SlaveryGaveMeNothingtoLose黑奴的歷史對我沒有什么損失

1、SlaveryGaveMeNothingtoLoseIremembertheverydaythatIbecameblack.UptomythirteenthyearIlivedinthelittleNegrotownofEatonville,Florida.Itisexclusivelyablacktown.TheonlywhitepeopleIknewpassedthroughthetowngoingtoorcomingfromOrlando,Florida.Thenativewhitesrodedustyhorses,andthenortherntouriststraveleddownth

2、esandyvillageroadinautomobiles.ThetownknewtheSouthernersandneverstoppedchewingsugarcanewhentheypassed.ButtheNorthernersweresomethingelseagain.Theywerepeeredatcautiouslyfrombehindcurtainsbythetimid.Theboldwouldcomeoutsidetowatchthemgopastandgotjustasmuchpleasureoutofthetouristsasthetouristsgotoutofth

3、evillage.Thefrontdeckmightseemafrighteningplacefortherestofthetown,butitwasafrontrowseatforme.Myfavoriteplacewasontopofthegatepost.NotonlydidIenjoytheshow,butIdidntmindtheactorsknowingthatIlikedit.Iusuallyspoketotheminpassing.Idwaveatthemandwhentheyreturnedmywave,Iwouldsayafewwordsofgreeting.Usually

4、theautomobileorthehorsepausedatthis,andafterastrangeexchangeofgreetings,Iwouldprobablygoapieceofthewaywiththem,aswesayinfarthestFlorida,andfollowthemdowntheroadabit.Ifoneofmyfamilyhappenedtocometothefrontofthehouseintimetoseeme,ofcoursetheconversationwouldberudelybrokenoff.Duringthisperiod,whitepeop

5、ledifferedfromblacktomeonlyinthattheyrodethroughtownandneverlivedthere.Theylikedtohearmespeakpiecesandsingandwantedtoseemedance,andgavemegenerouslyoftheirsmallsilverfordoingthesethings,whichseemedstrangetomeforIwantedtodothemsomuchthatIneededbribingtostop.Onlytheydidntknowit.Thecoloredpeoplegavenoco

6、ins.Theydisapprovedofanyjoyfultendenciesinme,butIwastheirZoranevertheless.Ibelongedtothem,tothenearbyhotels,tothecountryeverybodysZora.ButchangescametothefamilywhenIwasthirteen,andIwassenttoschoolinJacksonville.IleftEatonvilleasZora.WhenIgotofftheriverboatatJacksonville,shewasnomore.ItseemedthatIhad

7、sufferedahugechange.IwasnotZoraofEatonvilleanymore;Iwasnowalittleblackgirl.Ifounditoutincertainways.Inmyheartaswellasinthemirror,Ibecameapermanentbrownlikethebestshoepolish,guaranteednottorubnorrun.SomeoneisalwaysatmyelbowremindingmethatIamthegranddaughterofslaves.Itfailstoregisterdepressionwithme.S

8、laveryissomethingsixtyyearsinthepast.Theoperationwassuccessfulandthepatientisdoingwell,thankyou.TheterriblewarthatmademeanAmericaninsteadofaslavesaidOntheline!TheperiodfollowingtheCivilWarsaidGetset!;andthegenerationbeforemesaidGo!Likeafootrace,IamofftoaflyingstartandImustnothaltinthemiddletolookbeh

9、indandweep.SlaveryisthepriceIpaidforcivilization,andthechoicewasnotwithme.Nooneoneartheverhadagreaterchanceforglory.Theworldtobewonandnothingtobelost.Itisthrillingtothink,toknow,thatforanyactofmine,Ishallgettwiceasmuchpraiseortwiceasmuchblame.Itisquiteexcitingtoholdthecenterofthenationalstage,withth

10、eaudiencenotknowingwhethertolaughortoweep.Idonotalwaysfeelcolored.EvennowIoftenachievetheunconsciousZoraofthatsmallvillage,Eatonville.Forinstance,Icansitinarestaurantwithawhiteperson.Weenterchattingaboutanylittlethingsthatwehaveincommonandthewhitemanwouldsitcalmlyinhisseat,listeningtomewithinterest.

