讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)人與自然+植樹(shù)讓家園歸于美好+講義 高三英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)寫(xiě)作專(zhuān)項(xiàng)

原題重現(xiàn)ImettheManoftheTreesinsummertenyearsago,whenIwasvisitingUncleJita.Thoseweredifficulttimes.Peoplewerecuttingdownourforest,andtherewasoftenflooding.Sometimesourwatersupplywasdirty.Whenourpump(K)didhavecleanwater,wehadtowaitinlineforages.Whenthepumpwasn'tworking,wehadtowalkfivekilometrestothecloseststream.ButIwashappy.Iwasgoingtoseemyfavoriteuncle.Whenthedayfinallyarrived,DaddrovemetoUncleJita'shouseandleft.Oncehesawme.UncleJitaannounced,“Tomorrowwe'regoingtoexploreamagicalplace.Hereismycamera,Amy.Youcantakephotosofwhatyousee.Thefollowingday,wewokeupandleftearlyonaboat.Thetripwasexciting.Butwhenwegotoff,therewas..nothinginfrontofus.“Idon'twanttotakepicturesofthis,Icomplained.Unclelaughed,“Startwalking,Amy.Ipromiseyou'llbesurprised."Aftersometime,Icouldseetheoutlineofaforestinthedistance.Alittlecloser,therewasamanwavingtous.“That'sKabir.Theforestyouseeishis.Heplantedeverysingletree,AswewalkedtowardsKabir.Uncleexplainedthatthirtyyearsago.thewholeareawasawasteland.ButonedayKabirdecidedtochangeallthatandstartedplantingtrees.Thankstohim,partofthewastelandisnowaparadise(天堂).UncleintroducedmetoKabir,whohadgrayhairandadeterminedface.“Jitatoldmeyoulikeanimals.Areyoureadytoseesome?heasked.“Ofcourse!"Ireplied.Wecontinuedwalkingandsoonwereunderthetrees.Iturnedmyheadandwasamazedatthedifferencebetweenthetwoplaces.Allbecauseoftheeffortsofoneman.LikeUnclesaid,Kabir'sforestwasmagical.Wesawdeer,rhinos.andeventigers.Duringlunchtime,Kabirexplainedhow,byplantingtrees,itwaspossibletostopthelandfromeroding(侵蝕).Hearingthis,Iturnedtomyuncle,“Ithinkwecanplanttreestoo."Intheyearsthatfollowed,peopleinourvillageworkedhardtocarryoutourplan.試題分析：這是一篇記敘文。文章講述的是“我”十年前去探訪叔叔Jita時(shí)，遇到“種樹(shù)之人”Kabir。在了解了他僅憑一人之力花費(fèi)三十年時(shí)間把一片荒地轉(zhuǎn)變成天堂后，“我”備受鼓舞，“我”決定說(shuō)服村民一起種樹(shù)，保護(hù)“我”們的森林……。文章呼吁大家保護(hù)環(huán)境，不僅體現(xiàn)了人與自然和諧相處的主題，也體現(xiàn)了團(tuán)結(jié)就是力量，符合新時(shí)代社會(huì)主義價(jià)值觀。基本要素Who--I,uncle,Kabir,peopleinourvillageWhen--tenyearsago_thefollowingday-?-intheyearsthatfollowedWhere--village--amagicalplace?What--Ivisitedmyuncle--WemetwithKabir---Idecidedtofollowsuit?Why--Iwantedtomakepositivetransformationinourvillage.問(wèn)題：Ourvillagewentthroughadifficulttime.解決：Idecidedtoplanttrees.結(jié)局：Itisworthwhiletomakepositivechangestotheenvironment.情節(jié)構(gòu)思Paragraph1:Whatwasuncle'sreaction?HowdidIconvincethepeopleinourvillagetojoininmyplan?Whatwastheresult?HowdidIfeel?Paragraph2:Whateffortsdidwemake?Whathappenedtothevillageafterallourefforts?HowdidIfeel?WhatlessondidIlearn?學(xué)生習(xí)作出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題：審題出現(xiàn)偏差:過(guò)于關(guān)注“我”種樹(shù)的努力而非宣傳的努力，未提及宣傳的結(jié)果,因此和第二段的協(xié)同性較差。情節(jié)安排節(jié)奏失當(dāng):第二段應(yīng)更關(guān)注主人公努力的結(jié)果，進(jìn)行收尾和結(jié)局，而非增加努力的細(xì)節(jié)，另生枝節(jié)。內(nèi)容篇幅安排失當(dāng):第一段描寫(xiě)主人公拍攝照片的篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)，以至于重點(diǎn)的“宣傳”、“宣傳結(jié)果”等信息未能充分體現(xiàn)。詳略失當(dāng):將努力的細(xì)節(jié)事無(wú)巨細(xì)地展開(kāi)，未能選擇能夠體現(xiàn)主旨的重點(diǎn)情節(jié)進(jìn)行描寫(xiě)。錯(cuò)將內(nèi)容重點(diǎn)放在主人公和叔叔的溝通上。參考答案“Hearingthis,Iturnedtomyuncle,“Ithinkwecanplanttreestoo."Grabbingthecamerainmyhand,Iaddedwithexcitement.“I'vegotaplan!I'llshowthemthephotosofKabir'smagicalforest!SeeingUncleandKabir'sencouragingsmile,Iimmediatelysetdowntomywork,busilypressingmyshutterandcapturingtheamazingscenesintheforest.WhenUncleandIwentbacktothevillageseveraldayslaterandshowedthesewonderfulpicturestomyneighbours,theywerestunnedbythebeautyoftheforest.“Itwasthetreesthatturnedtheplaceintoaparadise!”Wethenexplainedourtree-plantingplantothevillagers,whichwasquicklyacceptedbyallofthem.Intheyearsthatfollowed,peopleinourvillageworkedhardtocarryoutourplan.Insteadofcuttingdownourforest,westartedtoplanttrees,whichhaseventuallyhelpedprotectthesoilandstoppedthelandfromeroding.Thankstothetrees,thewaterhasbeenpurifiedandwefinallyhavecleanandstablewatersupply.Withourjointefforts,ourvillageisnowsurroundedbysmallthrivingforestswithbloomingflowers,livelyanimalsandcrystal-clearstreamsrunningthrough.Witnessingthegradualchangeofourvillage,wecametorealizethatonlywhenweliveinharmonywithnaturecanwehaveabrighterfuture.聽(tīng)到這些，我轉(zhuǎn)向叔叔，“我想我們也可以種樹(shù)?！蔽野严鄼C(jī)拿在手里，興奮地補(bǔ)充道:“我有個(gè)計(jì)劃!我要給他們看卡比爾魔法森林的照片!”看到叔叔和卡比爾鼓勵(lì)我的微笑，我立刻坐下來(lái)工作，忙著按快門(mén)。十年后讓我們村恢復(fù)清潔供水的宏偉計(jì)劃縈繞在我的腦海中，我的內(nèi)心沸騰著對(duì)新生活的興奮和希望。當(dāng)我和叔叔回到村子，把這些精彩的照片給鄰居們看時(shí)，他們都被森林的美麗驚呆了。“是這些樹(shù)把這里變成了天堂!”然后我們向村民們解釋了我們的植樹(shù)計(jì)劃，很快他們都接受