高一下期3月月考讀后續(xù)寫講評(píng)學(xué)案巧用動(dòng)作和情緒描寫

讀后續(xù)寫學(xué)案巧用動(dòng)作描寫和情緒描寫一、考題重現(xiàn)第二節(jié)(滿分25分)閱讀下面材料,根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段,使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。Once,whenIwasateenager,myfatherandIwerestandinginlinetobuyticketsforthecircus(馬戲).Finally,therewasonlyonefamilybetweenusandtheticketcounter.Thisfamilymadeabigimpressiononme.Therewereeightchildren,allprobablyundertheageoftwelve.Youcouldtelltheydidn’thavealotofmoney.Theirclotheswerenotexpensive,buttheywereclean.Thechildrenwerewellbehaved,allofthemstandinginline,twobytwobehindtheirparents,holdinghands.Theywereexcitedlytalkingabouttheclowns,elephants,andotheractstheywouldseethatnightwiththeirbrothersorsistersinalowvoice.Onecouldsensetheyhadneverbeentothecircusbefore.Itpromisedtobethehighlightoftheiryounglives.Thefatherandmotherwereattheheadofthepack,standingproudastheycouldbe.Themotherwasholdingherhusband’shand,lookingupathimasiftosay,“Youaremyknightinshiningarmor.”Hewassmilingandrespondinginpride,lookingbackatherasiftosay,“Yougotthatright.”Theticketladyaskedthefatherhowmanyticketshewanted.Heproudlyresponded,“Pleaseletmebuyeightchildren’sticketsandtwoadultticketssoIcantakemyfamilytothecircus.”Theticketladygavetheprice.Theman’swifeletgoofhishand.Herheaddropped,andherlipsbegantoshake.Thefatherleanedalittlecloserandasked,“Howmuchdidyousay?”Theticketladyagainquotedtheprice.Themandidn’thaveenoughmoney.Howwashesupposedtoturnandtellhiseightchildrenthathedidn’thaveenoughmoneytotakethemtothecircus?Actuallywewerenotwealthyinanysense.SoIunderstoodhowthekidswouldfeel.Ifeltsorryforthem.注意:續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。Step1：閱讀原文后，翻譯下列段首句子。Para1：Seeingwhatwasgoingon,mydadputhishandinhispocket,pulledouta$20billanddroppeditontheground.Para2：ThatdaymyfatherandIwentbacktoourcaranddrovehomewithoutanytickets.Step2：探究原文Task1.故事梗概：根據(jù)四要素(when,where,who,what）提取相關(guān)信息Basicelementsofthestorywhenonce,whenIwasateenagerwhereattheticketcounterwhoafamilywitheightchildren,myfather,I,theticketladywhatWhenmyfatherandIwerestandinginlinetobuyticketsforthecircus,anotherfamilycouldn’taffordtobuyenoughtickets,whichmadeussorryforthem.Task2.情節(jié)構(gòu)思（plotline）,基于下列提示問題思考續(xù)寫方向，并給出可能用到的關(guān)鍵表達(dá)。（1）續(xù)寫Para1：?Whydidmyfatherdropa20billontheground??Whatwasmyfathergoingtodo??Whatwastheman’sreactiontomyfather’shelp?參考答案：1.Tolendthemahandinaproperway2.Hewasgoingtoaskthemantopickupthemoney3.Theman,withgratefultearssparklinginhiseyes,shakehandswithmyfather.(2）續(xù)寫Para2:?WhatdidIsaytomyfather??Whatdidmyfathersaytome?參考答案：1.Iasked,“Dad,wearenotrich,butwhydidyoudothis?”2.Hereplied,“Weshouldbegratefulforwhatwehaveandseizetheopportunitytohelpthosewhoneedhelp.”Task3.主題升華(themeline)?WhatdidIlearnfrommyfather’sbehavior?responsible,meaningful,shouldbewillingtohelpotherssetagoodexampletomeandmakeabigdifferencetomyfutureTask4.找出原文中用得好的動(dòng)作描寫和情緒描寫，為仿寫做準(zhǔn)備。