Nathan for You《救援高手（2013）》第一季第七集完整中英文對照劇本

1、晚上好Good evening.本次節(jié)目將在充滿歷史氣息的伊利森公園進行拍攝We're coming to you from the historic Elysian Park位于加州洛杉磯市in Los Angeles, California.每周在我的節(jié)目上 我都鼓勵人們鋌而走險Now, every week on my show, I challenge people to take big risks.但是有些人批評我從不親自冒險But some have been critical that I never take risks myself.那么今晚 一切都將改變Well,

2、 tonight, that's all gonna change.在過去的一個月里 Over the past month,我一直都在學(xué)習(xí)如何撬開這種警用手銬的鎖I've been learning how to pick the lock on these police-grade handcuffs."為什么" 你可能會問 "Why?" you ask.因為今夜我所冒的風(fēng)險Because tonight I'm gonna take a bigger risk要比任何人在任何電視節(jié)目上的都要大than anyone has

3、ever taken on television before.稍后 我將會被拷在這個堅固的鋼架上In just a few moments, I'm going to be handcuffed to this solid steel frame,并且我只有九十秒鐘時間進行逃脫and I'll have exactly 90 seconds to free myself否則這個機器臂上的手爪before the claw on this robotic arm就會把我的褲子解開undoes my pants,使我暴露在一眾孩子面前exposing me to an audie

4、nce of children.如果這件事發(fā)生了 If that happens,一位洛城警署的警官將隨時準(zhǔn)備以猥褻露體罪逮捕我an L.A.P.D. officer is standing by to arrest me for indecent exposure.我們都見識過逃脫大♥師♥們的冒死表演We've all seen escape artists risk death before.但是今晚 我將會冒著比死亡還大的風(fēng)險But tonight, I'm going to risk something even worse:

5、那就是成為終生都被記錄在冊的性侵犯者becoming a registered sex offender for life.你們今晚所要看到的是百分百真實的And what you're going to see tonight is 100% real.歡迎收看救援高手Welcome to Nathan for You.這This.就是恥辱之爪is the Claw of Shame.你知道這件事會引起爭議的 對嗎Now, you know this is controversial, right?我做這件事能有什么收獲 - 什么也沒有What do I gain by doing

6、this? - Nothing.他會逃脫嗎 他會進監(jiān)獄嗎If he's gonna escape, if he's gonna go to jail.我可能根本就不會去嘗試I might not even attempt it.他這是在以身試險He's taking a big risk.如果你看過我節(jié)目的話If you've seen my show before,你就會知道我通常致力于幫助小本生意you know I usually focus on helping small businesses授以他們商業(yè)妙招by bringing them big i

7、deas.但是今晚這一集將會有一點不同But tonight's episode is going to be a bit different.現(xiàn)在 你們正在觀看我的最終演練Right now, you're seeing my final practice run,以及我最后確保成功逃脫的機會and my last chance to get the escape right之后我將冒著成為性犯罪者的風(fēng)險進行表演before risking life as a sex offender.但是為了達到今天這一步But to get to this point,我花了數(shù)月時間來計

8、劃和準(zhǔn)備it took months of planning and preparation.首先 我并不是一個逃脫大♥師♥Firstly, I am not an escape artist.盡管我青少年時期有過一些變魔術(shù)的經(jīng)驗 And though I have some experience doing magic as a teenager.包里什么都沒有 對嗎There's nothing in the bag, right?是的Yeah.包里面完全是空的Bag is completely empty.你們能一眼看穿它You can

9、 see right through it.我數(shù)年前就放棄了魔術(shù)表演I quit performing years ago并且我也從未嘗試過逃脫表演and have never done an escape before.所以我訂購了逃脫大♥師♥Mark Paskell的訓(xùn)練課程So I booked a training session with escape master Mark Paskell以學(xué)習(xí)如何撬開手銬上的鎖so I could learn how to pick the locks on a pair of cuffs.我怎么才能從

