讀后續(xù)寫人與動物+Walking+with+Misty+講義 高三英語一輪復習

續(xù)寫題目WalkingwithMistyIn2004,whenmydaughterBeckywasten,sheandmyhusband,Joe,wereunitedintheirdesireforadog.Asforme,Isharednoneoftheirdesire.Butwhy,theypleaded(懇求).“BecauseIdon’thavetimetotakecareofadog.”Butwe'lldoit."Really?You'regoingtowalkthedog?Feedthedog?Bathethedog?”Yes,yes,andyes.“Idon'tbelieveyou."“Wewill.”Wepromise.Theydidn’t.Fromdaytwo,neitherthoughttowalkthedog.WhileIwasslowtoacceptthatIwouldbetheonetokeeptrackofhershots,toschedulehervetappointments,tofeedandcleanher,Mistyknewthisondayone.Quickly,sheandIdevelopedsomethingverysimilartoaVulcanmindmeld.She'dlookatmewiththosesadbrowneyesofhers,beamherneed,andthenwait,trustingIwouldunderstand.Innotime,shebecamefifthappendage(附加物),snoringonmyhome-officecouchasIworked,cradlingagainstmyfeetasIread,andlyingacrossmystomachasIwatchedtelevision.Evenso,partofmecontinuedtodislikewalkingduty.JoeandBeckyhadpromised.“Notfair,”

I'dloudlyremindanyonewithinearshotuponourreturnhome.Thenoneday--January1,2007,tobeexact---myhusband’sdoctorutteredanunthinkableword:

leukemia(白血病.Withthat,IspenteighttotenhoursadaywithJoeinthehospitaldoinganythingandeverythingIcouldtoeasehisdiscomfort.Duringthosesixmonthsofhospitalizations,Becky,12atthetime,adjustedtootheradultsbeinginthehousewhenshereturnedfromschool.Myworkcolleaguesadjustedtomytakingoffatamoment’snoticeformedicalemergencies.Everypartofmylifechanged:nopartofmyoldroutineremained.Saveone:Mistystillneededwaking.Atthebeginning,whenfriendsofferedtotakeherthroughherpaces,IdeclinedbecauseIknewtheyhadtheirownhouseholdstodealwith.Paragraph1:

Asthemonthswentby,IbegantorealizethatIactuallywantedtowalkMisty.

Paragraph2:

AfterJoediedin2009,Mistysleptonhispillow.語法建議Everythingchangedovernight:colleagues

adjustedtomy

absence,relativesgotaccustomedtotakingcareofmydaughterwhileIhadtolookaftermyhusband.Ifelt

be

leftbehind

by

theworldformylifewasoutofitsoriginalorbit.However,Mistydidn’tchange.Sheknewnothingaboutleukemiaandallshewantedwasa10minutes’walk.Thosebrowneyes,cheeringsmile,remindedmeofmyoldlife.amongthechangingworld,Misty’s

enthusiastic

actionmademyday.HowrelaxedIwaswhenItookherforawalk.(92詞)Myfavoriteprogramwas

showedonTV.Istaredatitwithholloweyes.Pastmemorieskeptpassingthroughmymindwhilesadness

enveloped

myheart(while后面用簡化句，不能有主語?？梢灾苯影褀hile去掉，改成一個獨立主格結構，或者把enveloping改成謂語形式).Ifeltstuckinthepast.Suddenly,asoftandwarmsensecamethroughmyfinger,

wakening

mefromdeepthoughts.Ilookeddown.ItwasMisty’sfurrytailsthatwaggedaround.Thatnight,ItookawalkwithMisty,watchingherrunningmerrily.Theskywastotallydark,butthestars

dispelled

thedarkness,justlikeMisty,who

expelled

themistinmylife.

語法修改：注意單詞拼寫，詞性，和講述過去事始終要用過去時（直接引語除外），尤其是在最后一句一定要保證語法的正確和完美。綜評很享受作者這篇續(xù)寫，寫的很棒！邏輯流暢且合理，敘事清晰有感染力。亮眼的句子包括首段“outofitsoriginalorbit”的隱喻，

“Mistydidn’tchange”與前面一切都改變了的對比，第二段

”holloweyes的神態(tài)描寫以及后面的心理活動sadnessenvelopingmyheart”,“asoftandwarmsense對觸感的使用，以及這句話用Misty的尾巴拍打手指營造的流暢且細膩的由虛入實”，“結尾句的環(huán)境描寫與故事情節(jié)的巧妙類比，與前文情節(jié)和標題walkingwithMisty呼應，讓尾聲更感人，讓人印象深刻?！笨商嵘帲哼@篇文章中首段結尾處對于Misty和“我”在外面走路時的環(huán)境描寫不足，對Misty的神態(tài)和動作描寫也有欠缺，人與自然和動物之間的互動也有不足，導致最后一句

”HowrelaxedIwaswhenItookherforawalk”的感嘆無法讓讀者感同身受。作者可以通過精簡首段開頭處與原文有重復的語言（作者在首段開頭用了排比為后文對比造勢，但囿于詞數，也只得取舍），然后為首段結尾加入一個人與自然和動物互動的情景，這樣還可以更自然地與結尾處作者描寫的畫面呼應。習作升級Overnight,everythingchanged.Withmylifeoutofitsoriginalorbit,Iwasleftbehindbytheworld,feelingscaredandstranded.ButMistydidn’tchange.Sheknewnothingaboutleukemiaand,asalways,allshewantedwasa10minutes’walk.Lookingatherbrowneyes,cheeringsmile,Icouldneversayno,evenafteralong,tiringday.Slowly,wanderingaroundtheneighborhoodfollowingMisty,Ibegantoletgoofthetensionanddespairwhiletakinginthemellowairandtherefreshingbreeze.Finally,Icaughtmybreath.

MyfavoriteprogramwasshowedonTV.Staringatitwithholloweyes,Iletpastmemorieswashthroughmymind,sadnessenvelopingmyheart.Ifeltstuckinthepast.Suddenly,asoftandwarmsensecamethroughmyfingers,bringingmebackfromdeepthoughts.Ilookeddown.ItwasMisty'sfurrytailthatwaggedaround.Thatnight,ItookanotherwalkwithMisty,watchingherrunningmerrilyintheshadows.Itwastotallydark,butthestarsdispelledthedarkness,justlikeMisty,whoexpelledthemistinmylife.

參考范文：Asthemonthswentby,IbegantorealizethatIactuallywantedtowalkMisty.

Onedayafterrespondingtoanothermedicalemergency,ItookMistyout.Onceout,shewasstillthatnaughty,joyfulandplayfulbuddy,bringingbackhappymomentswhenthehousewasfilledwiththe“Notfair”complaintsandendlesschitchats.“Misty,stopit!”Itriedtostopherfromchasinganothertwopuppieswhenshestopped,turnedaroundandbeamedatme.ThatwasthelargestsmileIhadbeenmissing,especiallyatthisworsttimeofmylife.AfterJoediedin2009,Mistysleptonhispillow.

IknewIwasnotaloneeventhoughBeckywasawayinhergrandparents’.Dayswerefilledwithcondolencesfromfriendsandfamilies.Butnightsweretougher,MistyandItheonlytwolivingbeings.Shewasquietanddidn’tbarkforawalkoutside.Shekeptmecompanybynestlingbymysideonthecouch,byfollowingmew