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TheCount'sBeard伯爵的胡子

TheCount,sBeard

ThetownofPocapagliawasperchedonthepinnacleofahillsosteepthatits

inhabitantstiedlittlebagsonthetailfeathersoftheirhenstocatcheachfreshly

laideggthatotherwisewouldhavegonerollingdowntheslopesintothewoodsbelow

AllofwhichgoestoshowthatthepeopleofPocapagliawerenottheduncesthey

weresaidtobe,andthattheproverb,

InPocapagliawaysThedonkeywhistles,themasterbrays,

merelyreflectedthemaliciousgrudgetheneighboringtownspeopleborethe

Pocapagliansfortheirpeacefulwaysandtheirreluctancetoquarrelwithanyone

〃Yes,yes,〃wasallthePocapaglianswouldreply,“butjustwaituntilMasinoreturns,

andyouwillseewhobraysmore,weoryou”

EverybodyinPocapaglialovedMasino,thesmartestboyintownHewasnostronger

physicallythananybodyelse;infact,heevenlookedratherpunyButhehadalways

beenverycleverConcernedoverhow1ittlehewasatbirth,hismotherhadbathed

himinwarmwinetokeephimaliveandmakehimalittlestrongerHisfatherhad

heatedthewinewithared-hothorseshoeThatwayMasinoabsorbedthesubtletyof

wineandtheenduranceofironTocoolhimoffafterhisbath,hismothercradled

himintheshellofanunripenedchestnut;itwasbitterandgavehimunderstanding

AtthetimethePocapaglianswereawaitingthereturnofMasino,whomnoonehad

seensincethedayhewentofftobeasoldier(andwhowasnowmostlikelysomewhere

inAfrica),strangethingsstartedhappeninginPocapagliaEveryeveningasthe

cattlecamebackfrompastureintheplainbelow,ananimalwaswhiskedawayby

MicillinatheWitch

Thewitchwouldhideinthewoodsatthefootofthehill,andallsheneededto

dowasgiveoneheavypuff,andshehadherselfanoxWhenthefarmersheardher

stealthroughthethicketafterdark,theirteethwouldchatter,andeveryonewould

falldowninaswoonThatbecamesocommonthatpeopletooktosaying:

BewareofMicillina,thatoldwitch,Foral1youroxenshewi11filch,Thentrain

onyouhercrossed-eye,Andwaitforyoutofallanddie

AtnighttheybeganlightinghugebonfirestokeepMicillinatheWitchfromventuring

outofthewoodsButshewouldsneakuponthesolitaryfarmerwatchingovercattle

besidethebonfireandknockhimoutinonebreathInthemorninguponawaking,he'd

findcowsandoxengone,andhisfriendswouldhearhimweepingandmoaningand

hittinghimselfontheheadTheneverybodycombedthewoodsfortracesofthestolen

cattle,butfoundonlytuftsofhair,hairpins,andfootprintslefthereandthere

byMicillinatheWitch

ThingswentfrombadtoworseShutupallthetimeinthebarn,thecowsgrewas

thinasrailsArakeinsteadofabrushwasallthatwasneededtogroomthem,from

ribtoribNobodydaredleadthecattletopastureanymoreEveryonestayedclear

ofthewoodsnow,andthemushroomsthatgrewtherewentunpickedandgotasbig

asumbrellas

MicillinatheWitchwasnottemptedtoplunderothertowns,knowingfullwellthat

calmandpeace-lovingpeopleweretobefoundonlyinPocapagliaTherethepoor

farmerslitabigbonfireeverynightinthetownsquare,whilethewomenandchildren

lockedthemselvesindoorsThemensataroundthefirescratchingtheirheadsand

groaningDayafterdaytheyscratchedandgroaneduntiladecisionwasfinally

reachedtogotothecountforhelp

Thecountlivedhighabovethetownonalargecircularestatesurroundedbyamassive

wallThetopofthewallwasencrustedwithsharpbitsofglassOneSundaymorning

allthetownsmenarrived,withhatsinhandTheyknocked,thedoorswungopen,and

theyfiledintothecourtyardbeforethecourt,srounddwelling,whichhadbarsat

allthewindowsAroundthecourtyardsatthecourt'ssoldierssmoothingtheir

mustacheswithoiltomakethemshineandscowlingatthefarmersAttheendofthe

courtyard,inavelvetchair,satthecounthimselfwithhislongblackbeard,which

foursoldierswerecombingfromheadtofoot

Theoldestfarmertookheartandsaid,“YourHonor,wehavedaredcometoyouabout

ourmisfortuneAsourcattlegointothewoods,MicillinatheWitchappearsandmakes

offwiththem〃So,amidsighsandgroans,withtheotherfarmersnoddinginassent,

hetoldthecountallabouttheirnightmare

Thecountremainedsilent

〃Wehavecomehere,〃saidtheoldman,〃tobesoboldastoaskYourHonor,sadvice”