10、手銬里掙脫出來How do I escape from handcuffs?用薄墊片A shim.如果你有一個薄墊片 你就可以 - 哦If you have a shim, you can- - Oh.那是一個發(fā)卡嗎 - 這是個發(fā)卡Is that a hair clip? - This is a hair clip,但是它被稍微改造過but it's- it's adapted a little bit.你把它插♥進♥去You get in there.然后一推and push.好吧 - 然后你就能逃脫了Right. - Then y

11、ou can get out.即便他教了我 我還是花了超過三十分鐘才撬開那個鎖Even after he taught me, it took me over 30 minutes to pick the lock.我還得多加練習(xí)才能將開鎖時間降至九十秒I had a lot of work ahead of me to get my time down to 90 seconds.在一些練習(xí)之后 我跟Mark分享了And after some practicing, I told Mark我這次逃脫的設(shè)想my idea for the escape:兩個工作人員將用繩子把我的褲子拉下To h

12、ave two stagehands pulling down my pants with ropes,讓我暴露在大庭廣眾之下exposing me to the public.并且鑒于Mark很顯然是這方面的專家And since Mark was clearly an expert on this stuff,我希望能聘請他成為這場逃脫的官方顧問I was hoping to have him as an official advisor on the escape.我是說 你覺得怎么樣I mean, what do you think?嗯 我也不知道Mm, I don't kno

13、w.這個策劃有點超出我擅長的領(lǐng)域了It's moving a little bit out of my field.由你來當(dāng)這場逃脫的顧問應(yīng)該沒問題吧I guess I could say you're a consultant on the escape.嗯 這不太好說 我回頭再答復(fù)你吧Mm, I don't know. I'll have to get back to you.你想做我的顧問嗎Would you want that?我之后再答復(fù)你 我得考慮考慮I'll have to get back to you on that, I'll

14、 think on it.我們只是給你個逃脫顧問的頭銜而已We'll just credit you as a consultant on the escape.我非常感激 - 這不是什么大事I appreciate that. - It's no big deal.我們把這個名號♥給你就好了 - 非常感謝 但是We'll just give it to you. - Appreciate that, but-說定了 就這么說定了It's done. It's as good as done.我真的很感激 但是我想說的是I appr

15、eciate it, but what I'm saying is,我之后會再答復(fù)你I will get back to you.你之后會答復(fù)我關(guān)于頭銜的事情嗎You'll get back to me about the credit?是的Yeah.好吧 無論怎樣我們都會把你名字放進去的Well, we'll just put it in anyways.就 我們會把你放進片尾鳴謝名單里的Just, we'll put it in the credits of the show.我再也沒有得到Mark的回復(fù)I never heard back from mar

16、k,但至少我學(xué)會了如何撬開手銬but at least I knew how to pick handcuffs.但我不知道的是 成為性犯罪者需要滿足什么法律條件What I didn't know was the legal requirement for becoming a sex offender.所以我找到了一位貨真價實的加州法官So I found an actual California judge他同意在攝像機前對我的逃脫提供咨♥詢♥that would agree to advise me on the escape on

17、camera,他就是榮譽法官Anthony Filosathe honorable Anthony Filosa.所以如果我不能在九十秒內(nèi)逃脫的話So if I don't escape in 90 seconds,我將會裸♥露♥在一些人面前I'll be exposed to some people."一些人"指的是誰What are "some people"?比如 呃 成年人之類的Just, like, adults or something?我也不知道 - 孩子們 還是成年人I don&

18、#39;t know. - Children? Adults?如果是孩子的話效果會更好嗎Is children better?有意思的問題Interesting question.這兩者都會感到被侵犯Both could be offended.孩子的可能性更大More likely children,因為這個行為本身就算侵犯孩子insofar as that it's offensive, period.所以你是說用孩子們更好嘍So you're saying it's better to use children?我 我并不認為我有資格提這種建議I-I don

19、9;t really think it's my place to suggest it.好吧 沒關(guān)系 - 可以了吧Okay. Sure. - All right?嗯 我真不這么覺得Yeah, I really don't.我采取了法官的建議I took the judge's suggestion我應(yīng)該將自己暴露在孩子們面前that I should expose myself to children,不僅如此and on top of that,他知道很多關(guān)于如何成為一名性侵犯者的信息he was a treasure trove of information on

