。 你可以熱愛你的公司，但是，它永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)喜歡你回來。(陳詞濫調(diào)，是的，但是，這是 事實(shí)。)另一個(gè)陳詞濫調(diào)也是事實(shí)：

5、沒有哪個(gè)將死的人有說過，我只希望我花了更多時(shí)間 在工作上” 事業(yè)再怎么成功，還是不能持久。 滿足來自完成某些事情，并且知道它將繼續(xù)：撫育優(yōu)秀的小孩，成為支持性大家庭中一 員，知道自己幫助過別人，并改變了他們的生活，讓他們過得更好 努力工作。在其他一些事情上也同樣努力工作，也許有一天你會(huì)帶著不同的自豪感回顧 它們；然后，有了個(gè)人滿足，現(xiàn)在和將來你就會(huì)感覺很棒。 4. 我們不敢正視自我 我們沒有人真正喜歡自己。（是的，可能她會(huì)，他也可能會(huì)。）因此，我們?cè)噲D用合適 的化妝品和衣服以及臨時(shí)寶馬來掩飾真實(shí)的自己。 在合適的環(huán)境和時(shí)間里，我們是快樂的！ 但是，不是在健身房，也不是在海灘上。 抑或當(dāng)我們不得

6、不跑去雜貨店，卻感覺不自在, 因?yàn)槲覀兇┲婆f的牛仔褲和T恤，而且，沒有洗澡；我們覺得所有人都看著我們，只想 馬上離開那里。 因此，我們每天度過的大多時(shí)間是去避開任何會(huì)讓我們感覺不舒服外表和行為的情形。 那會(huì)讓我們過得很糟糕。 現(xiàn)實(shí)中，除了我們自己，沒有人真正關(guān)注我們的外表。（也許，有我們的死黨，但是記 ?。核麄円呀?jīng)看過我們最糟糕的一面了，因此，那個(gè)特定的Elvis確實(shí)已經(jīng)離開了大樓。） 這樣做：裸體站在鏡子前。（不要做轉(zhuǎn)臀扭肩動(dòng)作，使你腰看起來更苗條，肩更寬廣。） 仔細(xì)看看。那就是真實(shí)的你?？赡苣悴幌矚g你所看到的，但是，你可能會(huì)驚訝發(fā)現(xiàn)，你 并沒有你所懷疑的那么難看。 如果你不喜歡你的外表，

7、那么下決心做點(diǎn)你想做的，并馬上行動(dòng)起來。只是不要與像他 或她的某個(gè)人比較；你的唯一目標(biāo)就是比現(xiàn)在的自己看起來要好些。 如果你不想對(duì)鏡中所看到的自己，去做任何改變，那也沒事。下一步，隨它去。不要再 擔(dān)憂自己的外表。不要再浪費(fèi)精力去改變你不關(guān)心的事情。 不管怎樣，記住：唯一真正關(guān)心你外表的人就是你自己，許多人關(guān)心的是你所做的事情。 外表好看是很好。做得好讓你變得快樂。 5. 凌晨3點(diǎn)，沒有打電話的對(duì)象。 數(shù)年前，我家房子建在一條河上。颶風(fēng)把我的房子卷到河里了。約一小時(shí)里，我不得不 盡可能移動(dòng)，我打電話給我朋友Doug。我知道他會(huì)二話不說就過來。 而如今，除了家人，我不確定誰是讓我覺得適合打電話的人

8、。 我知道，你有許多的朋友，但是，很多在你需要幫助時(shí)，感覺不合適在半夜給他們打電 話。有多少你可以傾訴一切的朋友，而且他們不會(huì)嘲笑你呢？又有多少你覺得適合長(zhǎng)時(shí)間坐 在一塊，而你們都不說話呢？ 我們大多數(shù)人都穿著保護(hù)自己的盔甲，而且，這盔甲也會(huì)讓我們感覺孤獨(dú)；當(dāng)你孤獨(dú)時(shí)， 你是不可能快樂起來的。 卸掉盔甲，交些真正的朋友。做起來比聽起來更容易，因?yàn)槠渌艘部释Y(jié)交真正的朋 友。不要擔(dān)心；他們會(huì)喜歡真實(shí)的你。你也會(huì)喜歡真實(shí)的他們。 你們都會(huì)更加快樂。 6. 我們弄錯(cuò)了控制結(jié)構(gòu)。 我們所做的大部分事情，特別是職業(yè)上的，是基于試圖維持控制上的：流程，指導(dǎo)方針 和策略任何我們計(jì)劃和實(shí)施的事情是為了控制本