Thecountremainedsilent

〃卜Vehavecomehere,“headded,〃tobesoboldastoaskYourHonortohelpusIf

youassignedusanescortofsoldiers,wecouldagaintakeourcattledowntopasture”

Thecountshookhishead“IfIletyouhavethesoldiers,hesaid,〃Imustalso

letyouhavethecaptain”

Thefarmerslistened,hardlydaringtohope

〃Butifthecaptainisawayintheevening,saidthecount,“whocanIplaylotto

with?"

Thefarmersfelltotheirknees"Helpus,noblecount,forpity'ssake!”Thesoldiers

aroundthecourtyardyawnedandstrokedtheirmustaches

Againthecountshookhisheadandsaid:

IamthecountandIcountforthree;NowitchhaveIseen,So,nowitchhasthere

been

Atthosewordsandstillyawning,thesoldierspickeduptheirgunsand,withbayonets

extended,movedslowlytowardthefarmers,whoturnedandfiledsilentlyoutofthe

courtyard

Backinthetownsquareandcompletelydiscouraged,thefarmershadnoideawhat

todonextButtheseniorofthemall,theonewhohadspokentothecount,said,

“There'snothinglefttodobutsendforMasino!z,

SotheywroteMasinoaletterandsentittoAfricaThenoneevening,whilethey

wereallgatheredaroundthebonfireasusual,MasinoreturnedImaginethewelcome

theygavehim,theembraces,thepotsofhot,spicedwine!"'Whereonearthhaveyou

been?Whatdidyousee?Ifyouonlyknewwhatwehavebeengoingthrough!

Masinoletthemhavetheirsay,thenhehadhis〃InAfricaIsawcannibalswhoate

notmenbutlocusts;inthedesertIsawamadmanwhohadlethisfingernailsgrow

twelvemeterslongtodigforwater;intheseaIsawafishwithashoeandaslipper

whowantedtobekingoftheotherfish,sincenootherfishpossessedshoeorslipper;

inSicilyIsawawomanwithseventysonsandonlyonekettle;inNaplesIsawpeople

whowalkedwhilestandingstill,sincethechatterofotherpeoplekeptthemgoing;

IsawsinnersandIsawsaints;Isawfatpeopleandpeoplenobiggerthanmites;

many,manyfrightenedsoulsdidIsee,butneversomanyashereinPocapaglia^

Thefarmershungtheirheadsinshame,forMasinohadhitasensitivespotin

suggestingtheywerecowardsButMasinowasnotcrosswithhisfellowtownsmenHe

askedforadetailedaccountofthewitch,sdoings,thensaid,“Letmeaskyouthree

questions,andatthestrokeofmidnightI'11gooutandcatchthewitchandbring

herbacktoyou”

“Let'shearyourquestions!Outwiththem!”theyallsaid

“ThefirstquestionisforthebarberHowmanypeoplecametoyouthismonth?”

Thebarberreplied:

z,Longbeards,shortbeards,Finebeards,coarsebeards,Locksstraight,lockscurly,

AllItrimmed(sic)inahurry”

“Yourturnnow,cobblerHowmanypeoplebroughtyoutheiroldshoestomendthis

month?”

“Alas!”beganthecobbler:

“Shoesofwood,shoesofleather,Nai1bynailIhammeredbacktogether,Mendedshoes

ofsatinandshoesofserpentButthere,snothinglefttodo,Alltheirmoneyis

spent”

“Thethirdquestiongoestoyou,ropemakerHowmuchropedidyousellthismonth?”

