高三英語(yǔ)廣東省一模讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)學(xué)企鵝取暖課件

學(xué)企鵝取暖Maggie寫(xiě)作指導(dǎo)10廣東省一模讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)企鵝究竟是如何在零下40攝氏度抵御寒冷的？_嗶哩嗶哩_bilibili一、主題解讀屬于“人與自然”主題語(yǔ)境下的人與動(dòng)物和諧相處。二、故事梗概瑪麗和湯姆是南極實(shí)驗(yàn)室科學(xué)家的孩子，他們兩人經(jīng)常在實(shí)驗(yàn)室研究企鵝，觀察它們是如何適應(yīng)極端溫度。這樣的設(shè)定比較新穎。一次，科學(xué)家們外出考察，兩人留在實(shí)驗(yàn)室照顧企鵝。突然，實(shí)驗(yàn)室的加熱器出現(xiàn)故障，溫度直線下降。由于大人不在，孩子們將不得不應(yīng)對(duì)寒冷的天氣，直到救援人員到來(lái)。三、文本特點(diǎn)文章講述的是一個(gè)關(guān)于愛(ài)護(hù)動(dòng)物以及創(chuàng)造性地解決問(wèn)題的故事，續(xù)寫(xiě)的情節(jié)具有一定的開(kāi)放性，有利于考查學(xué)生的創(chuàng)新思維。續(xù)寫(xiě)前文描述了一個(gè)危及生命的事件，在這樣的事件中，考察學(xué)生解決問(wèn)題的能力。學(xué)生要清楚讀取前文的第六段，特別是最后湯姆看著一群企鵝。思考如何運(yùn)用企鵝取暖的方法解決目前人寒冷的問(wèn)題，考查學(xué)生的類比思維的運(yùn)用。根據(jù)故事的發(fā)展邏輯和兩個(gè)給出的段落起始句的信息，第一段應(yīng)該主要寫(xiě)Tom如何幫助企鵝取暖，第二段應(yīng)該寫(xiě)父母的反應(yīng)以及Tom的收獲和感悟。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)兩大制勝法寶五字真經(jīng)在已定框架范圍內(nèi)，依據(jù)情節(jié)和情感的發(fā)展需要，利用前文的伏筆，結(jié)合生活常識(shí)，確定續(xù)寫(xiě)段落中可能出現(xiàn)的人物，推斷這個(gè)或這些人物“所見(jiàn)、所聞、所說(shuō)、所想、所做(即見(jiàn)、聞、說(shuō)、想、做五字真經(jīng))”，由此去構(gòu)想和補(bǔ)充合理的情節(jié)。

①WhenMaryenteredtheSouthPolePenguinResearchLab,shesawherfriendTomgentlystroking(輕撫)apenguininhisarms.Aschildrenofthelabscientists,MaryandTomoftenobservedtheemperorpenguinasthatwerestudiedtounderstandhowtheyadaptedtoextremetemperatures--insightsthatcouldaidhumansurvival.

②"We'rethirteen,Tom.It'stimetogrowupandstopplayingwiththelabpenguins,"saidMaryasshestartedcleaning.“They'reresearchanimals,notpets.“

③“Butthebirdslistentome!”insistedTom,hisbreathformingacloudinthefreezingair.“You'rejusttryingtobeapenguinwhispereragain,”Maryreplied,shakingherheadwithagentlesmile.Thepenguinsseemedplayfulastheywalked,dove,swamandchasedtheirlivefishforsportbeforeeating.

④

Suddenly,analarmrangoutandredlightsflashed,signalingaproblem.Thekidsrushedovertolookintoit.“It'scolderthanbefore--there'siceformingonthewater,”notedTom.Thoughalwayscold,Maryhadneverseeniceherebefore.Shecheckedthehabitatmonitorandfoundthatthetemperaturehadgonedownalot.“Theheatermustbebroken!“

⑤Maryquicklysentamessagetotheirparents’researchteam,whowereconductingoutdoorstudies.Withtheadultsaway,thekidswouldhavetodealwiththefreezingconditionsuntilhelparrived.