9、來不能控制的事情，同時(shí)在這個(gè)充滿巧 合的世界里創(chuàng)造一種安全感。（剛才我是不是太哲學(xué)化了？不好意思。） 最終，那些努力功虧一簣，因?yàn)榻Y(jié)構(gòu)從來不等同于控制。不論我們?yōu)樽约涸O(shè)定多少指導(dǎo) 方針，我們還是經(jīng)常超出它們的范圍。（否則，我們都會(huì)是苗條的、修長(zhǎng)的、健康的和富足 的。） 預(yù)算、節(jié)食和五年計(jì)劃全都泡湯了，而且，我們甚至?xí)邮б?，因?yàn)槲覀儾荒苓_(dá)到我 們所計(jì)劃和期望的。待辦事項(xiàng)列表和全面的日常安排是有幫助的但是當(dāng)只意味著個(gè)人的事 情時(shí)，你只會(huì)取得目標(biāo)內(nèi)的那點(diǎn)進(jìn)步。 決定什么是你真正想作的事情，并去追求它。由于你真正在乎，你會(huì)有一種真正的控制 感。 當(dāng)你真正在乎 一切事情時(shí)，你就會(huì)更加快樂些。 7.

10、我們停止了失敗。 我們大多數(shù)人盡力去避免失敗。那是一種帶有反常的意外收獲的自然本能：我們開始喪 失質(zhì)疑我們自己決定的能力。 而且，我們也失去從別人的觀點(diǎn)角度審視自己的能力。當(dāng)我們失去追問所有答案和犯錯(cuò) 時(shí)，與人共事和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)他人的能力也會(huì)大大折扣。 因此，走出去，接受失敗，但是，不是你所認(rèn)為的方式。忘掉如在商業(yè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，如果你沒 有失敗，那么你就沒有去嘗試?！钡年愒~濫調(diào)。商業(yè)失敗耗費(fèi)時(shí)間和我們大多數(shù)人不擁有的 金錢。（我的猜想是 失敗”沒有作為一個(gè)項(xiàng)目出現(xiàn)在你的營(yíng)業(yè)預(yù)算內(nèi)。） 而是去工作之外體驗(yàn)失敗。選擇不需要花費(fèi)很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的簡(jiǎn)單事情和設(shè)定一個(gè)你知道自己 不能達(dá)到的目標(biāo)。如果你正常情況下能跑2英里，那么

11、嘗試下 5英里。如果你做運(yùn)動(dòng)，就 做比你優(yōu)秀的人同臺(tái)競(jìng)技。如果你必須選擇商業(yè)任務(wù)，那么馬上找出10種可能性。 不論你如何選擇，都要全力以赴。不要找任何的借口。確保別人只會(huì)以你的成績(jī)來評(píng)定 你而且，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的不足。 為什么？因?yàn)椋〔皇菗魯?，失敗是激?lì)。 失敗也會(huì)提供給人們一種健康的人生態(tài)度，讓我們更加隱忍和更具耐心，使我們意識(shí)到 自己與身邊的人沒有多大區(qū)別。 己也會(huì)更加快樂。 7 Basic Reas ons You Arent Happy happy. Sixty- two perce nt of Bulgaria ns say they arenot very ” happy or

12、not at all At some point we re all Bulgaria ns: Were all un happy at times, regard less of bus in ess or professi onal success. Heres are some reas ons why: 1. We mistake joining for bel onging. Making conn ecti ons with other people is easier tha n ever, and not just through social media. Joining a

13、lu mni groups and professi onal organizations, wearing golf course polo shirts or college sweatshirts, putting a sticker with in itials like HH” on your car to announce to the world you summer at Hilt on Head Isla nd many people try hard to show - if only to themselves - that they belong. Most of th

14、ose connections are superficial at best. If your spouse passes away the alumni organization may send flowers. (Okay, probably not.) If you lose your job a professional organization may send you a nifty guide to n etwork ing. (Okay, probably not, but they will send you the in voice whe n its time to

15、renew your membership, so you will have that to look forward to.) Anyone can buy, say, a UVA sweatshirt. UVA did nt want me but I still have one. (It was on sale.) The easier it is to join someth ing the less it means to you. A true sense of bel onging comes from givi ng, self-sacrifice, and effort.

16、 the tougher the experie nee, the better. To bel ong you must share a com mon experie nee Clicking a link lets you join; staying up all night with a crew loading trailers to meet an urge nt ship date lets you bel ong. Sending a don atio n gets your n ame in a program; working in an over-crowded soup

17、 kitchen (something to my discredit Ive never done) lets you bel ong to a group of people strivi ng to make a differe nee. Pick a group you want to bel ong to and do the work n ecessary to earn their respect and trust. A true sense of bel onging gives you con fide nee, especially duri ng tough times

18、, and provides a sense of security and well-be ing even whe n youre by yourself - because whe n you truly bel ong you are n ever alone. 2. We think we can achieve anything. Our pare nts were well inten ti oned but wrong: We can t be whatever we want to be. We can all achieve amazing things, but we c

19、an t doa nything we set our minds to. Gen etics, dispositi on, and luck play a part too. The key is to know yourself and the n work to be the best you can be based on your unique set of adva ntages and limitati ons. Here s a no n-bus in ess example. Say you decide you want to run a marath on. Fi ne