20、 how to become a sex offender.在表演中必須有跡象表明你是存心這樣做的There would have to be the element of willfulness proven.那這樣吧 如果在我快開始之前So would it help if, right before I did it,我說 "我這么做的目的就是裸♥露♥自己"I said, "I'm doing this on purpose to expose myself"?呃 反正你不要做任何事前預(yù)警Well

21、, you just abandon any precaution."你懂的 伙計們 可能會出事""You know, folks, something could happen,""就算真的出事了""you know, and if it does,""那又怎樣""so what?"諸如此類的Something like that.所以像這樣 就算事情出了差錯So it's like, you know, if this goes wrong,我也并不在意I don

22、't really care.真遺憾 因為我 - 真遺憾Too bad, 'cause I- - Too bad.我要 - 真遺憾 我I'm gonna- - Too bad, I-我要高♥潮♥了 這樣讓我性致大發(fā)I'm gonna get off. It's gonna make me horny.嗯 隨便吧Well, whatever.但是我從他那里得知的最讓人頭疼的事情The most troubling thing I learned from him, though,就是如果有人幫我把褲子脫下was

23、that if anyone helped me pull my pants down,他們也可能會進監(jiān)獄they could go to jail too.那個人會和你一起承擔(dān)罪責(zé)That person is as guilty as you are.所以我不能有任何幫手So I can't have any helpers.沒錯Right.我不想將除我之外的任何人置于危險的境地I didn't want to put anyone at risk besides myself.所以如果沒有人類可以做這件事So if no human could do it,我就只能用機器人

24、了I was gonna have to use a robot.而且這場搜尋花費了數(shù)月And the search took months,因為從美國♥軍♥工企業(yè)到美國航♥空♥航♥天♥局 所有人都告訴我們with everyone from U.S. Defense companies to NASA telling us這樣一種技術(shù)并不存在the technology didn't exist沒有機器人能夠拉下某人的褲子to have a robot

25、pull down someone's pants.但我并沒有放棄 而皇天不負有心人But I didn't give up, and eventually,我找到了一個公♥司♥ 他們宣稱可以做到I found a company that said they could do it.就是它了So this is it.這是一個庫卡機器人 型號♥是KR15-2This is a KUKA-Robotics K.R.15-2.在John給我展示了這個機器人后After john showed me the robo

26、t,我向他詳細介紹了我需要用它來干什么I explained to him specifically what I needed it to do.然后 一旦我的褲子被脫下后Then, once the pants are down,我要它上移到這里來I want it to come up here,勾住我的平角內(nèi)♥褲♥ 然后把它拉下來hook onto the boxers, and pull those down.John建議我做一套上面帶圈的定制下裝John suggested making custom-designed pants wit

27、h loops這樣機器人就能更輕松地將它拉下that would make it easier for the robot to remove them,因此我雇了一名裁縫依照John制定的規(guī)格來做下裝so I hired a tailor to make the pants to John's specifications.并且在衣服制♥作♥的那一周內(nèi)And over the week they were being made,他成為了我非正式的練習(xí)搭檔he informally became my practice partner.我從他

28、那里借了一件內(nèi)♥褲♥I borrowed a pair of his underwear這樣就能將我的兩條褲子都脫下so we could pull down my pants all the way而不用看到我的丁丁without seeing my penis.九十秒了90.被人脫下褲子使我非常分心The pants being taken off was definitely distracting,但我離九十秒逃脫的目標(biāo)越來越近了but I was getting closer to my 90-second goal.看時間 看時間 停下來

29、 我用了多久Time, time, stop it. What do I got?好的 一百五十秒Okay, 150.在經(jīng)過大約一小時的開鎖訓(xùn)練 And after getting an hour or so of training it,做好的褲子被打包起來送到了如真特效公♥司♥the completed pants were packaged up and delivered to Reel EFX因此可以開始給機器人設(shè)置程序了so the robot could begin being programmed.同時In the meantime,

30、我想要知道性侵犯者進監(jiān)獄的真正后果I wanted to find out the real consequences of going to prison as a sex offender,因此我和Jimmy Murphy見了一面so I met up with Jimmy Murphy他因一系列暴♥力♥案件服刑超過十一年who's served over 11 years for a variety of violent crimes.我這么跟你說吧I'll tell you this.在監(jiān)獄里 你最不想當(dāng)?shù)木褪切宰锓窱n th