⑥TimedraggedasMaryandTomanxiouslywaited.Theincreasingcoldcausedthemtoshake.“Iwonderwhatemperorpenguinsdoinextremecold,sincetheystayinthePoleallwinterinsteadofgoingsomewherewarmer,"askedMary.“Theyhuddle(擠作一團(tuán)),”Tomanswered.“Theyhuddletogethertightlysothatthebirdsinthemiddlewillbewarmenough.”“Whatabouttheonesontheedge?”Maryasked.“Theypushtheirwaytowardsthecenter,andthenmovebackouttotheedge,andstrugglebackagain.Scientistsintheearly21stcenturyrecordedit.”Herepliedashestaredatthelargecrowdofthepenguinsinthelab.P1-3背景:5WH:who;where;what:MaryandTomstayedwithpenguins.P4問(wèn)題:HeaterbrokedownandtemperaturewentdownP5-6思考解決方法:MarycontactedparentsandTomthoughthardabouthowpenguinsstayedwarm文本分析續(xù)寫(xiě)前文概要：瑪麗和湯姆是南極實(shí)驗(yàn)室科學(xué)家的孩子，他們兩人經(jīng)常在實(shí)驗(yàn)室研究企鵝，觀察它們是如何適應(yīng)極端溫度。一次，科學(xué)家們外出考察，兩人留在實(shí)驗(yàn)室照顧企鵝。突然，實(shí)驗(yàn)室的加熱器出現(xiàn)故障，溫度直線下降。由于大人不在，孩子們將不得不應(yīng)對(duì)寒冷的天氣，直到救援人員到來(lái)。文本特點(diǎn)：續(xù)寫(xiě)前文描述了一個(gè)危及生命的事件，在這樣的事件中，考察青少年解決問(wèn)題的能力。

Characters:Mary、TomPersonality/Characteristics:Mary和Tom是兩個(gè)在對(duì)待實(shí)驗(yàn)動(dòng)物態(tài)度上截然不同的孩子，Mary認(rèn)為基地中的那些企鵝不過(guò)是實(shí)驗(yàn)動(dòng)物researchanimals，而Tom則從小將他們當(dāng)成寵物來(lái)看待，原文中明確給出了Tom是一個(gè)penguinwhisperer的線索。因此我們得到了第一個(gè)亟待解決的矛盾點(diǎn)：Mary要通過(guò)接下來(lái)的事件去改變自己對(duì)企鵝的看法，甚至于達(dá)到Tom的“鵝語(yǔ)者”的狀態(tài)。

Elementsofthestorynatureinspireshumansnature’swisdomhuman-natureharmonyTomMarystaywarm/survivethecoldjointhehuddletheysurvivedclues----------indication1.WhenMaryenteredtheSouthPolePenguinResearchLab,shesawherfriendTomgentlystroking(輕撫)apenguininhisarms.Aschildrenofthelabscientists,MaryandTomoftenobservedtheemperorpenguinsthatwerestudiedtounderstandhowtheyadaptedtoextremetemperatures—insightsthatcouldaidhumansurvival.2.“We’rethirteen,Tom.It’stimetogrowupandstopplayingwiththelabpenguins,”saidMaryasshestartedcleaning.“They'reresearchanimals,notpets.”theyareclosehuman-naturerelationshipClues----------Indication3.“Butthebirdslistentome!”insistedTom,hisbreathformingacloudinthefreezingair.“You’rejusttryingtobeapenguinwhispereragain,”Maryreplied,shakingherheadwithagentlesmile.Thepenguinsseemedplayfulastheywalked,dove,swamandchasedtheirlivefishforsportbeforeeating.4.Suddenly,analarmrangoutandredlightsflashed,signalingaproblem.Thekidsrushedovertolookintoit.“It'scolderthanbefore—there'siceformingonthewater,”notedTom.Thoughalwayscold,Maryhadneverseeniceherebefore.Shecheckedthehabitatmonitorandfoundthatthetemperaturehadgonedownalot.“Theheatermustbebroken!”familiarityextremetemperature

Actions--Reactions--EmotionsPara.1“Ihaveanideatostaywarm!”Tomshoutedexcitedly.Para.2Twoandahalfhourslater,theparentsreturnedwithhelp.1.Whatwastheidea2.Howtheydidit3.Theysurvived4.Parents’reaction5.Kids’response6.Inspirationpropose/suggest;stroke/whisper/joinbent/knelt/approach/struggle/push/squeeze/allow/moveconfident/disbelief/hesitant/skeptical/cautious/relieved/relaxedhurry/rush/scream/search/spot/stare/exclaim/ask/repair/praise/admire/Waddle/swim/chase/diveshocked/relieved/amazed/proud/grateful/admiring/affectionate/enlightenedactions+feelings1.Tomsuggestedhuddlingthepenguins.(情緒，言語(yǔ)，動(dòng)作)2.Maryhesitated.(ARE)3.Tomtriedtojointhepenguins.(動(dòng)作鏈)4.ThepenguinsacceptedTom.(動(dòng)作鏈)5.Mary’sreaction.6.TomandMarywaited.(內(nèi)心活動(dòng)+動(dòng)作)------------------------------------------------------1.Parentscamein.2.Parentssawthekidswiththepenguins.3.TomandMaryexplainedtheiraction.4.ReactionsandcommentsonTom.5.Inspiration:情節(jié)故事山結(jié)構(gòu)