20、- with eno ugh training almost anyone is capable. But say youre a guy who weighs a muscular 250 pounds and you want to finish in un der 2 hours and 30 minu tes. Thats just not going to happen; you re not made that way and the attempt will leave you discouraged, defeated, and un happy. But with eno u

21、gh training you could probably bench 350 poun ds, someth ing the whippet-thi n marath on runners will n ever do. The same is true with, say, public speak ing. You may n ever be like Billy Mays but you could be an outsta nding Steve n Wright. What you achieve isn t nearly as important as achieving so

22、mething. Pick a goal you re suited for and go after it. Doing somethi ng - doing anything - that most other people cannot or will not do will make you prouder, more fulfilled, and a lot happier. 3. We think professi onal success equals fulfillme nt. You can love your compa ny but it will n ever love

23、 you back. (Clich , sure, but true.) Ano ther clich , just a 更true: No pers on lying on their death bed ever says, I just wish I had spe nt more time at work. Professional success, no matter how grand, is still fleeting. Fulfillme nt comes from achiev ing someth ing and knowing it will carry on: Rai

24、s ing great kids, being a part of a supportive exte nded family, knowing you have helped others and changed their lives for the better. Work hard on bus in ess. Work just as hard on a few other things you can someday look back on with a different sense of pride; then, where personal fulfilment is co

25、ncerned, you get to feel great now and later. 4. We reafraid of what we really are. None of us really likes how we look. (Well, maybe she does. And he probably does too.) So we try to hide who we really are with the right makeup and the right clothes and the occasi onal BMW. In the right setting and

26、 the right light, hey, we re happy. But not at the gym. Or the beach. Or whe n we have to run to the grocery store but feel self- conscious because we re wearing ratty jeans and an old t -shirt and we haven t showered and we think every one is stari ng at us and jeez can we just get out of here alre

27、ady. So we spend considerable time each day avoiding any situation that makes us feel uncomfortable about how we look or act. And that makes us miserable. In reality no one really cares how we look. except us. (And maybe our significant others, but remember they ve already seen us at our worst, so t

28、hat particular Elvis has definitely left the buildi ng.) So do this. Un dress and sta nd in front of the mirror. (And don -tidoi the hip shoulder-twist move to make your waist look slimmer and your shoulders broader.) Take a good look. That s who you are. Chances are you wont like what you see, but

29、youll probably also be surprised you don t look as bad as you suspected. If you don t like how you look, decide what younQ tcreiwiabout it and start doing it. Just dont ever compare yourself to some one like her or him; your only goal is to be a better version of the curre nt you. s fine too. Move I

30、f you aren t willing to do anything about what you see in the mirror, that on. Let it go. Stop worry ing about how you look. Stop wasti ng en ergy on someth ing you dont care eno ugh about to fix. Either way, remember that while the only pers on who really cares how you look is you, many people care

31、 about the things you do. Look ing good is fun. Doing good makes you happy. 5. We have no one to call at 3 a.m. Years ago my house was on a river. A hurrica ne put my house in the river. I had about an hour to move as much as I could and I called my friend Doug. I knew he would come, no questi ons a

32、sked. Today, aside from family, I m not sure whom I would feel comfortable calling. I know you have lots of friends, but how many people do you feel comfortable calling in the middle of the ni ght if you n eed help? How many people can you tell almost anything and you know they won t laugh? How many

33、 people can you feel comfortable sitting w ith for a long time without either of you speak ing? Most of us wear armor that protects us from in security. That armor also makes us Ion ely, and it s impossible to be happy when you re Ionely. Take off your armor and make some real friends. It shaasiesou

34、nds, because other people long to make real friends too. Don t worry; they ll like the real you. And you ll like the real them. And all of you will be much happier. 6. We mistake structure for con trol. Most of what we do, especially professi on ally, is based on trying to maintain con trol: Process

35、es, guideli nes, strategies everyth ing we pla n and impleme nt is desig ned to con trol the in here ntly uncon trollable and create a sense of security in a world filled with random occurrences. (Did I just go all philosophical? Sorry.) Even tually those efforts fall short because structure n ever

36、equals con trol. No matter how many guidelines we establish for ourselves, we often step outside them. (Otherwise we d all be slim, trim, fit, and rich.) Budgets and diets and five-year pla ns fall apart and we get even more frustrated because we did nt achieve what we pla nned or hoped. To-do lists

37、 and comprehe nsive daily schedules are helpful, but you only make real progress towards a goal whe n it means someth ing pers on al. Decide what you really want to do and go after it. Youll feel a real sense of con trol because you really care. And when you truly care - about anything - youre a lot happier. 7. Weve stopped failing. Most of us do everything we can to avoid failure. Thats a natural in st inct with an unn atural by-product: We start to lose the ability to questi on our decisi ons. And we lose the ability to see our ourselves from ano ther