TED英語(yǔ)演講稿：二十幾歲不可揮霍的光陰

TED英語(yǔ)演講稿：二十幾歲不可揮霍的光陰wheniwasinmy20s,isawmyveryfirstpsychotherapyclient.iwasaph.d.studentinclinicalpsychologyatberkeley.shewasa26-year-oldwomannamedalex.nowalexwalkedintoherfirstsessionwearingjeansandabigslouchytop,andshedroppedontothecouchinmyofficeandkickedoffherflatsandtoldmeshewastheretotalkaboutguyproblems.nowwheniheardthis,iwassorelieved.myclassmategotanarsonistforherfirstclient.(laughter)andigotatwentysomethingwhowantedtotalkaboutboys.thisithoughticouldhandle.butididn’thandleit.withthefunnystoriesthatalexwouldbringtosession,itwaseasyformejusttonodmyheadwhilewekickedthecandowntheroad.”thirty’sthenew20,”alexwouldsay,andasfarasicouldtell,shewasright.workhappenedlater,marriagehappenedlater,kidshappenedlater,evendeathhappenedlater.twentysomethingslikealexandihadnothingbuttime.butbeforelong,mysupervisorpushedmetopushalexaboutherlovelife.ipushedback.isaid,”sure,she’sdatingdown,she’ssleepingwithaknucklehead,butit’snotlikeshe’sgoingtomarrytheguy.”andthenmysupervisorsaid,”notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.besides,thebesttimetoworkonalex’smarriageisbeforeshehasone.”that’swhatpsychologistscallan”aha!”moment.thatwasthemomentirealized,30isnotthenew20.yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidn’tmakealex’s20sadevelopmentaldowntime.thatmadealex’s20sadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.thatwaswhenirealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforalexandherlovelifebutforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere.thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheunitedstatesrightnow.we’retalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoone’sgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheir20sfirst.raiseyourhandifyou’reinyour20s.ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethingshere.oh,yay!y’all’sawesome.ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youloveatwentysomething,you’relosingsleepovertwentysomethings,iwanttosee—okay.awesome,twentysomethingsreallymatter.soispecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseibelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologists,neurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:thatclaimingyour20sisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformative,thingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenfortheworld.thisisnotmyopinion.thesearethefacts.weknowthat80percentoflife’smostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesand”aha!”momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-30s.peoplewhoareover40,don’tpanic.thiscrowdisgoingtobefine,ithink.weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyou’regoingtoearn.weknowthatmorethanhalfofamericansaremarriedorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyour20sasitrewiresitselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyour20sthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.soyour20sarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions.sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.it’satimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.butwhatwehearlessaboutisthatthere’ssuchathingasadultdevelopment,andour20sarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment.butthisisn’twhattwentysomethingsarehearing.newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