31、ere, it's the last thing you want to be.那是最下等的人It's the lowest.如果我進了監(jiān)獄會發(fā)生什么What would happen to me in there?這個嘛 你知道 你可能會 呃 Well, you know, you'd probably, uh, go-回到你的牢房♥ 然后你可能會發(fā)現(xiàn)go to your cell, and you'd find你枕頭下有幾塊士力架a couple of snickers bars on your pillow.哦 哇哦 - 然后就會Oh

32、, wow. - And then-聽上去一點都不糟糕啊So this doesn't sound that bad at all.不是的 你走進去可能會說 "哦 真不錯的禮物"No, you'd go in there, and you'd say, "Oh, wow, what a gift."你懂的 然后你就會吃掉這些東西You know, and you'd eat the stuff.再然后 就會有人過來問你 Well, someone's gonna come and say,"嘿 我的巧克力

33、呢""Hey，what happened to my chocolate?"然后你會說 "哦 那個 被我吃掉了"And you're gonna go, "Oh, I, uh, I ate that."然后他們就會說And then they're gonna go,"那你得為此付出代價了""Well, you need to pay for that."嗯 怎么付呢 我又沒有錢Yeah, how? I don't have any money.這樣的話 你的頭

34、可能就要和某人的皮帶扣若即若離了Well, then you might find your head bouncing off somebody's belt buckle.我不想做那樣的事I don't want to do that.你當(dāng)然不想了No, of course you don't.因為那里有很多皮帶扣等著你'Cause there's a lot of belt buckles in there.真的嗎 - 是啊 你會很累的Really? - Oh, yeah, you'll grow tired.監(jiān)獄里允許系皮帶嗎They a

35、llow you to wear belts in prison?不 這只是個 - 所以要怎么用No, it's a- - So how would it work?他們只把搭扣發(fā)給你嗎They just give you the buckle?不是的 我 呃Well, no, I, uh-所以皮帶扣并不存在 - 沒錯 并不存在 我的意思是So there's no belt buckle. - Well, no, not really. I meant-那我的頭不會在任何皮帶扣附近運動嘍So my head wouldn't be bouncing around an

36、y belt buckles.換句話說 你嘴里會含著根雞♥巴♥So, in other words, you'd have a c*k in your mouth.我的意思是 那應(yīng)該也不會來回彈吧I mean, it probably wouldn't bounce, too,因為在碰到蛋蛋的時候我肯定會停下來because I would stop when I got to the balls就不會再往前了before I got in.我不知道你是怎么做的I don't know how you do it.反正我會那么

37、做的Well, that's how I would.一個男人給另一個男人口♥交♥當(dāng)然沒什么問題There's nothing wrong with a man giving another man oral sex,但我不想那么做but I didn't want to do it.而且這么想象了之后我開始懷疑And visualizing it made me question這整個特技表演到底值不值得if this entire stunt was actually worth it.回到如真特效公&hearts

38、;司♥后我更加憂慮了My concerns were heightened when I returned to Reel EFX因為機器人難以預(yù)料的糟糕表現(xiàn)to find the robot acting unpredictably.更糟糕的是To make matters worse,我發(fā)現(xiàn)其精準(zhǔn)度將決定我命運的機器人I found out that the robot whose precision would determine my fate運行的系統(tǒng)是微軟95 - 這個效果其實ran on Windows 95. - It's as good-你一定是

39、在逗我玩吧You've gotta be kidding me.我爸媽七年前就把他們那個裝微軟95系統(tǒng)的電腦扔了My parents threw out their computer that ran Windows 95, like, seven years ago因為掃雷游戲運行不太正常because Minesweeper wasn't working properly.沒事的 因為程序沒那么It's okay. 'Cause what happens-說真的 我的人生就Honestly, like, my life, like-這玩意在離我身子this

40、is moving within an-沒錯 - 幾毫米的地方動來動去Right. - millimeters of my body.我最擔(dān)心的是到了正式表演那天I was mainly concerned because on the day of the escape,John將不得不離開操控臺John would have to step away from the controls然后讓程序自動運行and let the program run automatically.但他向我保證這個軟件絕對會成功But he assured me the software would work.

