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10WaysCodependencyPresentsinFamiliesFeelinglikeyou'rewalkingoneggshellsisamajorsign.KEYPOINTSFamilycodependencyisaformofdysfunctionthatcanexistonaspectrum,frommildtoproblematic.Inthisenvironment,thosewhohavelesscontrolareafraidtoexpresstheirtruefeelingsorthoughts.Codependencyistreatedonanindividualorfamilylevel,dependingonthelevelofselfawareness.Indysfunctionalfamilies,theyoungerpeople(orthosewhohavelesscontrol),areoftenafraidtoexpresstheirtruefeelingsortheirneedsduetotheemotionalholdonthembythoseinpowerwhoperpetuateacycleofpowerandcontrol.Intheseenvironments,thefocusbeesonmanagingandsupportingtheemotionalneedsandconcernsofthoseincontrol,usuallyoneormoreoftheadults,ratherthanthefamilyasaunit.Eventually,thesechildrengrowintoadultswhostruggletoexpress,orevenidentify,theirownneeds.Whilethementalhealthmunityisbreakingawayfromthetermcodependencyduetoitoftenbeingusedasaformofvictimblaming,itisstillusedinmanyhealingmunitiestoconveymeaningandunderstandingofthebehaviors.WhenIdiscusscodependencywithclients,Iprefertolikenittothebehaviorsthatsurvivorsofrelationaltraumaoftenhadtodevelopinordertonavigate,orevensurvivetheirsituation.Ratherthanpathologizing,wecanuseittounderstandandheal,leadingtohealthiermunication,andhealthierinterpersonalrelationships.Allofuscanexhibitsomeminorsignsofcodependencydependingonthesituation,withoutitnecessarilybeingoverlyunhealthyorextreme.Butifleftunchecked,suchaswhensomeoneisindenialorunawareoftheirunhealthymunicationorbehaviorpatterns,itcanleadtootherissuesinrelationships.Thosewhogrewupinenvironmentswherepowerandcontrolwerepartoftheirwholeupbringingmaystruggletodifferentiatebetweenwhatisnormalandwhatisunhealthy.Unfortunately,healingoftenstartsinadulthood.Manyofmyclients,myselfincluded,wereunawarethattheirfamiliesmayhaveexhibitedunhealthyorevendysfunctionalpatternsuntiltheyweregiventheopportunitytolearnwhathealthymunicationandinteractionslooklike.Therearemanydifferentwaysthatcodependencycanmanifest,dependingontheseverity,anddependingonthenatureoftherelationship.ButherearesomeofthemostmonInoticewhenworkingwithsurvivorsoffamilytrauma.1.Thefamilyisconstantlyworriedaboutthefeelingsandneedsofoneperson.Forexample,thefamilyrevolvesaroundmom’smoods,orgrandpa'sdrinkingbinges.2.Youfindyourselfanxiousorworriedifoneofyourfamilymembersappearsupset,andtryingtofigureoutwhattodoto"fix"it.Insteadofworryingaboutalovedone,whichisanormalreactionandusuallyageappropriate,thisoftenmanifestsinunhealthyways.Forexample,ayoungchildwillbeworriedaboutdad'sproblems,whicharetoobigfortheyoungchildtofixorevenunderstand.3.Yousometimesfeelresentfulthatnobodyseemstonoticeyourfeelingsortakecareofyourneeds.Often,thiswillresultinstressfulmomentsorsituationswherethepeoplewhoarecodependentgetsostressedoutputtingtheirownneedsasidethatitwillallblowupeventually—leadingtoepisodesoffrustration,feelingsofdepressionandanxiety,andevenmomentsofangerorrage.4.Youspendsomuchtimetakingcareoftheneedsoftherestofthefamilythatyoudonotknowifyoucanrecognizeyourownfeelingsorthoughts.Whenaskedyouropinionaboutsomething,youoftensay"Idon'tknow,"andlookforotherstoanswer.Thisismostmonforsurvivorswhentheyfirstbegintheprocessofbreakingfreefromanydysfunctionwithinthefamilyoforigin.5.Youfeelguiltyforexpressingneedsorthoughts,becauseyouworryaboutwhatothersthinkandiftheywillbeupsetwithyou,orevenleave.Thisismonlyseeninadultsurvivorsofdysfunctionalfamilieswhowereconditionedtoexpectloveandaffectionasbeingconditional.6.Youexperienceextremesymptomsofanxietyordepressionatthethoughtofhavingaparentorfamilymembermadatyou.Thesenegativefeelingscancauseyoutolosesleepormessupatworkduetoobsessingaboutthefamilymemberandwhattheymaybethinkingorfeeling.7.Thefamilyfeelstheneedto“fix”orcontrolonemember’sbehavior,suchasaddictionormentalillness,somuchthatitbeesconsuming.Anexampleofthisiswhentheentirefamily'sdayisspentmakingsurethatgrandpa'sneedsaremetsohedoesnotdrink.8.Thereareconstantfeelingsof,orworriesabout,abandonmentandrejectionthatinfiltrateyoureveryday.HowtoBeeSomeoneWho"Matters"CollectiveorCodependent?9.Therehasbeenanykindofabuseinthefamily,suchasphysicaloremotional,yetyoustillarepressuredtosupporttheonewhoharmedyou.Thiscanbeexternalpressure,suchasfromfamilymembers,orinternal,suchasguilt.10.Thereisafeelingof“walkingoneggshells”aroundsomeoneinthefamily,especiallywhentheyareupset.Ifyourfamilywasconstantlyfocusedonmanagingtheconcernsofthoseincontrol,youcouldhavelearnedsometraitsofcodependencyinordertonavigateyourfamilyintheleaststressfulwaypossible.Whilethisisnotyourfault,workingtounlearnthesebehaviorsandreplacethemwithhealthiermunicationcanhelpyouimproveyourrelationships.Codependency,likeanyunhealthymunicationorbehaviorpattern,isusuallytreatedonanindividualorfamilylevel,dependingonthesituation.Ifthefamilymembers,particularlytheadults,arewillingandabletodevelopselfawareness,thenfamilytherapycanwork.However,ifthedysfunctionistotheextentwherethosewiththepowerareunable—orunwilling—toworkontheirownbehavior,familytherapycanbedangerousforvulnerablefamilymembersduetotheriskofcontinuingpsychologicaloremotionalabuse.Inthesecases,itisremendedthattheindividualsreceivetheirowntherapyordotheirowninnerwork.Exercise1:英譯漢翻譯練習(xí)dysfunctionhealsurvivornavigateinterpersonalrelationshipsdifferentiatemanifestseverityrevolveresentfulinstressfulmomentsblowupepisodeguiltyconstantabusebepressuredtoexternalpressurestressfuldysfunctionhealsurvivornavigateinterpersonalrelationshipsdifferentiatemanifestseverityrevolveresentfulinstressfulmomentsblowupepisodeguiltyconstantabuseexternalpressurestressfulExercise2:漢譯英翻譯練習(xí)功能障礙治愈幸存者導(dǎo)航人際關(guān)系區(qū)分清單嚴(yán)厲旋轉(zhuǎn)不滿在壓力時刻爆炸發(fā)病期有罪不斷虐待被迫外部壓力壓力功能障礙治愈幸存者導(dǎo)航人際關(guān)系區(qū)分清單嚴(yán)厲旋轉(zhuǎn)不滿在壓力時刻爆炸插曲有罪不斷虐待外部壓力壓力Exercise3:語法填空練習(xí)Inthisenvironment,those__________havelesscontrolareafraidtoexpresstheirtruefeelingsorthoughts.who_______________(eventual),thesechildrengrowintoadultswhostruggletoexpress,orevenidentify,theirownneeds.EventuallyThementalhealthmunityisbreakingawayfromthetermcodependencyduetoitoftenbeingused____________aformofvictimblaming.asTherearemanydif
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