.researcherscallthe20sanextendedadolescence.journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingslike”twixters”and”kidults.”it’strue.asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.leonardbernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.isn’tthattrue?sowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,”youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife”?nothinghappens.youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens.andtheneveryday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:”iknowmyboyfriend’snogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesn’tcount.i’mjustkillingtime.”ortheysay,”everybodysaysaslongasigetstartedonacareerbythetimei’m30,i’llbefine.”butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:”my20sarealmostover,andihavenothingtoshowformyself.ihadabetterrésuméthedayafterigraduatedfromcollege.”andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:”datinginmy20swaslikemusicalchairs.everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensometimearound30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.ididn’twanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesithinkimarriedmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30.”wherearethetwentysomethingshere?donotdothat.okay,nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.whenalothasbeenpushedtoyour30s,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojump-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinour30s.thepost-millennialmidlifecrisisisn’tbuyingaredsportscar.it’srealizingyoucan’thavethatcareeryounowwant.it’srealizingyoucan’thavethatchildyounowwant,oryoucan’tgiveyourchildasibling.toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheir20s,”whatwasidoing?whatwasithinking?”iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking.here’sastoryabouthowthatcango.it’sastoryaboutawomannamedemma.at25,emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.shesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkinartorentertainment,butshehadn’tdecidedyet,soshe’dspentthelastfewyearswaitingtablesinstead.becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.andashardasher20swere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,”youcan’tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.”welloneday,emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.she’djustboughtanewaddressbook,andshe’dspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshe’dbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewords”incaseofemergency,pleasecall....”shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,”who’sgoingtobethereformeifigetinacarwreck?who’sgoingtotakecareofmeifihavecancer?”nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingihadnottosay,”iwill.”butwhatemmaneededwasn’tsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.emmaneededabetterlife,andiknewthiswasherchance.ihadlearnedtoomuchsinceifirstworkedwithalextojustsittherewhileemma’sdefiningdecadewentparadingby.sooverthenextweeksandmonths,itoldemmathreethingsthateverytwentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear.first,itoldemmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.bygetidentitycapital,imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.dosomethingthat’saninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.ididn’tknowthefutureofemma’scareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butidoknowthis:identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,thatstartupyouwanttotry.i’mnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butiamdiscountingexplorationthat’snotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.that’sprocrastination.itoldemmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount.second,itoldemmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,ourfriendsoffriendsoffriends.soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.buthalfaren’t,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.halfofnewjobsareneverposted,soreachingouttoyourneighbor’sbossishowyougetthatun-postedjob.it’snotcheating.it’sthescienceofhowinformationspreads.lastbutnotleast,emmabelievedthatyoucan’tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.nowthiswastrueforhergrowingup,butasatwentysomething,soonemmawouldpickherfamilywhenshepartneredwithsomeoneandcreatedafamilyofherown.itoldemmathetimetostartpickingyourfamilyisnow.nowyoumaybethinkingthat30isactuallyabettertimetosettledownthan20,oreven25,andiagreewithyou.butgrabbingwhoeveryou’relivingwithorsleepingwithwheneveryoneonfacebookstartswalkingdowntheaisleisnotprogress.thebesttimetoworkonyourmarriageisbeforeyouhaveone,andthatmeansbeingasintentionalwithloveasyouarewithwork.pickingyourfamilyisaboutconsciouslychoosingwhoandwhatyouwantratherthanjustmakingitworkorkillingtimewithwhoeverhappenstobechoosingyou.sowhathappenedtoemma?well,wewentthroughthataddressbook,andshefoundanoldroommate’scousinwhoworkedatanartmuseuminanotherstate.thatweaktiehelpedhergetajobthere.thatjoboffergaveherthereasontoleavethatlive-inboyfriend.now,fiveyearslater,she’saspecialeventsplannerformuseums.she’smarriedtoamanshemindfullychose.sheloveshernewcareer,sheloveshernewfamily,andshesentmeacardthatsaid,”nowtheemergencycontactblanksdon’tseembigenough.”nowemma’sstorymadethatsoundeasy,butthat’swhatiloveaboutworkingwithtwentysomethings.theyaresoeasytohelp.twentysomethingsarelikeairplanesjustleavinglax,boundforsomewherewest.rightaftertakeoff,aslightchangeincourseisthedifferencebetweenlandinginalaskaorfiji.likewise,at21or25oreven29,onegoodconversation,onegoodbreak,onegoodtedtalk,canhaveanenormouseffectacrossyearsandevengenerationstocome.sohere’sanideaworthspreadingtoeverytwentysomethingyouknow.it’sassimpleaswhatilearnedtosaytoalex.it’swhatinowhavetheprivilegeofsayingtotwentysomethingslikeemmaeverysingleday:thirtyisnotthenew20,soclaimyouradulthood,getsomeidentitycapital,useyourweakties,pickyourfamily.don’tbedefinedbywhatyoudidn’tknowordidn’tdo.you’redecidingyourliferightnow.thankyou.(applause)譯文、記得見(jiàn)我第一位心理咨詢顧客時(shí)，我才20多歲。當(dāng)時(shí)我是berkeley臨床心理學(xué)在讀博士生。我的第一位顧客是名叫alex的女性，26歲。第一次見(jiàn)面alex穿著牛仔褲和寬松上衣走進(jìn)來(lái)，她一下子栽進(jìn)我辦公室的沙發(fā)上，踢掉腳上的平底鞋，跟我說(shuō)她想談?wù)勀猩膯?wèn)題。當(dāng)時(shí)我聽(tīng)到這個(gè)之后松了一口氣。因?yàn)槲彝瑢W(xué)的第一個(gè)顧客是縱火犯，而我的顧客卻是一個(gè)20出頭想談?wù)勀猩呐?。我覺(jué)得我可以搞定。但是我沒(méi)有搞定。alex不斷地講有趣的事情，而我只能簡(jiǎn)單地點(diǎn)頭認(rèn)同她所說(shuō)的，很自然地就陷入了附和的狀態(tài)。alex說(shuō)、“30歲是一個(gè)新的20歲?！睕](méi)錯(cuò)，我告訴她“你是對(duì)的”。工作還早，結(jié)婚還早，生孩子還早，甚至死亡也早著呢。像alex和我這樣20多歲的人，什么都沒(méi)有但時(shí)間多的是。但不久之后，我的導(dǎo)師就要我向alex的感情生活施壓。我反駁說(shuō)、“當(dāng)然她現(xiàn)在正在和別人交往，她現(xiàn)在和一個(gè)傻瓜男生睡覺(jué)，但看樣子她不會(huì)和他結(jié)婚的。”而我的導(dǎo)師說(shuō)、“不著急，她也許會(huì)和下一個(gè)結(jié)婚。