41、所以這個機器人被運送到了伊利森公園So the robot was transported to Elysian Park,在那里超過50個工作人員where a crew of over 50 people花了整整兩天的時間worked for two straight days為今夜歷史性的表演做準(zhǔn)備to prepare for tonight's historic stunt.今夜 Nathan FielderTonight, Nathan Fielder冒著承受終極恥辱的風(fēng)險risks the ultimate shame,與一個冷酷無情的機器人對決facing a heart

42、less robot它的唯一任務(wù)就是暴露他的私處that's only mission is to expose his private parts.這可能是最危險的一場表演This might be the most dangerous stunt前所未有ever imagined.孩子們在看著Children watching.洛城警♥察♥在現(xiàn)場L.A.P.D. present.而這一切都發(fā)生在夜色中And all in the dark of night.嗯 天生我材必有用You know, I've been put on E

43、arth for a reason,我覺得這就是上帝為我安排好的and I believe this is God's plan for me.舉世矚目The world is watching.他會激勵成千上萬的人Will he inspire millions并為他的祖國加拿大帶去榮光and honor his home country of Canada還是身陷囹圄 甚至被驅(qū)逐出境or end up behind bars and risk deportation?電視史上的第一次嘗試Never before attempted in the history of televis

44、ion.我是說 這可是喜劇中心臺的節(jié)目I mean, this is a Comedy Central show.我的意思是 這簡直 我們在做的事真是太瘋狂了I mean, this is- it's crazy what we're doing.他會成功逃脫 還是失敗Will he escape, or won't he?Nathan Fielder挑戰(zhàn)Nathan Fielder takes on.恥辱之爪The Claw of Shame.距離逃脫正式開始只剩一小會了We're just moments away from the escape,而今夜 我

45、承受不了失敗的代價and tonight, I cannot risk failure.但這幾年我學(xué)到的一件事就是But one thing I've learned over the years is that你不能害怕失敗you can't be afraid of failing.事實上 在我的節(jié)目里 當(dāng)我?guī)椭∩绦∝湹臅r候In fact, on my show, when I help businesses,失敗再平常不過了I fail all the time.一般情況下我都羞于展示那些片段And I'm normally shy to show those

46、moments,但今晚我要破個例but tonight, I'm going to make an exception.現(xiàn)在我們來回顧一下我最悲劇的幾次失敗So let's take a look now at some of my greatest failures.我最不受歡迎的主意之一One of my least popular ideas是建立一個完全無菌的熱狗站was for a completely germ-free hot dog stand.在室外的小吃攤上 At outdoor food carts,病菌很容易就會從錢轉(zhuǎn)移到你的食物上it's ea

47、sy for germs to transfer from money to your food.為了徹底根除這個問題So to completely eliminate this,我想出了一種無需雙手就能把佐料加到香腸里的辦法I designed a hands-free method to apply condiments to the wiener.另外 還會有一名幫工在旁邊Also, there would be a second employee他唯一的任務(wù)就是收錢whose only job is to handle the money.你動我錢包干嗎What are you do

48、ing with the wallet?我們在提供一種無菌消費體驗We're doing a germ-free experience,所以你不用自己拿錢了so you don't handle your own money.噢 是嗎Oh, really?但人們對付錢這個環(huán)節(jié)有點不爽But people were a bit annoyed with the money handling part.能把錢包還給我了嗎Can I have my wallet back?而這個解放雙手的撒洋蔥粒裝置也是毛病百出And the hands-free onion dispenser p

49、roved to be problematic as well.所以你得 往上一次 往下一次So you have to up- one up, one down.當(dāng)它撞到桌子的時候 洋蔥粒就會掉下來When it hits the table, the onions will fall.踩它 繼續(xù)踩And drop it. Keep dropping it.一上一下地踩Up and down, drop it.多快啊Fast.這根本行不通 不可能行得通This is not gonna work. It's not gonna work.這跟我的裝置可沒有關(guān)系That's n