動(dòng)作描寫：情緒描寫：解題思路：1.理解文本后，再結(jié)合兩句段首推出續(xù)寫內(nèi)容（情節(jié)線）：第一段首句Seeingwhatwasgoingon，mydad....說明爸爸已經(jīng)有想法來幫助這家人,就是把錢丟地上，但是這樣要如何幫助呢？再通過第二段首句ThenmyfatherandIdrovehomewithoutanytickets.我們沒買票就回家了。說明上一段爸爸已經(jīng)成功實(shí)施了幫助這一家人買票的想法。又通過第二段的提示可以看出，本段的情節(jié)內(nèi)容應(yīng)該為：在回家路上，“我”與爸爸的言語交流及主題升華。每一段的情節(jié)可以根據(jù)故事發(fā)展的方向進(jìn)行詳細(xì)敘述，具體的故事細(xì)節(jié)也不必一致，只要能自圓其說即可。2.設(shè)定好續(xù)寫文章的情節(jié)線之后，接下來要設(shè)定文章的主旨線。通過對(duì)語篇的整體理解可以看出，本文是“人與社會(huì)”主題下的“助人”話題。從給出文章的最后一段可以看出，“我”對(duì)這一家人的情況表示理解和同情，接下來爸爸對(duì)他們的幫助也符合“我”的心理預(yù)期，“我”也非常支持爸爸的善行。續(xù)寫第二段著重寫“我”與爸爸的言語和情感交流，一步步引出本文的主旨線。3.利用“兩線”合成完整語篇（一整體）將以上所講“兩線”綜合起來可以確定文章的寫作思路。然后，在續(xù)寫的兩段中加入適當(dāng)?shù)募?xì)節(jié)描寫，如“我”的心理活動(dòng)、爸爸等人的動(dòng)作與語言描寫等，豐富故事情節(jié)，增強(qiáng)故事張力。參考范文：Seeingwhatwasgoingon,mydadputhishandinhispocket,pulledouta$20billanddroppeditontheground.Thenhepickeditupandtappedthemanontheshoulderandsaid,“Excuseme,sir,thisfelloutofyourpocket.”Themanturnedaroundandsawthemoney.Heknewwhatwasgoingon.Helookedstraightintomydad’seyes,tookmydad’shandinbothofhis,squeezedtightlyontothe$20bill,andwithhislipshakingandatearrunningdownhischeek,hereplied,“Thankyou,thankyou,sir.Thisreallymeansalottomeandmyfamily.”ThatdaymyfatherandIwentbacktoourcaranddrovehomewithoutanytickets.Wedidn’tgotothecircusthatnight.WhenIaskedDadwhyhedidso,Dadsaid,“Mychild,itwasadesperate,heartbreakingandembarrassingsituationforafather.Surelyhewasn’tbeggingforahandout,butheremindedmeofmyfather,whenIwasyoung.”Hepausedforawhile,asifwanderinginhismemory.“Weshouldappreciatewhatwehaveobtainedfromlifeandseizeeveryopportunitytohelpothers.Wedidn’tgotothecircustonight,butwedidn’tgowithoutanything.Now,whowantsanicecream?”二、如何使用動(dòng)作描寫和情緒描寫？動(dòng)作描寫：（一）方法一：構(gòu)造“動(dòng)作鏈”結(jié)構(gòu)1：A,BandC例如：Sheglancedatthetrophy,tookadeepbreathandsaid,“ThankTuntun!”先看一眼獎(jiǎng)杯，深吸一口氣，說道：“謝謝吞吞！”結(jié)構(gòu)2：Havingdone...例如：Havingfoughtinthewarforyears,thesoldierreturnedtohishome,onlytofindhisfamilieshadmovedaway.征戰(zhàn)多年后，戰(zhàn)士回到家中，發(fā)現(xiàn)家人已經(jīng)搬走了。（二）方法二：編制動(dòng)作“面”1.主句，doing...anddoing...Hewasoverwhelmedwithjoy,singinganddancingintherain.他欣喜若狂，在雨中又唱又跳。2.With...doing/done...，主句，doing...Withtearsglisteninginhiseyes,Timbeggedformyhelp.眼中閃爍著淚花，Tim求我?guī)兔?。（三）?dòng)作描寫語料：1“看”：stare盯著；glare怒視；glance掃視；gaze凝視；observe觀察。2.“說”（say）：whisper輕聲說；shout叫；add補(bǔ)充道；repeat重復(fù)道；grumble嘟囔；ask問；answer/reply回答；plain抱怨；suggest建議；explain解釋；argue爭(zhēng)論；beg請(qǐng)求。3.走（walk）：wander閑逛；limp跛行4.跑（run）：hurry急匆匆跑；fly飛奔；rush沖避免重復(fù)使用say！例句（1）“Ican’tgetitout!”Ishouted“我拿不出來！”我喊道。（2）“Whatisthematternow?”askedhiswife.“Ijustcan’trememberwhyIeback,”repliedtheprofessor.“現(xiàn)在怎么了？”他的妻子問道。“我只是記不清我為什么回來?！苯淌诨卮鸬?。情緒描寫1.形容詞句式：Feeling/Being+情緒，sb.....(感到...某人...）例如：他感到精疲力盡，上床睡覺去了。(1)Feelingexhausted,hewenttobed.(2)Beingexhausted,hewenttobed.(3)Exhausted,hewenttobed.2.名詞句式：Toone’s+n.情緒,sb...（令某人...的是）Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes(漿果叢).3.