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ItwasanautumnnightinmynativeNovaScotia.

Alightrainwasfalling,makingtappingsoundsonthetinroofandthesmellof<2>mould</2>filledtheold<3>lodge</3>wewerevacationinginfortheweekend.

<P1>A<4>shiver</4>intheair<5>inspired</5>afireontheFranklinstove.

Wewereall<6>sipping</6>hotchocolateandthenmyfatherwentovertothe<7>upright</7>piano,pushedupthesleevesofhisshirtandbeganpickingoutatunewithonefinger.

<P2>Hewasnotmuchofapianist,butheknewtheloveofsongandfamily.

Mymotherputdownhersewingandjoinedhimonthebench<P3>andthenmybrotherdriftedtothepianoaswell.

Finally,apoorsingerandsousuallyaviolinistinstead,Iaddedmyvoiceforalineortwo.

Myfather,ever<8>considerate</8>,said,"See,youcansing,darling.Thatwasgood."

Ihaveoftenrememberedhowwarm,happyandlovedIfeltgrowingup.

Ittookmeyears,though,tolearnthattheloveinourfamilydidn'tjusthappen.

Infact,loveneverjusthappens?anoteventopeoplewhoseemasnaturallylovingasmymotherandfather.

<P4>But,Iwould<9>hedge</9>tobet,thereisaframeworkyoumustlivewithintoletthisgiftthathasno<10>rivals</10>mature.

First,loveneedstime.

Perhapspeoplecanrecognizeinamomentthepossibilityforlove,andmakegrand<11>declarations</11>suchas"Iloveyou"withinweeksofhavingmet,butthisloveis<12>parable</12>tothebeginningofalongroadupamountainwithmanyupsanddowns.

Matureloveislikealiving<13>organism</13>.

It<14>parallels</14>thelifeofanoaktree,growingslowlyfromaseedinthe<15>mud</15>toa<16>slender</16><17>trunk</17>withbarelyanyleavesandfinallyintoitsshelteringglory.

<P5>Wecannot<18>manipulate</18>orspeeduptheamountofyearsitneedstogrow,butmustinstead,with<19>wit</19>andpatience,appreciateoneanother'sdifferencesandshareoneanother'sjoysandpainsovertime.

Soitissadwhendivorcesarecausedbysmall<21>provocations</21>,whenparentsandchildrengiveupononeanother,whenfriendshipsfallapartatthefirstinjury,whenwegiveuponlove.

Toooftenwesay"<22>farewell</22>"tosomeonewehavelovedwithoutduethoughtandenduppayinganemotionaltollthatisquite<23>costly</23>.

Ionceknewafatherandsonwho,<24>saddled</24>withtheir<25>respective</25>troublesinlife,haddrawnsofarapartovertheyearsthattheyfoundlittletosaytoeachother.

And,withouteachother,theirliveshadbee<26>hollow</26>.

Theson,justoutofcollege,hadplannedtospendthesummertravelinginanoldyellow<27>lorry</27>onthetwo-lanehighwaysthatconnectedthecountrytogetherbefore<28>freeways</28>.

<P6>Oneday,whenhewasnearlyreadytoleave,hespottedhisfatherapproachingonabusystreetandwasstruckbyasingularlonelinessinthatlongfamiliarface.

Heinvitedhimtostopforabeer.

Thenonimpulse,hesaid,"Dad,ealong.Let'sspendasummertogether."

Atgreatrisktothefamilybusiness,thefather,afurniture<29>salesman</29>,wentalongwithhisson.

Togethertheycamped,climbedmountains,satbytheseaandexploredcitystreetsandsleepyvillages.

"Ilearnedmoreaboutbeingafatherinthelasttwomonthsthaninallmyson's21years,"thefathertoldme<30>shortly</30>aftertheirtrip.

<P7>Everyone'slifeshouldhaveroomforlovesworthrisking<31>sizable</31>piecesoftimewethinkwecan'tspare.

Weshouldnot<32>mislead</32>ourselvesintothinkingthattheoneswelovemustbelikeus.

Thekeyistorecognizeandappreciateourdifferences.

Thosedifferencesprovidethemysteryandwonderofhumanrelationships.

Loveneedsanother,harder-to-findqualityaswell,theabilitytoletgo.

Intheearlyyearsofmymarriage,Ihad<33>faulty</33>notionsthatmyhusbandshouldwanttobewithmeallthetime.

Onourfirstvisittohisfamily'shouse,Idiscoveredthatthemendidthingstogetherandthewomendidthesame.

Myfather-in-lawstolemyplacenexttomyhusbandinthefrontseatofthecar,andthetwoofthemoftenwentouttogether,leavingmewiththewomen.

<P8>Iplainedandmademyhusbandmiserable,caughtashewasbetweenthepeopleheloved.

Mymother-in-lawsaidwisely,"Beingwithhisfatherisonepartofhislife;beingwithyouisanother.Behappyaboutbothofthem."

<P9>Ilearnedthatloveislikean<34>elastic</34><35>band</35>thatmust<36>stretch</36>apartbeforeitpullsyoubackclosetooneanother.

Itisaing<37>tide</37>whosewatersretreatalittleafterasinglewave,butthenextoneisclosertoyourheartthantheonebefore.

<P10>Finally,loveneedswordstomakeitreal.

Withoutwords,quarrelscan'tberesolvedandwelosethepowertosharethemeaningofourlives.

Theimportantthingisto<38>acknowledge</38>andexpressourfeelings.

<P11>Inthisway,wecantrulysendthespiritsofthoseweloveaswellasourown<39>soarin

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