50、othing to do with the contraption.熱狗掉了就是掉了If you drop a hot dog, you drop a hot dog.大家還沒有準(zhǔn)備好接受這種無菌熱狗消費體驗The public just wasn't ready for the germ-free hot dog experience,所以這個想法暫時擱淺了so I laid the concept to rest.接下來的點子是 如何在不弄哭孩子的情況下Next, I had an idea for a tearless way告訴他他養(yǎng)的寵物死了to tell a child t

51、hat their pet has died,這可以成為動物醫(yī)院的追加服務(wù)to be an up-sell service for an animal hospital.我的想法是在寵物還活著的時候錄制一個視頻The concept was to make a video of the pet while it's still alive,告訴孩子現(xiàn)在它到了動物的天堂telling the child it's in animal heaven now.我雇了唯一一個回復(fù)我的Craiglist網(wǎng)站廣♥告♥的配音演員I hired th

52、e only voice actor that responded to my Craigslist ad來為狗狗配音to be the dog.但當(dāng)我們把視頻展示給主人的孩子看時But when we showed it to the owner's child.嘿 是我 MadiOh, it's me, Madi.我現(xiàn)在在天堂了I'm in heaven now.很抱歉我死了So sorry I died.我好想你I miss you so much.我在這兒很開心 所以我不會回家了I'm happy here, so I'm not coming

53、home.是啊 她確實不是 - 沒錯No, she doesn't. - No.沒關(guān)系的It's okay.他討厭狗狗的聲音He hated his dog's voice.又一個計劃泡湯了Another flubbed idea.最后 我最喜歡的點子不僅對生意有益And lastly, my favorite ideas don't just help with business.還能為社區(qū)帶來好處They're good for the community as well.我?guī)е粋€新穎的設(shè)想來到一家酒吧So I approached a bar w

54、ith an innovative way這個方法可以防止醉酒者酒駕to stop drunks from getting behind the wheel.具體內(nèi)容是找一個街頭魔術(shù)師守候在酒吧門口The concept was to have a street magician stationed outside the bar,表演魔術(shù)的時候趁機測量顧客的血液酒精濃度performing a magic trick that allows him to secretly test the blood alcohol levels of patrons就在他們要離開的時候as they le

55、ave.鑒于我有魔術(shù)方面的背景 我主動請纓進行試驗And with my background in magic, I offered to test it out.我最后的表演需要用到你的鑰匙For my final trick, I'm going to need your keys.我的鑰匙嗎 - 是的My keys? - Yes.好極了 吹一下這根魔杖Great. Give the wand a blow.好 再使勁點吹 對準(zhǔn)最上面Okay, a little bit harder, right into the top.好吧 你超過了法定標(biāo)準(zhǔn)Okay, and you are

56、 over the legal limit.好吧 - 血液酒精濃度Okay. - Blood alcohol.所以你的鑰匙消失了 So your keys are gone.真牛 - 而且我不能把它們還給你Oh! - And I cannot give them back to you.行吧 - 對不起Okay. - Sorry.但就在那時我意識到了我計劃的缺陷But that's when I realized the flaw in my idea.如果我拿走他的鑰匙 然后他打車回家的話If I held on to his keys and he took a cab,這哥們就進

57、不了家門了the guy couldn't get into his apartment.請問我能拿回我的鑰匙了嗎Could I get my keys, please?我不能給你 因為你喝醉了I can't, because you're drunk.請把我的鑰匙還給我Please give me my keys.那種情況下唯一的解決辦法就是開車送他回家了And the only solution at that point was to drive him home.你住得挺遠的You live far.我知道啊I know I do.然后 把他送到家后Also,

58、once I got him home,我又意識到在他睡著之前不能就這樣把鑰匙給他I realized I couldn't just give him his keys until he was asleep,否則他可能會再次開車出門or else he might go out and drive again.你要看著我睡覺嗎You need to see me sleeping?我得看著你睡著了才能把鑰匙安心還給你I need to see you fall asleep before I leave your keys,不然你可能會拿著鑰匙再出門or else you might take them and go out again.你睡前都不刷牙的嗎You don't brush your teeth before bed?一般不刷Usually not.我一般早上刷牙I usually brush