Theropemakerreplied:

“RopegaloreofeverysortIsold:Hemprope,braided,wicker,cord,Needle-thin

toarm-thick,Lard-softtoiron-strongThismonthIcouldn,tgowrong”

“Verywell,“saidMasino,stretchingoutbythefire〃I'mnowgoingtosleepfor

afewhours,I'mverytiredWakemeupatmidnightandI'11goafterthewitch"He

puthishatoverhisfaceandfellasleep

Thefarmerskeptperfectlyquietuntilmidnight,notevendaringtobreathe,for

fearofawakinghimAtmidnightMasinoshookhimself,yawned,drankacupofmulled

wine,spatthreetimesintothefire,gotupwithoutlookingatasoul,andheaded

forthewoods

Thefarmersstayedbehindwatchingthefireburndownandthelastembersturnto

ashesThen,whomshouldMasinodraginbythebeardbutthecount!Acountthatwept,

kicked,andpleadedformercy

"Here'sthewitch!z,criedMasino,andasked,“Wheredidyouputthemulledwine?”

Beneaththefarmers'amazedstares,thecounttriedtomakehimselfassmallas

possible,sittingonthegroundandshrinkinguplikeacold-bittenfly

“Thethiefcouldhavebeennoneofyou,〃explainedMasino,“sinceyouhadal1gone

tothebarberandhadnohairtoloseinthebushesThentherewerethosetracks

madebybigheavyshoes,butallofyougobarefootNorcouldthethiefhavebeen

aghost,sincehewouldn'thaveneededtobuyallthatcordtotieuptheanimals

andcarrythemawayButwhereismymulledwine?〃

Shakingallover,thecounttriedtohideinthatbeardofhiswhichMasinohadtousled

andtorninpullinghimoutofthebushes

“Howdidheevermakeusfaintbyjustlookingatus?〃askedonefarmer

〃HewouldsmiteyouontheheadwithapaddedclubThatwayyouwouldhearonlya

whirHe'dleavenomarkonyou,you*dsimplywakeupwithaheadache”

“Andthosehairpinshelost?”askedanother

“Theywereusedtoholdhisbearduponhisheadandmakeitlooklikeawoman's

hair”

Untilthenthefarmershadlistenedinsilence,butwhenMasinosaid,“Andnow,what

shallwedowithhim?”astormofshoutsarose:"Burnhim!Skinhimalive!String

himupforascarecrow!Sealhiminacaskandrollhimdownthecliff!Sewhimup

inasackwithsixcatsandsixdogs!”

“Havemercy!”saidthecountinavoicejustaboveawhisper

“Sparehim,“saidMasino,“andhewillbringbackyourcattleandcleanyourbarns

Andsinceheenjoyedgoingintothewoodsatnight,makehimgothereeverynight

andgatherbundlesoffirewoodforeachofyouTellthechildrennevertopickup

thehairpinstheyfindontheground,fortheybelongtoMicillinatheWitch,whose

hairandbeardwillbedisheveledfromnowon〃

Thefarmersfollowedthesuggestion,andsoonMasinoleftPocapagliatotravelabout

theworldInthecourseofhistravels,hefoundhimselffightinginfirstonewar

andanother,andtheyalllastedsolongthathissayingsprangup:

Soldierfighter,whatahardlotIWretchedfood,thegroundforacotYoufeedthe

cannonpowder:Boom-BOOM!Boom-BOOM!Boomlouder!

(Bra)

NOTES:

“TheCount,sBeard”(LabarbadelConte)Publishedhereforthefirsttime,collected

byGiovanniArpinoinJuly1956,incertainvillagesofsouthernPiedmont:Bra(told

byCaterinaAsteggiano,inmateofahomeforoldpeople,andLuigiBerzia),inGuarene

(toldbyDoroPalladino,farmer),inNarzole(toldbyAnnettaTaricco,servantwoman),

andinPocapaglia

Thislongnarrative,whichwriterGiovanniArpinohastranscribedandunifiedfrom

differentversionswithvariantsandadditionsfromBraandsurroundings,cannot

inmyviewbeclassifiedasafolktaleItisalocallegendofrecentorigininpart

(Iamthinking,forinstance,ofthegeographicalparticularsgiven),thatis,not

priortothenineteenthcentury,andcontainingdisparateelements:explanationof

alocalsuperstition(thehairpinsofWitchMicillina),antifeudalcountrylegend

suchasonefindsinmanynortherncountries,curiousdetective-storystructurea

laSherlockHolmes,manydigressionsnonessentialtothestory(suchasthetrip

fromAfricabacktotown-whichArpinotellsmealsoexistsasaseparatestory

--andalltheallusionstoMasino'spastandfutureadventureswhichleadtothe

conclusionglobetrotterfromacountrywhoseinhabitantsarereputedtobe

contrastinglyslowandbackward),verse(ofwhichArpinoandIhavepresentedonly

asmuchaswecouldeffectivetranslate),andgrotesqueimageswhichseemrooted

intradition,suchasthesacksunderthehens'tails,theoxensothinthatthey

werecurriedwiththerake,thecountwhosebeardwascombedbyfoursoldiers,etc

Copyright:ItaiianFolktalesSelectedandRetoldbyItaloCalvino,

translatedbyGeorgeMartin,

PantheonBooks,NewYork1980

伯爵的胡子

博卡帕利亞是建在陡峭山坡上的一個(gè)小鎮(zhèn),鎮(zhèn)上人家的雞只要一下蛋就會(huì)滾落到山下的樹林

里。為了防止雞蛋滾落丟失,居民們?cè)诿恐荒鸽u的尾巴上掛了一個(gè)小袋子。

這說明博卡帕利亞人并非像別人挖苦的那樣軟弱無能,附近曾經(jīng)流傳著這樣一句話:

誰都知道在博卡帕利亞,

驢子吹口哨,主人嚎叫。

這純粹是附近村鎮(zhèn)的人對(duì)他們的污蔑,這些人這樣對(duì)待博卡帕利亞人就是因?yàn)樗麄兩云?/p>

靜,不愿意和任何人爭(zhēng)吵。

“讓你們誣蔑吧,挖苦吧,”博卡帕利亞人都這樣說,“等馬西諾回來,看我們當(dāng)中誰還會(huì)

嚎叫?!?/p>

馬西諾是博卡帕利亞人中最聰明的人,深受全鎮(zhèn)的人愛戴。他并不比別人粗壯,甚至比一般

人還瘦弱很多,但他天生聰明。他剛出世時(shí),看上去瘦弱嬌小,媽媽為了讓他能活下來,而

且還能長(zhǎng)得強(qiáng)壯一點(diǎn),就用熱葡萄酒給他洗澡。爸爸還把燒紅的鐵放到酒里給酒加熱。這樣

馬西諾既通過浸泡皮膚而獲得了酒的柔力,又吸收了鐵的剛強(qiáng)。洗完澡后,媽媽又把她放在

鋪滿生栗子殼的搖籃里,讓他的身體變涼爽,使他在刺痛中變得更加睿智。

長(zhǎng)大后,馬西諾出發(fā)去服兵役,以后再也沒有回到自己的村鎮(zhèn)?,F(xiàn)在好像到了非洲的某個(gè)地

方。這期間博卡帕利亞開始出了一系列的怪事。每天晚上人們都會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn),他們的牛從平原上

的草地放牧回來時(shí),總要被女巫米奇利娜搶走好幾頭。

女巫米奇利娜總是藏在村子下方的樹林中,伺機(jī)而出,她只須吹一口氣就可以把一頭牛劫走。

天黑后,每當(dāng)村民們聽到林中灌木叢的沙沙響動(dòng),就會(huì)嚇的牙齒打架,甚至昏倒在地,所以

大家都說:

女巫米奇利娜,

從牛欄把牛偷走,

只要用眼斜一下,

你就嚇得倒下。

村民們只好在夜里點(diǎn)起一堆堆大篝火,使女巫米奇利娜不敢從樹叢中現(xiàn)身。但當(dāng)只有一個(gè)人

在篝火邊上看守牲畜時(shí),女巫就會(huì)悄悄地靠上去,用氣把這個(gè)人吹昏,等到早上他醒過來的

時(shí)候,奶牛、耕牛早已不見了,于是大家便聽到他痛哭、絕望,擊自己的頭。然后,所有的

人都會(huì)一齊到樹林中尋找牲畜,結(jié)果,除了一結(jié)頭發(fā)、女人的的發(fā)釵和女巫米奇利娜四處留

下的足印,什么也找不到。

就這樣過去了好幾個(gè)月,奶牛被一直關(guān)在牛圈里變得越來越瘦。刷毛的時(shí)候已經(jīng)不需要刷子

了,用耙子在牛肋骨上耙?guī)紫戮托辛?。沒有人再敢將牲畜帶到草地上去了,也沒有人敢再進(jìn)

