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授課人:張某某學(xué)校:XX學(xué)校讀后續(xù)寫2024深圳二模01原文回顧原文回顧Ididn'tlikeDelsomuch.Healwayscalledmethenickname"Germy,"whichmeant"dirty,"insteadofmyrealname"Jamie."Besides,hewasknownasatrouble-makerinschool.SowhentheheadteacherMr.SmithaskedDeltocometohisoffice,InaturallythoughtthatDelhaddonesomethingmeantosomeone.Throughthewindow,Icaughtsightofasmallerboycrying.Delseemedunhappy,too.原文回顧Hedidnotreturntoclassthatday.Allofuswerediscussingwhathadhappenedtohim.Whatelsecouldsuchanannoyingboydo?"Hemusthavehittheboyandwassenthome,"1whisperedtomyfriends.Theireyeswidened.ItfeltgoodtoseethemsointerestedinwhatIsaid.原文回顧Thenextmorning,thewholeschoolwastalkingaboutDelbeingexpelled(開除)
forbeatingupakid.Iwassurprisedthatmyassumptionswerepassedonsoquickly.SowhenDelwalkedintotheclassroom,allthekidswereshocked.Thekidsnexttohimshiftedtheirdesksaway."What'syourproblem?"Delasked.“Idon'twantyoutoattackme,"onekidsaid.Somelaughed."Yeah,Imight,"saidDel.Icouldtellhewasjoking,butmanykidsthoughtheadmittedhedidbeatupsomeone.原文回顧Duringrecess(課間休息),Deltriedtojointhekickballgame."Neitherteamwantsyou,"oneoftheplayerssaid.“Why?"Delasked,lookingconfused.
“Ialwaysplaywithyouguys."Theyignoredhimandwentonplaying.Delsatbyhimselfwhiletherestofthe
schoolenjoyedtheirrecessawayfromhim.Dellookedlonelyandsad,muchdifferentfrombefore.Istartedtofeelsorryforhim.原文回顧Laterthatday,
Ilearnedwhatreallyhappened.ThekidwasDel'slittlebrotherandhewascryingbecausetheirmotherfellillandwassenttohospital.IfeltevensorrierforwhatIsaidbefore.
Istartedarumor(謠言).情節(jié)概括_______(who)wasatroublemaker.Iwas_______(how)whenhecalledmemynicknamewithhumiliatingmeanings.Onedayhewascalledinto____________(where)andasmallerboywas_____(what).Itookitforgrantedthathe______________________________________(what)andtoldthisassumptiontootherkids,whobeganto________(what)Delthenextmorning.Delcouldn't_____________(what)byotherkids,feelingrather____________(how).WhenIsawthescene,Ifelt______(how).Ifelteven________(how)whenIknewthetruththat____________________________(what).That'swhyhewasintheoffice.DelannoyedMrSmith'sofficecryingmusthavebeatenupthisboyandbesenthomeestrangegetincludedlonelyandsadsorrysorrierhismomfellillandwasinhospital02寫作流程設(shè)計情節(jié)設(shè)計【文末:】IfeltevensorrierforwhatIsaidbefore.
Istartedarumor(謠言).【Para1:】Atrecessthenextday,IsawDelsittingalonewatchingthekickballgame.【Para2:】NowthatDelhadforgivenme,Idecidedtodomorebeforetherecesswasover.DelsorrierrumoraloneDelhadforgivenmedomore抱歉的我,孤獨(dú)的他,錯誤的謠言,“破碎的家”,我該做點(diǎn)什么?我能再做點(diǎn)什么?情節(jié)設(shè)計P1:Atrecessthenextday,IsawDelsittingalonewatchingthekickballgame.
MymixedfeelingsP2:NowthatDelhadforgivenme,Idecidedtodomorebeforetherecesswasover.
MyapologytoDelDel’schange/attitude/reflectionKid’sreactiontoDelMyclarificationtokidsMyreflectionontheissueThetheme(故事主旨)Wordshavethepowertohurtandheal!寫作練習(xí)1、Mymixedfeelings我討厭“Germy”這個綽號,但是看到他被孤立也不是我想要的。Ihatedthenickname“Germy”,butseeinghimisolatedwasalsonotwhatIwanted.轉(zhuǎn)折情緒愧疚又汗顏,我深深吸了一口氣,鼓起勇氣,走到Del面前。Guiltyandashamed,Itookadeepbreath,summonedmycourageandwalkeduptoDel.情緒描寫+動作鏈寫作練習(xí)2、MyapologytoDelDel問:“你想要什么?”他的聲音聽起來受傷多于生氣“Whatdoyouwant,Gerry?”Delasked,andhisvoicesoundedmorehurtthanangry.并列句我坐在他身邊解釋了整件事情是如何從我的猜測變成了一個糟糕的謠言。Isatnexttohimandgraduallyutteredhowthewholethingaretransformedfrommyhastyassumptionintosuchaterriblerumor.賓語從句寫作練習(xí)2、MyapologytoDel“我很抱歉,我本不應(yīng)該這樣做的。”我向他道歉,卻不敢看他的眼睛?!癐’msorry.Ishouldn’thavedonethis.”Iapologized,daringnottolookintohiseyes.虛擬語氣+精準(zhǔn)動詞寫作練習(xí)3、Del’change/attitude/reflection惱怒和驚訝從他的臉上一閃而過。Annoyanceandsurpriseflickeredacrosshisface.物稱主語但是幾秒鐘后,他低下頭,輕聲說:“沒關(guān)系。我想我對你也不夠好”。Butsecondslater,heloweredhisheadandsaidquietly,“It’sokay.IguessIwasn’tverynicetoyou,either.”寫作練習(xí)3、Del’change/attitude/reflection他的話安慰了我,但是我覺得他依然很難過Hiswordssoothedme,butIcouldfeelhewasstillsad.寫作練習(xí)4、Myclarificationtokids我跑向那群足球員并引起他們的注意。所有人都驚訝地停了下來。Iruntowardsthekickballplayersandcalledfortheirattention。Everyonestoppedinsurprise.“Del沒有欺負(fù)任何人?!蔽艺f到,并且解釋發(fā)生了什么“Deldidn’tbeatupanyone,”Istated,explainingwhatactuallyhappened.寫作練習(xí)5、Kids’reactiontoDel驚訝的討論聲傳開,最終一位運(yùn)動員說到:“好了,Del,你要加入我們嗎?”Whispersofastonishmentspreadandfinallyoneplayershouted,“Alright,Del,doyouwanttojoinmyteam?”Del憂郁的臉上閃過一絲微笑,“當(dāng)然,我希望Jamie也一起加入?!盇smilebrokethroughDel’sgloomyface,“Yes,andIwantJamietojoinus,too.”寫作練習(xí)6、Myreflectionontheissue他害羞地掃過我,而我明白他在用這種方式向我道歉。Heglanc
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