但修復(fù)alex婚姻的最好時(shí)期，是她還沒(méi)擁有婚姻的時(shí)期。”這就是心理學(xué)家說(shuō)的“頓悟時(shí)刻”。正是那個(gè)時(shí)候我意識(shí)到，30歲不是一個(gè)新的20歲。的確，和以前的人相比，現(xiàn)在人們更晚才安定下來(lái)，但是這不代表alex就能長(zhǎng)期處于20多歲的狀態(tài)。更晚安定下來(lái)，應(yīng)該使alex的20多歲成為發(fā)展的黃金時(shí)段，而我們卻坐在那里忽視這個(gè)發(fā)展的時(shí)機(jī)。從那時(shí)起我意識(shí)到，這種善意的忽視，確實(shí)是個(gè)問(wèn)題，它不僅給alex本身和她的感情生活帶來(lái)不良后果，而且影響到處20多歲的人的事業(yè)、家庭和未來(lái)?，F(xiàn)在在美國(guó)，20多歲的人有五千萬(wàn)，也就是15%的人口，或者可以說(shuō)所有人口，因?yàn)樗谐赡耆硕家?jīng)歷他們的20多歲。我專門研究20多歲的人，因?yàn)槲覉?jiān)信這五千萬(wàn)的20多歲的人，每一個(gè)人都應(yīng)該去了解那些心理學(xué)家、社會(huì)學(xué)家、神經(jīng)學(xué)家和生育專家已經(jīng)知道的事實(shí)、你的20多歲是極簡(jiǎn)單，卻極具變化的時(shí)期之一。你20多歲的時(shí)光決定了你的事業(yè)、愛(ài)情、幸福甚至整個(gè)世界。這不是我的看法。這些是事實(shí)。我們知道80%決定你生活的時(shí)刻發(fā)生在35歲之前。這就意味著你生活的重要決定、經(jīng)歷和突然的領(lǐng)悟，有八成是在你30多歲之前發(fā)生的。那些超過(guò)40歲的朋友不要驚慌，我想這群人會(huì)沒(méi)事的。我們知道職業(yè)生涯的前XX年，對(duì)你將來(lái)的收入有重大影響。我們知道到了30歲的時(shí)候，超過(guò)半數(shù)的美國(guó)人會(huì)結(jié)婚，或者和未來(lái)的另一半同居或者約會(huì)。我們知道人在20多歲的時(shí)候，大腦停止第二次也是最后一次重組，以適應(yīng)成年世界的快速發(fā)育階段。這就意味著不管你想怎樣改變自己，現(xiàn)在是時(shí)間改變了。我們知道在20多歲的時(shí)候，性格的改變多于生命中任何時(shí)期。我們也知道女性的最佳生育時(shí)期，在28歲的時(shí)候達(dá)到頂峰，35歲之后生育變得困難。所以你的20多歲正是了解你自身和選擇的時(shí)期。當(dāng)我們想到孩童的成長(zhǎng)時(shí)，我們都知道1-5歲，是大腦學(xué)習(xí)語(yǔ)言和感知的重要時(shí)期。這個(gè)時(shí)期，日常的普通生活，都會(huì)對(duì)你的未來(lái)道路影響巨大。但是我們卻很少聽(tīng)到成年發(fā)展期，而我們的20多歲正是成年發(fā)展期的關(guān)鍵。但是20多歲的人卻聽(tīng)不到這些，報(bào)紙討論的只是成年年齡界線的變更。研究者稱20多歲是延長(zhǎng)的青春期。記者就引用傻傻的外號(hào)稱呼20多歲的人，比如“twixters”(twenty-mixters)和“kidults”(kid-adults)。這是真的。作為一種文化，我們的忽視的正是對(duì)成年起到?jīng)Q定性作用的十年(從20歲到30歲)。雷昂納德·伯恩斯坦說(shuō)過(guò)、要想取得成就，你需要一個(gè)計(jì)劃和緊迫的時(shí)間。這是大實(shí)話啊!所以當(dāng)你拍著一個(gè)20多歲的人的腦袋，跟他說(shuō)，“你有額外的XX年去開(kāi)始你的生活”，你覺(jué)得這改變了什么?什么都沒(méi)改變。你只是奪走了那個(gè)人的緊迫感和雄心壯志，絕對(duì)沒(méi)有改變什么。然后每天，那些聰明有趣的20多歲的人，就像你們和你們的兒子女兒一樣，走入我的辦公室開(kāi)始說(shuō)、“我知道我的男朋友對(duì)我不夠好，但是我們的關(guān)系不算數(shù)。我只是在消磨時(shí)光而已?！被蛘哒f(shuō)“每個(gè)人都告訴我，只要能在30歲的時(shí)候開(kāi)始我的事業(yè)，這就足夠了?！钡菍?shí)際聽(tīng)上去卻是、“我馬上就要三十了，卻根本就沒(méi)有東西展示。我只是在大學(xué)畢業(yè)時(shí)，有過(guò)一份最漂亮的簡(jiǎn)歷?！被蚴沁@樣、“我20多歲時(shí)的約會(huì)，就像找凳子。每個(gè)人都繞著凳子跑，隨便玩一玩，但是快30的時(shí)候，就像音樂(lè)停止了，所有人開(kāi)始坐下。我不想成為那唯一站著的人，所以有時(shí)候我會(huì)想我和我丈夫之所以會(huì)結(jié)婚，是因?yàn)樵谖?0歲的時(shí)候，他是當(dāng)時(shí)離我最近的那張凳子。”20多歲的人吶，千萬(wàn)不要這樣做。這個(gè)做法聽(tīng)起來(lái)有點(diǎn)輕率，但是不要犯錯(cuò)，因?yàn)轱L(fēng)險(xiǎn)很高。當(dāng)很多事都被擠到你30多歲的時(shí)候，就會(huì)有巨大壓力，在很短的時(shí)間內(nèi)快速啟動(dòng)一項(xiàng)事業(yè)，挑一個(gè)城市，找到伴侶，生兩三個(gè)孩子。這些事大多是不能同時(shí)完成的，正如研究表明，在30歲的時(shí)候，要想工作、生活一步到位，難度很高，壓力很大。千禧年后的中年危機(jī)并不是一輛紅色跑車。而是意識(shí)到你不能擁有你想擁有的事業(yè)，意識(shí)到你不能擁有你想要的孩子，或者給你的孩子添個(gè)兄弟姐妹。太多30多歲40多歲的人，看看他們自己，看看我，坐在屋子里談?wù)撟约旱?0多歲，“我當(dāng)時(shí)都干么了?我當(dāng)時(shí)都想啥了?”我想改變現(xiàn)在20多歲人的所思所為。這里我想講個(gè)故事說(shuō)明問(wèn)題。這個(gè)故事是關(guān)于名叫emma一個(gè)女人。她25歲的時(shí)候，走入我的辦公室，因?yàn)橛盟约旱脑捳f(shuō)，她有自我認(rèn)識(shí)危機(jī)。她說(shuō)她也許想從事關(guān)于藝術(shù)或者娛樂(lè)的工作，但是她還沒(méi)決定。所以取而代之的是，她花了過(guò)去幾年的時(shí)間當(dāng)服務(wù)員。為了減少開(kāi)銷，她和她的男朋友同居，一個(gè)脾氣暴躁而無(wú)志向的人。正如她悲慘的20多歲，她早年的生活更加悲慘。她經(jīng)常在談話過(guò)程中哭泣，努力鎮(zhèn)定下來(lái)后說(shuō)“你沒(méi)辦法選擇你的家庭，但是你可以選擇你的朋友?！庇幸惶欤琫mma走進(jìn)來(lái)，她雙手抱頭于膝蓋，然后抽泣了幾乎一個(gè)小時(shí)。她剛買了一個(gè)新的通訊錄本子，然后花了一整個(gè)早上的時(shí)間，填寫她的聯(lián)系人信息。當(dāng)她填到“萬(wàn)一發(fā)生緊急情況，請(qǐng)聯(lián)系…”的時(shí)候，她沒(méi)有任何人可填。她幾乎崩潰地看著我并說(shuō)，“如果我被車撞了，誰(shuí)會(huì)在那里?假如我得癌癥了，誰(shuí)會(huì)在那里?”在那種情況下，我花了好大力氣才忍住說(shuō)“我會(huì)?！眅mma所需要的，并不是理療師所真正關(guān)心的。她需要一個(gè)更好的生活，我知道這是她的機(jī)會(huì)。自alex開(kāi)始，我從