樹林里,林子里邊的蘑菇因?yàn)殚L(zhǎng)久無人采摘,長(zhǎng)得像雨傘一般大。

女巫米奇利娜從不去別的村鎮(zhèn)搶牛,因?yàn)樗涝贈(zèng)]有哪個(gè)村的村民像博卡帕利亞人這樣與

世無爭(zhēng)、平靜忍耐了。每天晚上,這些貧苦的村民就在場(chǎng)院中間點(diǎn)上一堆篝火,女人和孩子

留在家中,男人則圍著篝火撓頭抱怨著。怨了今天,怨明天,最后,他們決定得去找這里的

伯爵幫忙。

伯爵住在村鎮(zhèn)山頂上的一座圓形莊園里,四周圍著圍墻,墻上還插滿了玻璃片。一個(gè)星期天

的早上,村民們聚在一塊,帽子拿在手上,前來敲響了伯爵家的門。門打開后,村民們來到

伯爵圓形房屋前的庭院,只見屋子的窗戶都用鐵柵欄封著,庭院四周坐著伯爵的衛(wèi)兵,他們

的胡子上都涂著油,好讓胡子看上去光彩油亮。這些人一個(gè)個(gè)對(duì)村民們怒目而視。庭院的最

里端,伯爵坐在絲絨面的椅子上,黑胡子很長(zhǎng)很長(zhǎng),四個(gè)衛(wèi)兵正用四把梳子在給他從上往下

地梳理它。

年紀(jì)最長(zhǎng)的村民定了定神,說:“伯爵老爺,我們斗膽來您這里,是為了向您稟告我們的不

幸遭遇,森林中有一個(gè)女巫米奇利娜,把我們的牲畜都搶了去?!彪S后,老人嘆著氣,訴著

苦,在別的村民的點(diǎn)頭證實(shí)下,向伯爵講述了他們這段時(shí)間的可怕經(jīng)歷0

伯爵一聲不吭。

老人又說:“我們來這里想冒昧向老爺您求討一個(gè)解決辦法?!?/p>

伯爵還是一聲不吭。

老人又補(bǔ)充說:“我們來這里想斗膽請(qǐng)老爺您行行好幫我們一把,要是您肯派出一隊(duì)衛(wèi)士,

我們就可以回到草場(chǎng)上放牲畜了?!?/p>

伯爵把腦袋在脖子上轉(zhuǎn)了一圈,說:“要是派衛(wèi)兵,我就還得派一個(gè)隊(duì)長(zhǎng)……”

村民們都豎著耳朵聽著,似乎感受到一線希望。

“但要是我派隊(duì)長(zhǎng)去,”伯爵說,“那么,晚上,我還跟誰玩擲彩游戲呢?”

村民們跪在地上說:“幫幫我們吧,伯爵老爺,可憐可憐我們吧!”周圍的衛(wèi)士們開始厭煩

地打著哈欠,給胡子涂著黑油。

伯爵又轉(zhuǎn)了一下頭,說:

“我是伯爵,我說話能頂三個(gè)人說話,

既然我沒見過女巫,

說明根本就沒有女巫。”

聽到伯爵的話,那些正打著哈欠的衛(wèi)士立即端起步槍,用刺刀慢慢地逼著村民們退出了庭院。

村民們垂頭喪氣地回到場(chǎng)院,不知下一步該怎么辦,那個(gè)跟伯爵說過話的年紀(jì)最長(zhǎng)的老人說:

“現(xiàn)在我們得派人去把馬西諾請(qǐng)回來!”

說完,他們便立即給馬西諾寫了封信,然后將信寄到非洲。一天晚上,當(dāng)村民們像往常一樣

聚集在場(chǎng)院的篝火旁邊時(shí),馬西諾回來了。人們激動(dòng)的情景就別提了,大家沖上去擁抱他,

煮上加香料的熱葡萄酒。有人問:“你去了什么地方?”有人說:“你見到了些什么東西?”

還有人說:“你知道我們有多慘嗎?”

馬西諾先讓大家說了個(gè)夠,然后他開始敘述起來:“在非洲我遇到過不吃人只吃蟬的野蠻人;

在沙漠我碰到過一個(gè)為了挖地下水而留了十二米長(zhǎng)的指甲的瘋子;在海上我見過一條魚穿著

一只皮鞋和一只拖鞋,它想成為眾魚之王,因?yàn)閯e的魚既沒有穿皮鞋的,也沒有穿拖鞋的;

在西西里,我認(rèn)識(shí)一位婦女生了七十個(gè)兒子,但全家只有一口鍋;在那不勒斯,我看見人們

停住腳也能往前走,因?yàn)閯e人的閑言碎語太厲害了,變成了一股很大的推力;我還看見過圣

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