11、AtcertaintimesIhavenorace,Iamme.Butinthemain,Ifeellikeabrownbagofmixeditemsproppedupagainstawall.Againstawallincompanywithotherbags,white,redandyellow.Pouroutthecontents,andthereisdiscoveredapileofsmallthingsbothvaluableandworthless.Bitsofbrokenglass,lengthsofstring,akeytoadoorlongsincedecayedaway,a

12、rustyknife-blade,oldshoessavedforaroadthatneverwasandneverwillbe,anailbentundertheweightofthingstooheavyforanynail,adriedflowerortwostillwithalittlesmell.Inyourhandisthebrownbag.Onthegroundbeforeyouisthepileitheldsomuchlikethepilesintheotherbags,couldtheybeemptied,thatallmightbecombinedandmixedinasi

13、ngleheapandthebagsrefilledwithoutalteringthecontentofanygreatly.Abitofcoloredglassmoreorlesswouldnotmatter.PerhapsthatishowtheGreatStufferofBagsfilledtheminthefirstplacewhoknows?黑奴的歷史對我沒有什么損失我清楚地記得我成為黑人的那一天。13歲之前我一直住在佛羅里達州的一個黑人小鎮(zhèn)伊頓維爾。小鎮(zhèn)的居民全是黑人。我所接觸過的僅有的白人都是來自佛羅里達的奧蘭多或是去往奧蘭多的過客。本地的白人騎著風塵仆仆的馬匹，而北方來的旅游

14、者則駕著汽車沿著鄉(xiāng)下的沙土路一路駛來。小鎮(zhèn)的人見慣了南方人，因此他們經(jīng)過時小鎮(zhèn)的人照舊大嚼甘蔗。但是看到北方人則又是另一回事了。小鎮(zhèn)的人膽小的就躲在窗簾后小心翼翼地偷看他們，膽大的則會走出屋外看著他們經(jīng)過，感到很開心，就像這些旅游者看到這村莊也感到很有樂趣一樣。上門前平臺去可能會嚇壞鎮(zhèn)上其他人，但對我來說，那兒就像前排座位一樣。我最愛坐在門柱上。我不僅喜歡在那兒看人們來來往往，也不在乎讓那些人知道我喜歡看，順便還與他們搭幾句話。我向他們揮手，如果他們也向我揮手，我還與他們打招呼。對此，騎馬或駕車的人通常會停下來，我們不可思議地互打招呼之后，我可能會隨著他們顛兒幾步，這是我們佛羅里達最南邊的說法

15、，意思是跟著他們走上一小段路。如果正趕上家里人碰巧來到房前見到我，他們當然就會毫不客氣地打斷我們的交談。那段日子里，在我看來，白人和黑人的不同只不過是他們路過鎮(zhèn)上，但從不住在鎮(zhèn)上。他們喜歡聽我說幾句，聽我唱歌，想看我跳舞，并為此大方地給我小銀幣。這倒使我感到奇怪，因為我太愿意跟他們說上幾句，為他們唱歌跳舞了，得給我錢才能使我停下來。只是他們不知道這一點。黑人不會給我錢，對我表現(xiàn)出的任何一點歡樂的苗頭，他們都不贊同。但我仍然是他們的佐拉，我是屬于他們，屬于周圍的旅館，屬于那個地方，屬于每一個人的佐拉。但我13歲時，家里發(fā)生了變故，我被送到杰克遜維爾的學校去了。離開伊頓維爾時我還是我，佐拉。可在杰

16、克遜維爾下了船后，原來的佐拉不復存在了。我似乎已發(fā)生了巨大的變化，我再也不是伊頓維爾的佐拉了，我現(xiàn)在成了個小黑妞。在好幾方面我都發(fā)現(xiàn)了自己的這種變化。不僅在鏡中，也在內(nèi)心深處，我變成了永遠不黑不白的棕色人-就像那最好的鞋油，不會被抹掉，也永不褪色。身邊總有人不斷提醒我自己是個奴隸的后代，但這并沒有使我沮喪。奴隸制是60年前的事了。解放黑奴這場手術(shù)很成功，病人的情況也不錯，謝謝。這場使我從黑奴變?yōu)槊绹竦目膳聭?zhàn)爭對我叫道各就各位！內(nèi)戰(zhàn)后的那段時期說預備！我的上一代人喊道跑！就像一場賽跑一樣，我飛速起跑，決不可中途停步，回望傷心。黑奴的歷史是我為文明生活所付的代價，而作出這一選擇的并不是我。世界上再沒有什么人有過比此更大的爭取榮耀的機會了。想想將要獲得的新生活，而且我們沒有任何損失。不管我做什么，都可能得到雙倍的嘉獎，或是雙份的責難。想想這一點，知道這一點都令人激動不已。占據(jù)國內(nèi)舞臺的中心可真刺激，而臺下的觀眾則不知是喜是憂。我沒有老是感到自己是有色人種。甚至現(xiàn)在我感覺自己還是在伊頓維爾小鎮(zhèn)上的懵然無知的佐拉。比如,我可以在餐館和一位白人坐在一起。我們閑談一些平常的瑣事,白人會安靜地坐著，興味盎然地聽著。有時候我不屬于任何人種，我就是我自己。但我大體上還是感覺自己像一只靠墻立著裝滿各種雜物的棕色皮袋子?？繅α⒅倪€有其他顏色的袋子，