Beginning:

Mary和Tom在南極企鵝研究實(shí)驗(yàn)室內(nèi)，Tom與企鵝親密互動(dòng)，而Mary則提醒他要認(rèn)真對(duì)待這些研究動(dòng)物。

Build-up:

實(shí)驗(yàn)室內(nèi)的加熱器故障，導(dǎo)致溫度下降，孩子們必須找到保持溫暖的方法。

Climax:

Tom提出了一個(gè)靈感來(lái)自企鵝的保暖策略，即通過(guò)群聚來(lái)共享體溫。Resolution:

Mary和Tom加入企鵝群中，通過(guò)模仿企鵝的群聚行為來(lái)保持溫暖。

End:

大人們回來(lái)修好了加熱器，Mary和Tom從這次經(jīng)歷中學(xué)到了重要的生存技能，并加深了他們對(duì)自然界的理解和尊重情節(jié)注意問(wèn)題：第一段：①是否銜接得當(dāng)：Tom想到取暖的辦法。是什么辦法，要交代清楚。若沒(méi)有寫(xiě)出酌情扣分。②按照Tom的方法他們?cè)趺醋龅模恳袆?dòng)作描寫(xiě)。效果怎么樣？若沒(méi)有寫(xiě)出酌情扣分。③第一段末尾處的銜接：他們自救的同時(shí)滿懷信心地等待父母歸來(lái)。若沒(méi)有寫(xiě)出酌情扣分。第二段：①是否銜接得當(dāng)：父母回來(lái)之后會(huì)做什么以及如何幫助解決問(wèn)題的。若沒(méi)有寫(xiě)出酌情扣分。②父母看到兩個(gè)孩子安然無(wú)恙會(huì)怎么想怎么做？③從這起事件中他們學(xué)到了什么？其他情節(jié)，只要合情合理，不扣分。建議根據(jù)學(xué)生語(yǔ)言能力，先確定檔次：22-25分：表達(dá)生動(dòng)、準(zhǔn)確、多樣，書(shū)寫(xiě)美觀，沒(méi)有語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤或極少的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。17-21分：表述較準(zhǔn)確，能夠達(dá)成寫(xiě)作任務(wù)但不夠地道自然，有幾處語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。12-16分：基本達(dá)成寫(xiě)作任務(wù)，用詞達(dá)意度尚可，有較多明顯的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。7-11分：達(dá)成寫(xiě)作任務(wù)程度低，語(yǔ)言問(wèn)題多，詞不達(dá)意，影響理解。0-6分：不能達(dá)成寫(xiě)作任務(wù)，抄襲前文，語(yǔ)言能力極弱。得分：23-24內(nèi)容豐富、合理，富有邏輯性，續(xù)寫(xiě)完整，與原文情境融洽度高。使用了恰當(dāng)且多樣的詞匯和語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)，有極個(gè)別小錯(cuò)，但完全不影響理解。有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間銜接手段，全文結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，意義連貫。得分：18-19分主題合理，故事完整，細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)豐富，但有個(gè)別情節(jié)不夠自然（例如第一段講到

theymustusealltheirstrengthtomaketheirway，與原文Tom所說(shuō)的“Butthebirdslistentome！”契合度不高）。語(yǔ)言表達(dá)方面，能?chē)L試運(yùn)用豐富的句子結(jié)構(gòu)，有一定的語(yǔ)言積累，但部分表達(dá)有語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，如

Theyencouragetheotherwithtremblingvoice,andwaitedfor...以及Nonecansurviveinthatcondition...。

3檔

(11-15)

得分：13-14本文創(chuàng)造了基本合理的內(nèi)容，有一定的邏輯性，續(xù)寫(xiě)基本完整，與原文情境相關(guān)，但第二段結(jié)尾稍差。本文使用了簡(jiǎn)單的詞匯和語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)，有一些錯(cuò)誤或不恰當(dāng)之處，但基本不影響理解。基本有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間銜接手段，全文結(jié)構(gòu)基本清晰，意義基本連貫。2檔（6-10）