情緒描寫語料：(1)喜悅：名詞：delight/joy/happiness/amusement形容詞：delighted/cheerful/merry動(dòng)詞：smile微笑；laugh大笑；giggle咯咯笑；grin露齒笑。(2)悲傷：名詞：sadness/sorrow/depression沮喪/disappointment失望形容詞：upset心煩的；disappointed失望的；heartbroken心碎的；desperate絕望的動(dòng)詞：cry哭；weep哭泣；sob抽泣；sigh嘆氣；frown皺眉。(3)恐懼：scared/frightened/terrified害怕的(4)滿意：content/satisfied/pleased滿意的(5)驚訝：名詞：surprise/shock/amazement/astonishment形容詞：surprised/shocked/amazed/astonished(6)感動(dòng)的：touched/moved(7)焦慮的：concerned/anxious/nervous翻譯練習(xí)（用到現(xiàn)在分詞作狀語或者動(dòng)作鏈結(jié)構(gòu)一）：1.聽到這個(gè)消息，他崩潰了，傷心地哭了。（bitterly/sorrowfully）2.人們?cè)谏碁┥仙⒉?，奔跑，享受著溫暖的海風(fēng)和日光。3.我的數(shù)學(xué)老師善良又友好，使我更喜歡數(shù)學(xué)了。4.了解到他兒子安然無恙，他如釋重負(fù)地松了一口氣。5.她絕望地哭著，不知道下一步該怎么辦。三、學(xué)以致用TherearemanythingsinseniormiddleschoolthatIstillrememberclearly.Istudiedthreeyearsinacountryschool,whichisfaraway.However,ithasagoodenvironmentandstrictbutkindteachers,soIlovedtheschoolandallmyteachersverymuch.OneFriday,justaswebegantoreadbooksinreadingclassatourdesks,ourteacher,Mrs.Hill,saidthatsheneededtobeoutoftheclassroomforafewminutes.Sheaskedtheclasstoreadinsilencewhileshewasgone.Andshesaidthatthosewhodidn’treadbooksinsilencewouldhavetoanswertoherwhenshereturned.ItwaswellknownthatMrs.Hillwasstrict.Sowehadtobeonourbestbehavior.ButthatFriday,Mrs.Hillhadn’tbeengonefortensecondsbeforesomestudentsintheclassroomstartedtotalk.FromonecorneroftheclassroomIheardJoshaskNick,“CanItrademycandiesforyourtoy?”AttheotherendoftheroomIheardSamanthatellKayla,“Let’ssittogetheronthebusforthemuseumfieldtriptomorrow.”Andsoitwentallaroundme,untilabouthalfofthestudentstalkedwitheachother.Afterawhile,I,too,forgotaboutMrs.Hill’sinstructions.IturnedbackandaskedmyfriendLiza,“CanIborrowyourstorybookandkeepitforaday?”Assoonasthewordswereoutofmymouth,Mrs.Hillwalkedintotheclassroom.Thewholeclassreturnedtosilenceimmediately.Andwewerefulloffear.Mrs.Hillslowlylookedaroundtheclassroomandsaid,“IfyouweretalkingwhileIwasgone,thenpleasestandup.”Theguilt(內(nèi)疚)suddenlyweighedheavilyonme.“Ishouldn’thavetalkedwhileshewasnotintheclassroom.AndnowIshouldbehonestandadmitmymistakebravely.Thisiswhatmyparentshavealwaystoldme,“Ithought.Then,Isummonedup(鼓起)mycouragetostandup,worryingaboutthepunishmentthatwaitedforme.ThenIlookedaround.注意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2.請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。Tomysurprise,noonefollowedme._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________WithMrs.Hill’sencouragement,anotherstudentstoodup.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【答案】Onepossibleversion:Tomysurprise,noonefollowedme.Iloweredmyheadaloneandwasfilledwithfear.Afterlookingaroundforawhile,Mrs.Hillwalkedtowardsme.Strangely,sheaskedinasoftvoice,“Whydidyoudaretostandup?”IsaidIwantedtobehonestandthatIrealizedwhatIhaddonewaswrong.Unexpectedly,Mrs.Hillwasquiteamazedbymyanswerandpraisedmeforthat.Thenshereturnedtothefrontoftheclassroomandexplainedwhyweshouldbehonest.WithMrs.