評(píng)分：7-8

情節(jié)走向基本合理，但部分情節(jié)與原文情境有一定程度脫節(jié)，續(xù)寫(xiě)不夠完整。語(yǔ)言上，所使用的詞匯有限，語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào)，單詞拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤較多，影響理解。書(shū)寫(xiě)欠工整，涂改多。samplewriting03“I

haveanideatostaywarm”Tomshoutedexcitedly.Spreadinghisarms,hesuggested

joiningthepenguinhuddles.Worriedthatthepenguinswouldn’tletthem,Maryhesitatedbut

wassoonpersuadedbyTom’sassuringgrin.Heslowly

approachedthecrowdedpenguins,crouchingdown.Gentlystrokingthemwithcare,hewhisperedsoftly.Thoughstartledatfirst,thepenguinsrecognizedTomandlethimintotheirgroup.Maryquicklyfollowed.Thechildrensqueezedintothehuddle,sedgewiththepenguins.Justasthebirdsdid,theymovedtowardthemiddleandbackoutasthegroupshifted.Version1“我有個(gè)辦法可以保暖！”湯姆興奮地喊道。他張開(kāi)雙臂，建議加入企鵝群。瑪麗擔(dān)心企鵝們不會(huì)同意，她猶豫了一下，但很快就被湯姆的笑容說(shuō)服了。他慢慢地走近擁擠的企鵝群，蹲下身子。輕輕地、小心翼翼地?fù)崦鼈?，他輕聲地說(shuō)。企鵝們雖然一開(kāi)始很吃驚，但還是認(rèn)出了湯姆，并讓他加入了他們的隊(duì)伍。瑪麗很快地跟了上去。孩子們擠在企鵝群的邊緣。就像鳥(niǎo)兒一樣，隨著群體的變化，它們也向中間移動(dòng)，然后又向外面移動(dòng)。

Twoandahalf

hourslater,theparentsreturnedwithhelp.Rushingincallingforthekids,theyweresurprised.Thechildrenweresafelysurroundedbypenguinsinalargebundle.Whenaskedhowtheystayedwarm,thekidslookedateachotherproudly.“Wecopiedwhattheemperorpenguinsdo”theytoldtheirparents.MarypattedTom,sshoulderwithadmiration,callinghimapenguinwhisperer.Withabigsmile,Tomgavecredittothepenguinswhotaughtthemalot.Theirteamworkhadseenthemthroughthedifficultcoldwiththepenguins,aid.兩個(gè)半小時(shí)后，父母帶著幫助回來(lái)了。沖進(jìn)來(lái)喊孩子們，他們都很驚訝。孩子們被企鵝們包在一個(gè)大包袱里，安全地包圍著。當(dāng)被問(wèn)及如何保暖時(shí)，孩子們自豪地交換了眼神?！拔覀兝昧似簌Z的做法，”他們告訴了父母?，旣愘澷p地拍著湯姆的肩膀，稱他為“企鵝語(yǔ)者”。帶著燦爛的笑容，湯姆把功勞歸于企鵝，因?yàn)槠簌Z教會(huì)了他們很多東西。他們的團(tuán)隊(duì)合作幫助他們?cè)谄簌Z的幫助下度過(guò)了嚴(yán)寒。

“I

haveanideatostaywarm!”Tomshoutedexcitedly.Tomsuggestedjoiningthepenguinswiththeirhuddlestogetwarm.Maryhesitatedwithconcernthatthebirdswouldn’tacceptthem.Tomgrinnedwithconfidencewhileapproachingthebirdswhichhadalreadycrowdedtogetherduetothetemperature.Slowlyandgently,hecroucheddowntogetclosetothepenguins,reachedouthishandsandstrokethemwithgreataffection,whisperingtothemsoothingly.Thoughalarmedatfirst,thepenguinsrecognizedhimandallowedhimintotheirhuddlewithintimacy.Maryquicklyfollowedhislead.Thetwokidssqueezedtheirwayfromtheedgeofthecrowdtothecenterandreturnedtotheedgewiththeflow,justasthebirdsdid.第10周默寫(xiě)資料

學(xué)企鵝取暖讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)

“我有個(gè)辦法可以保暖！”湯姆興奮地喊道。湯姆建議和企鵝們一起擠在一起取暖?，旣悡?dān)心那些鳥(niǎo)不會(huì)接受它們，所以猶豫不決。湯姆自信地露齒而笑，走近那些由于氣溫的原因已經(jīng)擠在一起的鳥(niǎo)兒。慢慢地，輕輕地，他蹲下身去接近企鵝，伸出雙手，深情地?fù)崦鼈?，輕聲安慰它們。雖然企鵝們一開(kāi)始很警覺(jué)，但還是認(rèn)出了他，并讓他親密地?cái)D在一起?，旣惡芸斓馗S他的腳步。兩個(gè)孩子從人群的邊緣擠到中央，又像鳥(niǎo)兒一樣隨著人流回到邊緣。

Twoandahalf

hourslater,theparentsreturnedwithhelp.Whentheparentsrushedinscreamingoutthekids’names,theywereamazedtoseethekidsweretightlysurroundedbyahugegroupofpenguins,

safeandsound.Whenaskedhowtheymanagedtobravethisterriblecold,thetwokidsexchangedaglanceandproudlytoldthemitwasthesecretoftheemperorpenguinsthathelpedthemkeepwarm.PattingTomontheshoulder,Marysaidwithsincereadmiration,

“Youare

atruepenguinwhisperer.”

Witha

beamlightinguphisface,Tompraisedthepenguinsforwhattheytaughthim.兩個(gè)半小時(shí)后，父母帶著幫助回來(lái)了。當(dāng)父母?jìng)兒爸⒆觽兊拿譀_進(jìn)來(lái)時(shí)，他們驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子們被一大群皇帝緊緊地包圍著，安然無(wú)恙。當(dāng)被問(wèn)到他們是如何克服這種可怕的寒冷時(shí)，兩個(gè)孩子交換了一個(gè)眼神，并自豪地告訴他們這是帝企鵝幫助他們保暖的秘密。瑪麗拍了拍湯姆的肩膀，由衷地贊嘆道：“你真是一個(gè)不折不扣的企鵝語(yǔ)者！”湯姆的臉上閃耀著光芒，他稱贊企鵝們教會(huì)了他很多東西。Paragraph1:“Ihaveanideatostaywarm!"Tomshoutedexcitedly.Hewhistledtohisbelovedbirdsandgingerlywavedafishinhishand.Nosoonerhestoppedwavingthanatribeofpenguinspaddledaroundtwoofthem.Tomfedthefirstarrivalwiththefish.Thesignalwassenttotherestofthepenguins.Theyallhuddledtowardsthechildren.Inaminute,theyweresotightlysurroundedbyanarmyoffurryanimalsthattheirfrozenfeetstartedtogetwarm.Whentheirnumbfingersbegantogetflexible,theyjoyfullyfeedthelovelypenguinswiththefishinthebucket.MaryrelaxedalittlebitandthankedTomforhisexcellentideatotackletheemergency,whilepatientlywaitingforparentstoreturn.Paragraph2:Twoandahalfhourslater,theparentsreturnedwithhelp.

Theywerefirstamazedbywhattheysaw,buttheygotitinstantly.Withwaterbecomingiceblocks,theirchildren'ssurvivalentirelydependedonthewarmthoftheemperorpenguinscloseby.Theparentsimmediatelyfixedthehabitatheater.Whenitreturnedtonormal,theparentshuggedthechildrentightlyandappreciatedtheirquickwittosolvetheproblem.MarypattedonTom'sshouldersandthumbedupathim,sayingitwashisideathatworked.Tomaffectionatelylookedatthepenguinsastheyscatteredtowalk,diveandswim,thinkingactuallytheyweretherealheroes.【寫(xiě)作詳解】【高分句型與描寫(xiě)1】Spreadinghisarms,hesuggestedjoiningthepenguinhuddles.Heslowlyapproachedthecrowdedpenguins,crouchingdown.Gentlystrokingthemwithcare,hewhisperedsoftly.(非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞做狀語(yǔ))【高分句型與描寫(xiě)2】Slowlyandgently,hecroucheddowntogetclosetothepenguins,reachedouthishandsandstrokethemwithgreataffection,whisperingtothemsoothingly.(動(dòng)作鏈描寫(xiě))PattingTomonhisshoulder,Marysaidwithsincereadmiration,“Youareatruepenguinwhisperer!”(回應(yīng)原文)Withabigsmile,Tomgavecredittothepenguinswhotaughtthemalot.Theirteamworkhadseenthemthroughthedifficultcoldwiththepenguins’aid.(精彩點(diǎn)題)

Asanaturephotographer,Ihavetobravetheelements.

B1U5P2AnEncounterwithNatureEyessparklingwithastonishment,theparentsexclaimed,“It’samazinghowyoubravedthecold!”O(jiān)neofthebestthingsaboutthisjobisthatyoucanobserveanimalsintheirnaturalenvironment.

B1U5P2AnEncounterwithNatureOneofthebestthingsaboutworking